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October 2015 Moms
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UPDATE hospital rule: only female overnight visitors :\

danixbanani24danixbanani24 member
edited July 2015 in October 2015 Moms
Well, it seems like I started a lively discussion here! First things first, I want to clarify a few things. My hospital isn't that cruel to not allow dads or SO's that are male to stay overnight if mom is laboring or delivering. DH will be with me in L&D and the recovery regardless of time until our little boy is here. The rule I'm referring to is for the MATERNITY floor where you go after giving birth and recovering, which I should've specified but I think most people understood. My reasons for being upset we're mostly because I was worried if baby was born at 5pm will they make my DH leave at 9? If something horrible goes wrong, will they still make him leave? Also, my DH himself was very upset about all this as well....he wants to be there for his family and I think he has every right to be there. That being said I have since spoken to several of my local NYC mommy friends as well as my doctor and they have all assured me that this is pretty common place. At first I thought it was due to the religious affiliation but it isn't. Most NYC hospitals don't have a lot of private rooms available and the double rooms are not huge. I live in a city with 9 million people so I get that hospitals are crowded! My doctor assured me that God forbid something goes wrong, they won't kick my husband out. Chances are if everything is pretty smooth, I will be telling DH to go home and get some rest while he can. There is also allowed time for bonding regardless of when baby is born ( like if he's born at 1am they aren't making hubby leave!) and most SOs stay very late and come back very early. So I feel better and I thank all of you for being supportive and it's been so interesting to read everyone's different experiences!
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Re: UPDATE hospital rule: only female overnight visitors :\

  • kwaz01kwaz01 member
    Wow! I can't believe this.
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  • amberrmariee20amberrmariee20 member
    Wow that's crazy, were aloud to have whoever we want stay with us in the room !
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  • bgriestbgriest member
    Wow! I feel like that's almost treating the patients like a child! I would be very upset too. If you love your doctor and the hospital otherwise do the pros out weigh the cons? Is he planning on staying at the hospital with you?

    I originally thought my fiancé would stay overnight with me but he recently informed me of his plans to go home to sleep unless I'm sick or not doing well and need his help. We live about 20 minutes from the hospital and have 2 cats, a guinea pig and fish that need to be taken care of so he plans to sleep at home to be able to feed them. All our family lives 30-40 mins from us.
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  • rue:Drue:D member
    I find this ridiculous. I could understand no male overnight visitors EXCEPT for husbands/partners...but not even them? Seems ridiculous to ask a new mom to kick her husband out - when I wouldn't be surprised if all the moms want their husbands to be there!
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  • ChariZaeChariZae member
    Wow. Sorry to hear that. I really appreciated having DH with me. I'd never been in a hospital overnight prior to my first, so it was comforting having him there. Plus, it was special sharing the entire experience together. Even though this is only one downside, it seems pretty significant. It would be inconvenient to switch, but it may be worth it to you and your DH. Good luck with making a final decision about this.
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  • jenn2132jenn2132 member
    This happened to me with my first baby. The hospital we delivered at did not provide private rooms so my husband was not allowed to stay the night unless I didn't get a roommate which of course is hard to predict. The hospital was 45 min away from home and I didn't want DH awoken in the middle of the night to be booted to the car (it was December) or the waiting room so I told him to go home. I was all alone with my first baby, stitches and gushing blood and really needed him there. I was even more angry when they never ended up giving me a roommate! Luckily it was only one night and I went home first thing the following morning but it was a sucky situation. This time we are delivering at a hospital with private rooms so hubby is staying put!
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  • Sbrouwer0706Sbrouwer0706 member
    I have never heard of a hospital doing that! I would be upset as well. I'm sorry you're in this situation! I would be having my husband stay until the last minute he could and come back the second he was allowed. 
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  • tate62610tate62610 member
    That would absolutely bother my husband and me.  Personally, that would be enough to make me switch.  I'm sorry you're even having to deal with this right now.  How frustrating!
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  • millette2015millette2015 member
    That's so shocking and backwards to me! I hope that you are able to work something out with your OB and deliver elsewhere. Good luck :)
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  • cmjn94cmjn94 member
    That would piss me off! My husband made this baby too and he sure as h*ll is staying with me and OUR baby in the hospital!
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  • carlymarie021carlymarie021 member
    Very silly for sure. But if u truly are happy with your doctor then I would just spend the night and if u don't want to be alone ask a female friend or family member. I wonder how much a private room may cost? Maybe then they would allow your husband to stay ? I know a bit about the orthodox Jewish faith and women are very much respected and put first. So it does make sense when I hear this. Women have one day a week (usually) where they do not have to clean or take care of children. Not sure if that is in all communities. I hope your stay is comfortable and a good experience !! Ask about the private room rules and cost worth a try. Good luck !
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  • leighann1leighann1 member
    Wait... do you have to labor in a room with another patient? Or is this the recovery room? I'm not sure how that works because my hospital has a single private room for labor, delivery, and recovery. Unfortunately, older hospitals are still often stuck with double rooms. But that does seem ridiculous. 

