My SO was adamantly against showers until he found out that we don't do any of the work. Now he's super excited... Anyhow, I plan on giving zero input unless asked. My family has thrown two wedding showers and by the time my baby shower rolls around (I did request early November), they'll have two gender reveal parties, three other baby showers, and a diaper party/sprinkle under their belts. And then following mine, there will be another baby shower for my cousin who is due in February. My family is so amazing at these parties, that I will 100% trust their judgment. If they do want any input, I'll gladly give it, but I think they know what they're doing.
I will say that I don't plan on doing any kind of gender reveal until the shower, which I've gotten some flack for. It's really the only thing I'm staying firm with. The reason being is that I really do not want a ton of clothes and while it's unavoidable, I know gender neutral is much more difficult to find. It sounds silly, but I'm just really picky about the functionality of baby clothes and I don't want things I don't want. If I can avoid that without blatantly (see also: rudely) saying in the shower invites NO CLOTHES PLEASE, then I'm going try! And regardless of gender, we're doing whites and greys for the nursery anyways, so the things we plan on adding to the register won't be a problem either.
I just got a shower invitation that said at the bottom,
"Mommy and Daddy are So excited about my arrival that they've gone CRAZY buying me new clothes. So I don't think I'll need any of those for a while!"
It made "DONT BUY ME CLOTHES!" a little bit cuter and it felt less tacky.
@DylansCandyBar, you're comments make me smile because they are funny and you feel so strongly about this. Although I wouldn't write that on the invitation, I didn't have the same exact knee-jerk reaction you did and the phrasing was at least cute. I have a few friends that are middle eastern/East Asian and literally every wedding invite said "no boxed gifts. Cash or jewels preferred" which seemed odd to me but I guess is very common in their cultures. I'm curious what part of the country you are from.
@DylansCandyBar, you're comments make me smile because they are funny and you feel so strongly about this. Although I wouldn't write that on the invitation, I didn't have the same exact knee-jerk reaction you did and the phrasing was at least cute. I have a few friends that are middle eastern/East Asian and literally every wedding invite said "no boxed gifts. Cash or jewels preferred" which seemed odd to me but I guess is very common in their cultures. I'm curious what part of the country you are from.
@ChrissyD1203 I am from South Florida. However most of my family is southern. So a pretty good mix of different people/cultures and most of them err on the side of proper etiquette.
I guess I do feel strongly about etiquette and I think as a society people have become too self absorbed and entitled. It's sad.
@DylansCandyBar I completely agree about self-absorption and entitlement. I have a friend from NJ (that if I didn't know for a fact she was not pregnant) would have sworn was you!
@DylansCandyBar I agree there is no polite way of mentioning gifts on the invite, which is what I said in my initial post. I think it's rude, which is why I won't be doing it. And as I stated, I AM registering for gender neutral items, but that does not stop people from buying tons of baby clothes that will, without a doubt, go unworn. I think it's rude for you to say that I'm being manipulative for trying to save my friends and family money on things that I know I won't use. I have good intentions and if you think that's gross, all the more power to you. If I do get clothes, I WILL graciously accept them. And I'm not trying to control any other aspect of my shower. I'm very grateful for whatever I'm given, I just don't want people wasting their money on things like clothes that won't get worn. People go WAY overboard when it comes to cute baby outfits (like @SummerOH said) and I'd rather they either choose one of my gender neutral items or keep the money in the wallet. That being said, I agree with the rest of your posts on this thread. My only issue is that I legitimately don't want my family and friends money to go to waste.
Edit: I realize that I didn't make this clear in my initial post and rereading it, I do see how I'm coming across as being a bit controlling with the whole I don't want what I don't want thing. The fact remains that I think it's a waste of money for people to be buying things that are not practical, just because they're cute.
One thing you can do is put a note in the registry as opposed to the invite. Most registries have a section where you can put whatever you want and it will print at the top of the list. That's the best place to put a note on "no clothes please" or something similar. I know I'm also having my Mom spread word that we do not need/want a ton of clothes bc we have limited space in our apartment. I know I will still get some but I'm hoping between those two things it will help somewhat.
You can always return clothes, too. Usually most of them will be carried at many stores (like the Carter's brand) or pretty obviously from a children's clothing store. You'll only get store credit if there's a receipt, but hey you'll use it eventually, right?
