PAL, how are you doing? — The Bump
Late Term and Child Loss

PAL, how are you doing?

Hi ladies-

I know quite a few of us have new rainbow babies, and several more are expecting rainbows in the near future.  I thought I'd start an unofficial check in to see how things are going. How old is your rainbow? Is it harder than you thought? What is the best and what is the most difficult for you? Have you still been getting support from family and friends?

Me 32 (Stage IV Endometriosis, short luteal phase) DH 38

Married 5/2010

January 2014- DS born healthy at 35.4 weeks

February 2014- DS passed away due to complications from adenovirus

February 2015- Rainbow baby DD born at 36.3 weeks

My chart: http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/42fd32 

 


MamaBishjonahsma

Re: PAL, how are you doing?

  • erinelerinel
    Tenth Anniversary 250 Love Its 100 Comments Photogenic
    member

    L will be 5 months old tomorrow, I can't believe it.  Having a healthy baby at home has been so amazing, but definitely very emotional too.  While all of the firsts are so exciting, they also make me incredibly sad because I think of how I didn't get to experience most of them with Q. 

    I'd say seeing L smile and laugh are the absolute best things ever.  I especially love when her daddy makes her giggle :)

    I have been very lucky to still receive support from family and friends, and I'm grateful for that.  I don't want anyone to ever forget my son, so we still talk about him and include him. 

    Me 32 (Stage IV Endometriosis, short luteal phase) DH 38

    Married 5/2010

    January 2014- DS born healthy at 35.4 weeks

    February 2014- DS passed away due to complications from adenovirus

    February 2015- Rainbow baby DD born at 36.3 weeks

    My chart: http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/42fd32 

     


    MamaBishstefugejonahsma
  • @erinel - I am so happy you posted this!  I really hope some of the other ladies from our check ins are still checking in every once in awhile and see this. I'm glad that L is doing great!  I know the conflicting emotions that come with raising a baby after loss - it is so wonderful, but still the biggest remind of what you have lost with Q. 

    How old is your rainbow? 5 months next week!
    Is it harder than you thought? Easier, actually.  We still talk about the boys all the time and include them in things, like family pictures and put their names on cards we send out. They still have their things in the nursery, in their own dresser. But being with our baby girl now is so great.  I cannot help but be happy every day. I think, though, that our boys have helped us realize how blessed we are - to have her, and to also still have them in our hearts. 
    What is the best and what is the most difficult for you? The best thing is watching our girl go through all her milestones - easily, quickly, happily. I cannot believe how fast she is growing.  As she grows older, though, I struggle with thinking of how to tell her about her brothers. I do not want her to feel like she is a replacement, overshadowed, etc. 
    Have you still been getting support from family and friends? From very close friends, yes.  From family, definitely. Just the other day, my mom was showing our visiting family a scrapbook I made of the boys. I was so happy she was showing them off.  It is like they are still very much a part of our family. 
    stefugemsunshine123MamaBishjonahsma
  • Loading the player...
  • ***just in case...PGAL mentioned***

    Hi girls! It's good to "see" you!
    I can't believe how big both of your LOs are! Man, time goes by so fast.

    I have to share, and since the PGAL check-in seems to be MIA lately, here is as good as anywhere, but I got a BFP on Father's Day! We are so excited! I'm just barely 6 weeks today, and a lot could still change, but my first two betas have been good, and I had my third draw just today. Hopefully we will be welcoming our rainbow early next year!
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickersLilypie Kids Birthday tickers

    Me: 32 DH: 33  High School Sweethearts  Married 5/28/2005
    DS1 born 6/5/10 at 40 weeks via emergency c-section due to fetal distress and IUGR caused by placental insufficiency
    DS2 born still 8/28/13 at 32 weeks via emergency c-section due to a complete placental abruption - cause unknown
    Baby #3 on the way, EDD 2/29/16.  Originally twins, but we said goodbye to Baby B at 8 weeks.
    MamaBishBrittianyMMel&John2013jonahsma
  • msunshine123msunshine123
    500 Comments 250 Love Its Third Anniversary Photogenic
    member
    edited July 2015
    @erinel - thank you for starting this check in. I'm so new to this PAL it's great to have support and to talk with others PAL. I'm glad you've been enjoying your L , but I appreciate how bittersweet it can be at times and missing your Q.
    @ikrystal - so glad to see you back and I'm happy to hear you are enjoying your little girl while still parenting your boys:)
    @stefuge - so happy for you! What a great Father's Day! I will be thinking about and praying for your family and your new baby.