    I'm guessing you've checked to see if your doctor has privileges at other hospitals? 
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  • xlipservicexxlipservicex member
    Most hospitals here don't allow husbands to stay overnight as they don't have the space to accommodate them. Luckily we got into the newly designed hospital and they have a bed for him. But until it was built it was common practice in our city.
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  • danixbanani24danixbanani24 member
    leighann1 said:

    Wait... do you have to labor in a room with another patient? Or is this the recovery room? I'm not sure how that works because my hospital has a single private room for labor, delivery, and recovery. Unfortunately, older hospitals are still often stuck with double rooms. But that does seem ridiculous. 


    I'm guessing you've checked to see if your doctor has privileges at other hospitals? 
    Yes this is the recovery room. The delivery rooms are private thankfully. My doctor doesn't have privelages at other hospitals according to her website but I'll talk to her at my appt.
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  • KristyhanaKristyhana member
    When I had my daughter I had to room with another lady (recovery not labor) and we couldn't have overnight visitors either. Male or female there was no room for anyone else. I didn't think it was a big deal. I just wanted to get any kind of sleep I could with 2 screaming babies in the same room it wasn't easy.
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  • tulegrl14tulegrl14 member
    My hospital has maternity suites so rooms are private and vistor hours are unlimited so hubby can come and go whenever and stay the night in the room on a pull out bed. I couldn't even imagine not having him there.
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  • dparker721dparker721 member
    tate62610 said:

    That would absolutely bother my husband and me.  Personally, that would be enough to make me switch.  I'm sorry you're even having to deal with this right now.  How frustrating!

    This would be enough to make me switch too. In fact, I didnt realize that not allowing men to stay was even an option in places. I know there are women who stay there alone, as some have mentioned, but y'all are stronger than I am. I admit, I'm a wimp.
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  • JaqiDec04JaqiDec04 member
    What about if you end up in a c section? I wasn't able to get out of bed for nearly 12 hours after mine. If they left me alone in my room with DD, it would have been horrible.

    Have you asked how long you get to stay in the delivery room?

    Most hospitals here, let you stay in your delivery room for approximately 12 hours after birth before moving you into a recovery room.

    So depending on when you give birth, and how long they'll let you stay, it may be a mute point.

    However, this is enough to make me switch hospitals. Private rooms are a must. I am not sharing a room with another mother and infant in recovery.

    I HATED being in the hospital 72 hours after my c section. There were nurses to check me, nurses to check on DD and nurses to check on other things. They came in every 20 minutes, one at a time, all night long. I was begging to go home within 36 hours.

