Best friends wedding- Thoughts!

cmost227316 · July 2015

Hi all! Advice would be helpful. One of my bff's wedding is in the middle of April (15 hours away...) and the bachelorette party is coming up and is a 4-5 day party in another destination city (also about 12 hours away...) I am due March 20th and waiting to tell anyone until 12 weeks. I am starting a new teaching job with only 2 personal days. There will be a shower that I can drive to, about 5-6 hours away (where she is from). I am not sure how this will all pan out... And I am getting anxious about it! What are your thoughts/ what would you do?

flowerpower5838 · July 2015

I think I'd just be honest from the start. As soon as you're ready for her to know I'd address any concerns you might have about attending things. Babies happen and people (typically) understand, especially when there is an ample amount of travel involved.

A few questions to ask yourself...

Do you think you will be able to attend a wedding 15 hours away with a newborn (not rhetorical, an actual question)? I think that bachelorette party would be an obvious skip if you're concerned about the distance (nothing wrong with having some sober fun, though. Drunk people watching is a hoot). Also a 5-6 hour drive seems doable, but how far along will you be? Just all things to think about.

mb0112 · July 2015

Need to know more about the timing-- if you are due March 20th your 12 week point is early September. When is the bachelorette? Any sooner than Sept seems extremely early for an April wedding.

I know it's your best friend but people have to understand that not everyone can make it to all 3 events: shower, bachelorette, wedding, when travel is involved. The bachelorette sounds expensive, difficult to get to, and if you are pregnant it doesn't sound like you will enjoy that much. With flight hotel, outings, etc I'm sure it will total over $1000 and if you are concerned about finances during maternity leave, you should skip it. A nice gesture would be to buy the group a round of drinks or pick up the tab for something from afar.

The wedding is tricky. You have to make a decision before you have the baby, but you don't know how you are going to feel about traveling with a 4 week old, or leaving him/her behind to travel. Again, talk to your friend when you are ready, feel out whether the baby is welcome to come or not, and make a tough decision.

I am standing up in 2 weddings this summer (at 8.5 weeks and 11 weeks) and crossing my fingers that no travel bachelorettes/future weddings put me in similar predicaments as yours!

cmost227316 · July 2015

THank you!!! I really needed to hear some supportive feedback from others. I have told her that I may not be able to make the bachelorette party (due to starting new job). It's extra frustrating because she moved the wedding (from October to April ) and bachelorette (from July to April) due to venue issues... So I am just feeling bummed and hoping I get to be there for her for something. This is a very tricky situation as I will be also having a c-section which makes things a little more tricky, especially since last time around my recovery was slow, but not sure how I felt at 4 weeks...?
Thanks again so much!!!

mb0112 · July 2015

Well, hopefully she's not a bridezilla. Some brides would think "how dare you get pregnant during my wedding year" but if she had stuck with her Oct date, you'd be in 2nd trimester and probably attend the wedding without a problem. She can't expect you to postpone your life by 6 months because of her venue change.

So the bachelorette is in April too? I'd say wait til 10-13 weeks along to say anything. At that point you'll be more sure that you are indeed having a baby in March. Unless everyone is booking tickets now, you should be able to wait. September is still 7 months before the wedding and bachelorette.

Has she asked you to be a bridesmaid? That might make you want to tell sooner.

cmost227316 · July 2015

Thank you!!! She asked me to be in her wedding, last December. Soon after she needed to postpone all dates out later. The bachelorette is in October, and I have let her know there is a good chance that I will not make it as I am starting a new job.

Also, I think she is planning to have us order dresses in August...

Yes, I am planning to wait until 12 weeks, as I did with my 1st to tell anyone.

aeh8810 · July 2015

I'm in a similar situation with my sister, but I told her ahead of time that we were trying for a baby and she already knows I am pregnant. The wedding is mid-late April and I am due mid March, but expect to go late again. I am one of her bridesmaids and she is being very understanding. I will go to whatever I can, but she knows that I can't travel for a bachelorette party. I told her that if she wants to do something with travel, have fun and try not to let me not being there stress you out. As for the dress, I plan on getting the most forgiving option (she doesn't want us all matching, just in the same color) and getting it two sizes larger.

What that long story is saying is that you might consider telling just her in confidence. Let her decide if she is willing to be accommodating and if not she can decide not to have you in the wedding.

googimonster · July 2015

My sister got engaged on Tuesday and is planning a New Years Eve wedding. I am just under 8 weeks and would be almost 8 months pregnant at her wedding but I still haven't told her. I was pregnant before she got engaged so technically I cannot be blamed. I want her to plan how she wants to without considering my situation.

Tell when you are ready

cmost227316 · July 2015

Thanks everyone! I am not ready to tell anyone until 12 weeks. I know it might be easier to tell her early, but I am still not comfortable with it (which is Labor Day)

bheatz22 · July 2015

Two of my best friends are marrying each other in April too so I understand your situation. I think just be honest. Everyone will understand.

cmost227316 · July 2015

Thank you! I am hoping so... Now the shower I thought I would be able to make it to is the last weekend in January, and 5-6 hours away. It just keeps getting more frustrating!

mommytobe2122 · July 2015

@christie28382 well don't push yourself honey, I see she is your bf but you can't make yourself exhausted that much like you are not pregnant! So try to take it easy, go to wedding but not other occasions. You can blame it to your job with only 2 days off and beside all when you reach 12w you will tell her and she will totally understand

so don't worry:) And as long as I see from the weddings you make sacrifices a lot to be there to share their happiness but people usually don't care at the moment that they used to till the wedding because they are happy and excited and don't care about the others even the closer ones at that time

just to not making a memory like you couldn't make it to my wedding drama go and join the big day and be a part of it but don't push yourself to join the others.

katy0990 · July 2015

You could always facetime or skype for the shower. I have seen that done before.

flowerpower5838 · July 2015

katy0990 said:

You could always facetime or skype for the shower. I have seen that done before.

Ok so I have been following this tread and obviously knew the title when I clicked on it but I still for like 3 seconds was like "Who'd want to Skype or FaceTime while they are taking a shower?"

I'm a n00b.

Noob That Is Stupid animated GIF

cmost227316 · July 2015

Lol! Thanks for the laugh!!! And thanks for all of the support and or advice. I'm Starting to feel "a little" better about this situation, I'm just feeling like an emotional mess lately (I'm hoping this is normal).

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