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satindawl83 · July 2015

taysun said:

satindawl83 said:

brandolph07 said:
Yes and I am sorry that I posted it. Truly. I recognize that this is an online forum and not a support group. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and that's fine. I have no intention of using this as a source of support.
Don't feel bad. It's a support group when the "mean girls" want to support someone and for everyone else, it's an online forum. Double-standard that I've seen here often.

I was warned by others not to use The Bump because of things like this, but I still find value in posts from some of the other users. Stay awhile, even if you don't choose to post.

Btw...I thought the "mean girls" were starting a Facebook page to leave us other minions behind. Is that still happening or....????

Just because you think we're mean doesn't mean we are. We offer information and education to those who need it. Most often we are extremely polite. It is those of you who don't like what we have to say who suddenly decided providing facts is "mean". When we don't like what you have to say we never thrown around "mean" or "bully".

"Mean girl" in quotes regarding the perception of some users to a select group of users. I didn't call anyone mean, I just think it's sad.

The whole "know your audience" argument, is ridiculous too. This is a forum of pregnant women.

taysun · July 2015

brandolph07 said:
How is it possible to provide facts when it comes to how someone is feeling since we all experience that differently? That seems to be implying that you are experts. Again you all are entitled to your own opinion. But I think it's a stretch to say you are providing facts .

It is very easy to provide facts. Maybe not for your particular post, but many others. When people ask if certain symptoms are normal we give educated information that is widely regarded as fact, and then usually suggest they call a doctor because very few of us are actually in the medical profession.

adecembermom2015 · July 2015

brandolph07 said:
How is it possible to provide facts when it comes to how someone is feeling since we all experience that differently? That seems to be implying that you are experts. Again you all are entitled to your own opinion. But I think it's a stretch to say you are providing facts .

You are definitely entitled to your feelings. This was your very first post. Sometimes if you want support it's important to offer some too. Take a penny, leave a penny type of deal.

I really tried to be kind and congratulatory. I'm sorry your post didn't go over well. I really wish you a happy, healthy pregnancy and I hope that baby boy brings you tons of joy.

Mother0fDragons · July 2015

satindawl83 said:

Yes and I am sorry that I posted it. Truly. I recognize that this is an online forum and not a support group. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and that's fine. I have no intention of using this as a source of support.
Don't feel bad. It's a support group when the "mean girls" want to support someone and for everyone else, it's an online forum. Double-standard that I've seen here often. I was warned by others not to use The Bump because of things like this, but I still find value in posts from some of the other users. Stay awhile, even if you don't choose to post. Btw...I thought the "mean girls" were starting a Facebook page to leave us other minions behind. Is that still happening or....????
Just because you think we're mean doesn't mean we are. We offer information and education to those who need it. Most often we are extremely polite. It is those of you who don't like what we have to say who suddenly decided providing facts is "mean". When we don't like what you have to say we never thrown around "mean" or "bully".
"Mean girl" in quotes regarding the perception of some users to a select group of users. I didn't call anyone mean, I just think it's sad. The whole "know your audience" argument, is ridiculous too. This is a forum of pregnant women.

It is a forum made up of pregnant women. But some of us have had losses and/or it took a LONG time for others to become pregnant, so when someone gets upset that LO isn't the "preferred sex" it comes off as ungrateful.

brandolph07 · July 2015

So what you are saying is, as long as I post something about a symptom I am having, that is acceptable because then you can provide facts. But if I am experiencing an obviously controversial feeling I should just keep that to myself...or use the search function.

brandolph07 · July 2015

I believe that I mentioned more than once that I am not ungrateful and i feel blessed. How do you know that I have not experienced some of the very same "losses" you keep referring to?

caitlyn5454 · July 2015

satindawl83 said:

Yes and I am sorry that I posted it. Truly. I recognize that this is an online forum and not a support group. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and that's fine. I have no intention of using this as a source of support.
Don't feel bad. It's a support group when the "mean girls" want to support someone and for everyone else, it's an online forum. Double-standard that I've seen here often. I was warned by others not to use The Bump because of things like this, but I still find value in posts from some of the other users. Stay awhile, even if you don't choose to post. Btw...I thought the "mean girls" were starting a Facebook page to leave us other minions behind. Is that still happening or....????
Just because you think we're mean doesn't mean we are. We offer information and education to those who need it. Most often we are extremely polite. It is those of you who don't like what we have to say who suddenly decided providing facts is "mean". When we don't like what you have to say we never thrown around "mean" or "bully".
"Mean girl" in quotes regarding the perception of some users to a select group of users. I didn't call anyone mean, I just think it's sad. The whole "know your audience" argument, is ridiculous too. This is a forum of pregnant women.

