MIL vent!!!!

nicolelsmith7 · July 2015

I am 39 weeks prego with my 2nd and my oldest is 7 years. My Sis-in-law is prego and due in November. It was just announced that my MIL is throwing sis-in-law a baby shower appx 1 month before her baby is due (invites went out this week for a shower in October) All my immediate family is 9 hours away so they had a baby shower for me when I brought 1st baby back to my family's home (in laws weren't invited due to distance). I am assuming that I won't get one here from my MIL...I don't want to be pissed but I am really hurt and upset that I would be treated so differently than my sis-in-law and I am trying not to let this consume me but I'm having a hard time letting it go. Why would she send out invites with me due in a week? Why not at least wait until after? It makes me not want my MIL around after the baby is born as it's not about the stuff you get, but more so that I've been "brushed" aside as if I don't mean anything to this family because I really thought that we had a decent relationship, but obviously not!!

ChristyM87 · July 2015

I think you are being too sensitive. Instead of taking it personally you could ask your MIL how she wants to be involved with your baby. Maybe your MIL is one of those people who doesn't throw showers for second time moms

aleecats · July 2015

I'm confused, are you upset she's throwing your SIL a shower? Or because she sent out the invites a week before your due date? Either way I'm not seeing a big deal here... But I was slightly confused by the whole thing, either way I'm sorry your upset and I hope everything works out

Lalala2326 · July 2015

Is this your sis-in-law's first baby? Is your sis-in-law your MIL's actual daughter or her daughter-in-law. Both of those would play into my thinking on this.

Its not customary to have a baby shower with second babies even though sometimes it happens, so since this is your second baby, to me it is not the same thing as your SIL's first (if that is what this is). It makes sense to me that she would have one and you wouldn't in that case.

Also, if your family threw your shower, then it would make sense that your MIL would throw her own daughter's shower but not necessarily think to throw yours. Maybe since your family threw one for you the first time around, she figured that they would throw one again if you were going to have one.

I also don't really understand the upset about sending invites. Even if your baby is due next week, it could be 2-3 before the baby is here. I'm sure she is just excited and wanted to get the invites out. To me your SIL's new baby has nothing to do with yours. Maybe its because I'm in a family that has a million and one babies being born all the time, but I just don't see the connection there. I'm pretty sure my own sister sent out invites to my baby shower (that she was hosting for my first baby a couple months later) within a week or two of her own third baby being born. It just wasn't seen as anything that took away from the excitement of her baby.

Now, all that being said, if this is your MIL's daughter-in-law (so another son's wife) or this is her second+ baby, then I could understand the hurt a little more... Otherwise, I would try to just suck it up and try not to read into it being anything to do with the state of your relationship, cause to me at least, it sounds pretty expected.

sushilove15 · July 2015

I agree with @ChristyM87 ... I wouldn't think too much into it. I'm sure her intentions are not to be hurtful or brush you off.

Is your SIL her daughter? And is this her first baby?

I wouldn't take this so personally.

abmommy15 · July 2015

Is this your SILs first baby? In my experience showers aren't usually thrown for a second baby so if that's the case maybe that's why she didn't throw you one? As for the invitations being sent out, maybe your MIl wants to get it done before you have your baby so she won't be distracted? Also maybe your SIL has family who needs to travel and needs time to plan?

SassetteSmurfling · July 2015

I'm assuming it's your SIL first baby? If so then you have no reason to be mad. MIL is throwing a shower for a first time mom. You aren't a first time mom. Now if SIL is not a first time mom then I might think you are being treated differently and that could be upsetting.

Kwest1007 · July 2015

Is there more back story to the relationship b/w you and your MIL that makes you feel it was meant to be hurtful?

Saratiff · July 2015

Ya I'm totally confused. If you are butt hurt because the invites went out a week before your due I would side eye the crap out of that.

If you are upset because MIL is throwing a first shower for daughter/ daughter in law. I don't understand because why shouldn't she?

Maybe clarify a bit more?

Laurmi · July 2015

Not a big deal. This is your second so no need for a shower. Try not to take it personally. If it's your MILs daughter that you're referring to then it definitely makes sense that she'd throw one for her own daughter and not you. Try not to look into it too much.

bpwife&mama · July 2015

I don't necessarily agree with your frustrations. I wouldn't care if she sent invites out the week I was due. So what? And furthermore, people will be happy for you when your baby is born, but they will move on. Just like when they get yours SIL shower invites. You're being too sensitive. If she's a FTM (which I'm betting she is) let her have her moment. You had yours with your first. I have a cousin (whom I'm very close to) who is due a month after me and having her shower next weekend. I've totally let her have her glory and took a backseat to all things baby in our family. I'm totally ok with it.

JNOVA2015 · August 2015

I agree with everyone else that you're over-reacting, especially if this is SILs first baby and double especially if she's MIL's own daughter. As for the invite timing, having a baby is sort of like having a wedding - you get one day, you don't get a monopoly on all family celebrating for 9+ months until baby arrives.

jlsweets · August 2015

I'm confused on what you are even upset about? Are you upset that your mil is sending out invites around the time your baby is born? If so I think you are being ridiculous for being upset over that. People have babies all the time, not all about you and your baby. This isn't your first. Let your SIL take the front seat.

itsdanikel · August 2015

I don't know of anyone who assumes they should be showered for baby #2. But mehh what do I know. Unless you are just angry she is sending invites out so early?