MIL refusing to get the pertussis shot- update

dmbfan46835 · July 2015

so we are told to cocoon our little ones and make sure everyone with a lot of access to them has the pertussis shot. Well, my MIL who is supposed to watch my son when I go back to work, will not get the shot. She is super holistic and anti vaccine and says the risks are too high for her to get the shot. And also doesn't want me to get the tdap at 37 weeks and wants my husband to also not get the vaccine. Has anyone else has anyone refuse to get the shot and are you not allowing them around your child?

Update--- she's not getting it. For sure. She went to her specialist who claims that is she gets the vaccine it would cause serious injury to her spleen. She's been getting ozone treatments that are supposed to improve her immunity but supposedly she just can't get the shot. So I guess she just can't see my kid. She has alienated my husband and myself and his sister and her husband who planned to start trying next month. So thats awesome.

cjstats87 · July 2015

Hmm...it's technically the tdap shot...if she gives you too much trouble use a rusty nail?! Jk!!! No seriously...I would say that is something you feel strongly about and ask when her last tetanus booster was...if it's over 10 years beg her bc you want her to be the one helping you raise your baby!

I had my tdap in oct of 2011 same as my DH and he's ok bc of it but my ob still wants me to get mine at my next visit 34w.

irenejean · July 2015

I'm sorry your MIL is being such a pain! My mom is complaining about it, but I'm pretty sure she will get the vaccine, I'm definitely going to follow up with her about it. As far as you and your husband getting vaccinated, what MIL doesn't know won't hurt her, right? If my mom refused to get the shot, I'm not sure what I'd do, but I definitely would not let her watch my baby without the shot. My mom lives in another state and will be visiting us for a few days after the baby is born, so her exposure to the baby will be minimal.

I hope you figure out a good solution! It sounds like your MIL will be around the baby a lot, and my OB and pediatrician told me that anyone who's around the baby a lot should get the shot. I hope you can get her to come around!

mkeip · July 2015

All of my husband's nieces and nephews have zero vaccines. They are always I'll and one gave whooping cough to my husband's brother and it was hell for him for almost a year. They refuse to get any vaccines which is their right. However, I was told by my doctor to not let baby around them until he is a year old. I'm a ftm 33 weeks with a boy. I've seen first hand what whooping cough does to both toddler and adult and it is very serious. So I would not let baby near grandma all that often. But that's just my 2 cents.

lovesgummies · July 2015

Take her to an appointment and have your doctor talk to her? Does she have previous reactions to the shot? If she is going to be a primary care giver I wouldn't let it slide.

chelseajeanene · July 2015

I wouldn't let her have him. If she can't be responsible enough to protect them from this then she doesn't deserve to be his care giver while you're working hard to provide for the baby

rebeccabloomwood · July 2015

I likely would stand my ground on this one. If she isn't willing to vaccinate herself, she could be a carrier of whooping cough and your little one won't be protected yet. Sorrynotsorry, she wouldn't be seeing my child.

missliz53 · July 2015

I agree with the other posters. I know this messes up your child care, but babies' have such delicate little immune systems that you have to be really careful. I would tell her that since she refuses to get vaccinated that unfortunately you will find child care elsewhere and that she will have limited visits until baby is fully vaccinated (or whatever time frame your pediatrician says). If she has a fit remind her that she is making the decision not to get vaccinated and it is your first priority to protect your baby

ElleMF728 · July 2015

I require anyone who spends any significant amount of time around my children to at the very least get their Tdap or they are no longer allowed to be a caregiver. Pertussis is very serious and is making a comeback in many areas, including my own. Half of infants less than 1 year old who contract the disease are hospitalized and the younger they are the more likely they are to need hospitalization. It is also dangerous because it can appear to simply be a bad cold in adults and so many pass it on without even knowing.

