Single mom financial advice

Kayleeandryan · July 2015

Ok ladies, I need your advice..

I am going through a split with my fiance. I have a 5 yr old and I am 30 weeks pregnant.

I have no savings and I need to find a place to live. I have a small income coming in bi-weekly for now.

My options are get a small apartment in town close to my job with a lower up front cost or get a small home with some land about an hr from work with more upfront cost (will have to borrow from family). Both have the same monthly cost.

The home is more of my ideal lifestyle for my children and myself but do I put myself in a tight spot financially to accomplish that right now? Or do I go with the more financially feasible and closer to town and work for a little while?

Please any advice is helpful! I feel like my hormones are clouding my rational thinking skills!

Kristyhana · July 2015

With having a small baby and working I assume you will go back to work? Then I would say live closer to your job for now. But that's just me. I would not want to spend an extra 2 hours a day away from my babies if I didn't have to.

morganabyrd · July 2015

Where is your planned child care located? Shorter commute means less gas and less time. If it's a rental, remember that it's temporary and you're only signing for 1 year...you can change your plans next summer, if needed.

CCasey2015 · July 2015

I agree with PP. If child care & your job are both near the smaller place in town I would go for that. You'll save gas money & time. If you are already in a tight place with cash the last thing you want to do is borrow money & have to pay that back along with your monthly bills.

Rikki_5 · July 2015

Awww, sorry you are going through this right now!! Don't stress out, get a nice apartment close to your work. That way you can possibly save for a larger house and move when your baby is older. You'll save yourself time money and stress! BTW, make sure you get child support to help you. Good luck!

ash413 · July 2015

I would err on the side of caution. If the house is going to put you in a tight spot, with no savings on top of just the transition of becoming a single mom with a single income, just go with the apartment. You can always save money and in a year or two get the house when you are in a better position.

Kayleeandryan · July 2015

Child care is not an issue as I take my 5 yr old to work with me and will most likely take the baby too or drop him at my grandparents which is close to work either way.

I understand the idea of getting the small apartment to save but honestly I am not going to have much left over at the end of the month to save either way. The only real difference is the up front cost and a little extra gas money to get to and from work from the land

Kayleeandryan · July 2015

Thank you ladies for your input! Its so hard to think rationally right now I feel like Im just one big mess of emotions!!

Like how upset I am that my dream of a happy family has been crushed and I want to just move far away to the country where my boys can run and play and get dirty and i can have the chickens iv been wanting and i can just live my dream life with out the jerk!

lol so my head and what makes money sense is kinda getting drowned out

CCasey2015 · July 2015

The extra gas money is money you could save. Might not be much but it's something. If you have to borrow money from family you'll have to pay that back. You said you already won't have much left at the end of the month & that's going to take away from what you do have left.

SweetnSassy23 · July 2015

Kayleeandryan said:

Child care is not an issue as I take my 5 yr old to work with me and will most likely take the baby too or drop him at my grandparents which is close to work either way.
I understand the idea of getting the small apartment to save but honestly I am not going to have much left over at the end of the month to save either way. The only real difference is the up front cost and a little extra gas money to get to and from work from the land

Owning a home can be expensive. You will have higher electric and gas bills, homeowners insurance, property taxes. You will also have to pay for inspections and possible some costs associated to the realtor. What would you do if the water heater broke or some windows were damaged. Renting isn't always great, but those out of pocket expenses would not be yours.

You'll have enough bills with diapers, extra food and other necessities. Stay in town for a year or two and assess your situation then. Good luck!

Kayleeandryan · July 2015

The land is also a rental and completely solar powered and on a well so no utilty bills.

leighann1 · July 2015

Owning a home is really expensive, even if the actual mortgage is equal or less than rent would be. The little stuff really adds up. I would caution against it and recommend waiting 6 months or a year to feel out your new situation and feel more stable.

bbiutmcph · July 2015

It sounds like you WANT the country home but the reality is coming from people on the outside of the situation the smaller apt is the SMARTER choice right now. Besides the gas the smaller apartment is likely closer to other things too which in the long run will save you money as well. What happens when you need diapers or something in the middle of the evening, in town you are talking a couple seconds, a house an hour away, that's more of an issue. Even if the house is a rental the upkeep of a house is more than an apartment. Do you plan to mow? Being newly single and having a baby as well as a young child to care for is going to be a lot. Don't bite off more than you can chew just because the idea of a house far away from your current situation where your emotions are coming into play sounds more happy to you. What happens if you need something else in the near future and already borrowed money from your parents? You keep coming up with come backs for why the house is ok but in reality it seems the best choice is the apartment for now, get your bearings having two kids to care for and then look for the home you WANT.

Kayleeandryan · July 2015

Thank you for your honesty! Yes I think in my heart I want the house (not trying to come up with comebacks just want to make sure the situation is clear to everyone). But you bring up some really good points and thats why i asked because thats what i need to hear.

I dont want to jump into something because my heart wants to and end up in a tight spot later while trying to provide for two small children.

jsliko · July 2015

Op- Can you talk about this with your parents or a fiscally responsible friend? Can you make up a mock budget for both places (comparing utilities, transportation costs, internet, TV, etc?). If both places truely cost the same amount, I say go for the house with the land - it is the one you really want. But, if the in town apt really is cheaper (as pp have suggested), it might make more sense to choose the cheaper place....