    Our rainbow is 1 month.
    It's easy and hard - we are so in love with her. We are managing sleep deprevation, but so incredibly happy to have her. It feels surreal at times and I need to pinch myself to make sure it's all real. We are so happy to have her. Sometimes it's hard too I wish all the time my son was here too with his sister - they look alike- he was the male version and my daughter the tiny female version of my husband and I. We still include my son. We brought his picture to the hospital, took family photos with him and included him on the birth announcement.
    Family and friends have been supportive. My parents had cement work done and my mom had the grandchildren's names written in it. I was so happy to see my son's name with his cousins' and my daughter's.
    MamaBishstefugejonahsma
  • @msunshine123 - congratulations on the arrival of your new LO! I love how many times you said you were so happy or so in love with her - so sweet! And that was so sweet that your parents included your son's name with all the other grandchildren in the cement - that sort of stuff may seem insignificant to someone else, but it matters so much.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickersLilypie Kids Birthday tickers

    Me: 32 DH: 33  High School Sweethearts  Married 5/28/2005
    DS1 born 6/5/10 at 40 weeks via emergency c-section due to fetal distress and IUGR caused by placental insufficiency
    DS2 born still 8/28/13 at 32 weeks via emergency c-section due to a complete placental abruption - cause unknown
    Baby #3 on the way, EDD 2/29/16.  Originally twins, but we said goodbye to Baby B at 8 weeks.
    msunshine123jonahsma
  • stefuge  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so happy for you.  Keeping you and your little baby in my thoughts and prayers.  This just made my day!!!

    msunshine123  how sweet that his name was included. We also took a picture of our boys to the hospital with us, and I love that you did as well. Glad to see all is well. 

    msunshine123stefugejonahsma
  • erinelerinel
    Tenth Anniversary 250 Love Its 100 Comments Photogenic
    member

    stefuge: congratulations!! Wonderful news!

    msunshine123 : That must be hard that your two babies look so alike.  L really doesn't look like Q at all, although every once in a while she will make a face like he did, and for a second they resemble each other.

    ikrystal : I can't believe our baby girls are 5 months! Where did the time go?!          

    msunshine123 : Congratulations on your LO! I love that your parents included both of your babies, exactly like it should be

    Me 32 (Stage IV Endometriosis, short luteal phase) DH 38

    Married 5/2010

    January 2014- DS born healthy at 35.4 weeks

    February 2014- DS passed away due to complications from adenovirus

    February 2015- Rainbow baby DD born at 36.3 weeks

    My chart: http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/42fd32 

     


    msunshine123stefugejonahsma
  • Thanks girls! Third beta came back today, and everything still looks good. I will have an ultrasound in two weeks, which is going to drive me crazy to wait that long!
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickersLilypie Kids Birthday tickers

    Me: 32 DH: 33  High School Sweethearts  Married 5/28/2005
    DS1 born 6/5/10 at 40 weeks via emergency c-section due to fetal distress and IUGR caused by placental insufficiency
    DS2 born still 8/28/13 at 32 weeks via emergency c-section due to a complete placental abruption - cause unknown
    Baby #3 on the way, EDD 2/29/16.  Originally twins, but we said goodbye to Baby B at 8 weeks.
    msunshine123jonahsma
  • BgirmaBgirma
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Photogenic
    member
    It's wonderful to see these updates!! I've been wondering about you ladies. And @stefuge- congratulations! Keeping you in my thoughts!

    C is 3 months old and I can't believe it. I think having him home is about what I expected- I'm so so happy but feel overwhelming sadness at times as well. Watching C pass different milestones is amazing but also makes me think about Wesley and wonder what he would be like now. The big surprise is that I don't love the infant stage like I thought I would and I feel a lot of guilt about that! Like I should enjoy every second since we had so little time with Wesley. But I'm trying to work through those feelings and be kinder to myself.

    Afterall, we are happy and healthy and so so grateful for our two boys .
    stefugemsunshine123jonahsma
  • @erinel thanks for the check in!!!!!

