Oh, how naive I was...

WinchestertoPittsburgh · July 2015

I remember hearing people say or seeing the 'e-card' that said, "I'm tired of people saying 'the trying part is fun'"

I adore my DH. And I adore BDing with him. But yesterday I felt the 'oh my gosh, do we HAVE to do it again'. I stopped myself and we talked about it and laughed. But I finally realize what that saying was about. It's a lot of stress.

Anyone want to share tips on how to keep it fun?

Maydar · July 2015

100% understand, and don't have any advice yet, but looking forward to seeing what people say!

A bit TMI, but... this morning we were so excited that I had my first positive OPK that we had (VERY rare for us) morning sex, but we are so not morning people that it almost didn't work out, and I feel like we finished out of obligation. :P

cattlebride · July 2015

Chart and temp. That will make it so you only have to have sex during your fertile week, then the rest is recreational

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WinchestertoPittsburgh · July 2015

cattlebride said:

Chart and temp. That will make it so you only have to have sex during your fertile week, then the rest is recreational .

I do, and he is very much involved in wanting to know every temperature, every symptom, etc... (DH is a scientist so he is all up for the challenge of deciphering my chart). And we've been well aware that only the past few days have been 'go time'. Still though, just knowing that we are TTC in general has us both on edge a little when it comes to that time of the day. Maybe it's the MC. We still have our nerves in a tizzy at times.

benicode · July 2015

Even though you know you're BD to TTC, you could try to take the pressure off and make it fun again by maybe making a date night of it. If you can't go out, try to do something special at home. Make it so that the BD comes naturally and isn't necessarily the focus of your evening. Try to enjoy each other and have a good time focusing on your DH - you'll have fun and the pressure will naturally decrease. Obviously the timing for 'date night' may not work with your fertile period and not every night you want to BD, but try to be creative? I see you have a DS, so it may be harder for you to do, but shifting the focus even slightly could help

WinchestertoPittsburgh · July 2015

DS is going to his father's this weekend for a visit. DH and I are planning to take a mini-vacation/honeymoon (I had my MC begin just days before my wedding, so our original short honeymoon was ruined completely). I'm hoping a few days away from home, some wine from the wineries up at the location, and some time in the sun, will help to get our relationship back to being a bit more stress free

crzyforbabies · July 2015

I wish I hadn't filled DH in on my cycle, because he and I both felt pressured. If I could go back and do it again, then I would keep him in the dark a little more. Maybe lingerie? I wish I had more. A romantic date?

benicode · July 2015

Absolutely! I just got back from vacation with my husband and it was a great stress reliever, just what we needed! Have a blast and enjoy

Orlaa · July 2015

This is only my first cycle TTC but we started EOD from CD9 because it's also my first month temping and I wanted to be sure. So here we are at CD 19 and I already feel like I'm putting my SO under pressure.

At first he was delighted with all the extra action but the other night he was really tired and not feeling up for it so he felt he'd disappointed me and was all apologetic.

I really want to avoid making it seem like a chore especially as we're only at the beginning of this journey. But hopefully I'll know my cycle a bit better after temping and I definitely won't be starting so early next time!

ShallowSeas · July 2015

Yep, i get that

I have no problem having sex with DH all the time. We average about every other day, FW or not. But I HATE feeling "guilty" if we skip a day during my FW, like "GREAT. We didn't have sex tonight so now I'm definitely not gonna get pregnant". Its so ridiculous. DH and I really try not to think about my FW. Its hard, especially for me, but I really try not to change anything during that week except for no oral. We still have sex like normal, however we want. We just finished our 8th cycle and luckily, neither of us are feeling pressured or feeling like its a chore. Not changing our schedule or routine is absolutely the reason for that, i believe.

MNturnsVA · July 2015

You read my mind today!!

I am not one that has an overly active interest in sex to begin with. I'm not feeling burnt out yet but we are in the FW and we were doing the deed last night and DH couldn't finish the deal.....so frustrating!!!

I've tried to be more giving in that dept outside the FW because I don't want him to feel pressured or the only reason I want any of his time is to do the BD.

I've tried to not share any excessive info with him about OPK/temping/CM all that good stuff. He is aware though of FW and he even said last night after the failed attempt that he knew we were in 'prime time". So that made me feel bad in a way.

For somebody who doesn't like to BD to begin with, its hard.

I agree with PP, trying to do a date night or to keep it spontaneous when possible or try a new position maybe or get lingerie, have a few cocktails, i know there are some board games that are orientated to spicing things up some or if you haven't seen 50 shades of gray, you could give that a spin to see if it helps you both get in the mood. I read the books and waited to see the movie @ home but we were both in the mood after watching the movie. I'm actually re-reading the books right now too, hoping they'll spark some interest on my part.

Good luck!!

BabyIntegers · July 2015

@WinchestertoPittsburgh, imho, that's all you need to do in order to keep it fun. Your relationship sounds so sweet. Laughter is always the best medicine. My DH is also a scientist (maybe not by trade but definitely by brains!) and he really enjoys the challenge as well. I think that open communication, laughter and scheduling in date nights are really important. At the end of the day, even if BD becomes clinical at times, so what. You are both TTC. After all, it is "Trying To Conceive"

lionstigersbears · July 2015

DH and I have this awareness of maintenance/"business" sex versus the steamy stuff. We feel more connected by frequent intimacy, but don't like the pressure of this idea that is all has to be this marathon of mind blowing experiences. We've also talked a lot about how there's nothing wrong with steamy sex being how we conceive. I don't think anyone is saying that, but I know i have felt that fire go out on days that feel like business rather than pleasure, and it can take over a bit with ttc stress. Lingerie, toys, getting out of the bedroom. I'm not a porn star or anything, variety is just nice

kosmo86 · July 2015

So last month I had weird things with my cycle so in 16 days we bd'd 13 times, and it does get tiring. To help we did it right after we got home for work, before dinner, before you start doing other things and before we get tired. He was totally fine with it and wanted to continue well after I O'd, I told him a day 2 days LOL

WinchestertoPittsburgh · July 2015

You guys are awesome, it's just good to hear others experiences or input. DH is honestly my dream come true. After years of either being alone or having extremely poor relationships, he is everything I've ever wanted. And I DO want him. Like. All the time. I just know how much we also want a baby and that is always lingering. DS goes to his dad tonight for the long weekend visit. I may try to turn off all the electronics, and try and have some one on one time

WorkingOnMyNightCheese · July 2015

I totally feel your pain. The only thing I can say is that I hope you don't have to keep it up for long! For us it's been fun, but we're only in our second month so that probably has a lot to do with it. DH and I try to keep it as light as possible. We have a hard and fast rule... no talk of TTC or baby in the bedroom. It's a "fun only no serious talk" zone.

I've been trying to bring my sexy time a game...which for me is really like this...it's not great. But we laugh about it and that's all you can really do!

Edit for GIF fail.

lalalorelai · July 2015

I am so worried about this! I tend to be sort of a non-nonsense, type-A planner, so I can totally see myself being all "It's O-Day. Show me what you got" and making it all about baby-making and not the romance. Luckily, H is good at slowing things down and getting in the moment so I hope he can balance out my neuroticism.

We're only in our first few weeks TTC and we've been married less than a month, so I'm hoping to ride out the newlywed rush as long as we can!

crzyforbabies · July 2015

My DH got pissed when I said that we didn't have to roll out the red carpet

). I had to fake it until I make it with my interest in BD. I tried to enjoy it, but most nights I just wanted a quickie. DH wanted more romance. He's not a macho man at all.

mrsespigreen · July 2015

When I saw this I thought of this

buzzfeedhttps://www.buzzfeed.com/kevinmcshane/weird-things-couples-do-to-get-pregnant#.twApWnrXp

DH will want to BD 3 times a day if it was up to him,Um the one needing a break

PrimRoseMama · July 2015

WinchestertoPittsburgh said:
I remember hearing people say or seeing the 'e-card' that said, "I'm tired of people saying 'the trying part is fun'"

I adore my DH. And I adore BDing with him. But yesterday I felt the 'oh my gosh, do we HAVE to do it again'. I stopped myself and we talked about it and laughed. But I finally realize what that saying was about. It's a lot of stress.

Anyone want to share tips on how to keep it fun?

We like porn, role play & dirty talk.

ZedPM3 · July 2015

So far it hasn't been too bad, but one of my first thoughts when I knew we were entering cycle 7 was, "Really? We need to have baby-making sex again?" Like you all said, it isn't that I don't want it, I just want it to be for fun and because we feel like it, not because we need to if we want a chance at conceiving this month. Before we started I think sex was like a couple times a month thing. Mind you, we were building a house and it was a stressful couple of years, but we're perfectly happy not having sex often. It's hard for us to be spontaneous about it since we're both planners so we already have our timing planned out for this month. Maybe there's something we can do to make it more fun, but I'm just hoping it doesn't take too much longer!

CosmoAnne1 · July 2015

My DH would go 2-3 times a day but I just can't handle it lol. ( he has low testosterone so he has to get injections I'm sure that's what causes it) He works 10-12 hours a day only Sunday's off but he's still down for some lovin. I hardly have anytime to sit and relax for my self. I'm a SHAM so my job is 24/7. I also have an anxiety/panic disorder so sleep is pretty much non existent. So it's always me saying no but then I have to remember we are TTC and that only happens if we BD. Once I have some me time I normally good to go!

Aquarius923 · July 2015

I know what you mean! It took us awhile to get ds, and during that time it felt like a pressure weighing me down.

This cycle, I didn't o until cd24! I am all touched out for this month.

ashleyla526 · July 2015

WinchestertoPittsburgh said:
DS is going to his father's this weekend for a visit. DH and I are planning to take a mini-vacation/honeymoon (I had my MC begin just days before my wedding, so our original short honeymoon was ruined completely). I'm hoping a few days away from home, some wine from the wineries up at the location, and some time in the sun, will help to get our relationship back to being a bit more stress free

This sounds great! DH and I live in the Pittsburgh area too and checked out Niagara on the Lake for a long weekend getaway a few months ago. Not sure if that's where you're headed, but enjoy your weekend!!

St0v3s · July 2015

Our first month was hell and we only did it during the FW. The second month was fun because we laughed and joked throughout. We also acted like teenagers/ new couple this time around. For example, we were at a friend's house and I would send him dirty text while we were there to build it up so when we got home foreplay wasn't needed.

WinchestertoPittsburgh · July 2015

Our vacation has been cancelled. Long story short, my uncle told his friends they could use our family's cabin this weekend, and said we would just have to share. We don't want to. So we looked for hours last night of places to go, and everything is booked. Literally every hotel we looked at, is booked. Unless it costs 300$ a night, and we aren't dipping into savings just for a weekend trip.

Top that off with my temperature dipping today after it rose a ton yesterday and I had prayed SO hard that I O'd... i'm at work right now ready to pound my head off the wall.

AL_TwinCities · July 2015

Oh no @WinchestertoPittsburgh! Will you still have the house to yourselves with DS at his father's? Maybe you can treat it as a staycation - no cleaning or chores, relax and spend some quality time together, take a long bath, enjoy a nice bottle of wine, either cook a nice meal or go out to eat, etc.

WinchestertoPittsburgh · July 2015

I've come to terms with the fact that we're not going to be able to go anywhere... it's just that we've stayed home for long weekends before and although it's really nice to relax, I have been hyping myself up for finally getting away and taking my mind off of TTC for a few days.

And, I kinda yelled at DH this morning. He tried to justify why my temp went down and tried the whole puppies and rainbows 'maybe you still did, the temp could be wrong, don't worry!' and I didn't want to hear that.

Wine will be had. He's working at a free clinic all evening and i'll be home alone. Expect drunken posts this evening, lol!

St0v3s · July 2015

@WinchestertoPittsburgh when did you temp go down after O. My did and FF still gave me crosshairs. I was an emotional wreck when mine dipped back down but the next day I got a high reading.

WinchestertoPittsburgh · July 2015

I posted my chart in the (OPK) thread... it had gone up yesterday and then back down today when I thought I had O'd yesterday. Maybe I am today and it'll go back up. That's what I'm hoping. It's just such a downer to hope and pray to see another increase but then you don't. I almost threw my thermometer across the room. I didn't. Thankfully, lol

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