Good luck with your decision!

leighann1 · July 2015

jsliko said:

Op- Can you talk about this with your parents or a fiscally responsible friend? Can you make up a mock budget for both places (comparing utilities, transportation costs, internet, TV, etc?). If both places truely cost the same amount, I say go for the house with the land - it is the one you really want. But, if the in town apt really is cheaper (as pp have suggested), it might make more sense to choose the cheaper place.... Good luck with your decision!

I agree, but also keep in mind the little unexpected expenses that come with homeownership. We count on at least 100-200 a month in "stuff" for the house. Consider yard maintenance - will you need to buy and maintain a mower or other equipment, things like furnace filters, random trips to the hardware store for drain declogger, insect spray, thing-a-magigs to fix a leaky toilet, light bulbs... Annual maintenance on ac/furnace, etc.

It's really incredible how much just pops up and can eat away at a budget. There are so many times we wish we could just call a maintenance number and get things fixed if we were renting.

Kayleeandryan · July 2015

I feel talking to friends and family is not super helpful because they are all very biased. They want me to stay close for the fact that they want to be close to the baby.

Honestly my family drives me insane and are doing anything but helping the mental healing process I need to go through right now so I do not want them just stopping by all the time like they do now!

But the fact that I would not need help with the initial cost of the apartment is appealing because I think doing it on my own and being independent will really help me heal from this devastation and get my confidence back.

So i have a big list of pros and cons for both places

J1D · July 2015

I think the apartment close to work is better for now. Being a homeowner is a dream come true. Unfortunately sometimes that dream's a nightmare. Almost immediately upon moving into our new house one of the bathroom's just self destructed which not only left that bathroom unusable but ruined the floor in the next room and then the pool was on the fritz within a week. So money we don't have, more money we don't have and even more money we don't have and we are down a bathroom and a pool in the meantime

Solar is awesome! But you still gotta maintain the panels.
Yards are awesome! Chickens are awesome! But you gotta maintain yards and you gotta feed and care for chickens and all that is a lot of time and money when you are doing it by yourself with 2 little ones.
I know you said daycare isn't a problem cause you'll bring the littles to work or drop off grandparents, but if you go with the land an hour from work that means 2 littles in the car 2 hours a day. In my experience they don't like hour long car rides and it'll be hard enough just getting ready and out the door by yourself on time, I don't know that adding an hour commute on top of that would be so good. One thing goes wrong and you go from a little late to work to a lot late to work.

I think, from an outside non emotional standpoint, that the apartment is the best idea for now. But for now isn't forever! It's just a year and then you can reevaluate the situation and you may be in a much better place to get your dream home situation

Kayleeandryan · July 2015

I hear you and I appreciate the advice. But here one of my hang ups on choosing the apartment.... Y'all keep saying it's only a year like that's no big deal. But life is short! And you never know what is going to happen tomorrow. Do I really want to put off my dream for another year when I have this amazing opportunity to have it now at a price I can afford? Iv been unhappy for a year already trying to make this relationship work. I feel like if I pass on this opportunity I am just putting off my happiness yet again and this time instead of it being for someone it is for a few measly dollars.

Maybe I'm an idealist though

J1D · July 2015

No snark intended but you asked for advice regarding a financial decision.
From my experience as a home owner and a person who's gone through divorce I understand the costs of home ownership and I understand delayed dreams and unhappiness. Your delayed dreams and unhappiness, while they hurt and suck and drain you, are of absolutely no concern to the mortgage company, the grocery store, the plumber ect ect so it really doesn't matter how happy buying a house would make you, if you can't afford it, you can't afford it. No point in borrowing money from your family to get into a house you won't be able to afford to maintain.
If you CAN afford it and it's what you want then buy it. It's no skin off our noses how it all works out. But you asked for financial advice and financially I can't recommend a single mom with 2 kids and limited financial resources buy a house an hour away from her job. What happens if you have car trouble for one thing? With the apartment near work I would guess you might be able to use public transportation or get a ride from friends or family. Living an hour away, you won't have that option.
But again, if you know what you want to do than do it. It's your life.

leighann1 · July 2015

Kayleeandryan said:

Child care is not an issue as I take my 5 yr old to work with me and will most likely take the baby too or drop him at my grandparents which is close to work either way.
I understand the idea of getting the small apartment to save but honestly I am not going to have much left over at the end of the month to save either way. The only real difference is the up front cost and a little extra gas money to get to and from work from the land

This is the part here that worries me the most for you. If there's not much (or any) wiggle room in your budget, owning a house is not a good idea. Neither is being so far from work. I have a long commute, though only 35 minutes, and it stresses me out when I have car repairs. And that's even with a two-car household where we can do some juggling if need be!

It's really easy to fall into the "dream" part of homeownership, but man it's ugly and expensive when you get down to it. In our first year alone, we had our a/c go out, the main plumbing stack replaced, a garage door quit working, and a new lawn mower purchase. Oh, and my car died the day we signed the mortgage...it cost $600 to fix.

