Mixed Feelings

MrsFL2015 · July 2015

Hi, I'm 31 and recently married. DH and I talked about having kids when we were dating/engaged and I was all for it, but now I'm having mixed feelings about the entire thing. On one hand, I'v been researching TTC and pregnancy and getting really excited. I have the desire to experience pregnancy and motherhood. However, when it comes to stopping birth control, I get super anxious. I think about the responsibility (emotional and financial sarcfices) associated with having a child and I wonder if I am capable of being a good mother. I told my DH that we need to first focus on buying a home. We currently rent and our lease is up in May. We have already told our landlord we're leaving, so I told DH I should stay on my BC until at least late winter/early spring and have our house. But, I'm afraid that when the time comes, I won't be ready. I always thought I wanted kids and I know DH really wants one. He keeps talking about when I'm going to stop my BC. I know I need to bring the topic up to him, but I'm just not sure my final feelings on the whole thing.

Did anyone experience mixed emotions when it came time to finally making the decision to TTC? Just the thought of not knowing makes me question if I even have mothering instincts. When I read posts by other woman, they seem so certain, so confident in their decision to become a mother. I'm not quite there and it makes me feel awful.

RachelT1234 · July 2015

I'm not sure how much advice i could give, but I absolutely can relate, and you shouldn't feel awful! My husband and I have been married for almost 6 years (both almost 30) and although he had wanted to start TTC years ago, I just couldn't feel ready. It wasn't until we settled down in our new home recently, and i researched all things baby rated, that I felt comfortable with progressing with ending BC. Although I always said I wanted kids, deep down I never truly believed it myself. It honestly felt like a switch went off a few months ago and I felt excited for us to begin our little family and start trying once I was off BC. We haven't progressed to the TTC stage but almost there. I doubt I'll ever feel very certain, but I feel as prepared as I can be and I'm excited to venture into this unknown venture. (Also... I've never babysat, and have absolutely zero experience with babies so I'm going to be beyond terrified.)

RiverSong15 · July 2015

It's totally normal to have insecurities and fears about parenthood and still want (and be ready for) a child. Honestly, if someone told me they had NO fears about becoming a parent, THEN I would worry. It's a huge responsibility and life change, and I worry that people with no fears are living in la-la land and unaware of how hard parenting is.

My best advice is to talk it out with your DH, or anyone else that you can trust to be 100% honest with you (you don't need to talk to THAT friend who tells you parenting is all puppies, rainbows, unicorns, and glitter). Your DH is going to be your partner in the messy reality of parenthood, and I'm sure he has concerns too. Lean on him for support.

Designermomma · August 2015

I didn't feel ready for a long time. I always wanted and pictured myself having kids but didn't feel ready. I wanted to progress in my career etc. We traveled to Europe, I tried everything I could to get a promotion and then when I turned 30 my clock started ticking and my grandma had cancer so all that pushed me to finally go for it. I read that nothing can prepare you for having kids, you are never ready, you just have to jump in. I was always annoyed by kids at restaurants etc. but once you have one, a flip switches in your brain. I love kids now and want 3 and tried to become a teacher. I say, try to get in shape financially and physically, then go for it!

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