Mourning My Body

kblaise1 · July 2015

I am generally happy about being pregnant--my husband and I weren't trying to conceive but our birth control didn't really "take" (we're the .01%). I'm nearly through the first trimester and all the fatigue and nausea that came with it-thank God.

But tonight, I was going through my closet in an attempt to purge some clothing and I got really upset.

I put on a few dresses that would no longer zip up. Some wouldn't even come over my hips. My chest has grown tremendously and my belly has just got the memo that we're pregnant.

I guess I wasn't quite ready to lose my figure. I know it's vapid and shallow. I know I'll get my body back. I just needed to vent about it

Sovvy · July 2015

No, I get it. It's an unfair standard that we're supposed to care about our figures until suddenly we aren't. Hello unrealistic.

kblaise1 · July 2015

Right? I had this jarring revelation of self-worth? "Wait. What? I'm just supposed to roll with this and adjust my wardrobe accordingly? Oh, ok"

aporcelainface · July 2015

I completely agree with you. I'm naturally small figured (5'3, 108 lbs, 34b) and although I'm very excited and happy to be pregnant, I'm bummed I don't fit in nearly anything except my flowy tops.

I find it funny though, because as I progress and learn to accept this new body (I'm 16 weeks), the women I work with keep saying "stop hiding your bump! We want to see more of it."

I think with time it gets easier, but I feel you!

KaraEpp16 · July 2015

I had this moment getting ready for work. Texted my SO about how nothing looked right and he told me " You're beautiful and pregnant." So I put on some maternity clothes and felt better. Maybe that's what you need?

Mommyduclos · July 2015

We are in a difficult stage where our bodies are definitely changing but aren't in full swing obviously pregnant beauty. This stage is hard. We've outgrown our "normal" clothes but most maternity still looks a little silly. This is my third rodeo and I will assure you it gets better- maternity will fit and show off your changing figure and this battle of what fits today will end. And honestly once you deliver even though you'll still be quite a bit bigger than you were you will feel so tiny compared to your giant pregnant self lol! This is the worst of it by far.

SummerOH · July 2015

The blump stage is the worst. You just feel gross and like you're getting heavier. When your bump pops out noticeably, it'll get better. A little. I never really enjoyed my pregnant figure like some do.

mollyj931 · July 2015

Yep it happens and I recommend not feeling bad if those clothes don't fit the same for months after. It's definitely doable to get your body back but it takes time. Be gentle and patient with yourself.

SamAdams2006 · July 2015

I can totally relate to you. Sometimes i feel guilty over how much my recent body concerns consume my daily thoughts. I'm looking forward to actually showing and it being obvious that I am in fact pregnant instead of right now where it looks like I decided to gain some extra lbs just in time for swimsuit season. I'm soo happy that I'm pregnant in the first place but I can't help these insecurities that are popping up. It's okay, I'm going to guess that a lot of us are sort of in an awkward phase right now with our figures.

kmo8986 · July 2015

Ugh it is the worst! It is what I like to refer to as the truck driver stage. I find that maternity clothes make me feel better, and look more pregnant and less chunky. Soon it will be obviously pregger belly and if you are anything like me you will love that belly!

ashhsa · July 2015

Yes, I feel this way too right now, I think it's because I don't look too pregnant but I'm feeling much bigger.ive only gained a kilo, but my whole body shape is different. And I kind of forget I'm even pregnant at times.

Cricket99 · July 2015

I just got over the blump stage and haven't started to show yet. The roller coaster of my pants suddenly not fitting, then fitting again is really frustrating. Plus the whole not fitting any of my bras anymore is depressing and infuriating at the same time.