How is the "know your audience" argument ridiculous? As far as I can see, a solid 60%, if not more, of the pregnant women on this particular board have experienced at least one miscarriage. There are also many of us who have fertility problems. All of us just want a healthy pregnancy that results in a healthy baby, regardless of the sex. I would say from our opinion ('our' being the women I mentioned), for anyone to come into this forum and make their first post one that says they're disappointed in the sex of their baby is what's ridiculous.

To OP: as long as you recognize that this feeling of disappointment will pass, and that you will come to love your new baby just as much as you would a girl, you'll be okay. It's a common feeling (but as a doctor can probably tell you, not a normal pregancy feeling). If it doesn't pass, I would recommend talking about it with your SO, friends, family, or even seeing a therapist. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy!

satindawl83 · July 2015

Mother0fDragons said:

satindawl83 said:

taysun said:

satindawl83 said:

brandolph07 said:
Yes and I am sorry that I posted it. Truly. I recognize that this is an online forum and not a support group. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and that's fine. I have no intention of using this as a source of support.
Don't feel bad. It's a support group when the "mean girls" want to support someone and for everyone else, it's an online forum. Double-standard that I've seen here often.

I was warned by others not to use The Bump because of things like this, but I still find value in posts from some of the other users. Stay awhile, even if you don't choose to post.

Btw...I thought the "mean girls" were starting a Facebook page to leave us other minions behind. Is that still happening or....????

Just because you think we're mean doesn't mean we are. We offer information and education to those who need it. Most often we are extremely polite. It is those of you who don't like what we have to say who suddenly decided providing facts is "mean". When we don't like what you have to say we never thrown around "mean" or "bully".
"Mean girl" in quotes regarding the perception of some users to a select group of users. I didn't call anyone mean, I just think it's sad.

The whole "know your audience" argument, is ridiculous too. This is a forum of pregnant women.

It is a forum made up of pregnant women. But some of us have had losses and/or it took a LONG time for others to become pregnant, so when someone gets upset that LO isn't the "preferred sex" it comes off as ungrateful.

And some of us haven't! That's the point.

Why does one groups experience trump the others when it comes to what someone can post?

So for the powers that be at The Bump, what I'm hearing is that each BMB should have two versions. One of women who have experienced a loss, and one for those who haven't. Problem solved.

taysun · July 2015

brandolph07 said:
So what you are saying is, as long as I post something about a symptom I am having, that is acceptable because then you can provide facts. But if I am experiencing an obviously controversial feeling I should just keep that to myself...or use the search function.

You can post whatever you like, within term of use. However this means others can reply however they like. Personally I don't care if someone is disappointed in the sex of their baby. But many women, particularly those struggling with infertility or multiple miscarriages, find sex disappointment seriously offensive. If God forbid I was disappointed, I'd call my mother or my best friend and then move on and get over it. Not post it here.

rmj28 · July 2015

Mother0fDragons said:

satindawl83 said:

taysun said:

satindawl83 said:

brandolph07 said:
Yes and I am sorry that I posted it. Truly. I recognize that this is an online forum and not a support group. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and that's fine. I have no intention of using this as a source of support.
Don't feel bad. It's a support group when the "mean girls" want to support someone and for everyone else, it's an online forum. Double-standard that I've seen here often.

I was warned by others not to use The Bump because of things like this, but I still find value in posts from some of the other users. Stay awhile, even if you don't choose to post.

Btw...I thought the "mean girls" were starting a Facebook page to leave us other minions behind. Is that still happening or....????

Just because you think we're mean doesn't mean we are. We offer information and education to those who need it. Most often we are extremely polite. It is those of you who don't like what we have to say who suddenly decided providing facts is "mean". When we don't like what you have to say we never thrown around "mean" or "bully".
"Mean girl" in quotes regarding the perception of some users to a select group of users. I didn't call anyone mean, I just think it's sad.

The whole "know your audience" argument, is ridiculous too. This is a forum of pregnant women.

