Hi everyone, I'm 12.2 weeks now and still not out of the nausea woods but feel it might be getting slightly better each day?! (don't want to jinx myself though!). We are having an U/S tomor which is exciting . We are finally breaking the news to everyone this week. My partner's parents took it better than expected (big relief!), although her dad will need lots of time to come to terms with the fact that our child will have two mums! He's very conservative/traditional but to his credit, he is trying to be open to new ways of seeing things. My own parents are great about it - they're just excited for another grandchild. I wonder if it's a bit different for them as they feel biologically related?...but I honestly know when my partner has the next child, that they will accept it as their own. Just like families with adopted kids do. Anyway, feels good to finally be 'out' to the world! (It's like 'coming out' all over again?!)
I'm not as far along as you ladies so yeah, I still feel terrible, but it's all good. My boobs actually hurt less, but the nauseau is worse. I've finally gotten a little more sleep and I'm starving all the time! My bloat is huge and I look pregnant if I don't wear baggy clothes.
Married DW 08.2013; AI 2x; IUI 6x; IUI #7 05.2015; DD born 2.2016 ; Reciprocal IVF FET #1 on 11.18.2020
Good idea about the chiropractor! After reading that, I did some research and found a prenatal specialized chiropractor in my area that I'm going to go to. By lower back and round ligaments are so achy and sore. Probably because I can't get out of bed... @dpurejoy early weight gain isn't necessarily bad! A lot of women who gain 10-15 lbs in their first trimesters, end up not gaining as much in their 2nd and 3rd. Hopefully that's the case for you! @Bisho yay for "coming out" with the pregnancy! I'm glad it went better than expected...I'm sure once they see the baby, it will bring a lot of emotions forward. Everyone loves babies...they just automatically make people happy i hope everyone has a great 4th of July weekend!
We had our 13w1d ultrasound appointment today. It was much longer than our 7week appointment and I loved every second of it. I could not believe how wiggly my little peach was. The heart beat was steady and strong. My mind is blown every time I look at the pics or watch the snippet of video we took. In love!
Awww precious little babe....sonos are the best part of prenatal care ❤️. Have any of you looked into childbirth classes? We are having a hard time finding any methods that are LGBT friendly. The Bradley method, which I'm most interested in, focuses only on mothers and their husbands....I would hate for my wife to be outkast at such an important learning experience....just wondering what you all have found or heard?! We go for our 13 week appointment tomorrow morning! Super stoked to see our little one again
Truly I haven't thought that far in advance. At this point I take every day as it comes and I was only thinking about yesterday's appointment. Now all I want to do is buy the nursery furniture.
In reference to the genetic screening ... We went yesterday as well as a part of the 13 week checkin and our counselor just married her long time partner in Sunday (over the exciting announcement weekend). She is TTC and it was amazing to connect on a personal level with the practitioner. Her and her wife have tried 5 time unsuccessfully and now she is awaiting the HPT for her 6th try.
So cool to be on this journey and be able to connect with women across continents or across the table from you. So many unknowns and joys to share.
I will talk to Tara and others who have gone before and ask if there is a route here that I can suggest.
I'm 11w1d today, so a few weeks behind you. My NT scan is next Tuesday; we'll probably announce after that. A few friends and our jobs know, but not our families.
Right now basically everyone in the world knows except my job ... it has been difficult to keep it to myself here. I work in a pretty nosy office and I asked for (and got a raise) about 5 weeks ago so I have been trying to hold off telling everyone so that could kind of fade into the background. My supervisor is out this week so that has been a BLESSING! Yesterday I had a 5 hour appointment that I would not have been able to keep to myself without him being out of the office. My friend is our office manager here so she helped to hold a few nosy people at bay yesterday when they needed things ... she covered for me. BUT, I don't think it is fair to ask her to be my double agent much longer; she keeps thinking she is going to slip and say something!! Plus, I lost 85 pounds from 10/13 to 10/14 ... then over the holidays into 2015 I gained about 15 pounds back from being a holiday/winter glutton. But since the IUI I have gained 22 pounds. So, all the people that have supported my weight loss and healthy living probably think I fell off the wagon lol SO, I can't wait to tell them WHY I am filling out and why my hips are back with a vengeance! haha
I am so hormonal today that made me cry and chuckle with joy all at once. Thanks for sharing @tgrdance05. Hope your vacation was amazing!! We found out yesterday that we are having a boy too and it is overwhelming me right now. I about cried myself to sleep last night with worry about how are 2 women going to understand the story of a little boy. I know women raise boys all the time, but I never have.