Firsttimer16 · July 2015

I hear you!! We have just arrived on our babymoon and I spent an hour in the room trying on bikinis and thinking oh my god where is my body gone!! Like that I'm only just showing so it just looks like I've had few too many pies!
I'm a all framed and have maintained my weight over the years and although I love the thoughts of the proper belly but I just don't feel great in my skin Right now!
Husband says I'm beautiful and is being fantastic but it's an adjustment!!
Now I'm off to the pool - tiptoes there lightly behine hubbie who I'm using for cover!!!

steph_pegasus · July 2015

This is a good place to let those feelings out. We get it.
The hardest part for me last time I was pregnant was the weigh-in at the doctor's office for every appointment. Had to watch that scale jump up to numbers I hoped I would never see myself weighing in at - which is completely ridiculous because of course I knew I wanted babies and you gain weight to do that.

essentialpeace · July 2015

There is a thread called Body Image that has some good stuff. It helped me reading through it. I felt so guilty for having these feelings, but it is hard to turn the "switch" off from looking a certain way to embracing all these changes.

MEB67 · July 2015

I was just having these same thoughts this morning. I think it's normal and try to focus on the amazing and beautiful things my body is doing right now. I totally agree that maternity clothes help! I was hesitant to take the step, but man they just hug your body better and smooth things out so you don't look so lumpy. I'm 14w4d ftm and definitely still in the blumpy stage, but I swear when I put my maternity clothes on I could actually pass for pregnant instead of just bloated, which makes me feel more beautiful and confident.

DaphneMoon1 · July 2015

In general I like my body, pre pregnancy. I like my body weeks 25-35 pregnancy too. But the before you look pregnant stage is hard. I've already thought about how I can't wait to get my body back post pregnancy, especially my boobs. It feels vain, but these changes happen so fast we don't have much time to get use to it. Try not to be too hard and yourself and know that you are not alone!

kmcc14 · July 2015

Yep, it's tough. Everything is getting too tight, but maternity clothes still gap in funny places where I don't fill them out yet. It's nice to know that a lot of us feel this way. I feel so shallow for worrying about how hard it is going to be to get back to my old size after baby comes. I know some women just love being pregnant, but I am not enjoying it so far. Sorry you are feeling down, OP. Be kind to yourself. We're all right there with you.

mamaclownface · July 2015

I'm so glad this was posted. I was feeling really guilty over the feelings I was having about my body and the changes its going through. This past weekend I went to the OBX with my family for a nice beach vacay. Everyone was making SUCH a big deal about my growing bump. To me, it just looks like I over-ate. To them, they say its obvious I look pregnant. I was very self conscious about letting my belly show...to the point where I wouldn't get into the pool until nobody was looking at me. I know pregnancy is a beautiful thing. I know its a good thing my body is changing and growing because that means baby is healthy. However, I am just not feeling confident right now and I am waiting for the bump to be noticeable to me so that I can get some confidence back.

Thank you OP for posting. You are not alone.

Edit: To say that it is hard to watch your pants become too difficult to zip up and your shirts and bras become too tight when you yourself can't see the visibility of pregnancy yet.

nickicb7 · July 2015

Right there with all of you. My body image issues have been kicking my butt. And you do feel so guilty. Last weekend I cried because I thought I was a bad mom for being so upset at my body that it was taking away the joy and excitement of having a baby.

But it's hard, we live in a world where body image such a huge deal! Even in pregnancy. You see advertisements for pregnant women and they are always perfectly fit women with a beautiful little bump. I certainly don't have a beautiful little bump so I'm not feeling like that at all.

Even my gf said during her pregnancy, around this stage. Every time she went to the gym she wanted a shirt to indicate she was PG and hadn't just eaten too much lately. Between our changing bodies and the hormones, I don't think we can help the feelings much. Just keep supporting each other!

nanamp · July 2015

I think I will feel better about this when I can finally tell people. I've been hiding from everyone.

Karenin · July 2015

Not shallow! You can be happy about your baby and still hate that your body is suddenly totally out of your control. We are so inundated with the idea that how you look is up to you but pregnancy is a time when that's not true and it's hard to accept.

mg137 · July 2015

When I was pregnant with my twins, I asked another mom what she was greasing up with to minimize stretcharks. She said, "nothing. I've had years with a good body. I'm giving it over to my baby now." Ummmm. Sweet but, no. She wasn't making a point or anything. She was just done being hot. Like hotness and momminess are mutually exclusive.