Your infant will receive some antibodies when you receive the vaccine in your third trimester but will be unable to receive his or her own vaccine until he is 2 months old. Please do not allow her to stop you and YH from protecting your child from a potentially fatal disease and if it were me I would not allow her to watch my child unless she agreed to be vaccinated. I understand people have different beliefs and parenting philosophies but if someone wishes to spend a large amount of time with my sons they need to abide by MY beliefs and parenting philosophies.

https://www.cdc.gov/pertussis/about/complications.html

jht4 · July 2015

This is not going to be what you want to hear, but I would look into alternative childcare. If she is going to go against your requests regarding something that can affect your little's health, I would anticipate that she will go against your wishes in other areas too. I think free or cheap childcare with a family member can work in certain situations, but this may not be one of them.

On the positive side, your little will get the first vaccination against pertussis at 2 months so should have some time to build some immunity if you are going back to work at the *typical* 12 weeks. That said, pertussis is contagious before symptoms are present.

mrsbelladoyle · July 2015

My sister almost died from whooping cough when she was a born for this very reason. (Aunt though, not MIL)

dmbfan46835 · July 2015

I am totally with you ladies. I told her I need her to get it or she can't watch him. Period. Her folks haven't had the shot in years as well and will be around him so I said they needed it as well. DH and I are 100% doing this and if she can't get on board, she will have to find a sitter. I started looking already and found someone close to work and for a decent price, and she is going to be absolutely heartbroken. I feel like such a dick because she is taking it personally and trying to send me info that shows that the vaccine does more harm than good. She says she has a weakened immune system and can't have it, but so does my son. What's more important here?? It's so hard to get it thru to her that I am making him the priority and not to take it personal. I would do this to anyone who couldn't take my son's health seriously. BEYOND FRUSTRATED.

eah325 · July 2015

dmbfan46835 said:
I am totally with you ladies. I told her I need her to get it or she can't watch him. Period. Her folks haven't had the shot in years as well and will be around him so I said they needed it as well. DH and I are 100% doing this and if she can't get on board, she will have to find a sitter. I started looking already and found someone close to work and for a decent price, and she is going to be absolutely heartbroken. I feel like such a dick because she is taking it personally and trying to send me info that shows that the vaccine does more harm than good. She says she has a weakened immune system and can't have it, but so does my son. What's more important here?? It's so hard to get it thru to her that I am making him the priority and not to take it personal. I would do this to anyone who couldn't take my son's health seriously. BEYOND FRUSTRATED.

Totally understand why you're frustrated but just know that you're already an amazing mom because you're doing the right thing regardless of the hurt feelings or grief you're getting. I know it sucks but I applaud you and your husband. I just wanted you to know that.

wannabeamongoose · July 2015

If she does have a weakened immune system, that helps to explain her insistence and the fact that she's taking it so personally. But in the end it really doesn't matter why she isn't getting the vaccine. It's important to you that your baby is protected and you have to put him first. I'm glad to hear DH is on board.

ElleMF728 · July 2015

Lizlann said:

If she does have a weakened immune system, that helps to explain her insistence and the fact that she's taking it so personally. But in the end it really doesn't matter why she isn't getting the vaccine. It's important to you that your baby is protected and you have to put him first. I'm glad to hear DH is on board.

I thought this too, but then why would she be trying to convince OP and her husband to forgo the vaccine as well? It seems a bit fishy, if she has a genuinely compromised immune system then that is one thing but from your original post it sounds like there is more going on here.

emmy236 · July 2015

Sounds like your MIL is a just lying to get her way. People with truly compromised immune systems are beyond educated in herd immunity and would be advocating for those around them to get vaccinated. Most literature that is anti vaccine is not peer reviewed or accepted medical literature. It's bloggers thinking they know what's best with minimal, if any formal medical training. If grams want to use essential oils and other homeopathic remedies on herself than go ahead. It's your baby and she is being a selfish twat for not doing whatever she can to protect this little human.

adeckard2014 · July 2015

I am having the exact same issue with my in laws. They refused to get the immunization because back in their day nobody got it. However, one of our nephews got whooping cough when he was a baby. You would think that would motivate them to protect their future grandchildren. My parents have gotten their immunizations so they will be the primary caretakers if my husband and I need help. I'm not sorry about it at all.

jenboston22 · July 2015

dmbfan46835 said:

She says she has a weakened immune system and can't have it, but so does my son. What's more important here?? It's so hard to get it thru to her that I am making him the priority and not to take it personal. I would do this to anyone who couldn't take my son's health seriously. BEYOND FRUSTRATED.