We are keeping it a secret until our 19.5 week ultrasound when we will "find out" with my mom and then have a gender reveal party. Once everyone knows, I am going to begin learning all that I can about how to love and nurture a boy
@dpurejoy I started crying as I read your post (probably hormones)! It's hard because you want to be the best parent you can be...sometimes I fear the same thing as you. Even with a girl I think, she's gonna want a daddy and wonder why she doesn't have one like her friends. I think it's a normal part of all of this to feel that sort of guilt. When I first told my mom we were going to have a baby, she just burst out crying and said, oh you're going to be such wonderful parents!! And I was so surprised bc I thought maybe she would have something to say about the fact that it was selfish for two women to bring a child into this world. Instead she told me, you and Jess will give this child everything it needs...sure there will be moments when he/she will question why things are different, but ultimately, the child won't know any different and will be happy bc you're both such good mommies. She's so right, a child only knows what you show and teach them....as long as you both love him and care for him unconditionally, then nothing is missing! It's hard to imagine getting it all right...but you already feeling this way means you love him so so much and that's what matters! The good thing is that the world is changing...soon having two mommies or two daddies won't be so different I know so many men that were raised by their mothers and sisters, and they are incredible ❤️
Well the tears are right back atcha @tgrdance05 haha ... thanks for the words of encouragement. Tara and I have been given the precious gift of life, motherhood, parenthood and the chance to grow our family and I just want to get it right. We were at church yesterday and the pastor shared this story relating to the road block of comparison in our lives ...
"When I was a senior in high school my dad took me to the car dealership to replace my car before I went off to college. The truck I wanted was out of my league (or so I thought). My dad asked which car I wanted and I said, well, I really want that Dodge Dakota over there but I can't afford it. My dad said, it's mine and he will get it for me. I was so thankful and proud of this gift I couldn't have given to myself. The next week I went over to my friend's house and proudly drove my new college ride. Once parked at the house I noticed his shiny new convertible BMW with leather interior and it stole the joy I had in my gift ..."
That story was an analogy for how if we compare our gifts and our circumstances to others it will steal our joy and take away the magnitude of the precious gifts and purposes we have been given. I sat there thinking, I am ungrateful for the gift God has given me. Sure I am not comparing cars, but I am looking at all these other moms-to-be carrying girls (BMWs) and suddenly I am ignoring the precious gift of my boy (Dodge Dakota). I teared up and realized I need to continually submit my dreams and wishes to God and be thankful for what I have been given.
I have a healthy boy bursting with joy and gifts and possibilities inside of me and I can't wait to give him the life he deserves. It is the magnitude of this love and responsibility that overwhelms me. But, if I just take it one day at a time and put one foot in front of the other, I am certain I will learn from my mistakes and make memories I will cherish for a lifetime
@dpurejoy I couldn't have said it any better...perfect and beautiful. That also gave me such great insight. I shared it with my wife and we both cried. Thank you for sharing your son is so lucky to have you and Tara as his mommies ❤️
Thanks It is weird to see you type, "Your son." ... I have a SON?! It's funny how the statements, "it's a BOY" and "It's your SON" carry such different amounts of meaning and responsibility. On the one hand he is a boy that will have his own set of skills, personality, interests and purpose in life AND on the other hand on top of that unique existence, he is mine. I love that I have a SON
Thankful to have you all to share this life-changing mind trip and body adventure with. Hope everyone is feeling well!!
Hi ladies! I am sure glad we have our little bubble in this thread. Some of the women on these threads can be very confrontational and rude! There's no sensitivity to first time moms, it makes me feel bad reading the responses some women give to others. If women can't be there for each other, then who do we have? Men??? Haha Anyway, I just wanted to reflect on my appreciation for how understanding and supportive everyone has been on this thread. I hardly ever respond to any others for fear of harsh remarks.
