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December 2015 Moms
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Step grandparents....sigh...

brydeebsbrydeebs member
in December 2015 Moms
OK so both my parents are divorced and remarried. I get along alright with my step mother...I use this term loosely. I mean we are very nice to each other ( I can sense he fakeness from a mile away) but there is always awkward tension and uncomfortable times.
My brother just had a baby and let all the grandparents pic there names. She picked Nana..
I have a grandmother who I am extremely close with and do NOT want my child to ever call my step mom Nana. ( honestly its a special name to me) and no one can live up too it. My own mother chose a different name for the same reason.
What do I do because I know she already assumes that she will be called Nana by ours.
And I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings but I am dead set on this not happening!
Advice is totally appreciated!!
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Re: Step grandparents....sigh...

  • RSB1982RSB1982 member
    What is her first name? Maybe you could have your child call her Nana Jane (or whatever her first name is).
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  • taysuntaysun member
    Personally, I would have my child call her by her first name. I have step grandparents and call them by their first names. I wouldn't be comfortable with anything else.
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  • adecembermom2015adecembermom2015 member
    I just want to throw in that growing up I had a "step-grandma" but I never realized that. No matter my parents' feelings toward her, they were only respectful about her. We called her Grandma Jean. I loved her so much and she loved her (step)grandchildren as her own.

    Now on the flip, my husband has a step mom that we aren't too fond of, but I want to be careful and treat her as an equal. I'm guessing she will be Grandma (first name). Best of luck to you.
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  • c000501c000501 member
    Our kids call all grandparents something different, even our siblings kids say grandpa when ours say papa, so it works. Plus our son started it so they didn't get a choice in what they were called. Do what is best for you and they should be happy with that
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  • stephaniearthursstephaniearthurs member
    I had a step-gramma myself and called her Grandma Hilson so that she is differentiated from my other gramma. (I also have a Nanny and she was very special to me)

    My parents are (obviously) divorced so I decided to choose names. My Dad and Step-mom will be Grandma and Grandpa (which they are happy with) and my mom and step-dad will be Nanny and Papa. My husband doesn't call any of his grandparents anything other then Grandma and Grandpa. So his Dad will be Grandpa!

    I think if you just start calling them that, they will get used to it! I have spent the last 25+ years trying to make sure no ones is left out.... I'm over it now!
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  • ChiccoBeanzChiccoBeanz member
    I have a "step-grandma", and I call her Grandma (insert first name here). My mother was NOT okay with me and my sister (who was actually said step-grandma's biological grandchild) calling her anything else. I was raised that my maternal Grandmother  is Grandma...that's it, no one else. My whole mother's side of the family is this way. With that being said, what about Mama? My fiance calls his grandma Mama, and my children will call his mom that. I figured that would be a happy compromise. Maybe that will work for you.
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  • Mizuiro007Mizuiro007 member
    I had two step grandparents and had no idea it was unusual to have three sets of grandparents until I was well into grand school. Grandma Donna and Grandpa Marvin, Grandma Margaret and Grandpa Bob, Grandma Kathy and Grandpa Harley.

    It was my dad's parents that divorced. His mother didn't remarry until he was a senior in high school and he wasn't around his step mother much until he was older (his father visited him when he was young, my father never lived or stayed with him). They were still my grandparents and part of my life the same as my biological ones.

    All that said, my husband is not close to his stepmother. I can honestly never remember what her other grandkids call her or I'd go with that. For some reason she has always been Miss Mary and I don't see this changing. But with Nanners and Grandma and Gaggy, why not a Miss Mary?

    I would just explain honestly and ask her if she would be OK with picking something else. If she is, great! If not, you honestly tried. Either way just change it. This is how my MIL ended up Gaggy.
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  • celainevcelainev member
    edited July 2015
    Hmm... That's tricky. I'm usually always pro calling the grandparents what they want to be called, but I totally feel different about step parents. What would you like her to be called? I mean, you will be saying the grandparents nickname more than they would be talking about themselves, I would think...
    My husband's dad passed away and his mom more recently got remarried. We are close with his step dad but have never called him anything but Ross. His other grandchildren call him Papa but this is near and dear to my DH's heart because he was so close to his own dad and his own grandpa is called Papa.
    It's such a hard thing to deal with, stepparents...

    *edit for typo
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  • cedixon2cedixon2 member
    My husbands mother remarried and my kids have never called him anything but Grandpa Ed. Since we so rarely see any grandparents, it hasn't been an issue. My Dad's name is also Ed but my kids have only met him once and they just called him grandpa. His girlfriend, they just call her by her name. I'm not sure why the grandparent would ever take issue with whatever version of granny' makes sense to the kids.
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  • mrs14678mrs14678 member
    My hubby's dad just eloped last year (2 years after his divorce after 26 years of marriage-- super awkward especially after he introduced her to my parents as his "friend" the month before they eloped). It's a horribly awful situation and she keeps referring to them as Pawpaw and Mimi. DH and I asked my parents (married 33 years!) what we should do as we distrust her and don't feel comfortable with her around our family anyway. They said just refer to her by her first name at home and the kid will get get used to that and call her what we call her (we will have to watch our language! Ha!). :)
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  • ChiccoBeanzChiccoBeanz member
    @ArielleRene smart move. Very tactful at that. I wonder what my mom would have said if I was in your shoes...
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  • chelseymmcgheechelseymmcghee member
    I am a step mother to my amazing step son who is now 7. He's been in my life since he was 4. He calls me By my first name at home but at school and to his teachers and friends he will refer to me as mom because he knows that's the role I play in his life. He has his birth mom who is "mom" but since we have him most of the year, he's used to people calling me his mom and goes along with it. We have an incredible relationship and are so close, we love each other so much and if you didn't know we didn't share the same DNA, you couldn't guess it. He sometimes calls me by my first name -mom at home too. Just depends. With that being said, when I am a grandmother to his children in the future I would hope that I am called Grandma or something along those lines. I get it though, and I think it really depends on the relationship, time spent, closeness etc. My parents to my step son are grandma _____ and grandpa _______ same with my own grandparents (his step great grandparents). My baby will also call them all the same. Good luck on naming! But if you really feel one way, stick to it. I just am speaking my own personal opinion based off of my own life and relationships.
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