Hmmm... this is strange. I have a weakened immune system, too, but the tdap is fine for me to take, as it's a killed virus. The only vaccines I'm not supposed to take are those with live viruses. Sounds like she may be making an excuse?

(On a side note, there are of course people who can't get the vaccine for other reasons, such as allergies or previous adverse reactions, but in this case, her excuse about a weakend immune system doesn't make sense to me.)

shaunnar053 · July 2015

I just wanted to say, I'm very impressed by everyone's replies to this post. I'm sooo happy that the majority of mothers on here are pro vaccine and are so well educated about the subject. It makes me feel a little better about bringing my little man into this crazy world lol.

OP, I agree with everything previous posters have said 110%.

lsmom56 · July 2015

Sounds like you might have dodged a bullet. If her judgment is this far off, do you really want her watching your kid? Who knows what other remedies she might try while you are at work...

dmbfan46835 · July 2015

Man you ladies rock! I feel so validated in my concerns. She's going to do some additional research but I def have a feeling that we will be finding another provider at this point. It shouldn't be this much work to ask her to do this for her first grandchild. I would think his health and safety would be the most important thing.

@emmy236 And I love that you said twat!! Lol!

tlc11934 · July 2015

I didn't even think about others needing the vaccine, aside from myself. This is my 3rd kid and even DH hasn't had the vaccine. The doctor never mentioned it.

shelbydd · July 2015

I'm unable to get the tdap due to allergies (doctor recommended against it) so it's pretty important to me that my husband and the people that will be around baby a lot in the first little bit get vaccinated. No one has complained or refused. My mom and sister will both be here for the first week or two. My mom has already promised to get it and my sister is up-to-date on all of her vaccines because she is a nurse. My husband is getting it as soon as we can get around to it, it'll probably be a couple of weeks due to his crazy work schedule.

CSchoFink · July 2015

I'm sorry, but I don't buy the weakened immune system excuse. I have a weakened immune system as well (I was diagnosed with lupus when I was 15) and because of that, my doctors have always been extra diligent about making sure I have my vaccines. If she has a weakened immune system, she's more susceptible to illness and there's even more reason for her to get the shot. I'm with everyone else (and you)...put your baby first and put someone else in charge of his care unless she changes her mind.

turntopage394 · July 2015

She says the risks are too high for her to get the shot? Tell her the risk of your infant contracting pertussis are too high for you to allow her around him. We don't allow unvaccinated family members to hold our children or be in close contact for an extended period of time. We also don't do things like Chuck E Cheese because you just never know.

booksandcleverness81 · July 2015

My folks said they had the pertussis vaccine when they were kids and weren't sure if they needed the tdap. I'm fairly certain even if you have you should get it as a booster right? Just want to make sure we're squared away. Glad to hear such support, you are absolutely right to put your foot down, she needs to get educated and off her high horse and do what's best for your son!

PregNancyClark · July 2015

Whatever your personal standards and beliefs are, your in laws etc need to respect your choices for your family. They don't have to agree but with stuff like this, it really isn't negotiable. Even if she was right about the vaccine, he isn't her baby. Thirty years ago, the medical system may have told her some important steps to take with her son that her aging parents felt were totally unnecessary or harmful... I'm sure she listened to the modern wisdom of that time instead of her own parents. She's just not thinking about this from your perspective.
Our parents don't agree with everything we do either. But they mostly keep their opinions to themselves and show respect to our authority in these kinds of decisions as the parents. That's all you can ask.

CaboBride2015 · July 2015

booksandcleverness81 said:
My folks said they had the pertussis vaccine when they were kids and weren't sure if they needed the tdap. I'm fairly certain even if you have you should get it as a booster right? Just want to make sure we're squared away. Glad to hear such support, you are absolutely right to put your foot down, she needs to get educated and off her high horse and do what's best for your son!