Have any of you put any thought into what your kids will call you and your partners? My mom and aunt were asking us last week, and we hadn't really thought about it. We just assumed our child would come up with their own names for us. Maybe mom and momma or mommy? My aunt said that's confusing, but I disagree. I think it's common for children to come up with their own "pet" names for people, why not their moms? Just wondering if yall have any cute ideas?
@tgrdance05 We are going with Mommy and Maddy. I know a lot of people do Mom/Mama or Mom/Baba and there are some other ones out there if you google. My wife didn't like Mommy for herself because she felt like that was my title as a girly girl. Maddy works for her because it could also be a name so people would be less weird about it, and it combines both her masculine and feminine aspects. There is a good book that talks about some of this stuff too: https://www.amazon.com/Confessions-Other-Mother-Non-Biological-Lesbian/dp/0807079634 I bought it for my wife she loves it. Some people celebrate the Sunday before Fathers Day as the non-bio mom's day. Here is a cute Instagram about that (click over to Instagram to read the caption)
Married DW 08.2013; AI 2x; IUI 6x; IUI #7 05.2015; DD born 2.2016 ; Reciprocal IVF FET #1 on 11.18.2020
@claireloSC thanks for the great references! That Instagram post is beautiful, and I love the description behind baba. We are both girlie girls, so I think we both naturally feel like mommies. I'm gonna do some research like you said and look into that book. I wasn't really stressing about it until my family said something about it...but now I guess I should prepare! I'm loving all the different ideas though
I too appreciate the spirit of you ladies in this thread. When we first got our dog Tara was mommy and I was MoMo. When we were considering the names our children would call us she thought MoMo for me sounded too much like a grandmother name. We have been trying to go with Mama and Mommy. When we talk to or about the baby we use those naming conventions but even we confuse them. She calls me mommy and her or both of us mama.
I like the idea of Maddy ... I too agree that the child will come up with names for us, but I want to have some sort of structure so the child can see we know who we are and give them a way to distinguish between us. When they yell for mommy, I want to know who they calling for.
We are both girly girls but if one of us had to be more dominant it would be me. Maybe I will suggest Maddy for me to Tara.
Hi everyone! I've been keeping a pretty low profile on this site for a few weeks now...sometimes I feel a bit overwhelmed by the sheer volume of threads etc! And yes, tgrdance - I sometimes feel a bit reticent to post too as I don't wish to be "flamed" for inadvertently writing something 'stupid'! I must admit, I've wanted to add comments to certain threads, such as 'my family aren't accepting' etc when people are writing about how their families can't accept they're having a baby out of wedlock! I really want to write- "um hello, I can't even get married down here in Australia! And er, what would your granny say about a baby being raised by two mums?!" (*shock horror*). But I know I know, everyone has the right to feel validated with their unique/particular struggles etc . I've learnt not to compare myself to others as it doesn't usually help! Anyway, as for the "mum/mumma/baba" thing...we've been wondering about this too. I reckon it's good to consider what they'll be calling you as teenagers...cos mummy/mommy etc might not work so well by that age?! Do you think it's too weird/new age for your kids to call you by your first names? I reckon it's okay but my partner is not so sure. I know hetero couples who have done this, so it's not just because of our same-sex status that I'm wondering about this. I need to think more about it. Well, glad you're all still going relatively okay ...and I hope we're all free from any lingering sickness soon! I'm nearly 16 weeks now and still struggling! Can't be long now though eh?
I just found this thread. My wife and I live in California. I have create a private Facebook page for other women who used the same sperm donor so that we can stay in contact for the children's sake. So far so good with that. We got pregnant via IVF, but it was a bit of a road for us as my wife has DOR (diminished ovarian reserve). But we got diet lucky on our first IVF cycle. We are currently 16 weeks 4 days. Today we are going to have an elective ultrasound to find out the sex of our precious angel.
Welcome @jambrown1516 ... can't wait to hear what you found out!! That is amazing that it took, so happy for you two!!
@tgrdance05 ... I thought from your announcement you already knew you had a boy ... I guess since I read Bruce I thought you were naming the boy Bruce. Now I get that must be your last name, duh!
