New here!

Cbowden12 · July 2015

Hello I just wanted to introduce my self since I'm new to the board but not new to the ttc journey, dh and I have been ttc since March of 2012 with no luck yet. We have seen doctors including the RE I'm currently seeing. We are getting ready to do our second round of iui, but will be our first medicated iui this weekend, fingers crossed this is it. I Saw the doctor yesterday for an ultrasound and we saw 5 eggs ( 4 on left, 1 on right ) maturing pretty quickly ( I'd hope so since I'm on 150 iu's follistem) . A little over a year ago I was diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Falure with my latest FSH reading of 17! I am only 24 and my doctor says I'm a difficult case ( haha I hope he's like me and likes a challenge! ). Any ways I thought it would be nice to share my journey with some people who might understand what I'm going through as I have learned to not talk to the "Non-infertile" people because they do not help with their "it will happen, give it time" or "be patient, it will happen for you too" or "this is your month, I know it" ( boy was the last one a let down ) . I Appreciate any and all feed back and look forward to chatting and keeping up with y'all's journeys! Here's to hoping our journeys aren't much longer!

MKLEWIS2010 · July 2015

Welcome to the group I wish it was under different circumstances. However. I wish you good luck on this difficult journey. I completely stopped talking to others about it as well. We only told our immediate family however after our first failed cycle we decided to just keep it to ourselves. It's hard to deal with everyone else's emotions and your own. Best wishes!

Drove2u · July 2015

Yes I only told one friend who just got pregnant on her third IUI try. My family doesn't even know. This forum is nice to be able to vent and just talk about it. Good luck to you!!

Cbowden12 · July 2015

Thanks, I'm so excited about joining this online community, it is full of so many sweet and caring ladies by what I've read. The emotions are definitely difficult to deal with, that's for sure! My mother in law has to be the worst unfortunately... It seems to be the only thing she wants to talk to me about, and sometimes I like to talk about well ... Normal stuff. She doesn't understand and some of the remarks are hurtful although I doubt she intends them to come out that way, but sometimes I honestly find myself avoiding her. Anyway thank you and best wishes to you too @mklewis2010 !

MKLEWIS2010 · July 2015

Thank you @Cbowden12. I know how the MIl can be and they usually don't mean to be insensitive they just don't know any better. My MIL has no filter at all and for the most party my hubby and I have kind of avoided people because I got tired of the questions of when and what are we waiting for. We pick and choose what events we go to. Good luck it's so hard to deal with especially when people have no clue about "normal" conception much less infertility. I started yoga and meditation to help me deal. Finding something that eases your mind is very important to keep you calm on this roller coaster.

Cbowden12 · July 2015

I made the mistake of telling family members, they were getting nosey and wondering why I was seeing the doctors so often. So I gave in.... I also made the mistake of telling my employer, so she wasn't thinking I was just skipping out on work so often ( she said some not so nice things to me like " haven't you thought maybe there's a reason you haven't been given a child" ugh) , a couple of friends know but we don't talk about it much, they seem to be the best. They will say " I hope everything going good with the baby doctor " and the conversation ends there. @Drove2u that's great you have someone so close to you, you can talk to! Unfortunate circumstances though... Thanks for the reply and good luck on your journey!

MKLEWIS2010 · July 2015

We also told our immediate family members they were supportive but sometimes there emotions and positivity makes the BFN worse. I told my boss that I had medical issues and am undergoing treatment but I didn't tell him specifics. Your boss is so rude, I am appalled that she would say that. I really wish you all the best in this process. It's hard enough without dealing with other people's comments and views. Hugs to you and vent here anytime you need to! Hopefully your not here long!

Cbowden12 · July 2015

Thank you for the advise @MKLEWIS2010 I've tried yoga in the past and didn't stick with it but have considered going back to it. I do have other things I do that calm me such as drawing and crafting... Boy have I done a lot of crafting lately lol, I've needed it though!

AMT&THC · July 2015

@MKLEWIS2010 and Cbowden12, I have had the same issue with my family and friends. I was very hesitant to tell anyone at the beginning and as it's gone on I became a bit lax and have regretted it a little. It feels like a new BFN every time I have to tell someone about the BFN because she asks. My mom wants it so bad for me that it's almost worse to tell her than it is to see it myself on the pg test. I try to be patient with her, but it can be very hard. I had a similar situation with a co-worker that you had with your boss Cbowden12...She said that she didn't think it was right for me to play God and asked me how far I'd go if the IUIs didn't work. She, of course, had a 3 month old at home. It was a weird convo. I am a non-confrontational type so I tried to laugh it off and say that I am a control freak, but it stung. It's so hard to find people that really understand.

MKLEWIS2010 · July 2015

I completely agree that telling your family about a bfn is hard & it's like you are going through it all over again. My mom told me that God would not have made humans as intelligent as they are to be able to perform this. Going through this process and having a baby from it is a miracle! If people blame God for everything I'm guessing she would blame God for all the people who are murdered everyday? But they don't blame him for those things. Good luck and stay connected to this group we all understand.

Colleen0516 · July 2015

Welcome to the group! It's so nice to have a group of ladies to discuss our struggles with. Unfortunately, people do not understand unless they are going through a similar struggle.
Everyone (that conceives easily) seem to have an opinion, and most people don't realize that their opinions are hurtful. I've been told:
"You're too young to worry"
"Just stop thinking about it and it will happen" (that's my favorite!

