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January 2016 Moms
ChrissyD1203
member
Why Flame?
ChrissyD1203
member
I feel like maybe I'm missing something - I think I'm yet to be flamed (although I'm sure that will change after this post), but I just don't get it. We don't know each, no one should take other people's posts on the internet seriously or personally, but yet we know that people do take things on the internet personally even if they shouldn't. Because I don't know what is going on in someone else's life - they could have had a death in the family, lost their job, struggle with depression etc - I would just never want to be the person who made the silly internet comment that put them over the edge (whether that means something as simple as making them cry or something more serious). I would imagine having an entire thread of negative or snarky comments directed at you can't be pleasant (maybe I'll find out soon).
Some of the comments are funny yes and of course it's frustrating to see someone post the same thing over and over, but I just have a hard time flaming that person or telling them they are lucky they are getting flamed without knowing them and the repercussions it may have on them and the little human life they are carrying.
And I think that despite the TOU suggestion to search before you post, sometimes when people are really, really worried about something, it might give some comfort to have someone respond in real time to you personally (I know there is no real difference than when that same question was answered the day before - but it might just make a mental difference) and if I have the time to make someone feel better why wouldn't I? I think for the most part that the women titling a post "need help" or "urgent" or "panicked" are doing it with the best intentions and because they are scared and are not trying to waste anyone's time.
I'm sorry for the long post and I don't mean to offend anyone, but someone once told me that we don't know the chain effects of our kindness or our cruelness. And while I mess up all of the time, like literally all of the time, the advice has really impacted me and given me something to strive for so I wanted to share.
Some of the comments are funny yes and of course it's frustrating to see someone post the same thing over and over, but I just have a hard time flaming that person or telling them they are lucky they are getting flamed without knowing them and the repercussions it may have on them and the little human life they are carrying.
And I think that despite the TOU suggestion to search before you post, sometimes when people are really, really worried about something, it might give some comfort to have someone respond in real time to you personally (I know there is no real difference than when that same question was answered the day before - but it might just make a mental difference) and if I have the time to make someone feel better why wouldn't I? I think for the most part that the women titling a post "need help" or "urgent" or "panicked" are doing it with the best intentions and because they are scared and are not trying to waste anyone's time.
I'm sorry for the long post and I don't mean to offend anyone, but someone once told me that we don't know the chain effects of our kindness or our cruelness. And while I mess up all of the time, like literally all of the time, the advice has really impacted me and given me something to strive for so I wanted to share.
Re: Why Flame?
Seriously though this is not the place to post "need help" or "urgent" or "panicked" ... If your issue is that urgent and you're panicked... Call your doctor or nurse. In the past week I've seen people say they've blacked out or had heart/chest pain and this was seriously the first place they turned to?
People get ribbed on for repetitive posts, silly questions etc. It's really all in good fun and really, when people ask questions like "anybody here due in January?" How can you not joke a little?
People get flamed for saying ignorant things. Racist things. Offensive things. I don't give a shit what's going on in somebody's life that I don't know about. People need to be held accountable for the things they say to others and to stand by in silence is the same as standing in agreement.
So that's why people get flamed. If you don't know if you've been flamed or not, you haven't.
It's the generic anyone else, nausea, gender etc that are ridiculous. Most of the posters post one time and never come back or reply to any answers. All the drive by's make it unwelcoming for other people who are trying to truly participate and form connections in this COMMUNITY.
When you are in a community there are guidelines and rules and a culture that you should attempt to adapt to and contribute to.
No one is trying to push anyone over the edge or be mean. A little sarcasm and humor can lighten things up and make things more fun. If you can't take a little ribbing or real answers then you should not be putting your issues out on the internet.
Edited... Stupid auto correct. But my post are usually riddled with typos ... Damn fat fingers
Did you really just imply that a gif is THE reason a mentally ill person commits suicide? That's a really shallow and poor understanding of the human psyche, and just plain wrong.
But I do have to wonder if you aren't trying to incite some drama with this post by referring to the potential of being "flamed" for it. More than once. It isn't necessary.
@aphilli8 - completely agree that racist and offensive comments should be stood up to.
@Mamabeagle - before I was an attorney, I was a social worker, I didn't mean to imply that people were going to commit suicide over a comment on this website, but more generally that people who may be struggling with different issues, act destructively in response to online comments - unfortunately in my work experience I have witnessed this first hand
@StephPegasus - no desire to invite drama whatsoever, was merely hoping to have some discussion and put my perspective out there. I really respect the views of everyone who commented and think it is important and interesting to engage in dialogue on topics like this. Sorry, if I upset you in anyway with this post!
I meant to add it before, but I do appreciate all the honest and thoughtful advice people give on this board generally.
This is my personal opinion, but I don't think an internet forum (or at least this particular forum) is the best place to practice the "chain of kindness" you are striving for. As you mentioned in your original post, we don't really know each other outside of this little corner of the interwebs, so you wouldn't have any way of knowing what effect you truly have on anyone else here no matter how you respond to them. I'm not saying this to justify the cruelty some people use. I'm also not saying that general respect for others is absent or unappreciated.
Merely that trying to help other people is not and can not be a justification for enabling them and encouraging them to ignore the basic rules here that they have agreed to abide by in order to participate. That is why you will usually see a recommendation to search for the topic among the first responses on repeat threads. Even if they then dissolve into ridiculousness.
*Please don't think that I'm being dismissive of your message about being kind to others. It is very important.*
Edited for clarity.
@vvitchhazel I don't usually remember who said what posts - but I do remember yours because yours are pretty witty, I don't remember any of them being rude, but i like what you said in the previous post too.
(Yes I read the books and watched the movies but I can't claim any affection for them)
This BMB is extremely supportive for important things like losses, real health concerns, relationship woes, etc. Snarking on someone who is rude enough to ignore the TOU because they think they are a super special snowflake is just them getting what they should get.
DD 12/20/99, DS 12/14/12, M/C 9/2014, M/C 1/2015
Science.
I'm a personal fan of "snark" (gettin real sick of that word though) and jokes, and totally agree with PPs.
If anyone doubts at all the caliber of the women on this board, just take a look at any post about a scary bleed, MMC, or ER visit. Instant outpouring of thoughts and prayers-tells you everything about the true natures and priorities of the community members.
Low progesterone
Baby boy born 01/2016
Currently: NTNP
The drive by post are rude, IMO.
The women who post snark are the biggest contributors in this community. If the responses surprise you, you haven't hung out here long enough.
Hang out, answer other people's questions and get a feel for the community.
This is not Google. This is not your personal answering service. If your feelings are hurt and it 'pushes you over the edge' stay around and see that these women are fun caring people. No one is out to hurt feelings, we just get tired of the rude drive bys.
DD - January 2016