It is a forum made up of pregnant women. But some of us have had losses and/or it took a LONG time for others to become pregnant, so when someone gets upset that LO isn't the "preferred sex" it comes off as ungrateful.

Eta: quote fail. ------------------

I didn't choose a child with Down syndrome and you'd be hard pressed to find a time I was disappointed after his diagnosis a few weeks ago. Not a single moment.
Just my two cents.

adecembermom2015 · July 2015

@satindawl83 that's a pretty ridiculous suggestion. I've never experienced a loss, but I'm extremely sensitive towards that subject. Some of the girls I love the most and who have the best advice have experienced loss. That's extremely insensitive of you to make that suggestion, whether it was a joke or not.

rmj28 · July 2015

magburt said:
@satindawl83 that's a pretty ridiculous suggestion. I've never experienced a loss, but I'm extremely sensitive towards that subject. Some of the girls I love the most and who have the best advice have experienced loss. That's extremely insensitive of you to make that suggestion, whether it was a joke or not.

satindawl83 · July 2015

magburt said:
@satindawl83 that's a pretty ridiculous suggestion. I've never experienced a loss, but I'm extremely sensitive towards that subject. Some of the girls I love the most and who have the best advice have experienced loss. That's extremely insensitive of you to make that suggestion, whether it was a joke or not.

No crap...I'm trying to underscore how ridiculous this argument is that women who haven't experienced a loss can't have opinions.

hplunkett2883 · July 2015

brandolph07 · July 2015

I sincerely believe that this comes down to a difference of opinion. We will never all agree on the same thing. And that's ok. I choose not to be affected by what has been said negatively. I know that I am entitled to feel the way that I do. The slight disappointment will pass. For those who have provided well wishes and congratulations, thank you and I wish the same to you.

adecembermom2015 · July 2015

satindawl83 said:

magburt said:
@satindawl83 that's a pretty ridiculous suggestion. I've never experienced a loss, but I'm extremely sensitive towards that subject. Some of the girls I love the most and who have the best advice have experienced loss. That's extremely insensitive of you to make that suggestion, whether it was a joke or not.
No crap...I'm trying to underscore how ridiculous this argument is that women who haven't experienced a loss can't have opinions.

Again, I haven't experienced a loss but this kind of post stirs up a lot of emotions. People are desperate for healthy babies. It's hard to read multiple threads about disappointed moms with healthy babies.

SomedayInMyArms · July 2015

@satindawl83 I have to agree with PP that you gave a poor suggestion. I have had 5 miscarriages and struggled for 2 years to finally make it to 21 weeks with a healthy pregnancy. You are basically saying my opinions and suggestions do not apply unless I am giving them to others that have experienced a loss.

OP I hope you are able to find joy with the sex of your healthy baby soon. I am also having a boy and although this will be my first child he will be my only one. So I will not have a girl either. DH and I experienced a lot to get here and I am just thankful to finally be having an uncomplicated pregnancy where baby is healthy and growing.

caitlyn5454 · July 2015

satindawl83 said:

@satindawl83 that's a pretty ridiculous suggestion. I've never experienced a loss, but I'm extremely sensitive towards that subject. Some of the girls I love the most and who have the best advice have experienced loss. That's extremely insensitive of you to make that suggestion, whether it was a joke or not.
No crap...I'm trying to underscore how ridiculous this argument is that women who haven't experienced a loss can't have opinions.

So by saying that there should be two versions of each BMB, you're saying that women who have experienced a loss can't have opinions. Gotcha.

However, for what it's worth, nobody said those who haven't can't have an opinion. It's ridiculous to assume that making a post about being disappointed in the sex won't come with some form of backlash on a forum full of pregnant women.

adecembermom2015 · July 2015

SomedayInMyArms said:
@satindawl83 I have to agree with PP that you gave a poor suggestion. I have had 5 miscarriages and struggled for 2 years to finally make it to 21 weeks with a healthy pregnancy. You are basically saying my opinions and suggestions do not apply unless I am giving them to others that have experienced a loss.

OP I hope you are able to find joy with the sex of your healthy baby soon. I am also having a boy and although this will be my first child he will be my only one. So I will not have a girl either. DH and I experienced a lot to get here and I am just thankful to finally be having an uncomplicated pregnancy where baby is healthy and growing.

