I hate my SIL... advice? (kind of long)

Re: I hate my SIL... advice? (kind of long)

• MamaMandy2015 member

  July 2015

  Ugh, I can completely understand how you feel. However being that you have a close family and all and you want your brother to see your LO, if it were me I would simply say "well as much as I'd like to to have everyone see the baby, I'd feel more comfortable if it were just immediate family, such as brother, husband, mom, dad, siblings, etc. After a few days I'll feel more up to having everyone else visit when we get settled in at home" that way your not outright excluding her, but you are still 'playing nice' . Also when you get settled in at home you can then dictate when visitors can come over and how long they can stay. I know it ruffles your feathers but if you can just let her visit once then after that you don't have to have anything to do with her. Or possibly let her come by when you are in the hospital but after you've had your fill of her you or your DH can say "well I really need to rest, it was so nice of you to come by". I've been in a similar situation and while I too wanted to,call out the person I sucked it up for about a half hour or so then after that I just simply said "oh I'm sorry but,it's not really a good time, you understand right?" good luck love.

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• CaliforniaDream87 member

  July 2015

  Coming to the hospital to visit you and your newborn baby shouldn't be something you *play nice* about. Also, this shouldn't be a time where you feel pressured to allow someone to be in the room, while you're becoming acclimated with your newborn, you don't care for. I would tell everyone that this is your decision. If your brother chooses to not come because of her then...so be it. You can hash things out with your SIL at another time.
  
  I understand the struggle as I have a very close knit family as well and I've learned from experience that you just can't please everyone.

      DS born 8-16-2013

  

  

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• clempka23 member

  July 2015

  Thank you ladies. Sometimes you just need an outsiders point of view on a situation you're too involved in.

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• kettlekitten member

  July 2015

  I feel like pregnancy and newborn baby days are the two times in your life you can make things all about YOU and what you want. It's stressful enough as it is. Nobody else Shiism have a say or tell you how to 'play.'
  
  It's hard to understand why she would be interested in your baby when she is not interested in her own kids?
  
  I would say sorry but no hospital visits and then when she does come to visit later, keep it to a limited time as other PPs have said. You can prewarn your brother that that's how it will be so that he won't be surprised.

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• nataha2 member

  July 2015

  I understand how you feel and why you would not want your SIL to be there, but she is who your brother chooses to be with and you have to respect his decision. By not letting her come you are just putting him into an uncomfortable situation (my husband and my sister did not talk for a while and it's the worst thing being in the middle between two people I love so much). Believe me, your brother is probably very excited to to see his niece or nephew and wants to be a part of his/her life but that will not be possible unless you accept his girlfriend. 

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• drummondst member

  July 2015

  Stick to your guns! You'll end up seeing her eventually but no way would I let her visit you in hospital. Now is NOT the time to play nice! Being this pregnant is hell!

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• sushilove15 member

  July 2015

  I definitely see why you wouldn't want her there. She sounds like a piece of work.
  
  The only thing I would think about is how it would affect your relationship with your brother. Would this cause damage that can't be undone?
  
  That being said, this is your time with your LO and loved ones, you don't need any stress or negativity!
  
  I guess what I'm saying is maybe weigh your pros and cons.
  
  If you choose to let them visit keep in mind it doesn't have to be the day of and it doesn't have to be for very long.

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• myost81 member

  July 2015

  I can't stand my SIL. She's queen bitch and being around for any period of time drains me. I have come to realize that she and my brother are a package deal and if I want him to be in my life she's going to be there also. It's not worth losing the relationship with my brother over her.

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• hjenkii member

  July 2015

  Your SIL sounds like my own mother. She left about 5 years ago leaving my at the time 6 yr old brother and 9 yr old sister behind and has seen them twice since. I don't keep in contact with her but since she has found out I'm having a baby she has been trying to talk to me. Not knowing how to handle it and after alot of her asking and alot of soul searching I finally decided that if she came into town for my daughters birth she could see her. But I will only give her this one time and chance and if she hurts or says something to my daughter it will be the end of the relationship. I know it sounds bad but there are alot of past issues with my mother's stability that I don't want to introduce my daughter to. Anyways....my advice is its your child. If you do not want someone around your child that is your decision and your choice. But it sounds like you won't have to worry about her much. It wouldn't have a big effect on your child if she walked out of your families life again. I wouldn't mind if she came to see my child if I were you. It doesn't mean she's going to have the huge bond with her and they are going to grow up best friends. It's just another family member born that people are wanting to see and celebrate the life of. Totally up to you though! Good luck!

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• Miz_Liz member

  July 2015

  Tell him she can come and visit your baby after s he goes and visits her own.

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• PDXtbird member

  July 2015

  Ditto CaliforniaDream.  Your mother also has no business telling another grown up to 'play nice.'  If your mom wants things to be nice then it sounds like it's the girlfriend's responsibility to stop being an immature brat all the time and play nice. You don't need the stress while you're recovering in the hospital.

  
  
  
  

  
  

  

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• AshK1027 member

  July 2015 edited July 2015

  My advice? SIL can stay away. I'm in the same position with my sister's SO. Luckily everyone is clear that he is not allowed anywhere near us. At the end of the day, it's your decision, not your mom's. There's also the added advantage of the nurses being able to keep people out.
  
  I know things get stressful and it's always easier to say these things than to execute. Be strong and do what's right for YOU & LO to be comfortable and happy.

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• Kwest1007 member

  July 2015

  Although I thankfully don't hate anyone in my family, there's def ppl that will not be visiting at the hospital. Thankfully where I deliver, you can create a list of who can visit and we plan to use that. We will only be having immediate family that has provided us with support.
  
  I would say your in a tough position since you obviously love your brother but I would go with your gut and stick to it. If you don't allow her in and people play games while your in the hospital, I would def reconsider their involvement in your life and your LO. Good luck with making your decision and I hope everyone can respect your wishes!

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• jenniferlove84 member

  July 2015

  Hugs mama. I would stick to your guns. And make it clear to everyone only immediate family can visit in the hospital. This time is about YOU and YOUR LO! They should respect that. Birth is stressful as is, not necessary to add any unnecessary stress to your day. Take this time to enjoy your LO and immediate family. Your brother should respect that decision.

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• usernameneededallaretaken member

  July 2015

  I appreciate that your brother asked if it was ok to visit! You gave him your answer. Tell your mom that. He asked, you answered. Call brother and tell him you appreciate him checking first and that you would rather only see him during this essential bonding time.

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• cseley321 member

  July 2015

  I'm going to have to go against the flow here for my opinion. I absolutely hate family drama and if it kept the peace between me and my family, I'd just let her come by and visit with my brother.  HOWEVER, I would probably start running them out after 30 minutes or so (or whenever she started working my nerves) and say that I need to rest..  I'd rather deal with the drama once in a small, controlled dosage than having to hear blow back from my entire family for years to come.  That's just my personal opinion though and I hope that your family respects your choices, whatever you decide to do.

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• SashaDenn25 member

  August 2015

  Advice...do what the eff you want because you are allowed to be selfish right now. Deal,with SIL later, if she is here to stay then you can figure out what that relationship should entail later, but for now your baby, your life, your privacy.

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