where are they now....

jonahsma · July 2015

This is open to all ....
It has been 1 year and 8 months since Emily has gone to heaven and so much has happened. I thought it would be a good idea to reflect and share what has happened since then. Where are you at now grief wise? Any new additions to your families? Are you currently ttc? Did you purchase a new home, going to school? Any advice for new loss moms?I encourage my fellow mommies to join in..

jonahsma · July 2015

Rainbow mentioned******
We are a year and 8 months into our loss of Emily, and time has gone by soooooo fast.... I have my days where it's hard to breathe, but I have to keep going. I just recently enlarged an ultrasound picture and I plan to put it on canvas and hang it in my bedroom, yes it has taken me this long to do it. There is never a min that passes that I don't think of Emily. We welcomed our rainbow 10 months ago and she has been a blessing more than she will ever know... I'm so close to finishing up my prerequisites and General ed classes at the local community college. I'm planning on working in L&d. And for the new loss moms, it does get easier, you will never forget but it does get easier.

msunshine123 · July 2015

**** rainbow mentioned
@jonahsma - Thanks for starting this thread! It has been just over a year since we lost our son Declan. Not a day goes by that we don't think of him or wish he was here with us. Since loosing him my husband and I have moved states and changed jobs. (We had planned to be closer to family after his arrival - so we continued with the plan after his loss.) We recently welcomed our son's younger sister a few days before his first birthday. We are so in love with her and so happy to have her. It's been a roller coaster of a journey to this point and we still continue. Our grief is not as fresh as those early days. We've had a lot of support along the way and I would recommend that for any loss mom especially when TTCAL and when PgAL. The amazing women on this board helped me so much! It's unbelievable to look back at myself this time last year and where I am now. Now I am in a much better place thanks to the women here and the support I've received from friends and family. ((Hugs))to all of you!

stefuge · July 2015

***PGAL mentioned***

Hi ladies! It has been almost 23 months since we lost Colton. (Cannot believe it's almost been 2 years). We moved houses about a year ago, which was difficult, leaving behind the house Colton had had a bedroom in, but it kind of helped because it forced me to really pack up his room, which I may not have been able to do otherwise (although the changing table is sitting in the garage, still full of his cloth diapers and was just moved that way). We have really tried to incorporate Colton in the new house with photos and special items throughout, and also a special wall in the hallway just for him right next to the other bedrooms.

We found out on Father's Day that we are pregnant with baby #3! We are excited, and nervous, of course, but hopeful for this new little addition. Betas came back good, and my morning sickness kicked in full force this week, so that makes me happy! (So ironic that throwing up could make me happy!). I have my first ultrasound on Monday the 20th, so we are praying LO's heart will be beating away and that everything will be looking good! We have told close family and friends, and actually recived the first gift the other day, which kind of freaked me out, it seems so so soon, but I know they are being hopeful and positive for us and I do love that, and the little rainbow-striped sleeper was pretty adorable!

It so good to hear updates on you ladies! I don't know how I would have made it these past two years without you all and it does make me sad that the board has changed and slowed down so much. Especially for new loss moms who I know need this support.

MamaBish · July 2015

Hi, I'm almost 4 months out from our loss, and we recently decided to ttc. It's super scary and I know it sounds bad, but I just want to get it over with. Really hoping for a rainbow. I feel like it would make it easier for me to deal with Cadence's room, which has gone untouched. I haven't even been in there. The most I do is open the door a crack and throw the baby magazines in there randomly. It probably looks like such a mess, but I just can't go in. I'll get there, I know I will.

erinel · July 2015

**rainbow mentioned**

We lost Q 1 year and 5 months ago. He is still in my thoughts every day, and I still have a short cry over him pretty much every day, if not every day. Five months ago we welcomed his little sister, L, and are so beyond thrilled with her. She was actually born on his due date! Having L has been wonderful, but Q's absence is even more difficult in some ways because I know how much he is missing out on.