I'm so happy for you!!! I can't imagine all the heart ache you've suffered. So happy for your rainbow baby. ❤️

satindawl83 · July 2015

SomedayInMyArms said:
@satindawl83 I have to agree with PP that you gave a poor suggestion. I have had 5 miscarriages and struggled for 2 years to finally make it to 21 weeks with a healthy pregnancy. You are basically saying my opinions and suggestions do not apply unless I am giving them to others that have experienced a loss.

OP I hope you are able to find joy with the sex of your healthy baby soon. I am also having a boy and although this will be my first child he will be my only one. So I will not have a girl either. DH and I experienced a lot to get here and I am just thankful to finally be having an uncomplicated pregnancy where baby is healthy and growing.

I'm not saying that at all. I'm saying that I've seen too many women here get their throat jumped down because they have a feeling that other women don't think it's valid, or that some women think pregnancy is "kittens and rainbows. "

Let's face it. The board is divided, as is.

tmo51324 · July 2015

Hi I felt exactly the same with my third. We had decided that it would be our last and when we found out it was a third boy I felt such an overwhelming sadness that I would never have a daughter. I had a cry for a couple of days and then got on with things. I now have 3 amazing little boys who really are the best of friends. They are all real loving mummy's boys and I honestly couldn't imagine not having my littlest little man! We decided to have one more and I'm not even going to find out this time, I think I'm destined to have a house full of cars and lego etc etc! And that's fine xxx

mowelt · July 2015

Congratulations on your baby boy! I think it's a blessing that you will have 3 boys. My DH is the oldest of 3 boys and my MIL hoped for a girl for her third too, and was slightly disappointed when she found out she was never going to have a girl. She always said that she wished she had a girl but loves her 3 boys and always has them as her "protectors". She is definitely spoiled with her boys. Because she only had boys my MIL and I are very close which I love as well. My DH loves having 2 brothers and are all very close as well, they have similar interests. I think it's normal to feel disappointed at first but there are a lot of positives to having 3 boys.

brandolph07 · July 2015

tmo51324 said:
Hi I felt exactly the same with my third. We had decided that it would be our last and when we found out it was a third boy I felt such an overwhelming sadness that I would never have a daughter. I had a cry for a couple of days and then got on with things. I now have 3 amazing little boys who really are the best of friends. They are all real loving mummy's boys and I honestly couldn't imagine not having my littlest little man! We decided to have one more and I'm not even going to find out this time, I think I'm destined to have a house full of cars and lego etc etc! And that's fine xxx

This is helpful. It makes me feel like I am not this vicious ungrateful human being! I believe that I am beginning to come to terms with the cars and Legos in this house too!! Thank you tmo51324!!

MegStark · July 2015

Holy sh*t. This escalated quickly. Can we move on from OPs post? I'm sure she didn't realize it would turn into a ridiculous "let's split our board into 2 groups; people who have and have not experienced loss. Seriously SatanDoll? Seriously? Get outta here with that.

hplunkett2883 · July 2015

If the newbies would spend the 3 days lurking on the boards as recommended by The Bump Admin this could fix a lot of the problems. There is a sticky at the top saying "Please use the search feature". And if they were to lurk they would see what is controversial, not just this BMB but all the BMB's. There are certain topics that generate certain responses. If the newbie's fail to use their 3 days to lurk then they set themselves up for reactions like these especially when their very first post is such a controversy. The OP was warned in like the first 3 responses about this subject. OP I'm sure you didn't mean to offend anyone. And most of these posts now aren't directly aimed at you, but more of the ones who have been here for a while and continue to try and be the WK.

satindawl83 · July 2015

MegStark said:
Holy sh*t. This escalated quickly.

Can we move on from OPs post? I'm sure she didn't realize it would turn into a ridiculous "let's split our board into 2 groups; people who have and have not experienced loss. Seriously SatanDoll? Seriously? Get outta here with that.

Ha. I'm considering the source on this comment. Satan vs satin, dear.

And I'll stay. Thanks.

MegStark · July 2015

satindawl83 said:

Holy sh*t. This escalated quickly. Can we move on from OPs post? I'm sure she didn't realize it would turn into a ridiculous "let's split our board into 2 groups; people who have and have not experienced loss. Seriously SatanDoll? Seriously? Get outta here with that.
Ha. I'm considering the source on this comment. Satan vs satin, dear. And I'll stay. Thanks.