    First CONGRATS @stefuge!!!!!!!!!! Great news! Im so happy for you!

    It's nice to be back.....It always brings me such comfort to come on here and see the women who were around when I started on the loss board. Each of you have "held" my hand through the very hard times and I just wanted to say Thank You...

    @erinel how fast time flies by! Can't believe L is 5 months old!!

    @ikrystal  Your baby girl is absolutely beautiful and I love how the boys are included in things that you do. I think it's great that your mom shows off her grandbabies!!

    @msunshine123 Congrats on your baby girl!!! Every min of deprivation is worth it, lol.

    @Bgirma Don't feel guilty... you are dealing with a lot of emotions. C will be out of the infant stage before you know it that's when the fun really starts!!

    AFM

    How old is your rainbow? My beautiful rainbow will be 10 months old in a couple of days!! OMG where has the time gone?!!

     Is it harder than you thought? In the beginning it was hard, I felt a lot of guilt because I didn't really connect with her and  I was sad all of the time instead of enjoying my little miracle who was right in front of me.

     What is the best and what is the most difficult for you? Everything about her is the best. The fact that she is here and healthy and alive is the best thing! She's a little firecracker, she's very sassy and already has a sense of humor and a big personality. The most difficult thing so far is taking pics of my kids and knowing that the pictures are not complete. A big piece of my family is missing.

     Have you still been getting support from family and friends? No one really talks about it. My sis is also a loss mom and she mentions something occasionally but that's it.



    stefugemsunshine123
  • Bgirma  The infant stage is tough! I found it difficult in the beginning as well, especially being at home alone with the baby and her not really having much of a personality yet. Glad to hear all is well with you. Can't believe 3 months have gone by already!  

    jonahsma  10 months!  Wow.  How great that she has such a strong personality!  We find it hard to take family pictures as well, but there are ways we include the boys in them... their picture in the background, including their stuffed animals somewhere in the picture, etc. It is so difficult not having all our babies here, but finding ways to include them somehow always helps. Sometimes we include them in ways that are not noticeable to other people, but as long as we know they are included that is all that really matters.  I'm sorry that no one really talks about your loss anymore. Sometimes people forget that we hold all our babies in our hearts, and we have to initiate the conversation.  Still, it would be nice if other people talked about it as well. 

    jonahsma
  • Wow ladies! I cannot believe how old all of the babies are!!

    @ikrystal - I love that you have kept the boys such a huge part of your family. You'll know what's right when it comes time to tell her about her big brothers.

    @erinel - I hear you on how bittersweet milestones are because you know what you missed with your sweet Q.

    @stefuge - I am so so excited for you! I actually inboxes you a week or two ago to say congrats!

    @msunshine123 - I hear ya on the sleep deprivation! @-) You are doing great! That is so sweet that your parents included everyone in their new cement!

    @Bgirma Wow! 3 months! The infant stage is tough they're so needy and don't really do much. Don't feel bad for not enjoying it!

    @jonahsma I can't believe it's been 10 months!! I'm glad she is doing so well! Pictures are definitely difficult for us too!

    AFM--

    Our little guy is 3 weeks old now! It seems like it was just yesterday but at the same time seems like he's always been here. It's been...I guess easier than I anticipated. Nighttime feelings are hard because when I look at him in the dim light, he looks a lot like Mary. Every so often I have a little breakdown that I have these beautiful boys but still missing my sweet girl. I still have all of her things sitting in a box, unused.
    stefugemsunshine123jonahsma
  • @schulme2 Congrats !!!!!!!! It's so great to "see" you !!

  • Hello...I'm new to this...my husband and I lost our precious little girl a week before she was due...she was our first baby and it hit us so hard...we lost her in April, and last week I found out I'm pregnant again! We are born excited and scared...we were both so ready for a baby that getting another chance is a blessing, but the grief is still so fresh and I find myself constantly thinking that this one will be taken from us too...
    How did you guys make it through the 9 months and stay positive?
  • @bgirma - great to see you! Hugs for the sadness you feel missing Wesley. I think we all can relate with missing our babies. Be patient and kind to yourself- you don't have to love every stage and some moments are just exhausting.