In December we moved to a different house in the same city. We love our new house and our new neighborhood, and have been really happy there.

I am looking forward to TTC again, which I know is a little crazy since my baby is only 5 months old, but I think going through infertility and then child loss has made me realize even more how important it is to me to share my love with several children. I'm still breastfeeding and haven't started my cycles, though, so it will probably be a little while before we can try.

Advice I would give to new loss moms is don't try to rush through the grief or look for a time when you will be better. Things do get easier eventually, but it's different for everyone. I will probably always cry a little each day over my son, and I'm ok with that because it is the time that I set aside to talk to him and focus on him.

Mel&John2013 · July 2015

****siggy and rainbow mention warning

Hi everyone!

It's been about 1 year and 2 months since we lost Lincoln. I think I've gotten better at managing my grief and the wound isn't so fresh, but it still varies day to day. Some days I feel ok and can be happy and productive. Then some days I can barely stand how much it hurts not to have him here.

Our rainbow was born a little over 3 months ago, and he has brought so much joy and so many smiles back into our household! He makes me miss Lincoln even more somehow, I think because he reminds me how much we're missing with Lincoln and how fun it would have been to have them both here. I think we differ from a lot of loss families in that we had planned to have another baby around the time our rainbow was conceived even if we hadn't lost Lincoln, so it makes me sad to know we should have two at home right now. But baby boy rainbow is an absolute joy. We had been nervous because he was born with club feet, but the treatment for his feet has been going beautifully.

The craziest thing is that we're already thinking about when to start trying for #3. I'll be 35 soon and we don't really love the extra risks for me and baby that come with getting older, so we'll probably start trying in the next few months.

As for advice for new loss moms...be kind to yourself. Forgive yourself. Sit on the couch when you need to, do whatever it takes to get you any comfort at all. I used to sit on the couch and binge watch netflix shows and cover up with one of Lincoln's blankets. I slept with that blanket for a long time, and still would if I wasn't afraid I would somehow wear it out and make it not "his" anymore.

jenn.schott · July 2015

Good morning ladies!!!

It has been 1 year and 6 months since Trenton gained his wings after his battle with cancer. I still think about him daily constantly and have kept his memory alive through fundraiser events and other activities benefiting childhood cancer research. Recently, another little girl, Brooke Hester, who is a dear family friend and founder of Brooke's Blossoms lost her life due to the same type of cancer that Trenton had. Going to the funeral was very hard for me. We had never been to another funeral for a child and my heart hurt knowing exactly how the family was feeling given we had been through it before. People around me must have thought I was crazy given the constant flow of tears coming the entire service.

Shortly after Trenton's death, we moved back to our hometown - 7 hours away. Trenton had been born, raised, and received treatment in the DFW area (not DH and I's hometown) and after his passing we felt it best to move away. The constant reminders were just too painful. To this day, when we visit the DFW area I have extreme anxiety and it is a coin toss on how emotional I may be. We were very fortunate that I found a wonderful job right away which also relocated all of our belongings. Even a year and a half later, I have still not gone through his things. There are packed up in boxes in a room in our new home. In time.... I still feel very strongly that this was the best decision for my husband and I.

In Oct/Nov, we began TTCAL with not much luck. I got pregnant quickly with Trenton so it was a surprise when things didn't come as quickly the second time. On Memorial Day, we received a BFP only to be crushed 5 days later with a confirmed chemical pregnancy. DH and I are still trying going through fertility testing as we long to have a rainbow baby. While he/she will never be a replacement, I feel like it will help with my grief to have our child to direct our attention.

