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Postpartum Depression/Anxiety

tappelqutappelqu member
in May 2015 Moms
Anyone else experiencing PPD? I seem to be feeling darker and more hopeless as weeks go by - and I expected to begin to feel better not worse. Wondering what others are experiencing. My LO is almost 11 weeks old. I have trouble sleeping - even when I have someone else watching her so I can nap. I absolutely can't sleep when I have an ear out for the monitor which can make nights very difficult even though she will sometimes do a 5 hour stretch. When I do sleep I have horrible nightmares, and now I'm beginning to fear sleep. I feel very anxious for each coming day - and feel very stressed while doing anything with her - even just feeding her which is a struggle and can take 40 min at times. I pump but also supplement (poor latch and low milk supply issues). I feel a knot in my stomach during her naps just waiting to hear her stir and wake up. If she doesn't do what I "expect" - for example if she only takes a 45 min nap when I'm hoping she takes 1.5 hour nap I get extremely stressed and anxious and don't know what to do. Trying to follow E.A.S.Y routine but when she wakes up and it's not time for E yet - I almost panic. Most of the time I just want to curl up somewhere and cry - sometimes I do just that on her nursery floor after I put her down. Getting out of the house with friends used to be a happy relief - but now I feel high adrenaline watching the clock knowing my free time will be up in 2 hours...1 hour...30 min.... Going out with her in tow is extremely stressful on me - I worry I'm over tiring her or missing her naps and I will pay for it later. I feel like I don't know how to do anything and feel very guilty for feeling so SAD and like I want to escape. I panic when I know I will be alone with her (zero thoughts of harming her - more just afraid something will happen and I won't know what to do). Anyone go through this? Thoughts, tips?
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Re: Postpartum Depression/Anxiety

  • danibonellodanibonello member
    I'm so sorry you're still going through this. First off... have you talked to your doctor? There are things they can do to help! I had baby blues early on that were so bad I was worried I would never be the same... so I can relate to your feelings. I shared many of the same anxieties that you feel up until a couple of weeks ago (LO is 10 weeks), when i just made the decision to not follow anything I read for fear of "ruining" my kid. Instead, I just go with the flow. EASY would never work for me for the same reason... my baby doesn't conform to how things "should" be... sometimes she wants to eat every hour... so that plan won't work for us. DON'T feel like you are doing anything wrong if your baby isn't matching up to standards... everyone is different. I do still stress a bit at nap times, but I have gotten much better about it since deciding that a lot of the things I needed to do could just be done with her awake. That way I don't feel rushed or stressed and if she only takes a 20 minute nap then that's ok. How are you doing naps? I swaddle, put on white noise, and put her in the RnP in whatever room I'm in. It usually works well so that I can tell if she's starying to stir too early I can try to get her back down. I can't offer much advice on going out... for me, getting out is a stress reliever, and something that helped me work theough my blues.