I definitely side-eyed the "I want the best and good memories I deserve" comment. Wow. You can have amazing memories of your child without a huge party you throw for yourself. I mean, to me that smacks of ME ME ME and nothing about the baby. The best memories of when I was pregnant was feeling the baby move and sitting quietly in his finished nursery, wondering with DH what he was going to look like. Although, I actually HATE being the center of attention and find showers super awkward, so maybe that's why.
I'm late to this party of a thread but I'm disgusted and judging the audacity of some! Gross! Honestly this might put it into the perspective of how you will leave the other person feeling. For best friend I was the maid of honor and offered to throw her bridal shower. Well I was going through a divorce at the time, only in school and not working. I saved up a few hundred dollars. Well, she had told me she wanted it at a tea house. Which was 40 dollars a person and didn't include really anything but the tea... And she wanted 60 people. When I told her I couldn't afford that but I had planned a beautiful shower at her in-laws orange grove to do our own tea party, she pretty much said thanks but no thanks. She and her sister and mom planned it and I had nothing to do with anything. I was so hurt and embarrassed. Then when I went to this bridal shower it was so awkward because I wasn't hosting it and everyone kept asking my why or telling me what a beautiful shower I threw. It was just awkward and still to this day it pisses me off. Don't do that to someone please... You will forever ruin a part of your relationship or friendship.
I get that you want a shower, but you don't always get what you want. Which is a sentiment you should really get used to because your needs are no longer #1 once you have that baby.
My SO was adamantly against showers until he found out that we don't do any of the work. Now he's super excited... Anyhow, I plan on giving zero input unless asked. My family has thrown two wedding showers and by the time my baby shower rolls around (I did request early November), they'll have two gender reveal parties, three other baby showers, and a diaper party/sprinkle under their belts. And then following mine, there will be another baby shower for my cousin who is due in February. My family is so amazing at these parties, that I will 100% trust their judgment. If they do want any input, I'll gladly give it, but I think they know what they're doing.
I will say that I don't plan on doing any kind of gender reveal until the shower, which I've gotten some flack for. It's really the only thing I'm staying firm with. The reason being is that I really do not want a ton of clothes and while it's unavoidable, I know gender neutral is much more difficult to find. It sounds silly, but I'm just really picky about the functionality of baby clothes and I don't want things I don't want. If I can avoid that without blatantly (see also: rudely) saying in the shower invites NO CLOTHES PLEASE, then I'm going try! And regardless of gender, we're doing whites and greys for the nursery anyways, so the things we plan on adding to the register won't be a problem either.
I just got a shower invitation that said at the bottom,
"Mommy and Daddy are So excited about my arrival that they've gone CRAZY buying me new clothes. So I don't think I'll need any of those for a while!"
It made "DONT BUY ME CLOTHES!" a little bit cuter and it felt less tacky.
I think that's even tackier. Just make a registry. Some people will stick to it and some won't. That's life. Deal with it. If you really can't handle returning gifts you don't want then don't have a shower.
I'm late to this party of a thread but I'm disgusted and judging the audacity of some! Gross! Honestly this might put it into the perspective of how you will leave the other person feeling. For best friend I was the maid of honor and offered to throw her bridal shower. Well I was going through a divorce at the time, only in school and not working. I saved up a few hundred dollars. Well, she had told me she wanted it at a tea house. Which was 40 dollars a person and didn't include really anything but the tea... And she wanted 60 people. When I told her I couldn't afford that but I had planned a beautiful shower at her in-laws orange grove to do our own tea party, she pretty much said thanks but no thanks. She and her sister and mom planned it and I had nothing to do with anything. I was so hurt and embarrassed. Then when I went to this bridal shower it was so awkward because I wasn't hosting it and everyone kept asking my why or telling me what a beautiful shower I threw. It was just awkward and still to this day it pisses me off. Don't do that to someone please... You will forever ruin a part of your relationship or friendship.
I'm late to this party of a thread but I'm disgusted and judging the audacity of some! Gross! Honestly this might put it into the perspective of how you will leave the other person feeling. For best friend I was the maid of honor and offered to throw her bridal shower. Well I was going through a divorce at the time, only in school and not working. I saved up a few hundred dollars. Well, she had told me she wanted it at a tea house. Which was 40 dollars a person and didn't include really anything but the tea... And she wanted 60 people. When I told her I couldn't afford that but I had planned a beautiful shower at her in-laws orange grove to do our own tea party, she pretty much said thanks but no thanks. She and her sister and mom planned it and I had nothing to do with anything. I was so hurt and embarrassed. Then when I went to this bridal shower it was so awkward because I wasn't hosting it and everyone kept asking my why or telling me what a beautiful shower I threw. It was just awkward and still to this day it pisses me off. Don't do that to someone please... You will forever ruin a part of your relationship or friendship.