Only advice I can give, is sometime you just have to take it day by day minute by minute. You will have good days and you will have bad days. Take the time on the bad days to grieve. We are all here for you.

mrslucid · July 2015

We are coming up on a year at the end of next month since we lost Ava. I can't believe it's been that long since I got to see her. We are getting ready to move soon to be closer to my parents. We have started TTC yet, we're just not in the right spot yet. I'm hoping once we get moved and have more family support that we may start trying.

ikrystal · July 2015

jonahsma Thank you for posting this! It is so great to see this board more active again. I've been missing it. A year and 8 months already... wow. I am right around where you are, with our boys being gone a year and a half. I love that you put an ultrasound picture up. It will be like she is watching over you

msunshine123 Glad that you still moved closer to family... that must have been a great support to have those people near you. Good to "see" you here and glad things are going well!

stefuge I've been thinking of you and your recent pregnancy news! I hope all is well with you and baby. I cannot wait to hear more updates via your blog. And, whenever you light a candle for Colton, I think of him as well

MamaBish I know how hard it must be to go in that room. We had trouble as well, and then it was difficult converting it into a different nursery. Congrats on TTCAL.. it is a hard journey, but worth it.

erinel Born on his due date! So crazy - probably not coincidence, either. I'm glad the move worked out well for you! We are thinking of TTC again soon, too - I know our babies were just weeks apart before, maybe it'll happen again this time go round!

Mel&John2013 Im glad the treatment for his feet is going well! I also am wary of the added risks after 35, so we will be having kids back to back.. to back, to back lol. You know, everytime I think of golf I think of Lincoln now ever since reading about the Lincoln classic!

jenn.schott What a beautiful thing you are doing by having fundraisers for such a dear cause. I am sure that your friends appreciate having such a supportive person who knows what they are going through (although, I am sure that they would not wish losing a child on anyone). I am glad that you made the decision to move, and it does sound like it is helping. I do not live near the hospital my boys died at, and I am grateful for that. I did deliver my daughter there, though, and it was traumatic. I am so sorry about the chemical pregnancy. I wish you the best of luck with TTC.

mrslucid Good luck with your move (sounds great to be living near support systems). Good luck with TTC as well. You will know when the right time is and I hope that all goes well.

As for me... I am in a good place. I still think of my boys everyday and read to them every night, but instead of thinking of their death as the worst thing to ever happen to me, I think of my boys as my greatest blessings. They make me happy. I do not want their legacy to be grief, and so I have made it a point to celebrate them instead of mourn them. I think that the birth of my daughter 5 months ago helped tremendously. While she is not a replacement, she gives me something to look forward to everyday. She is such a happy baby, and someday she will be old enough to know about her brothers as well. I hope that she embraces their memory the way that we have. We are already talking about TTC again... not sure when exactly, but probably by the end of the year! We have gone through infertility treatments and have 7 more embryos still waiting for us, and I'm going back for every. single. one.

I am currently going to school for my masters in Psychology and, coincidentally, have just opened my study for research on perinatal grief and coping. There is not much information for how mothers deal with their loss and what might help, and I'm hoping my research will fill a gap in knowledge. If anyone is interested in participating (survey takes about 15 minutes), please let me know. There is also more information on my blog (link in siggy).

Advice for new loss moms - The women before me have all given great advice. The only thing I can really add here is let your grief sit with you. Someone once told me that grief will leave when it is good and ready, and we cannot force it. So, in a way, allow it to enter your life. Let yourself feel what you need to feel. Healing will not happen unless you are open to all you are feeling. Sometimes things get worse before they get better. Sending love.

stefuge · July 2015

***PGAL / vanishing twin mentioned***

Hi ladies. I feel like I need to talk to someone who understands, so I hope I can share this here. We had our ultrasound today and it has left me with mixed emotions. Baby looked good, heart was beating, right on track for 8 weeks. But then the nurse asked if I had had any spotting because there was a second, empty, sac, and it looked like it was a twin pregnancy. The second sac was empty and starting to deflate and she said it would be re absorbed and called it a miscarriage, so basically a vanishing twin. So - mixed emotions. So relieved baby is doing good and measuring right on track, but then sadness and disappointment for the possibility of a second baby. In doing some reading, I guess vanishing twins happens in 20-30% of pregnancies and is more common for women over 30. The nurse stressed it did not increase the risk for the other baby, and it was being found more and more often with early ultrasounds. So, yeah. I don't really know how I feel. Relief that we are still pregnant, but loss over the second baby that could have been. I don't know. I guess I just need some hugs. Thanks for listening.

