FFFC - Flame Free Friday Confessions, 7/10

virginiaunicorn11 · July 2015

Alright, new mamas! Confession time. And it's flame free, so some of us could probably use this space to help us move past some guilt.

What's on your mind?

virginiaunicorn11 · July 2015

I'm doing everything "on demand" so not tracking how long LO is awake, how often he eats or sleeps, etc. He is thriving and I'm happy, so it's working. But sometimes I find myself trying to get him to sleep, and I realize it may be because I am the one who wants that (Me time, or hitting the point where I don't know what else to do with an awake infant), not him.
And I feel a bit guilty for not wanting to spend more awake time with him...

RaiEliJusHell1369 · July 2015

Don't get me wrong, but I hate breast feeding, it is mentally and emotionally draining. It's a beautiful, natural thing that didn't feel like either. I feel horrible for feeling this way, but it's not for me. right now I'm pumping which is sort of working for me, I can build it around my schedule instead of LO's it's about the only thing I feel I can control.

katyertl · July 2015

RaiEliJusHell1369 said:
Don't get me wrong, but I hate breast feeding, it is mentally and emotionally draining. It's a beautiful, natural thing that didn't feel like either. I feel horrible for feeling this way, but it's not for me. right now I'm pumping which is sort of working for me, I can build it around my schedule instead of LO's it's about the only thing I feel I can control.

Yup this is why we transitioned to formula. I feel guilty about it. Mainly I think because everyone pushes BF down your throat. I really hated pumping too. I hate having a schedule to figure out if I wanted to go somewhere. It prevented me from leaving the house and made me depressed. I do still BF at night and now enjoy it so much more because we only do it a few times now.
Don't feel horrible for your feelings! BF is extremely hard

amabarne · July 2015

I went back to work Wednesday and have designated pumping times blocked off on my schedule. I love having that time by myself and knowing no one can bother me while my office door is closed. It feels exhilarating and almost naughty to strip halfway and pump right in the middle of a busy practice!

HoosOnFirst · July 2015

I'm formula feeding, but in the back of my mind it would be awesome to tell work I WAS pumping so that I get a break at work every 2/3 hours! (:;Evil grin::)

I also have not left the house in 2 days because it's too much work with LO. So lazy!

SammeMotley · July 2015

I HATE BREASTFEEDING!!! Everyone told me its was amazing and the weight would melt right off. I'm calling bullshit. I have 66 ibs to lose and I'm so depressed.

KaLikeAWind · July 2015

So my mom is visiting. I love her and appreciate her wanting to help, but she twisted BOTH ankles the day after arriving so bad they are really swollen and bruised. Finally convinced her to let me take her to urgent care today to have them looked at.

My FFFC - now I can have the Dr tell her to sit her ass down and not be on her feet, so I don't have to worry about her trying to hold LO while she is standing or walking (which she keeps trying to do). I'm afraid her ankles are going to roll again and she will drop him! I don't care at all that she holds him when she is sitting safely, but my heart leaps into my throat every time I see her on her swollen feet with him in her arms!

janat1717 · July 2015

Eek I'm sorry she hurt herself @mellymar and also sorry it's making your life harder! I had a dr. Appt today and found out I am up a lb from my pregnancy weight... How I lost a 6lb baby and a placenta and gained that much in a month... I've never gained so much so fast... Must be feeding stress

JessHeppell · July 2015

janit368 said:
Eek I'm sorry she hurt herself @mellymar and also sorry it's making your life harder! I had a dr. Appt today and found out I am up a lb from my pregnancy weight... How I lost a 6lb baby and a placenta and gained that much in a month... I've never gained so much so fast... Must be feeding stress

im thinking it could be from the boobs, milk supply and that kind of deal.

Sammy K · July 2015

I know babies aren't manipulative or have malicious intent, but sometimes I think my precious little angel is being an asshole on purpose. Especially at 4 am when we are the only ones awake and she decides to play a game of "if you put me down or think about not rocking/walking/bouncing I will freak out." The logical part of my brain knows that's not true, the sleep deprived part says go the f*ck to sleep.

LaurenAnn0405 · July 2015

I let my LO cry in the swing because I was eating ice cream and didn't want it to melt while I attended to him and didn't want to put it away just to have to get it back out again so I let him cry until I finished it X_X

mindaa · July 2015

LaurenAnn0405 said:
I let my LO cry in the swing because I was eating ice cream and didn't want it to melt while I attended to him and didn't want to put it away just to have to get it back out again so I let him cry until I finished it X_X

I have done that plenty of times - when alone, its almost impossible not to.

My fffc is that while we were supplementing, I switched formula while DH was gone for a few days, to use a free sample instead of the pricy organic stuff he picked out.
LO had a reaction a few days later, which was probably about the lactose not the formula brand, but not really any way to know, so I still feel guilty for switching him from a formula that he seemed to be doing fine with, and causing him tummy trouble

dancegurl1118 · July 2015

I haven't given LO a bath in 5 days ..tonight's bath night since I cleaned out all her cheese now that she's getting rolls. Yikes! Am I the worst? I wash her bottom when she has a blowout..