Yeah, I wrote "Satan" on purpose, dear.

Do as you wish. I was simply suggesting you move out of the group, just as you suggested the "mean girls" do.

adecembermom2015 · July 2015

satindawl83 said:

MegStark said:
Holy sh*t. This escalated quickly.

Can we move on from OPs post? I'm sure she didn't realize it would turn into a ridiculous "let's split our board into 2 groups; people who have and have not experienced loss. Seriously SatanDoll? Seriously? Get outta here with that.
Ha. I'm considering the source on this comment. Satan vs satin, dear.

And I'll stay. Thanks.

I think it was intentional. Play on words.

satindawl83 · July 2015

MegStark said:

satindawl83 said:

MegStark said:
Holy sh*t. This escalated quickly.

Can we move on from OPs post? I'm sure she didn't realize it would turn into a ridiculous "let's split our board into 2 groups; people who have and have not experienced loss. Seriously SatanDoll? Seriously? Get outta here with that.
Ha. I'm considering the source on this comment. Satan vs satin, dear.

And I'll stay. Thanks.

Yeah, I wrote "Satan" on purpose, dear.

Do as you wish. I was simply suggesting you move out of the group, just as you suggested the "mean girls" do.

You're clever.

The "mean girls" said they were moving themselves and then continue to make these comments.

Not apologizing for my opinion or support of certain users.

MegStark · July 2015

It was just a suggestion. Not asking you to apologize for anything. Also not sure of who you're "supporting" with your nonsense.

Anyway, carry on.

hplunkett2883 · July 2015

I'm calling it!!! It's gonna be SHUT DOOOOWWWNNN! Gif party anyone?

rmj28 · July 2015

caitlyn5454 · July 2015

kristen2b · July 2015

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard..

SomedayInMyArms · July 2015

@satindawl83 You may have not intended for your post to read the way it did or you just wanted to make a point, but it was still poorly stated. I think the post implied women who have experienced a loss cannot sympathize with women that have not which is anything but true.

I'm usually more of a lurker, but I do post every once and awhile. I have also been active on the board since finding out around 4 weeks. I have to say the girls that have been labeled "mean" are the ones I feel post the most accurate and informative information. They also help keep things humorous. They are also the first to be supportive to ladies going through tough situations (testing fears, losses, family issues, etc.). I do not always post, but I do read most threads and I see how much support and informative information they give each day.

We may not always agree, but since when does disagreement imply people are being "mean". This is a hot topics thread and I think many people tried to warn OP so she would be prepared and also for her to understand why it may be a topic better discussed elsewhere.

Marchmellow2 · July 2015

Confession: I love me some Obama

satindawl83 · July 2015

SomedayInMyArms said:
@satindawl83 You may have not intended for your post to read the way it did or you just wanted to make a point, but it was still poorly stated. I think the post implied women who have experienced a loss cannot sympathize with women that have not which is anything but true.

I'm usually more of a lurker, but I do post every once and awhile. I have also been active on the board since finding out around 4 weeks. I have to say the girls that have been labeled "mean" are the ones I feel post the most accurate and informative information. They also help keep things humorous. They are also the first to be supportive to ladies going through tough situations (testing fears, losses, family issues, etc.). I do not always post, but I do read most threads and I see how much support and informative information they give each day.

We may not always agree, but since when does disagreement imply people are being "mean". This is a hot topics thread and I think many people tried to warn OP so she would be prepared and also for her to understand why it may be a topic better discussed elsewhere.

Thanks for this post. To clarify, my post was meant to underscore how people who haven't experienced a loss, or who may not be able to empathize with a loss, are consistently made to feel like their feelings aren't valid.

The term "consider your audience" constantly pops up...it's not a stretch to consider that a forum of pregnant woman is the appropriate audience for a gender disappointment post.

My " I guess we need separate boards" was meant to say "well if they can't post here, where do they go." Poorly worded? Possibly, but I get sick of how we can use logic to defend certain situations (50/50 chance of boy or a girl), but it's not logical to think it's okay to post a feeling about pregnancy in a pregnancy board.

I wouldn't give anyone the pleasure of calling them mean, nor have I. I just think empathy goes both ways.

Marchmellow2 · July 2015

This isn't towards anyone but I feel like it fits lol

taysun · July 2015

misamima · July 2015

Did someone say gif party???

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