erinel · July 2015

ikrystal : Our boys were born at the same time, our daughters a week apart, how funny would that be if we kept the trend going!? We didn't do IVF, but if I were you, I'd go for each embryo you have left too!

erinel · July 2015

stefuge : I'm so sorry

I know having a vanishing twin causes so many mixed emotions, especially for a mother that has already had so much sadness. **hugs**

msunshine123 · July 2015

@stefuge - Thinking of you and sending hugs your way.

jenn.schott · July 2015

@stefuge - I am so sorry. That has to be so tough

Sending hugs!

ikrystal · July 2015

stefuge I am so sorry. Thinking of you, sending love, and praying that all goes well for the remainder of your pregnancy.

jonahsma · July 2015

@stefuge, FIrst big big ((hugs)) I am so sorry to hear about the baby twin, my heart hurts for you. We are here for you through this and the remainder of your pregnancy.... Keeping you in prayer.

Mel&John2013 · July 2015

***siggy warning

@stefuge I'm so sorry, the mixed emotions must be so difficult added on to the already mixed emotions of pregnancy after loss.

But I'm thrilled to hear there is a healthy baby growing!

MamaBish · July 2015

stefuge I'm so very sorry to hear the loss of one of your babies. I do hope that your other child continues to grow and be happy and healthy!

houstongirl77 · July 2015

Hello other mommies. I have recently lost my son Blaise Teagan at 22 weeks pregnant. It has been less than a month and I am truly devastated. I am angry with God because I don't understand why he allowed this to happen to me and my fiancé. We were so excited for his arrival and it was snatched away so quickly. He was still born because he was too young to be viable outside of me. How are you other mommies dealing with your loss? And for the moms that have lost children several months ago can you please tell me this gets easier to deal with?? How are y'all feeling?

stefuge · July 2015

@houstongirl77 - I am so sorry for your loss of Blaise. Your loss is so fresh, be gentle with yourself. Just take it moment by moment, day by day. As time passes, you will learn how to carry your grief and will find yourself smiling more and more. And we are here for you, whenever you need us. ((Hugs)).

MamaBish · July 2015

houstongirl77 said:

Hello other mommies. I have recently lost my son Blaise Teagan at 22 weeks pregnant. It has been less than a month and I am truly devastated. I am angry with God because I don't understand why he allowed this to happen to me and my fiancé. We were so excited for his arrival and it was snatched away so quickly. He was still born because he was too young to be viable outside of me. How are you other mommies dealing with your loss? And for the moms that have lost children several months ago can you please tell me this gets easier to deal with?? How are y'all feeling?

I'm so sorry for the loss of your little boy, Blaise. It's very hard to go through.

I am currently 4 months out from our loss and I can't say it gets easier exactly, but you do get used to it. You learn how to deal with it and carry it with you a little better. I can now go whole days without crying, but I cannot go a whole week without crying. Some days it feels fresh again, but most days I can get by ok.

Just know that we are here for you, we understand you, and if you need us, someone will be here at some point to help. ((hugs))

msunshine123 · July 2015

@houstongirl77 - I am so sorry for the loss of your son Blaise Teagan. Such a great name! You'll never forget your son, but the pain will feel less intense with time. (I lost my son over a year ago.) So many hugs to you and your family. We are here for you.

erinel · July 2015

houstongirl77 I'm sorry for your loss

I also live in Houston, and am part of a great support group here called MEND (Mommies enduring neonatal death). You might be interested in joining to talk to other mothers who have had similar experiences.

dadalou · July 2015

@houstongirl177 I'm sorry for the loss of your son Blaise. Knowing other people who have also lost children both here and through support groups has really helped me. It will get better with time. The pain doesn't go away, but you learn to live with it and ways to deal with it to make it easier.

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