That is horrible!
Yeah... And now that I'm really remembering it, her sister and her got to plan as they wanted and mother of the bride footed the bill. I really wish I could have contributed what I saved and thrown her a shower. It was humiliating and obvs I'm still butt hurt about it.
I'm thinking I may have broken an etiquette rule lately. I went to a baby shower and gave cash as my gift with a card. In my defence, I've barely been able to leave the house with stupid morning sickness and going to the mall just wasn't going to happen. My co worker is a first time mom with twins, so..... I thought cash would help her buy what she wanted. Yes? No?
krisdee123 said:
I'm thinking I may have broken an etiquette rule lately. I went to a baby shower and gave cash as my gift with a card. In my defence, I've barely been able to leave the house with stupid morning sickness and going to the mall just wasn't going to happen. My co worker is a first time mom with twins, so..... I thought cash would help her buy what she wanted. Yes? No?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Quote box fail----------I've never heard of cash gifts being bad etiquette at a shower. It's bad etiquette to ask for cash gifts. I think you're fine!
Me: 30 DH: 35
TTC #1 - Jan 2015
BFP on 5/13/15 DD born 1/24/16 TTC #2 - Jun 2017 BFP on 8/24/17
I'm thinking I may have broken an etiquette rule lately. I went to a baby shower and gave cash as my gift with a card. In my defence, I've barely been able to leave the house with stupid morning sickness and going to the mall just wasn't going to happen. My co worker is a first time mom with twins, so..... I thought cash would help her buy what she wanted. Yes? No?
I'm certainly not the etiquette queen when it comes to this stuff, but personally I would be more than happy with cash as a gift. Depending on the amount you gave lol.
@krisdee123 watch me get hazed for my opinion. You did what you could I don't see anything wrong with it. I mean I get it. I'm sure you hoped to do more but I'm sure she benefitted from it.
^^ I should clarify what I meant by that. I didn't mean that like you would have to give a large amount for it to not be tacky, but I do remember for our wedding, somebody wrote us a $10 check and I thought that was the tackiest thing in the world because it sort of made them look cheap. I would have been happier with a $10 gift than a $10 check in that situation because it would have shown more thought and effort in their part.
^^ I should clarify what I meant by that. I didn't mean that like you would have to give a large amount for it to not be tacky, but I do remember for our wedding, somebody wrote us a $10 check and I thought that was the tackiest thing in the world because it sort of made them look cheap. I would have been happier with a $10 gift than a $10 check in that situation because it would have shown more thought and effort in their part.
Very true. Yes, I was able to give a substantial amount.
I was thrilled when I received cash/GC's as a gift. 1. Because I lived 2,600 miles away at the time and didn't want to worry about transporting large gifts and 2. I was able to buy whatever I wanted with it and not have to worry about returning/exchanging. I feel bad returning/exchanging things that my friends and family took time to purchase, so to me, it was very helpful
Re: Baby shower discussion
Wow.
I guess I do feel strongly about etiquette and I think as a society people have become too self absorbed and entitled. It's sad.
Edit: I realize that I didn't make this clear in my initial post and rereading it, I do see how I'm coming across as being a bit controlling with the whole I don't want what I don't want thing. The fact remains that I think it's a waste of money for people to be buying things that are not practical, just because they're cute.
You can always return clothes, too. Usually most of them will be carried at many stores (like the Carter's brand) or pretty obviously from a children's clothing store. You'll only get store credit if there's a receipt, but hey you'll use it eventually, right?
I definitely side-eyed the "I want the best and good memories I deserve" comment. Wow. You can have amazing memories of your child without a huge party you throw for yourself. I mean, to me that smacks of ME ME ME and nothing about the baby. The best memories of when I was pregnant was feeling the baby move and sitting quietly in his finished nursery, wondering with DH what he was going to look like. Although, I actually HATE being the center of attention and find showers super awkward, so maybe that's why.
DD 12/20/99, DS 12/14/12, M/C 9/2014, M/C 1/2015
DD born 1/24/16
TTC #2 - Jun 2017
BFP on 8/24/17
Very true. Yes, I was able to give a substantial amount.