They need a booster.

tpally6212 · July 2015

shaunnar053 said:
I just wanted to say, I'm very impressed by everyone's replies to this post. I'm sooo happy that the majority of mothers on here are pro vaccine and are so well educated about the subject. It makes me feel a little better about bringing my little man into this crazy world lol.

OP, I agree with everything previous posters have said 110%.

Agreed! I got mine a few weeks ago and DH is getting it soon but I made it very clear to my family that they all had to get the vaccine. My friends husband had pertussis two years ago and it took almost a year to go away, I can't imagine a tiny baby contracting it. I know it's your MIL but do not let this go!

ForeverEverAfter · July 2015

You can also check local stats on pertussis to back up your argument. Where we lived with #1 (Newfoundland) there were no cases locally, so I didn't make hubby or parents get their boosters. Where we are now it exists, but isn't common. DH is getting his booster, but my dr said she doesn't give them in pregnancy because it's a low risk area.

LoveLee85 · July 2015

Okay...did I miss something? I have NEVER heard of getting the tdap shot or no access to a baby should happen??? I got it in fall of 2013 when I went back to college. But I know for a fact it's been over a decade since my DH had it.....and who only know how many centuries it's been since our parents have had it????? Why do I not know this??

LoveLee85 · July 2015

tlc11934 said:
I didn't even think about others needing the vaccine, aside from myself. This is my 3rd kid and even DH hasn't had the vaccine. The doctor never mentioned it.

This!! How did everyone know about this. Wow. Something this serious and I had NO idea. Feel like a bad mommy already.

jabeauty90 · July 2015

This is my third as well and I've never been told I should get it. I haven't had shots since I was probably 10.

turntopage394 · July 2015

Where I live, public service announcements are everywhere in the form of print, television commercials, and billboards.

hatchback4g · July 2015

In my area we've had several cases of whooping cough, it is definetely making a comeback so for me this was was something I wasn't willing to give on. If people wanted to spend any significant amount of time with baby they are going to have to get the shot. When I first told my mom she looked at me like I was crazy but in the end she got the shot. Hopefully if you stand your ground your MIL will come around but it's definetely not something I would give in on especially in my area with all the cases popping up.

jwebbbber45678 · July 2015

There is risk involved in everything we do, but by performing a simple cost-benefit analysis, one should realize that the benefits of the vaccine far outweigh the rare possibility of risk in a vaccine. Ask your mother in law if she drives a car despite the fact that there are inherent risks in doing so. And then perhaps you could remind her that far more people die or are injured in car accidents than are adversely affected by vaccinations. There really is no logical or scientific argument against the vaccine. You could also remind her that because infants lack the ability to cough like adults, if they acquire the disease before three months of age they are likely to die from it. It seems to me that the biggest risk lies in not getting the vaccine.

karend2014 · July 2015

@LoveLee85 - I'm with you - I've never heard of this either and I am a STM!

LoveLee85 · July 2015

karend2014 said:
@LoveLee85 - I'm with you - I've never heard of this either and I am a STM!

It has me a little spooked, not going to lie! I'm bringing it up at my next appointment in two weeks! I had it in fall of 2013 for college BUT I know my DH hasn't had it since entering HS and he's in his 30's now.

squigles28 · July 2015

Keep in mind too this is a newer recommendation based on an uptick of pertussis. I'd say last five years. Don't feel like bad mommies. It's just we've seen more cases because the immunity didn't last from previous shots like expected

rachelkawesome · July 2015

Yes, this has only been a recommendation since 2011. Don't feel like a bad mom!

dmbfan46835 · July 2015

I hadn't really thought about it either. I have seen the commercials and billboards locally saying no shot, no kisses, but hadn't really thought about how it impacted us so soon. Then at my birthing class they brought it up and said anyone with significant contact must have the shot or a booster. So I asked my OB at the next appointment and she also said absolutely no contact with our baby if you aren't vaccinated. SIL and BIL are doing it and FIL said he would but then said he was on the fence after my MIL made such a big fuss. She is now supposedly meeting with her doctors and getting more information. But these doctors are not your run of the mill docs, they are holistic and specialize in alternative medicine, so I imagine they will tell her she can treat herself with sunshine and organic unicorn booger juice and all wil be well.

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