Don't worry though, ladies, you can get it back (except for the boobs, but those can be purchased). Just exercise as long as you don't have any complications preventing it, and eat nutritious foods. Don't try to diet because it's bad for baby and can backfire because if you're not getting enough healthy fats, you're much more likely to get stretch marks.

And if anyone acts like she's better than you because she's not worried about how her body looks now or whether it'll bounce back, she's probably just making up for being insecure about becoming a parent. And she's lying.

lmcvicar1990 · July 2015

I completely get it! There is this chunk of time where you dont really look pregnant yet, but none of your clothes fit right, blah!! I removed each item from my closet as they became unwearable because i didnt want to relive the whole "well that looks like crap" feeling over and over. My bump just started looking like a bump last week so now i can accentuate it and actually feel cute and pregnant instead of bloated and frumpy lol

Blueyedsky · July 2015

I had this feeling a ton all last week. I finally went and purchased new maternity clothes, and they look stinkin cute! WAY more flattering than anything I was wearing before. Don't lose hope yet! Yes, our bodies are changing and it sucks, but thankfully society is pretty forgiving towards pregnant ladies and there are a lot of cute things out there. Maybe try some stuff on that isn't meant to emphasize all the parts of us that are getting bigger?

monie2323 · July 2015

Im the exact same way... It's hard to go out and see girls in things I used to be able to wear. But I keep reminding myself this is a beautiful thing and will be so excited when the baby is finally here. We can eventually wear that stuff again!

karynste19 · July 2015

I am so thankful you posted. I was feeling like I was the only one and was afraid to bring it up to family/friends for them thinking I'm shallow but knowing I'm not alone is huge! I am having complications with bleeding so I'm not allowed to work out at all (I'm a runner so this is a huge lifestyle change and is very hard). I'm struggling with the start of a bump that doesn't look like a bump to anyone who doesn't know and my self confidence. Anyway, thank you for saying this! I think it'll all get better when we clearly have a baby on board to strangers

zg49 · July 2015

I don't so much mind the changing body in regards to how I look (second pregnancy) but I'm cheap and I hate that I had to buy more maternity clothes. Most of the maternity pants I had don't fit this time around for some reason so I had to get more and spend more money!

jjodom · July 2015

i am going through that too.

nkyokley · July 2015

I totally get this. Just a few months ago I got really into a vigorous weight lifting routine, lost 20 lbs and finally started to get my confidence back, and then found out I was pregnant! We weren't planning this, so sadly I have to admit one of the first reactions I had was crying over the changes my body would be facing. Now that the bloat is slowly turning into a teeny little bump (13w today), I'm less sad and more excited.

andimegie325 · July 2015

mg137 said:
...

And if anyone acts like she's better than you because she's not worried about how her body looks now or whether it'll bounce back, she's probably just making up for being insecure about becoming a parent. And she's lying.

What a nasty thing to say. I'm NOT worried about how my body looks now. I've spent so much time hating my body because it wasn't getting pregnant, and it translated from just hating how it was functioning to hating how it looks. I'm far from today's "ideal" when it comes to my body, but I've finally found solace in that it's still a good body. I don't think I'm better than you or anyone else who doesn't feel comfortable in theirs, because I've been there. Why judge me for being proud to have this body, after 8 years of struggle and self loathing, when I and others like me don't judge you?

jrouge12 · July 2015

I felt loads better when I gave into maternity pants. It made my blump more of a bump, and I don't feel like I am outgrowing pants every few days (or even from morning to night). I was hesitant at first because I had a frumpy image of maternity clothes, but I was surprised with what I found. I also went on a clearance shopping spree for winter maternity clothes. Retail therapy is real.

mamaksweez · July 2015

A friend just shared this on Facebook. I thought it was a good reminder of how our bodies are forever changed. It is religious (Christian), so if you're not into that please ignore.
https://www.scissortailsilk.com/2015/01/22/my-body-broken-for-you/

skrau830 · July 2015

I am also glad this thread was posted. Coming from a ftm who lost 60lbs over a year period last year this is a hard mental adjustment, even though I love my baby so much already and know this is normal. Ready for this between stage to be over!!!!

mdipianta · July 2015

I'm glad to have read this today! Im 15wk today with my third, and I fully expected to have an obvious bump by now! But no! I'm usually very thin but now feel oddly-shaped! I love the preggo bump though when it finally pops out! This pregnancy is definitely feeling unique! I'm excited to find out what little peanut is and let big brother and sister know

shaybe90 · July 2015

I feel ya. I'm having the hardest time because I have this genetic disorder that causes benign tumors. Hormones make it act up. Since I've gotten pregnant, I've both discovered new ones and some have grown. It's so hard to watch happen. But yet I'm remembering the awesome blessing my twins are and that helps a lot.

mg137 · July 2015

andimegie325 said:

mg137 said:
...