KaLikeAWind · July 2015

I have a new fffc - I now feel totally guilty for acting selfish about my mom holding LO while walking around, but at the same time justified. She managed to break BOTH ankles when she fell on Wednesday, and has been trying to walk around my house and do stuff this whole time. SO guilty. And yet SO relieved she won't be always walking around trying to do stuff for me, or trying to walk around unsteadily with LO in her arms. So guilty.

SammeMotley · July 2015

I don't sterilize my pump parts. @dancegurl1118 I just gave LO a bath after three days. It's not like they're crawling or running around to get dirty. Plus, baths are drying to their skin and can cause baby acne and eczema. I think sponge baths in between are sufficient.

@mellymar I would lose it if my mom did this. She's super strong if two broken ankles don't hurt her!

HoosOnFirst · July 2015

dancegurl1118 said:
I haven't given LO a bath in 5 days ..tonight's bath night since I cleaned out all her cheese now that she's getting rolls. Yikes! Am I the worst? I wash her bottom when she has a blowout..

I rarely bathe this child. Don't feel bad. Just constant neck roll cleanings!

addingon · July 2015

@dancegurl1118 My daughter has gone 5 days without a bath before as well! No judgement. Their heads always smell sweet so I focus on that. Haha

My FFFC: Today I laid LO down in her crib with a blanket and quite a few stuffed animals off in the corner. I sent my husband a pic showing him what an unsafe sleep rebel I am! But seriously, I was in the room organizing the whole time...and I'm pretty sure my 4 week old wasn't going to roll over and do a wild 180 turn to go burrow in the teddy bears.

Sammy K · July 2015

We don't bathe either kid daily. The 2 year old is 2-3 times a week or as needed. The baby has only had a full bath 3 times and is 3 weeks. She gets a sponge bath in between.

lovethatcolosun · July 2015

My fffc is that being outnumbered by my kids during the day kinda freaks me out. DS just turned three and is generally a sweet well mannered little boy. He has started to test boundaries and my patience daily. He's super sweet to his little sis and generally is adjusting well to her arrival. I honestly think the toddler might break me at times. Finding him a preschool to attend in the fall is now my top priority.

ngaines27 · July 2015

I quit breastfeeding weeks ago. When I mentioned it to the pediatrician, she acted all judgey and strongly "encouraged" me to keep trying. I told her I would, but did not. At his last appointment, she made a comment about me nursing him and I just went along with it to avoid further judgement.

aliciac2008 · July 2015

ngaines27 said:

I quit breastfeeding weeks ago. When I mentioned it to the pediatrician, she acted all judgey and strongly "encouraged" me to keep trying. I told her I would, but did not. At his last appointment, she made a comment about me nursing him and I just went along with it to avoid further judgement.

My pediatrician tried to "encourage" me to keep breast feeding at our appointment too. I just shut him down and interrupted him and said my mind was made up. We've never talked about it since.

P.S. He's a very good and nice peditrician. I probably just took it the wrong way.

rklinge0 · July 2015

I totally used my single electric/battery operated pump today while driving because we had a busy day and I didn't want to sit in a parking lot pumping for 30 min ( 15 on each side).I did get worried about what would happen if I got pulled over but was willing to take that chance.

staceyfern · July 2015

My parents are visiting me. They just got here today and I am ready for them to leave. My mom drives me crazy. She says she is here to help. She was holding LO while I was in the basement doing laundry and I heard him crying for a bit. When I went upstairs I asked if she checked his diaper. She said no but sure enough he was wet. So she is annoying and not useful. Blehh.

mvargas12 · July 2015

I have never woken up LO to feed her. She's eats great and is gaining weight so I'm not too worried about it. I feed her when she's hungry.

KaLikeAWind · July 2015

While I'm bummed about having to supplement with formula, at times I read posts from you mamas who are EBF and are up every hour / hour and half. And at 3am I'm grateful that should that feeding go well, I'm probably looking at 3 hours (or more, if we sleep thru another alarm) of sleep. Sorry, sleep deprived EBF mamas! I-)

samantham0305 · July 2015

My FFFC....I got upset that my MIL didn't want to keep DD overnight, but only for a few hours during the day. I just wanted some time to myself after the awful crying/screaming she's been doing this week. I literally spent 2 hours yesterday crying with her....I just wanted more time than running to the bathroom and taking a shower. That's not 'me time', that's making sure you don't smell like you walked out of a pen at the zoo. Oh and my second part of this...the DH getting all bent out of shape when DD woke up screaming crying when I went to the bathroom for 2 minutes....like he can't deal with it for that long.

aj1327 · July 2015

Any one else's LO still jaundiced? We went for our month check up and DS's bilirubin level was the same as 2 weeks ago. The pedi isn't concerned and said it would go down with 3 days of formula (I EBF), but she doesn't necessarily recommend that. LO was 8lbs 7 oz at birth and is no 12 lbs 5 oz, so no trouble gaining weight and he is alert. I know there was a thread started a while back, just curious if anyone else is still dealing with this.