    Keep doing a great job, seek help if needed, and try not to worry!! Remember that there are "experts" on all end of the spectrums... so if one way doesn't work for you and your LO that doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong!!
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  • jc0n15jc0n15 member
    I haven't had an issue this time around but you just nailed how I felt the first time around. My opinion based on me is the number one issue is bf. I had the same issues and did the same thing you are doing and I think it made me crazy. I never enjoyed my daughter until I went back to work and didn't have to worry about how much she was getting. I am not having bf issues this time around and its a world of difference.
    My advise and what I planned on doing if I had the same issues were to ff. It really isn't the end of the world specially if you have tried your best and are having problems. Your child will benefit more from you being stress free and able to enjoy her like you should.
    As for napping I am currently having issue myself and trying to reason with a 7 week old and convince her that she needs to just take a nap is not working
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  • carliejo7carliejo7 member
    I m sorry you're going through this. My PPD peaked at 8 weeks, sad, overwhelmed, anxious, edgy... I thought if I made it past the "baby blues" I was good. The fact is PPD can hit anytime in the first year. I was breastfeeding and so worried to get on meds. I talked to my dr and she put me on Zoloft. After a week I felt better. My baby has had no side effects and I feel so much better. Don't wait for it to go away. It can get worse. Hope this helps!
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  • borntorun17borntorun17 member
    Im having he same issues you mentioned. A lot of crying for both of us. I'm curios about the medics iron route- my LO is 10 weeks old and I'm not sure if j should speak to my ONGYN or family doctor or find a psychiatrist . I thought the baby blues would pass also but it got worse plus he's colicky
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  • justkeeptryingjustkeeptrying member
    Agreed with @carliejo7 - PPD unfortunately won't just go away and it can come on at any time. Speak with your OB, your family doctor, your LO's pediatrician, anyone. Any of those people should be able to give you resources. If they don't recommend it, you can also look into a counsellor who specializes in PPD. A friend of mine is struggling with PPD and has been for a while. She finds her counsellor extremely helpful.
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  • erin79erin79 member
    I went through this with my first, with very similar symptoms - trouble sleeping, inability to focus, extreme anxiety about baby sleeping, inability to laugh or feel any kind of joy. My OB put me on Zoloft and it was AWESOME. It took about a month for it to kick in, but it really turned my life around. I highly recommend talking to your OB to see if that's an option for you. He also gave me a month's worth of Ambien to help me sleep until the Zoloft started to work, but it really did nothing for me. It wasn't until the Zoloft took effect that I was able to sleep normally. Both of these meds are safe to take while breastfeeding. Good luck to you. Things really will be better if you can get some help.
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  • MommyTerranovaMommyTerranova member
    My PPD arrived around two months. There was a lot of crying, guilt for going back to work, exhausted all the time, and total loss of appetite. I finally went to the doctor and I am doing medical and talk therapy. Talking to your doctor is the best thing to do. They will listen to all your feelings and help you find the right way to deal with your emotions.
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  • Kye042Kye042 member
    I finally found help at week 5 PP and have been put on a low dose of an anti depressant and now at week 9 I feel like myself again. Going to a doctor even just to talk is so helpful!
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  • tappelqutappelqu member
    Thank you everyone for the replies. I did see my doctor and have an appointment to talk to a therapist this week. It's nice to hear of others who have gone through this and things got better. It's funny because I feel depressed that I'm having postpartum depression! Viscous cycle.
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  • agilber3agilber3 member
    I had some terrible anxiety about SIDS for the first 12 days. Then we got a pack n play and things got much better. Now I am reading all over again about it and had another breakdown today. It's stupid Google research and mom forums (sadly like the bump) that one person out of how many of these members shares a horror story and I get all worked up. :( im trying to enjoy my baby because living an anxious life is not what God intends for anybody. I will be going on medication soon. I resisted because of the stigma associated with PPD but honestly I don't think I can do it alone. I might look into counseling with a pastor or something too.
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  • borntorun17borntorun17 member
    How did you ladies address this with your husbands? I tell mine what I've been going through- crying, feeling like I can't do it, wanting to go back to work bc it's too hard, etc
    I even said to him a few times, "I don't think other moms have such a hard time as I am"