And if anyone acts like she's better than you because she's not worried about how her body looks now or whether it'll bounce back, she's probably just making up for being insecure about becoming a parent. And she's lying.
What a nasty thing to say. I'm NOT worried about how my body looks now. I've spent so much time hating my body because it wasn't getting pregnant, and it translated from just hating how it was functioning to hating how it looks. I'm far from today's "ideal" when it comes to my body, but I've finally found solace in that it's still a good body. I don't think I'm better than you or anyone else who doesn't feel comfortable in theirs, because I've been there. Why judge me for being proud to have this body, after 8 years of struggle and self loathing, when I and others like me don't judge you?

What?!?!?! I think you misunderstood me. How in the world was i judging you? Reread the first line of what you quoted. "If she acts like she's better than you...." Many of the ladies posting in here are saying things about feeling guilty about mourning the loss of whatever body they had pre pregnancy. That's awesome that you don't and I hope that every lady in here, including myself, spends the rest of their lives embracing and loving their bodies like you do. But, as you acknowledged in your own post, you DONT think your outlook makes your better than moms who are worrying about their bodies now, so you're spreading positivity for yourself and others. If you were coming in here saying you embrace your body and therefore are a better mother or person than the ones who don't, than you would be hurting other moms' feelings, making them feel bad about themselves, and trying to make yourself look superior to them. And I think that most women who shame other women for worrying about their post natal bodies are doing it out of insecurity, not pride and comfort in what their body has accomplished. I've seen that not here, but around the web, and I think it sucks. That's clearly not you.

I apologize that you misunderstood my post and thought I was shaming you and I'm sorry if that was my fault because I was somehow unclear. But I stand by the meaning of that post. It's equally good and healthy and maternal to give your body over to your baby, like the mom said to me when I was pregnant with my twins, as to strive to get back to prepregnancy shape. As long as mom feels good about herself and hopefully teaches her children good self esteem and values about looks, I really couldn't care less which camp they fall in.

mg137 · July 2015

Also, to further clarify, I wasn't saying all moms who don't care are lying. But I think the ones who use not caring as a weapon to shame moms who do ("you're clearly more concerned about looking hot than you are about your children" attitude) are probably usually lying. Again, clearly not you because you're not doing that.

hshipman · July 2015

So glad to have found this discussion too. I have been feeling quite down lately about my looks and certain clothes not fitting... Especially because I'm a teacher and have literally been living in loose comfy clothes all summer long, and now all of a sudden I have to start dressing cute and professional in one week. Eeeek.

I saw this post on Instagram at the PERFECT time one day and took a screen shot to re read whenever I was feeling bad about my body image. I hope it helps some of you feel better too!

Jsaade · July 2015

I IDENTIFY WITH THIS SO MUCH!

I don't have a very small build to begin with, and work very hard on my figure to feel remotely ok in my own skin, and now that I am no longer able to exercise to exhaustion, I am rapidly gaining.

ON TOP OF ALL THAT, I am really into fashion, and this fall's fashion is everything I could dream of, and won't be able to enjoy any of it.

YES, I realize I am doing a beautiful thing, and the reward will be much more than extreme than my figure, but it is still a challenge

christyxs4 · July 2015

I've been going through the same thing the last few weeks (it SUCKS!). Ive had a visable bump since week 12 (baby #4) , and now its obvious ! I can no longer hide it lol. I bought some snug fitting maternity jeans and some tops and sundresses a sz. Larger than I normally wear and feel much better now .Trying to embrace it .

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