Community› The Bump Month Clubs› May 2015 Moms
May 2015 Moms
New Discussion

Boy baby vs. Girl baby

lilsunflowermommalilsunflowermomma member
in May 2015 Moms
I have a 9wk son and my husband is constantly telling me how he would pay more attention to a girl because she's "precious" and "delicate." I keep telling him how our son is those same things and deserves the same amount of love and affection as a girl would. He never uses a sweet voice with our son and always speaks to him sternly and tried to negotiate with him on why he's crying. My husband is an extremely gentle, non-aggressive guy so I'm not sure where this stems from. I know his father wasn't too involved with taking care of him when he was a baby, and I know he's been seeking advice from him. It breaks my heart, because even though our baby is a boy - he's still just a baby. Does anyone else think it is normal to treat the two differently? Mother's instinct is to give all her babies endless amounts of love. But what about the fathers?
Report Reply to Post

Re: Boy baby vs. Girl baby

  • courtneylevesquecourtneylevesque member
    LOL!!! My husband tries to reason with our son when he is crying too. Sometimes he will even start crying at him and poor LO will just stare at him so confused. Honesty though, as much as my husband wanted a little girl, I feel like he would do the same thing to her as he does to DS.
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • justkeeptryingjustkeeptrying member
    Agreed with PP. I think my DH would do the same if we had a little girl. My DH is constantly trying to negotiate with our son and I have to remind him he's a baby. Not to generalize, but I guess a lot of men just want their child to act rationally when it's not realistic at this age.
    Report Reply
  • jc0n15jc0n15 member
    I think it is so funny that guys always seem to want what they didn't have. My DH wants a boy so bad...just had girl #2. A good friend of mine had a boy and wants a girl. He probably thinks he has to make him tough cause he is a boy....which shouldn't be the case until he is older!! My DH did this when my first was starting to move around, if she fell or got hurt he would pick her up and tell her shake it off your ok. Now at 3 she is a though little girl!!
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • lilsunflowermommalilsunflowermomma member
    It totally eases me that all of you find the humor in this because I find myself laughing when watching them both interact. I think I might be stressing over the work of a mommy. I just want help sometimes at soothing our baby. My husband is a good man and a good father - I shouldn't be complaining. I'm a lucky girl to have them both.
    Report Reply
  • HeatherC21HeatherC21 member
    My DH is the opposite. We have a girl and he wanted a boy. He loves her now that she is here but he also has an issue with diapers because she is a girl. Cleaning the girl parts freaks him out, he said if we had a boy it wouldn't be an issue and he would change diapers even poopy ones. I'm not sure if this is legit or if it's just an excuse for getting out of diaper duty... he seems to get genuinely upset when it comes down to it and I take over. All this being said it makes me feel pretty restricted, I can't go too far from the baby and leave her with DH in case of a dirty diaper or a feeding (I ebf).

    As for your issue with him not babying the baby my DH is the same way with our DD. Maybe it's a guy thing?
    Report Reply
  • DMELDMEL member
    blitzy23 said:

    I don't think it's a guy thing, and I think it's strange to not change diapers no matter what sex the baby is. My husband is extremely sweet to our son, because he is a baby, and children of all ages and sexes deserve to be treated with love and affection. This thread has me weirded out.

    Couldn't agree more. My very manly husband is sweet to our baby boy bc he's a baby and not only that, it's HIS baby. And he cleans just as many diapers as I do. And he has changed our nieces diapers as well. I just don't understand these posts about men not stepping up.....
    Report Reply
  • erin79erin79 member
    Not to pile on, but I agree wholeheartedly with @blitzy23 and @DMEL.  A baby is a baby is a baby, no matter the sex.  Moms and Dads should both be showing love, affection, and compassion for them at all times.  And the diaper thing is strange.  When my son was a baby, I obviously changed his diaper, and it wasn't weird
    Report Reply
  • MrsS728MrsS728 member
    We had a daughter and my husband tries to "reason" with her when she cries. He always insisted that a little girl would never have him wrapped around his finger, but a son would....well let me tell you....he's whipped. She is his everything. 
    Report Reply
  • courtneylevesquecourtneylevesque member
    I don't think anyone here is saying their SO isn't loving and compassionate towards their LO. But I can't speak for anyone else - all I know is that even if my DH tries to reason with DS when he cries he is also very quick to jump into action when he is upset. I know for a fact DS is his entire world and he loves him so much.
    Report Reply
  • HeatherC21HeatherC21 member
    courtneylevesque said:

