Baby showers for 2nd time moms. Tacky?!

laurenmichaels · July 2015

My lil guy is almost 14 months old and I'm 14 weeks pregnant with baby #2. I've always thought the rule was you only have a baby shower for baby #1. I saw an article recently somewhere (probably on this site) about how it's not looked at as tacky anymore.

I still think it's tacky to have a baby shower for baby #2 but wondering what everyone thinks.

knp012 · July 2015

Lots of people are doing what is called a baby sprinkle for the second baby, instead of a baby shower. Small gifts - like boy clothes if you already have a girl. Just a small gathering to celebrate the baby, but not to stock up on big ticket items that you should already have from your first baby shower. There are lots of ideas online as to what to do for a baby sprinkle. I think it is a cute idea myself.

DylansCandyBar · July 2015

Since showers are to welcome you to motherhood, I agree they are for first time moms. I had never heard of showers for subsequent babies until the bump. I've never known anyone to have one.

I think a sip and see is more appropriate, as it's not a gift giving event.

vvitchhazel · July 2015

We're throwing a diaper party for my cousin who is pregnant with her second. We talked about a sprinkle too, but I think it'll essentially be the same thing.

monaclemere · July 2015

Eh, to each his own I guess. I would side-eye being invited to subsequent showers for someone, especially if they have a very young child they already had a shower for. My thought is you should be saving all your baby stuff if you're not done having kids.

If you have a large age gap between kids, I wouldn't think it was tacky. But a shower for every baby is unnecessary and greedy, IMO.

steph_pegasus · July 2015

I think a 2nd shower is okay if there a large gap between kids - large enough that all the baby things have been gotten rid of. Otherwise I don't like the idea. A sip & see sounds much better because gifts are optional rather than expected.
Edited for clarification.

laurenmichaels · July 2015

@monaclemere my thoughts exactly. I have a friend who has had 3 showers for all 3 young kids and I've always thought it was weird.
I won't be having another shower I was just curious what others thought because of the article I read.
No disrespect to anyone having more than the one shower, just not for me.

laurenmichaels · July 2015

I've never heard of a sprinkle party.

kgordon756 · July 2015

This is my third child my oldest is going to be 10 and my second youngest is going to be 7 I had them with my first marriage I'm divorced and remarried now with our first child together so that's the only reason I'm having another shower its been a long 7 years since I was pregnant and I had absolutely nothing last on top of that I had a house fire that I lost everything in I always figured if it was a different sex as well as your first child that some type of shower is OK

wassuphoes · July 2015

Generally tacky.

I have less side eye for super big age gaps and first kid of a new partner, but even then it's kind of weird.

vvitchhazel · July 2015

vvitchhazel said:

We're throwing a diaper party for my cousin who is pregnant with her second. We talked about a sprinkle too, but I think it'll essentially be the same thing.

I should also note that my cousin has repeatedly said that this is unnecessary. However, she does so much for everyone else and our family/friend circle is always looking for a good reason to get together and eat, so we might as well!

holocene · July 2015

I'm in Canada, and it's not weird here.

That said, I've never been to a baby shower that the Mom has registered somewhere for. It's always been more about celebrating the Mother-to-be and good food. People generally bring small things, like books, or a blanket their grandma made, or a sweet little outfit they just couldn't resist. As a generalization, I think that American's tend to put more emphasis on the gift, which is what makes multiple showers uncomfortable or irritating for guests.

danasphillips · July 2015

I don't even think it's appropriate if there is a large age gap between your children. I think a small get together or a sip and see is fine, but I would be very clear that gifts are not necessary.

Calebsmom0318 · July 2015

I think it's a bit unnecessary when you have children close in age, especially if it's the same sex. My best friends sister in law just had one for her second that is less than a year apart from the first and both are girls. I declined the invite.

I'm having one because my son from my previous marriage is 8 and I'm having a girl. I have nothing left from him after all this time.
But I guess to each his own.

abbi1995 · July 2015

If your on the fence throw a sprinkle. I'm a FTM however I've only been to a handful of showers but my oldest sister has a lot of friends who have lots of LOs and they throw sprinkles for the second time. You don't get showered with gifts you get sprinkled. You can still have some cake and celebrate the upcoming birth of this baby

and see your friends

ChipMonster · July 2015

holocene said:
I'm in Canada, and it's not weird here.

That said, I've never been to a baby shower that the Mom has registered somewhere for. It's always been more about celebrating the Mother-to-be and good food. People generally bring small things, like books, or a blanket their grandma made, or a sweet little outfit they just couldn't resist. As a generalization, I think that American's tend to put more emphasis on the gift, which is what makes multiple showers uncomfortable or irritating for guests.