    I can't imagine doubling that with another mother in the room.
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  • Wigglesx2Wigglesx2 member
    Wow! I'm going to my doctor tomorrow and definitely checking the hospital he delivers at to make sure this isn't the case here. That just seems ridiculous to not let him stay. I can see not providing him a bed or meals but this seems unfair.
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  • ameares721ameares721 member
    I don't think I could stand for my husband to leave me at the hospital. We only live a few minutes away, but I would be an emotional wreck!
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  • danixbanani24danixbanani24 member
    JaqiDec04 said:

    What about if you end up in a c section? I wasn't able to get out of bed for nearly 12 hours after mine. If they left me alone in my room with DD, it would have been horrible.

    Have you asked how long you get to stay in the delivery room?

    Most hospitals here, let you stay in your delivery room for approximately 12 hours after birth before moving you into a recovery room.

    So depending on when you give birth, and how long they'll let you stay, it may be a mute point.

    However, this is enough to make me switch hospitals. Private rooms are a must. I am not sharing a room with another mother and infant in recovery.

    I HATED being in the hospital 72 hours after my c section. There were nurses to check me, nurses to check on DD and nurses to check on other things. They came in every 20 minutes, one at a time, all night long. I was begging to go home within 36 hours.

    I can't imagine doubling that with another mother in the room.

    We stay one hour in the delivery room for skin to skin bonding. That's it. I'm still very upset and I'm going to ask my doctor if I can deliver elsewhere when I see her tomorrow. If not, I think I will look into switching doctors I'm just unsure if a doctor will even take me now! Ugh so upsetting.
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  • Krysta6Krysta6 member
    I would absolutely hate this and I'm sorry you are only finding it out now! I went to visit my friend 24 hours after giving birth and I just don't know how a woman is expected to not have their husband there. She said every muscle in her body was sore so my thought is how are we going to be that exhausted and care for a baby? She said her SO was the primary caregiver in the hospital and would hand the lo to her for feedings. I'm sure everyone is different but this would definitely be a deal breaker for me. I've never stayed overnight in a hospital so I definitely don't want to be alone.

    Good Luck with talking to your doctor! Let us know how it goes and what you decide!
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  • LiveNLove44LiveNLove44 member
    I'm sorry! :( That sounds so frustrating. I haven't heard of this before, but I can see why it's a rule for some places. It would have been nice to know that information sooner! I definitely wanted DH there with me when I had DD, but this time around I think he'll only stay the first night. Since we have DD at home, I'd rather him be with her and then come to visit. It's different with the first, and everything is so new. Hopefully you can get some more information very soon so you can make the best decision for you and your H. 
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  • tate62610tate62610 member
    A new doctor will totally take you! For me, having my husband there is so important. I was a wreck after DD and had a c-section so he had to do basically everything for me, including all baby diaper changes until I could get out of bed "on my own" (I still needed his help). He's my rock.
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  • kelsojohnsokelsojohnso member
    That's really lame I'm sorry :(
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  • rfigurasmithrfigurasmith member
    Can you share what hospital this is?
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  • Rachel623Rachel623 member
    Ask your doctor about how many rooms they have vs how many are typically in use. My hospital has double rooms also but it normally works out where your SO can slept in the extra bed. It's extremely rare to have to share. If the other bed is empty, can your husband stay?

    I have security concerns because of my job so they put me on some private list where they won't confirm I'm there, put baby on the website, etc. Because of this I also didn't have to share a room and it was so nice because DH got the extra bed.