I totally understand where you're coming from in wanting to feel stable and like you're pursuing your dreams. It's a tough decision, but as an outsider who isn't emotionally attached to any of this, the house really doesn't look like a wise idea for you right now.

Kayleeandryan · July 2015

Thank you ladies. I appreciate your honesty!

koriemo · July 2015

I totally understand wanting to move forward with your dream, but an apartment in town is more feasible. Being in debt, even if it is to a family member, is NOT FUN, and can add unnecessary stress to your life. It can also cause relational issues. You already mentioned that your family is driving you insane- I can imagine it might drive you more insane when you owe them $20,000.

Also, don't be too antsy to get started on your dream life with a newborn. My husband and I have a similar life to what it seems like you want- homestead in the country with chickens, huge garden, solar panels, rainwater chachement system... It's a lovely life, but it's hard work! I was planning to get goats this summer, but I decided to wait until next summer since the added workload with being pregnant and then having a newborn will be a lot.

Rachel623 · July 2015

Signing yourself up for an hour commute each way is a big deal IMO. That's ten hours a week assuming you work five days. Do you really want to take a ten hour road trip every single week? That's not cheap. I would expect an extra 6-7 tanks of gas a month if I did that.

I know I would also end up spending more on food because I tend up do that when I have less time. Convenience food is more expensive.

Also, with you five year old, will he/she be in kindergarten this fall? You need to think about proximity to school. I'm not sure how that works into your situation.

I know you want the house and I probably would too, but I worry that you're not only setting yourself up for financial failure, but making life harder because of that commute.

JaqiDec04 · July 2015

My husband and I just made a big move at Christmas to a house "in the country" that we rent, not own, which I understand you will be doing. But there are still some costs associated with renting a home versus apartment, our water is paid, but we have to pay for our electricity, which you claim you won't have to. Solar panels are not a guarantee that you will not have an electric bill. My parents still pay $1000 a year to the power company for power their solar panels do not produce.

Also, some other posters are right. Which has a bigger school? That is the utmost importance for your 5 year old. Who is going to take him and pick him up from school? Is their a buss route to the house in the country, or are you going to have to drive 10 minutes twice a day with a newborn to pick him up? I ask this, because this is what I will be doing. Only...DH will have to take time off from work for 6 weeks because I can't drive. And its a 10 minute one way drive to her school, twice a day. Not ideal, especially with a newborn.

Also, do you know if cable/internet is included in your apartment? Some are. Have you looked at the connectivity issues of the house in the country? We were lucky and were able to get internet at our home, but if we were half a mile farther down the road, we would have had to pay for satellite tv, which is MUCH more expensive than traditional cable & internet.

Gas prices are astronomical, and an hour commute each way, is not fun. Been there, done that, and put 20,000-30,000 miles a year on my car. Can you afford that? Can you afford a new car? The maintenance, the oil changes every 3 months? The new tires every year? The new brakes and shocks? The increased auto insurance (some auto insurance companies will care)?

I completely understand finding the perfect house and wanting to jump on it, we just did it last year. But if I had to do it again, I would have waited. There have been a lot of unexpected expenses show up (not house related) and having cheaper rent, would've been nice (or not owing family money).

Good luck in your new adventure, whichever you choose.

brittanispears · July 2015

Living closer to your place of employment seems like the best option for the time being. You don't want to be in a jam with two kids and far away from work. If you're able to find something a little bigger later down the road, after you've gotten your family established, that's always an option. But economically, it would be better to live close to work. You won't have to worry about spending a butt load on commuting expenses and lunch. Also, you won't have any travel delays.

fletcherj1 · July 2015

I can understand the not wantin to put off on your dreams. I waited and passed over several home ownership options and yes there are times I regret it but when I think about the things that happened in my life later it was the best decision. I now know that I can wait and that I can have all the money to put down on my first home purchase. A lot of people have made awesome points it's the unexpected expenses that get when you become a home owner. But if your in the city you might be able to car pool if your car has issues or get other transportation. Especially with transportation and maintenance. I'm a single mom myself and I am just now building up a savings and emergency fund which come in hand yet a crisis happens. I know you will make the right decision when it comes to your family. Best of luck!

Kayleeandryan · July 2015

Thank you ladies. I appreciate your honesty! I have decided to get an apartment in town. The real epiphany I had today ironically had nothing to do with money. It's the time from commuting and putting in the yard work and things around the farm. I was going through my goals and dreams I had previously written down and a big one was spend more time with my kids and be home full time. In order to get my business going so I can work from home full time I have to have time to put in. And with starting kindergarten at home with my son I realized I really couldn't afford to give up those few hours everyday. Thank you ladies so much for your input. It really gave me some great things to think about to help me make this decision! Now I have to decide on the right apartment for us! Ugh decisions suck when your alone and hormonal!! Haha

Wigglesx2 · August 2015

There is more to the cost of a home than the up front cost and the monthly. I would choose the apartment-
- less time traveling, more time with your children
- less stress because less travel and if something breaks someone else will fix it
- closer to grandparents for support

I think you need a less stressed and supportive environment right now.

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