    But he keeps brushing me off....
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  • ldmwldmw member
    How do you feel taking Zoloft? I don't know what normal is like to feel like as I probably should have been on it years before I got pregnant. I am so afraid to take any medicine while breastfeeding as I don't want to harm LO or my milk supply.
    My anxiety is terrible in public places with LO. Should I just avoid the places that bother me?
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  • carliejo7carliejo7 member
    @ldmw I'm feeling great on Zoloft. It's been a month and believe me I cried and worried about starting it while breastfeeding. The night I picked up the prescription, it took me 3 hours to take the damn pill. My baby has had no side effects. It's completely safe and like my dr said, the biggest thing is mom being ok. If we're not ok, baby won't be. I so wish PPD was talked about more. It can be so scary to go thru and you feel so guilty for having the feelings you have. I never wanted to harm my baby, and I love him and was bonded to him. But I felt like something was missing, my dr described it as liking a new puppy. And that's how I felt before the Zoloft. He was cute, I loved him but I didn't have that overwhelming mothering feeling. Anyways, hope this post can help one person because I really struggled and am finally feeling better.
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  • carliejo7carliejo7 member
    @ I just talked to my husband and was really honest. He could see by how I was acting I wasn't ok. I'm lucky because my husband is so supportive. Just be really honest and look into your options ❤️
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  • Knottie76365376Knottie76365376 member
    Yes, PPD can hit at anytime. I experienced it with my first but didn't know what it was bc it was at around 6 mo PP. Such a hopeless and scary time. I never sought out help bc I was clueless and just suffered through it. I actually ended using Bach flower remedies and doing kundalini yoga. That seemed to help- and well, time passed. Going back to work part time at 11 mo seemed to have an affect, too. Taking care of a baby is hard!
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  • Knottie76365376Knottie76365376 member
    PS: I remember becoming paralyzed at night when he would wake up and cry, too! My heart would race but I literally would be frozen and unable to get out of bed. So scary! Anyway- like everyone has said, talk about it and find support and take meds- do whatever to help yourself. It is not necessary to suffer through it like I did. This time around I am being extra vigilant to catch it before it sneaks up on me!
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  • erin79erin79 member
    ldmw said:
    How do you feel taking Zoloft? I don't know what normal is like to feel like as I probably should have been on it years before I got pregnant. I am so afraid to take any medicine while breastfeeding as I don't want to harm LO or my milk supply. My anxiety is terrible in public places with LO. Should I just avoid the places that bother me?
    I felt like myself taking Zoloft, and that's the best way I can describe it.  Before I was on it, I couldn't laugh at or find joy in anything.  It was really hard.

    Zoloft is safe for breastfeeding, and I didn't find that it decreased my supply at all.
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  • erin79erin79 member
    dm28 said:
    How did you ladies address this with your husbands? I tell mine what I've been going through- crying, feeling like I can't do it, wanting to go back to work bc it's too hard, etc I even said to him a few times, "I don't think other moms have such a hard time as I am" But he keeps brushing me off....
    My husband could see that I wasn't myself, so he was happy that I went to the doctor and got something to help.  I mean this in the nicest way possible - you don't need your husband's permission to seek help.  Go to your OB/GYN and tell him what's happening and he can help you or steer you to someone who can help you.

    Also - babies are really hard, especially your first.  Please don't feel like it's just you. :)
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  • kristaelaine86kristaelaine86 member
    Sometimes even the most supportive husbands don't really understand. It's hard to understand something so complicated if you've never felt it. This is my fourth baby, and my first time experiencing such overwhelming anxiety. Baby has had a lot of scary reflux issues and that has been a big factor for me. My husband does four on four off shifts, and his response when I told him I was struggling was " you just have to hold it together for four days." It was so hurtful. And honestly he is such an amazing father, so supportive and hands on, but I just don't think he's ever felt overwhelming anxiety like that. It's not like the stomach flu where you just power through and do what you need to do to take care of the kids... If you keep going on without the emotional support you need it gets worse. I went to t doctor after thinking for the past few weeks that maybe it would just get better. Once I started to talk to her I just broke down and cried for forty minute in her office. It felt good to be honest about how I was feeling though, and I've been talking more with DH about how I've felt too.
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  • borntorun17borntorun17 member
    erin79 said:


    dm28 said:

    How did you ladies address this with your husbands? I tell mine what I've been going through- crying, feeling like I can't do it, wanting to go back to work bc it's too hard, etc
    I even said to him a few times, "I don't think other moms have such a hard time as I am"

    But he keeps brushing me off....

    My husband could see that I wasn't myself, so he was happy that I went to the doctor and got something to help.  I mean this in the nicest way possible - you don't need your husband's permission to seek help.  Go to your OB/GYN and tell him what's happening and he can help you or steer you to someone who can help you.

    Also - babies are really hard, especially your first.  Please don't feel like it's just you. :)


    Thank you :)
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