AdorkablePixie · July 2015

@Cbowden12 welcome! I hope having a community to share your feelings and frustrations with helps! We haven't told our families we are TTC but three of my best friends know, however I don't talk to them about it and unless I bring it up they don't ask. My one Friday has two kids and had almost no trouble conceiving and the other one has four kids. Neither of them have any idea what it's like to not be able to get pregnant on your own. I can't believe what your boss said to you. That is terrible. I told my boss for the same reason, I didn't want her to think I was just skipping out on work. She has been nothing but supportive! Anyway, I wish you the best of luck! @Drove2u We haven't told our families either! I feel like it's easier that way.

Cbowden12 · July 2015

Thank you so much everyone, this really helps! You Ladies are absolutely wonderful and I'm so excited to now have some people to talk about this that understand! @MKLEWIS2010 I was appalled by my bosses remarks as well which is why I have since quit! I felt it wasn't worth dealing with her insensitivity while doing this process and I felt it was only ruining my chances by stressing me out. I'm very selective about what I share with people now and I only share it with very close people (mom, MIL, one close friend). @Colleen0516 Oh my Goodness "just stop thinking about it and it will happen" has been said way to much to me, I feel like slapping the next person that says it to me! They don't realize when your taking injections/meds/IUI/timed intercourse/temps/progesterone that you have to think about it or you'll forget to take the next medication or forget what time to BD or when your next dr. Appt. is haha!

Cbowden12 · July 2015

@AMT&TCH and @AdorkablePIxie we started out not sharing anything with anybody but I gave in and told my mom when we started seeing the RE because I was hoping she could answer some questions since she also had a difficult time conceiving me and my FIL works for my husband and he was questioning why we were going to dr.s so much and we gave in and told, then which he told my MIL. Slowly I started getting careless and figured what the heck we'll share with them too, hoping for some understanding and only got hurtful comments or asked constantly what's the latest protocol! I do regret it all and wish we had kept it to ourselves! Thank you so much everyone for the support!

AMT&THC · July 2015

@Colleen0516 and @Cbowden12 I feel ya! Good lord the "just stop thinking about it..." line drives me crazy. It's usually followed by a story about someone's sister's best friend who did all of the infertility treatments and then stopped and she finally got pregnant. It makes me feel like the person thinks I am the reason that I am not getting pregnant. Like my obsessive nature is preventing me from attaining my goal. Yet, if I was more relaxed about it and didn't remember to shoot myself up every evening at the same time and go to the doctor's every 3 days, it wouldn't happen.

It is so nice to chat with you guys! I have really felt alone and even my closest friends and my sister have trouble understanding. They really, really try and I love them but I think if you haven't been through it yourself it's hard to understand the rollercoaster of emotions.

AdorkablePixie · July 2015

@Cbowden12 - Some people are so inconsiderate. I don't think they realize how hard it is for us. How frustrating and hurtful it is..

MKLEWIS2010 · July 2015

I agree and the line about just relax and you don't need fertility treatments because so and so tried for years with fertility treatments and when they stopped they just got pregnant. First of all some people are truly lucky to have that happen and some people may not want to disclose exactly how they got pregnant. I mean it really is no ones business. Furthermore some of us with infertility have relaxed and tried because we didn't know anything was wrong. And sometimes it just doesn't work. Honestly not sharing is so much easier however you do still deal with the millions of when are you having a baby questions.

Cbowden12 · July 2015

Ha @MKLEWIS2010 "the millions when are you having a baby" reminds me of last Xmas dinner at my grandmothers( she doesn't know that we are even trying)... She had just found out 2 of my friends were pregnant, one with her fourth and the other with her second... She told me "you have a lot of catching up to do" at dinner. My parents, dh, and I got so awkwardly quiet. At the time it was so hurtful because we had took a short break from the RE since I was starting to get really bad anxiety and had a hard time coping. Anyway I'm not sure if she got the hint or what but she hasn't said anything about babies since. As for everyone else... Well I went to dentist the other day and the hygienist even asked when we were having kids! Ha

KidShrink · July 2015

I hear ya on those comments too! My FIL lives in Florida and loves Disney (he's a big kid really). Since the day we've gotten engaged, he's had a week-long trip to Disney planned for his grandkids. He also frequently buys 'grandpa' shirts online. We decided to let people know when we started trying because people were literally inspecting my stomach and if I dared wearing something loose, I'd get the looks. Same thing for whatever I was drinking. That quieted them down for a bit. We then let them know about the infertility piece, and for the most part, people have been supportive with only the occasional awful comment (the best being from my sister who got preggo after a month of trying: 'well, if it doesn't work, at least you'll be an auntie'.
Then I also have clients asking. Parents, but also kids. One of my kiddos was talking about a TV show and asked if I knew it. When I said no, she looked at my as if I came right from another planet and asked if I had kids. I answer that I don't, and she dares asking 'Why?!' She was lucky I was her psychologist that day!

Cbowden12 · July 2015

@KidShrink it can be so agrivating at times, I have to constantly tell myself "they don't know the situation, chances are they won't understand, and I would never wish this on someone else no matter who they are" although it is awesome to talk about this with some ladies who do understand our situation and understand exactly what we're going through! Good Luck and I hope we don't have to stay on this board much longer!

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