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January 2016 Moms
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Unsupportive mom

monie2323monie2323 member
in January 2016 Moms
is anyone else dealing with an unsupportive mother through your pregnancy if so im having trouble dealing with it. I know j have to be strong and focus on me and the baby and my new family on the way but it's just difficult.
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Re: Unsupportive mom

  • KaraEpp16KaraEpp16 member
    This bums me out for you. Is she normally not supportive?
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  • MommaB16MommaB16 member
    Sorry to hear that. Is there a reason that she's unsupportive? Ie., you're still in high school, single, unemployed, etc. NOT that these are reasons at all. Those details could help us give you advice...
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  • monie2323monie2323 member
    I graduated college last May, im living with my boyfriend we plan on getting married, im a nanny currently to save money I was gonna go back to school or until I find a job in my field. I don't really think I'm too young im 24 and like all my friends are dating seriously, engaged or having their own kids. Our family is going through a lot her and my dad just got divorced and many other things going on besides just my pregnancy but you would think she could finally accept it and be supportive. Also, me and all my siblings are adopted so maybe it's because she could be jealous or doesn't know how to relate. I hate saying that but I don't know what else to think.
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  • KaraEpp16KaraEpp16 member
    Sometimes, it's hard for the people who love us a lot to be happy for us. It could be because she's going through her own stuff? She just may be stuck in a miserable hole and wants company? I don't know your mom so I can't say that's her type of personality. 24 doesn't seem young and from what you've said it doesn't seem like you're an irresponsible 24 year old.

    I'm stumped. I think that she will eventually get excited. I mean - Hello!? Baby! Most women can not resist babies - Especially, newborns.

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  • MommaB16MommaB16 member
    She will definitely be excited when your little one enters the world. It would be a bummer to have her like this your whole pregnancy though.... This probably sounds a lot 'by the book', but the next time she says or does something unsupportive I would actually say, "You know this is an exciting time for us, and you being unsupportive does make me upset, but if you can't support me I'm going to distance myself so I can stay happy and healthy for our baby."
    May make a difference, may make her really defensive. Either way, and no matter how hard, stick to it, happiness has a lot to do with health!
    I also hope she's not too depressed or affected by you having your own child. I can't imagine at the point where she adopted her children, thinking they would never give her grandkids!
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  • monie2323monie2323 member
    Thanks so much guys. And I actually did cut her off for alittle while so I can take care of me. I hate that I had to but I don't need the added stress and someone bringing me down. I need to do what's best for me and my baby right now
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  • kimmy0723kimmy0723 member
    edited July 2015
    I am in a similiar situation with my mother not being supportive. Last year when I was pregnant (I miscarried at 11 weeks in December 2014), I told my mother when I was about 8 weeks along. Instead of being excited, she told me that I was "too old" (I'm 35), my husband should be "finished having his kids" (he has a 16 and an 11 year old with his ex-wife) and that it was a stupid idea. I can't tell you how much that hurt my feelings. As I mourned the loss of my child, she told me I was being ridiculous. I moved to a different town and am now pregnant again.  This time around, I am happily 13weeks, and have not told my mother so that she cannot take this joyous time away from me. I just found out that I am having a little girl on Monday, and instead of harping over the fact that my mother is not supportive, I am going to to focus on how much love, joy, and support this little munchkin will always have from me. You have the support of everyone on here. I know it's not the same as having your mom on board, but sometimes you COLLECT the family you want and need. Feel free to send me a message ANY TIME. We'll lament over our mothers' crappy behavior together. Until then, keep smiling and remain strong for your little one. 
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  • monie2323monie2323 member
    That means so much!! Thank you, and im here if you ever need anything. Congrats to you and your husband on your baby girl! So exciting! Youre so right though this is an amazing time and I won't let her or anyone else take that away from me. I need to enjoy our little bundle of joy and be happy. And you're not too old don't let anyone ever tell you that, my friend in college, her mother had a baby when we were at school and their oldest was 30.. It was also there 9th Haha but she was 47! Have the babies and enjoy it! :)@kimmy0723
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  • cjd&kcjd&k member
    edited July 2015
    I just wanna say I'm sorry you're going through this. Having someone who's supposed to support you the most, not support you is hard. I hope it all passes and she's a great grandma with your baby. I'll be thinking of you!

    I have an issue with an unsupportive mother-in-law which has been harder on my fiancé than me. Obviously because it's his mother, but he's dreading telling her. We have miscarried twice before. Over at her house one night for dinner he told her (after our first loss) and was in tears explaining to her what we've been going through and she said "were you trying to have a baby??" Doesn't sound terrible, but it was meant to be rude. She had a hard time catching a grip on us getting married. She avoided calling me his fiancé until a few months ago. We've been engaged for over a year. Anyways, we never told her directly about the second miscarriage that had happened. She found out because we went to the beach and I have a tattoo on my ribs to memorialize both of the losses. And again, she didn't have much to say. We're now 14 weeks pregnant and he's avoiding telling her. It's a bummer because you would think she would be excited for her first grandchild. She has a hard time considering the fact that her sons growing up and we're now getting married and going to be having a family, which is understandable, but not on the level she takes it too.

    Either way, it's awesome you're focusing on baby! That's the most important person and thing you have going on and no one should take that joy away from you. :)
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  • ChrissyD1203ChrissyD1203 member
    I'm sorry to hear your story - my advice would just to be really positive including to her including if it is hard. Make it so clear how excited you are about everything baby is doing and everything baby related and ignore and refuse to play into or acknowledge any negativity.
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  • jtd423jtd423 member
    I can relate with an unsupportive mother. My mother and I have had a lot of difficult times throughout our lives but it's gotten worse in the last few months. I'm a 23yr old RN supervisor and my boyfriend is a 25yr old tech in the emergency room but my mother doesn't think we are "ready" for children. She is ashamed we are not married and for that reason we haven't spoken in the last month. It sucks that I won't have her as a support person during this pregnancy but I have my very loving boyfriend and my father is super supportive.
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