I am also from Canada and I have to disagree that it is NOT the norm to have more than one shower. Furthermore, I have never been to a shower where the mother HASN'T registered. Just because something is common in your circle of friends/family does not mean it is common to the rest of the country!

holocene · July 2015

ChipMonster said:

I'm in Canada, and it's not weird here.

That said, I've never been to a baby shower that the Mom has registered somewhere for. It's always been more about celebrating the Mother-to-be and good food. People generally bring small things, like books, or a blanket their grandma made, or a sweet little outfit they just couldn't resist. As a generalization, I think that American's tend to put more emphasis on the gift, which is what makes multiple showers uncomfortable or irritating for guests.
I am also from Canada and I have to disagree that it is NOT the norm to have more than one shower. Furthermore, I have never been to a shower where the mother HASN'T registered. Just because something is common in your circle of friends/family does not mean it is common to the rest of the country!

___

Ah yes, thank you for pointing my double standard generalization.
What I meant to say, was that where I am located (West Coast), this isn't the norm that I've experienced.

laurenmichaels · July 2015

I won't be having a shower and it's going to be hard to tell my sister when she asks to throw one for me.
I'm just not into a second shower. Thanks for the feedback, I wasn't sure what people really feel about it.

Monilee1017 · July 2015

I would side eye a second shower. I have only been to one sprinkle and it was a surprise, so the mother could not refuse as she had no idea. I would only go to a sprinkle if this was the case. I personally think a sip and see is what makes the most sense. You get to celebrate the baby with others, they get to see the baby and it is not a gift giving event. Yes, some people do bring gifts but those who don't are not side eyed and made to feel cheap and uncomfortable.

jessielynn1 · July 2015

ChipMonster said:

holocene said:
I'm in Canada, and it's not weird here.

That said, I've never been to a baby shower that the Mom has registered somewhere for. It's always been more about celebrating the Mother-to-be and good food. People generally bring small things, like books, or a blanket their grandma made, or a sweet little outfit they just couldn't resist. As a generalization, I think that American's tend to put more emphasis on the gift, which is what makes multiple showers uncomfortable or irritating for guests.
I am also from Canada and I have to disagree that it is NOT the norm to have more than one shower. Furthermore, I have never been to a shower where the mother HASN'T registered. Just because something is common in your circle of friends/family does not mean it is common to the rest of the country!

I second this. I am also in Canada. I think the best way is to have a sip and see like pp have mentioned.

Kelley421 · July 2015

If kids are close in age, no second shower. Here they have a "diaper shower" for second time mom.
A friend had twins 5 years after her daughter, and she had a full shower.
My daughter will nearly be ten, and I'll be given a full shower with the trips. And I'm excessively grateful for one this go round.

Ju111310 · July 2015

I think it's extremely tacky. I've been to 3 showers in the past 4 years for one friend. She has a 3 yo DS, 18 mo DD, and due next week with DS2. The second time I was like ooookay, this one is a girl. But the third one, you already have a boy!? The invite said it was a sprinkle, but when I arrived it was a full blown baby shower with games and all. Not cool. Another close friend has boys 18 months apart and had a shower/sprinkle for both. Just, no.

mom2be2016 · July 2015

I believe showers are intended for baby #1.

Blueyedsky · July 2015

In my community, it's really common for moms to have baby showers for every pregnancy. People in my church throw them for everyone, regardless of which child it is. I think it's a really nice tradition, because mom's need help regardless of which child it is and it's a really nice show of community support. Then again, there's usually a $20 limit for presents, and other baby showers I've been to the presents were $100-200 a person. I would be happy to throw a baby shower for a second time mom. That being said, if your community doesn't really do it, then maybe it is tacky? I wouldn't know.

JanMommy2under2 · July 2015

Is it weird i think I wouldn't be comfortable with a large group passing baby during flu season until like 8 weeks old. That's the only thing that I have thought odd about a sip and see so long after baby is born. I like baby sprinkles they are common among my friends in WA. Like 10-15 close friends and just a fun get together. Its not a big gift event either just a pack of diapers or a cute outfit. And we are all moms to young kids so we realize how miserable and exhausting pregnancy with a young child is, so it's fun to get together before new chaos happens :-)

mg137 · July 2015

If someone really wants to have a party, they can always not register, and be very clear that they do not want gifts, but that friends who really want to do something in honor of the baby should consider a small donation to X charity. It's nice if it's a charity for needy/sick/whatever children too. If you insist no gifts and register anyway, it's probably going to still look super tacky though.