    Maybe if you tell the nurses why you need your husband there and are really nice, they'll bump you to the bottom of the list for sharing. I doubt every single bed is in use ever.
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  • SarahAnne1101SarahAnne1101 member
    That's crazy. I can't believe that they expect your husband to just leave you and baby! So unfair. It would be a deal breaker for me. I know my husband probably won't stay the whole time, since we have 2 at home, but I want him there are least the first night. And my mom will stay with me any nights DH doesn't. If a mama didn't have a close mom or someone what do they expect them to do? And how do they expect you to recover with a stranger in the room with a baby crying and on a different schedule than yours. That sounds like the most miserable recovery ever... I would be gone in a heartbeat
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  • jenspeakejenspeake member
    I'm so sorry you have to go through this and find this out so late in the pregnancy.  I know DH would be upset if he couldn't stay all night with me and the baby.  I cannot imagine him wanting to leave us.  I'm hoping everything works out and maybe your doctor can give you some insider information.  Maybe at the tour they tell you certain things to expect but when it comes down to it maybe they've made exceptions in the past.  Or that you luck out, have no roomie so your SO can stay!
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  • comlandcomland member
    That does seem a little ridiculous. Is there any sort of option to get a private room? The hospital here has all private recovery rooms with queen beds so DH or SO can stay and sleep. If they are really full, some of the recovery rooms only have a single bed but DH/SO can still stay around the clock - they might just be sleeping in a chair.
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  • SarahAnne1101SarahAnne1101 member
    Mamas- I keep seeing that a ot of your hospitals have double beds or queen sized beds in the postpartum rooms so Dh can stay.... I have never seen this anywhere! Is that the norm else where and GA is just way behind??? We were excited tat at our hospital the small loveseat pulled out into a twin bed for him, instead of just a recliner like we had seen at other hospitals. 

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  • midge519midge519 member
    SarahAnne1101 said:

    Mamas- I keep seeing that a ot of your hospitals have double beds or queen sized beds in the postpartum rooms so Dh can stay.... I have never seen this anywhere! Is that the norm else where and GA is just way behind??? We were excited tat at our hospital the small loveseat pulled out into a twin bed for him, instead of just a recliner like we had seen at other hospitals. 


    Ours has a chair that turns into a bed for someone to stay. Or I believe you can get a cot as well. The hospital I'm delivering at also does labor delivery and recovery all in one room. The one I had my daughter at does labor and delivery in one and recovery in another. Until I had her I never realized people change rooms after birth.

    To the OP that would be a deal breaker for us. My SO and I would both be devastated if he wasn't allowed to stay and help.
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  • SarahAnne1101SarahAnne1101 member
    @midge519 - So glad I wasn't the only one thinking that. I couldn't imagine trying to share a bed with him right after. The idea of him bumping my belly or breasts... And the bleeding. It seems like a disaster waiting to happen.
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  • sarahakabmgsarahakabmg member
    SarahAnne1101 said:
    Mamas- I keep seeing that a ot of your hospitals have double beds or queen sized beds in the postpartum rooms so Dh can stay.... I have never seen this anywhere! Is that the norm else where and GA is just way behind??? We were excited tat at our hospital the small loveseat pulled out into a twin bed for him, instead of just a recliner like we had seen at other hospitals. 

    My hospital isn't really super new, but they did build labor and delivery most recently. I really feel like I'm going to the nicest hotel/spa more so when I get there... I was joking with my husband this morning that I should ask if the other rooms in the hospital are as nice or if I can only get a room like that if I get pregnant again(we only want one child). They don't have nursery(they do have a NICU though), so there are probably for some people "disadvantages" to the double bed. But it's just getting you used to what it'll be like when you get home. Suggesting your husband change diapers, do most of the bath, while you just take care of feedings and yourself. I don't think the labor room is really big enough for my husband to get a bed/comfy chair of any sort so he'll probably be just as tired and ready for some sleep as me. For c-sections the rooms they have a pull out bed, but I was told the cot is more comfortable than even that.
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  • CCasey2015CCasey2015 member
    knottymomma said:

    Why do they wait till the hospital tour to tell you? The OB should have mentioned it before this point just as a courtesy to you and your husband. Not everyone does the hospital tours.

    I thought the exact samething. Imagine if OP didn't do the tour & found out this info on delivery day. Talk about I would be sick!!!!!! :(

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  • KristyhanaKristyhana member
    I'm sure this is an UO but I just don't understand how this is such a big deal to all of you. You can't spend 8 hours at night without your DH? I was a young FTM with my daughter and I could still take care of myself and her and I couldn't even get out of the bed by myself. The nurses help with the baby too it's not like you're totally on your own there. If this is your biggest worry then you guys have something coming when you're totally on your own at home.
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