    I don't think anyone here is saying their SO isn't loving and compassionate towards their LO. But I can't speak for anyone else - all I know is that even if my DH tries to reason with DS when he cries he is also very quick to jump into action when he is upset. I know for a fact DS is his entire world and he loves him so much.

    Thank you for saying this, I agree :)

    Report Reply
  • lilsunflowermommalilsunflowermomma member
    Maybe a little part of it is an excuse to avoid soothing the baby - and he avoids diaper changes as well! Although, I think the other part is that he is not confident with the baby, maybe even a little scared. He will offer to take our son from me so I can take a shower, do the dishes, etc. but the second the baby gets upset he gets seriously overwhelmed and hands him right back. He hasn't had any experience with babies before ours. His paternal instincts are minimal. He says he just wants to skip the infant stage already and I try to remind him that it is such a tiny part of his life and he should embrace it. However of course he thinks I'm nagging him at this point.
    Report Reply
  • sherriems11sherriems11 member
    blitzy23 said:

    I don't think it's a guy thing, and I think it's strange to not change diapers no matter what sex the baby is. My husband is extremely sweet to our son, because he is a baby, and children of all ages and sexes deserve to be treated with love and affection. This thread has me weirded out.

    I couldn't Agree more!!!
    Report Reply
  • Knottie76365376Knottie76365376 member
    I think it's ok for DH to feel nervous about his baby girl's "girl parts". He is probably unsure about it, since all of his previous experience with v-ginas has been during sex. Now to see his baby girl with one is most likely a little scary. You know how protective daddies get when their grownup daughters start to have sex! I'm sure he's an awesome father. He probably has to overcome a fear that he is going to touch her in the wrong way, or something. Just my 2 cents, bc I have boys, and I remember the first time I changed a girl diaper it felt really intimidating. I mean, with boys it's straight forward, and everything is on the outside. With girls it's a different story.
    Report Reply
  • prplzprplz member
    Knottie76365376 said:

    I think it's ok for DH to feel nervous about his baby girl's "girl parts". He is probably unsure about it, since all of his previous experience with v-ginas has been during sex. Now to see his baby girl with one is most likely a little scary. You know how protective daddies get when their grownup daughters start to have sex! I'm sure he's an awesome father. He probably has to overcome a fear that he is going to touch her in the wrong way, or something. Just my 2 cents, bc I have boys, and I remember the first time I changed a girl diaper it felt really intimidating. I mean, with boys it's straight forward, and everything is on the outside. With girls it's a different story.

    This exactly what it is. DH changes DD diapers but at first he was scared that he would hurt her or do it wrong he still is. He helped his mom with his younger brother (16 years apart) so changing her diaper was a more intimidating since he had never done it before.
    Report Reply
  • MrsElizabethPlanoMrsElizabethPlano member
    edited July 2015
    I treat them the same, had a boy first and now a girl. My husband however did the same thing. When baby girl cries tells her how cute she is and gently calms her with rocking/patting/etc. When boy was a baby, daddy did nothing beyond holding him and saying SHHHHHH or giving him to me. But that might also be due to the fact that DH was a young 19 when we had a boy. We were both nervous with changing a girl. Fearing we'd feel like we were violating her cleaning all the crevices, but it was fine.
    Report Reply
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"