For our twins (our first), we asked for donations to a school in Tanzania that we support but also registered so some people donated and some brought gifts. We didn't insist on no gifts, just listed the charity request instead of the registry and ppl who prefered to buy baby things searched and found our registry or asked for it. I'm not doing anything this time. The twins are only 15 months but I wouldn't even if there was a big age gap. It's not our friends and families' responsibility to lessen the financial strain of having a new baby and, between our wedding and related showers/parties and our baby showers for the twins, I think I've been celebrated quite enough in the last 5 years.

claireloSC · July 2015

Tacky. Your friend should not have to shell out every time you have a major life event. With baby #1, people want to because they are excited for you and want to welcome you to the club. After that, I think you're on your own.

anniyas · July 2015

My little guy is 18 months but I didn't have a baby shower with him. He came early so we maxed out a credit card for his things. We had gotten the crib rom my mom and a few hand-me-downs from friends but we were basically on our own. My mom is already panning my baby shower for this one so he/she can be celebrated too. We weren't planning on having another one so most of our stuff was donated to friends that are passing back to us. The shower is basically a sprinkle with friends and family (men and kids included) so LO has a celebration.

DylansCandyBar · July 2015

anniyas said:
My little guy is 18 months but I didn't have a baby shower with him. He came early so we maxed out a credit card for his things. We had gotten the crib rom my mom and a few hand-me-downs from friends but we were basically on our own. My mom is already panning my baby shower for this one so he/she can be celebrated too. We weren't planning on having another one so most of our stuff was donated to friends that are passing back to us. The shower is basically a sprinkle with friends and family (men and kids included) so LO has a celebration.

To be honest, you really shouldn't be relying on a shower to get necessities though. As the parents that's your responsibility.

Also, showers celebrate the mother (or parents) to be. Not the baby who isn't even there yet.

anniyas · July 2015

Let me be more clear, he came well before my baby shower was going to be. We were already planning on picking up everything we didn't get at the shower, but in order to prevent duplicates of larger items, we were going to wait until after. He came a little over a month early so he was in the NICU for a week. While he was in the hospital, we bought everything. I know it is our responsibility as parents to buy the necessary items but we were holding off until after the shower so we knew what we still needed. Where his immune system wasn't at its best, we didn't want to risk a sip n see during the winter months, so nothing ever happened for him.

Also, baby showers totally celebrate the baby too, at least in my family it does. The parents are celebrated, of course, but it IS about the baby.... it is called a BABY shower... not a Parent Party or some such.

DylansCandyBar · July 2015

::::Sigh::; the mother to be (or parents) are the guest of honor. Not the baby. (Who isn't there). The items they receive are to help the parents care for their baby. Do you think the baby cares which bibs, onesies or tub it has? No. The parents do. The baby only wants to be loved and cared for and essentially needs very little. The rest of the stuff is just to make it easier on the parents, who benefit from the gifts they receive.

SummerOH · July 2015

I had a shower (3, actually) with DS because he's 13 years younger than DD. One was a surprise, and two were given after much cajoling from our families. Even though there was an age gap, I felt funny. There will definitely be no showers for this one. I'm stealing another poster's idea about having a sip n see a month or two later with hot chocolate and wine.

Sprinkles aren't my style, but I'm ok with them for a second child.

SisterSunshine · July 2015

My youngest is 17. Surprise, baby#3. I did not have a shower for #2. My SIL already told me she is throwing a shower, and everyone in our life is more excited about this baby than I would have thought. So, it's on.

littleloves3 · July 2015

Tacky. If you wonder if people are rolling their eyes receiving a second baby's shower invitation, they are.

kmcc14 · July 2015

Baby showers are for baby #1. My friends have never had sprinkles, and I have always bought them a gift for each new child.

jrouge12 · July 2015

I say full showers for STMs is tacky. I think small sprinkles with close family is just fine. Just like with bridal showers, I think baby shower guest lists should be family and close friends. I hate being invited to showers of people I barely know. It shouldn't be every woman in the bride or mom-to-be's acquaintance.

ChrissyD1203 · July 2015

I love the name sprinkle!

Honeybee2813 · July 2015

I was just talking about this with my one of my gfs last night. Before having children I always thought it was tacky, now that I'm on baby number two I'm not so sure. It's not that I necessarily want a shower, it's just that I want to in some way celebrate the upcoming birth of my second child with my close friends in family. The sip and see isn't a bad idea, but with a winter baby I wouldn't feel comfortable having a large group of people around my little one until months after the birth.

sherks11 · July 2015

Tacky. People who are close to you will probably buy you little gifts anyway but I just don't think it's right to go through the whole shebang again.

With that being said, I have a coworker who is due with her third and I hope to get a couple of other coworkers together to throw her just a quick breakfast/diaper party for her baby. She has no idea, I just think it's a nice way to help her/her family out. DH's department threw him a diaper party for DD and it was seriously amazing. We didn't buy diapers for almost a year!

maddisonwallace · July 2015

I say who cares. If someone thinks it's tacky, they can check "will not be attending" on the RSVP card.

DylansCandyBar · July 2015

maddisonwallace said:
I say who cares. If someone thinks it's tacky, they can check "will not be attending" on the RSVP card.

An RSVP card for a shower??? Who even does that?

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