    @jonahsma - congrats on your little girl. I know what you mean about family pics. Thinking about them makes me sad because my son will always be missing. I like the idea of @ikrystal - trying to continually incorporate him in different ways and I'll guess I'll have to get creative. @ikrystal please share your ideas. We used my son's photo at the hospital for a family shot, but I'd love any suggestions.

    @schulme2 - so happy for you and your little guy! Night time feeds have been challenging for me too. It's ok and normal to be happy with your boys and still miss your daughter. ((Hugs))

    @ reedermom1 - I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter. Congratulations on your current pregnancy. Surround yourself with a lot of support for this pregnancy as it will be a balance between hope and fear. We are here for you.
  • @reedermom1 - I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter. Congratulations on your new pregnancy. I am also newly pregnant and trying to balance the hope and anxiety. I agree with msunshine123 that this board is a huge source of support and encouragement, and many of these ladies have gone on to have healthy take home babies.

    @msunshine123 - regarding family photos, some ways that we incorporate Colton is either including his Colton Bear, holding a photo, incorporating an elephant (which we associate with him from his nursery), wearing turquoise (which we used in his nursery), or taking a photo in front of his tree in our backyard. I also have photos up in the house with all of our shoes and booties for Colton, silhouettes of both of the boys made from newborn photos of each, photos of bubbles (which we used at Colton's first birthday party), and then more elephants throughout the house.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickersLilypie Kids Birthday tickers

    Me: 32 DH: 33  High School Sweethearts  Married 5/28/2005
    DS1 born 6/5/10 at 40 weeks via emergency c-section due to fetal distress and IUGR caused by placental insufficiency
    DS2 born still 8/28/13 at 32 weeks via emergency c-section due to a complete placental abruption - cause unknown
    Baby #3 on the way, EDD 2/29/16.  Originally twins, but we said goodbye to Baby B at 8 weeks.
    msunshine123
  • Hello!
    I haven't been over here in awhile, but smiled seeing all of you lovely ladies. I've missed you, I feel like we've been through war together. 

    Also good to see that my profile photo still changes randomly. :)  My avatar has been black, white, male, female, brunette, blond...I give up.
    msunshine123stefugejonahsma
  • How have you been @ Mel&John2013!???!!! Good to see you!!!

  • Hi @jonahsma! I've been well! Loving our little rainbow :) Had a down week last week, missing Lincoln and hating having to leave Harrison to go to work. Also, Harrison spent a night in the nursery instead of our room, the first time I've woken up with a baby there since Lincoln slept there. It's the little unexpected things that just get you. But seeing everyone here picked my week up quite a bit!

    I'm glad you're enjoying your rainbow more and loving her little personality! I can't believe she's already 10 months! How is that possible?!
  • erinelerinel
    Tenth Anniversary 250 Love Its 100 Comments Photogenic
    member

    I have been trying to reply for a couple of days, but for some reason my computer or the website wouldn't let me, I'm glad it seems to be ok now!

    Mel&John2013 great to see you too! That must be tough having Harrison in the nursery.  I haven't moved L in the nursery yet, although Q was still in our room when he got sick, so I don't have that association.

    This past weekend was tough, but I made it through! We had L baptized, and I was really nervous because the last time we were at that church (we have moved about 20 minutes away and occasionally go to a different church) was for Q's funeral.  I kept meaning to go there ahead of time so it wouldn't be so bad the day of, but I never got around to it.  It worked out though, I only cried a little, and I'm pretty sure no one noticed because there was so much else going on.

    Me 32 (Stage IV Endometriosis, short luteal phase) DH 38

    Married 5/2010

    January 2014- DS born healthy at 35.4 weeks

    February 2014- DS passed away due to complications from adenovirus

    February 2015- Rainbow baby DD born at 36.3 weeks

    My chart: http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/42fd32 

     


  • @erinel I caved and moved Harrison back to our room. I'm just not ready. But at least now I'm a little more prepared for the emotions that will come with it. For now, he'll stay right next to mommy and I am very happy with it :)

    Good job getting through the baptism! It must have been extremely difficult to be back at that church, and you're a strong mamma for doing it and being able to celebrate L's baptism.
  • schulme2 I'm a little late to respond, so your LO is probably a month old right now - so great.  I have those breakdowns too, and it happens to the best of us.  It just means that you love ALL of your children.  You are a wonderful mom, never forget it!

    reedermom1  I am so sorry for your loss. The only advice I have is to let your grief sit with you, be kind to yourself, and let yourself feel however you want to feel.  You have that right.  Let us know if you ever need anything. 