Hey ladies! I am not a same sex parent, but I do have some insight to this as my mom and my brother are both gay. So I wi start by saying that I did have both my mother and father in my life. When I was 10, they divorced and my mom came out. As you can imagine, that was really a difficult moment and my whole world changed. The hardest thing for me was just trying to understand the situation at 10 years old. Your children will grow up with inderstanding and acceptance, which is an amazing thing. A few years later my brother came out. It was hard for a moment. It was hard to wrap my mind around at first, but I can honestly say I never thought of it as a negative. As a child of a gay parent, I truly feel like I am able to see the world a little differently. Whenever you doubt yourself, just remember that your children will be so lucky to have loving parents. Your children are going to be understanding and loving people which our world needs more of. They won't judge people and they will love them for their differences. There is no better thing you can do for your children! I am so happy for all of you who are bringing little children into your lives. Congratulations!!!
@Meg920 thank you so much for sharing your story and insight! It's always great to hear from children I'd LGBT families...the unknown seems so scary! But your perspective has made me feel very reassured! Congrats to you too on your little one
@dpurejoy that is so funny!! Bruce is our last name...and we have way cuter names picked for our baby lol! Don't know if you know the finding nemo movie, but everytime I think of Bruce I think if the big shark "fish are friends, noooot food"! Lol. Bruce is my wife's name, and I just inherited it two years ago...I still laugh at it Everyone thinks we are having a boy though!! I'm not sure what I think. All I eat are sweets and carbs, and according to an old wives tale, that means girl!!
We are having a boy!!!! He is so cute. All of the half siblings that we know of are girls. First precious little boy. The 3D pics are amazing and we had a great sonographer who made us feel right at home.
Just read through this entire thread and it is seriously the most supportive group on this site with zero snark, I wish I qualified to post...but I just wanted to let you ladies know that you are all doing it right, it being both this site and life
@jambrown1516 how precious! He does look like he's smiling!! I love those 3d ultrasounds...I wonder if they have that available at my drs office! I just found out last week that I have to go see a MFM (maternal fetal medicine specialist) bc of my vanishing twin. They will also be doing an ultrasound at 20 weeks (my anatomy scan is 17 weeks). I would assume they will have more high tech sono machines than my OBs office! I'll be excited either way to see the baby twice in once month
@CaraBoonie it's one of the reasons I stay active on this thread...I love all these ladies, they are so supportive and sweet . It's like shark infested water on the other threads...yikes
Oh also, new favorite food group.......Donuts...can't get enough and I can literally smell them for miles. This little babe sure does have a sweet tooth!!
Us gay ladies are pretty much the coolest! I can be snarky but I try to be extra nice in this thread cause I think we need a little extra support and these are my people!
CaraBoonieanitamtl ... thanks for checking in ... the only reason I sign in to the bump forums every day is to see what's cooking with these ladies. being in a feed where we can be honest yet taken graciously by the others has been a blessing in the midst of people in my world who have been less than supportive of a baby. I mean, who doesn't love a baby??
You are welcome to chime in and join the #lovefest ... we are all facing pregnancy with our own set of fears and challenges and I would love to be here for you as you vent concerns or want to brag on your joys!!
I have a check-in with my midwife today. My coworkers are giving me a hard time with how the doctor's office is just trying to take my money and I don't truly need to go in. I feel better with the peace of mind with a check-in telling me all is well, so they just need to hush! I am interested to see what they say about my due date since they didn't tell me how he was measuring at my 13 week ultrasound. When will he be here already!?!?!
Oh and we pretty much finished up our registry this past weekend and we already got our first present!! If we have nothing else, we have a play yard (pack-n-play) for him to sleep in and be safe in!! I feel so ready for a baby (NOT!!) haha
Hi, I'm another straight lurker that is just blown away by this thread! So happy for all you ladies!
My small contribution is that my sister gave birth to her daughter last Thursday. She and her wife had been trying for about two years so I was of course overjoyed when I heard they were expecting. I think my sister is going to go by "Maddie" instead of mom but I'm not sure about my sister-in-law.
I have a two year old daughter who already has six grandparents (my parents both divorced and remarried) so I can't wait for the day when I get to talk to her about how our family may be different than others, but it's a great supportive family and I wouldn't change it for anything. :-)
tinne004 congrats to your sister ... what did they have? You are only a few days ahead of me in your gestation. Do you know what you are having?
Midwife visit update ... the baby is good, strong regular heartbeat. Told me he was measuring a few days past his due date so I will have to see what he is like come the anatomy scan towards the end of August. She said I am gaining too much weight (no s*#! sherlock!) after losing all the weight to get healthy enough to get pregnant, it is already a mind trip to gain the weight in the first place. She said I need to do 30minutes, 5times a week. Oh well, other than feeling defeated physically, all is well with the baby and that's good!!
@dpurejoy Thanks, my sister had a girl and named her Ember. As for me, I don't know what I'm having yet. I'm seeing the OB today, so I'm hoping to get the referral for the anatomy ultrasound so I can schedule it for mid-August.
Also, boo for prescribed exercise! I go on lunchtime walks 3 times a week, but I also eat a lot of junk so they probably cancel each other out :-/
you are doing exactly what they are hoping I would do ... I don't need to lose weight, I just need to walk/exercise to counteract the water retention and weight gain from my big appetite. Long story short, I will be walking at lunch today
Hi ladies, hope everyone is doing well I've had a really rough week with the end of my masters program coming to an end, and trying to take finals. I attended my last two births on Saturday night/am which totals 20 births in my whole program! You would think with this experience I wouldn't be so nervous and confused about my own pregnancy...but it's so different when it's you personally. Anywho, the good news is, since I wasn't elligable for panorama or materiti21 testing, my OB felt bad and did a sono today at my visit so we could find out the sex....it's a boy!!!
Re: Any other same-sex moms on here?
In reference to the genetic screening ... We went yesterday as well as a part of the 13 week checkin and our counselor just married her long time partner in Sunday (over the exciting announcement weekend). She is TTC and it was amazing to connect on a personal level with the practitioner. Her and her wife have tried 5 time unsuccessfully and now she is awaiting the HPT for her 6th try.
So cool to be on this journey and be able to connect with women across continents or across the table from you. So many unknowns and joys to share.
I will talk to Tara and others who have gone before and ask if there is a route here that I can suggest.
I'm 11w1d today, so a few weeks behind you. My NT scan is next Tuesday; we'll probably announce after that. A few friends and our jobs know, but not our families.
Have any of you put any thought into what your kids will call you and your partners? My mom and aunt were asking us last week, and we hadn't really thought about it. We just assumed our child would come up with their own names for us. Maybe mom and momma or mommy? My aunt said that's confusing, but I disagree. I think it's common for children to come up with their own "pet" names for people, why not their moms? Just wondering if yall have any cute ideas?
I like the idea of Maddy ... I too agree that the child will come up with names for us, but I want to have some sort of structure so the child can see we know who we are and give them a way to distinguish between us. When they yell for mommy, I want to know who they calling for.
We are both girly girls but if one of us had to be more dominant it would be me. Maybe I will suggest Maddy for me to Tara.
Anyway, as for the "mum/mumma/baba" thing...we've been wondering about this too. I reckon it's good to consider what they'll be calling you as teenagers...cos mummy/mommy etc might not work so well by that age?! Do you think it's too weird/new age for your kids to call you by your first names? I reckon it's okay but my partner is not so sure. I know hetero couples who have done this, so it's not just because of our same-sex status that I'm wondering about this. I need to think more about it.
Well, glad you're all still going relatively okay
A few years later my brother came out. It was hard for a moment. It was hard to wrap my mind around at first, but I can honestly say I never thought of it as a negative. As a child of a gay parent, I truly feel like I am able to see the world a little differently. Whenever you doubt yourself, just remember that your children will be so lucky to have loving parents. Your children are going to be understanding and loving people which our world needs more of. They won't judge people and they will love them for their differences. There is no better thing you can do for your children!
I am so happy for all of you who are bringing little children into your lives. Congratulations!!!
@dpurejoy that is so funny!! Bruce is our last name...and we have way cuter names picked for our baby lol! Don't know if you know the finding nemo movie, but everytime I think of Bruce I think if the big shark "fish are friends, noooot food"! Lol. Bruce is my wife's name, and I just inherited it two years ago...I still laugh at it
@CaraBoonie it's one of the reasons I stay active on this thread...I love all these ladies, they are so supportive and sweet