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Help! Jealousy and hormones

kcde3314kcde3314 member
in LGBT Parenting
Ok, so I'm a lesbian and been with my girlfriend for a year and a half. We did artificial insemination at home. I'm now 5 wks and 2 days pregnant and feeling VERY sensitive and hormonal, and I'm fully aware of that. However, I've always had some jealousy and insecurity issues when it comes to my gf. She has a very low sex drive and has a hard time showing affection. This gets to me sometimes and hurts my feelings and makes me wonder if she's even attracted to me. She's says its her and not me. But its hard. She met a new friend at work at her new job, who is also a female. This friend is married and has a baby.. But it seems sometimes like they're just too close for comfort. Her friend leaves messages on her wall on Facebook, they text, etc. I understand that yes, us lesbians can have female friends.. But I feel at times like saying .."back off, this is MY woman.." And like her friend is just a little too important and too close and I don't like it one bit. It just makes me uncomfortable, especially since this friend is definitely her "type" and if my gf was single and her friend was into women, they'd probably date. Am I being unreasonable, needy and insecure? Or can anyone else in the lesbian community relate with me? Any advice would be greatly appreciated, thanks!
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Re: Help! Jealousy and hormones

  • beanie1977beanie1977 member
    I think it's unreasonable to be jealous of a married woman with a child. I don't have jealousy issues but my wife does.

    I mentioned that someone who works in the grocery store is cute and it upset her. I was like, she works in the grocery store. I don't know her name. Being on the other side of the issue I feel frustrated by my wife's jealousy.

    Since your sex life and drive issues are a problem, you haven't been together too long and are expecting a baby I would maybe find a counselor. Having a baby will change your sex life a lot and if you already have issues with that it's probably something you should address.
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  • KLake42KLake42 member
    The jealousy might not be reasonable, but that doesn't mean you aren't experiencing it.  And your feelings are important!  

    That doesn't mean your wife can't have a friend, but it does mean that you deserve for both of you to put some energy into helping you feel more secure.  The majority of the work is going to be your work (another person can never make you feel anything), but what sort of attention do you need to feel important to her?  If not sex, and if she can't spontaneously show affection, will she at least devote 20 minutes a day to affectionate touch, directed by you?  You can say-- lie next to me, stroke my back and my hair, and tell me I'm pretty.  Or whatever else you need!

    So talk about your feelings, using "I" statements-- I know your friend is just acting like a friend, but I feel all these intense emotions right now that are ripping me apart.  Ask for touch, for time, for attention.  

    And most of all, breathe!   
    Me- 39 (turning 40 in April), TTC for the first time ever (since Jan 2015), low ovarian reserve
    Married 3/14/14 to my wonderful wife, but her sperm count is rather low
    TTC with frozen donor sperm and science

    7 IUIs, 7 BFNs.
    2 IVF attempts, both cancelled and converted to IUI, both BFNs.
    Decided that my tired old ovaries are ready to retire.
    Next step- reciprocal IVF, using my wife's eggs, my uterus!  
    fresh 5 day transfer (2 embryos) 4/17/17- BFP! 
    Identical twins "due" 1/2/17 (but anticipated arrival sometime December)

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  • knottie718777b150849820knottie718777b150849820 Newbie
    There is a book called the “big green jealousy workbook” that I found really helpful. It’s an activity you can do while you feel jealous. Definitely communicating to your partner you would like more physical affection is fine, but also loving on yourself is key! Remember why they fell in love with you. Remember you are a baddie and they are lucky to have you! Definitely staying away from their social media or minimizing its importance. All those friends are just that, friends that are outside their home unit, that’s you bb! Best of luck and maybe even couples counseling if you haven’t tried it. It saved my relationship and I’m so grateful. I dealt with a lot of jealousy and now I’m really glad I dealt with it. 100% it’s about self love and how you’re feeling, because you are worth it<3 it’s not easy for sure.
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