    Mel&John2013  The move to the nursery was hard on us, too (for different reasons, but I can understand what you mean).  Glad to see you back here!  Hope you are well!

    erinel  Congrats to L on being baptized!!  I had the same thoughts when our girl was baptized.. I randomly thought of how we had the boys' memorial there, and it was very bittersweet. You should be proud of yourself for getting through that. Glad to "see" you again!  


  • Hi friends. I haven't been on in a while. It's good to see everyone again.

    How old is your rainbow? My rainbow is 3 1/2 months old now. Time is flying.

    Is it harder than you thought? I don't know. I knew it was going to be hard and it is. I think for me the hardest part is that everyone around us thinks that we are all better now that she's here and we're not.

    What is the best and what is the most difficult for you? The best is seeing Abby interact with her. She loves her baby sister so much. I think the hardest is that she has replaced Nathaniel for Abby. She no longer tells everyone that she meets about her baby brother who died. Now she tells them about her baby sister instead. She still talks about him to us, but now it's that he died and that was sad, but now she has a baby sister.

    Have you still been getting support from family and friends? Not really. No one that sees us regularly mentions Nathaniel any more. Even the hospital support group has not been terribly supportive since Felicity was born. It's really small (3-4 families regularly including us) and we are the only people who regularly attend that already had a child and now have a rainbow too. I want to keep going, but now I feel like I have to watch what I say. We have missed the last two months so maybe the next time we go will be better. Also I had been going by myself and before she was born DH and I went together almost every month.

    We did just go visit my family and they talked about him a bit. We also saw a lot of people that I grew up with while we were there. We brought Nathaniel bear with us and shared him with everyone. It was nice to talk about him again. I also found out that quite a few friends there are reading my blog. I hadn't kept up with them, but they are close with my parents or sisters so had found out about it through them.
    Abigail Grace 9/7/10
    Nathaniel Willis born sleeping 2/6/14
    Felicity Hope 4/6/15

  • dadalou  good to "see" you here! I think of you and Nathaniel every now and then and keep up with you blog, especially for Nathaniel days. I am sorry that people have stopped really talking about him.  We have found it to be similar with our family and friends now that our baby girl is here. I hope that people start to talk about him more, which I know is important because he is still very much a part of your family.  Felicity is so precious and Abby seems to be an amazing big sister.  Sending love. 
  • ***PGAL mentioned***

    @dadalou- it's so good to "see" you! I'm glad life is adjusting with Felicity's arrival. I'm sorry that is seems everyone is forgetting Nathaniel. We recently found out we are expecting baby #3 and it concerns me that the same will happen to us as well. Everyone will assume new baby replaces Colton and won't talk about him anymore. It's already at the point where they don't talk about him much, so I worry this will be the tipping factor. His second birthday is coming up, and I wonder how many people will contact us this year compared to last. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this, especially with Abby. of course you want her to love her little sister, but that is so hard to feel she replaced Nathaniel with felicity. ((Hugs)).
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickersLilypie Kids Birthday tickers

    Me: 32 DH: 33  High School Sweethearts  Married 5/28/2005
    DS1 born 6/5/10 at 40 weeks via emergency c-section due to fetal distress and IUGR caused by placental insufficiency
    DS2 born still 8/28/13 at 32 weeks via emergency c-section due to a complete placental abruption - cause unknown
    Baby #3 on the way, EDD 2/29/16.  Originally twins, but we said goodbye to Baby B at 8 weeks.
  • Thanks guys.

    @stefuge Congratulations on baby #3! 

    DH and I were talking the other night about how it seems like everyone thinks we are all better now that we have a baby at home since we "have what we wanted" now. Everyone was very concerned during the pregnancy. Asking how we were doing and offering to help out, now nothing not even from family. 
    Abigail Grace 9/7/10
    Nathaniel Willis born sleeping 2/6/14
    Felicity Hope 4/6/15

    stefuge
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards