January 2016 Moms

Saying goodbye to my angel child.

Hi beautiful mommies,

we have had the most devastating week - that i hope i never have to endure again.

last week Tuesday we went to our scan - to hopefully get a clue as to whether our baby was a boy or girl. we were so excited.
that morning when i woke up i felt so weird. with two easy, healthy pregnancies resulting in my two beautiful boys. it was a thought that never crossed my mind.
but the feeling i had that morning i couldn't shake, i wasn't excited as i usually am for every scan. it was like i knew but i couldn't admit it to myself.

i lay down on the bed to begin scanning, and as soon as he started i knew. i started crying, 5 seconds later our doctor said i am sorry but there is no heartbeat.

the most dreadful feeling in all the world. i honestly thought this would never happen to me. i fell pregnant so easily all 3 times, have such awesome pregnancies and now this.it was like a dream.

the following day i had a D&C and said goodbye to our angel child. being wheeled into that OR, it was so cold and sterile, no place for a precious baby.

anyway, one week and many tears later, wanted to tell you ladies thank you so much for the posts to read in the early hours, a place to ask questions and a form of entertainment while waiting for time to pass between scans and baby news.

enjoy this beautiful time, and i will be checking in come January.

last note, a while ago i saw a post about a mommy who would be upset if their baby was a certain sex - not sure who it was, i cant remember, and i know gender disappointment is a real thing, i have two boys and so desperately wanted a girl for our third and last child. but what i so regret now, is that it took a tragic experience to not worry about something so trivial. you will love that child no matter what.
but it took me something so extreme and devastating to realize it. that little bundle in your tummy was meant for you! we are so lucky to be called mothers.

enjoy mommas!!
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