Edited due to typos

staceyfern · July 2015

My parents are visiting. I want them gone now please!!!!!! They are driving me crazy!!

henrytviii · July 2015

hoodoll82 said:
I'm formula feeding, but in the back of my mind it would be awesome to tell work I WAS pumping so that I get a break at work every 2/3 hours! (:;Evil grin::)

I also have not left the house in 2 days because it's too much work with LO. So lazy!

Brilliant! You should totally do this. When I quit pumping (hopefully around 11 months) I might just go turn the pump on and take a nap in my storeroom /pumping room!

KaLikeAWind · July 2015

I don't mean this in a derogatory way and I love ALL you ladies, you know that. BUT - the ladies who are posting in the milk boosters thread who are talking about how many mad ounces they get while pumping.... I cheerfully hate you guys when I read your posts. If someone is pumping 8oz a sitting, you're way better off than me, who can't even pump half of a quarter of an ounce, and who would struggle to pump an ounce throughout the whole day if you added the results from ALL my sessions that day together.

Love y'all. Truly. But also probably giving each and every one of those posts the pursed lips of the dragon lady from The Devil Wears Prada

dancegurl1118 · July 2015

@mellymar I'm so sorry if it came across that way! I was just concerned about clogged ducts again. Really, I apologize -- I did not mean to be insensitive. All things breastmilk suck.

KaLikeAWind · July 2015

dancegurl1118 said:
@mellymar I'm so sorry if it came across that way! I was just concerned about clogged ducts again. Really, I apologize -- I did not mean to be insensitive. All things breastmilk suck.

No! See, I totally didn't want to come across that way, either! Hard to express myself properly. If anything, reading about those of you who can pump so much should make me happy cause I should copy what you are doing. I mostly just mean that just like I'm sure there must be something about my situation that you great producers are jealous of, I'm really jealous of those great producers in turn. Its a rough feedback loop, is all. Please, I don't want anybody to feel like I don't want them to post. I want to read ALL the comments. Just sometimes I make dragon lady face when I do.
:P

KaLikeAWind · July 2015

@dancegurl1118 And yes, all things breastmilk do suck. This is a statement of wisdom

SammeMotley · July 2015

mellymar said:
I don't mean this in a derogatory way and I love ALL you ladies, you know that. BUT - the ladies who are posting in the milk boosters thread who are talking about how many mad ounces they get while pumping.... I cheerfully hate you guys when I read your posts. If someone is pumping 8oz a sitting, you're way better off than me, who can't even pump half of a quarter of an ounce, and who would struggle to pump an ounce throughout the whole day if you added the results from ALL my sessions that day together.

Love y'all. Truly. But also probably giving each and every one of those posts the pursed lips of the dragon lady from The Devil Wears Prada

Some people don't respond to a pump at all. What pump do you use?? @mellymar

KaLikeAWind · July 2015

@SammeMotley at first I was using a medela PIS borrowed from the LC. Then I was able to get my own thru insurance and a local medical supply place, an Ameda purely yours. Output was about the same with either pump - an average of 5-10ml for a 15 min session. I actually took a break from pumping for the past 5 or so days because it was just depressing to spend all that time and get such a small reward. Someone else suggested trying the hand pump, and we'll probably try that tonight or tomorrow

JessHeppell · July 2015

mellymar said:
@SammeMotley at first I was using a medela PIS borrowed from the LC. Then I was able to get my own thru insurance and a local medical supply place, an Ameda purely yours. Output was about the same with either pump - an average of 5-10ml for a 15 min session. I actually took a break from pumping for the past 5 or so days because it was just depressing to spend all that time and get such a small reward. Someone else suggested trying the hand pump, and we'll probably try that tonight or tomorrow

my sister had a baby in october and she just doesnt produce through the pump either
youre not alone and babies totally are the best pumps (seriously thanking my LO for his suction power atm)

KaLikeAWind · July 2015

JessHeppell said:

mellymar said:
@SammeMotley at first I was using a medela PIS borrowed from the LC. Then I was able to get my own thru insurance and a local medical supply place, an Ameda purely yours. Output was about the same with either pump - an average of 5-10ml for a 15 min session. I actually took a break from pumping for the past 5 or so days because it was just depressing to spend all that time and get such a small reward. Someone else suggested trying the hand pump, and we'll probably try that tonight or tomorrow
my sister had a baby in october and she just doesnt produce through the pump either
youre not alone and babies totally are the best pumps (seriously thanking my LO for his suction power atm)

Yes he has actually spit up breastmilk after a bf session a couple of times. He has also gone straight to sleep after some bf sessions (meaning he was full and didn't need his formula) or has taken very little formula after bf sessions (But then other times he will take almost a full 2oz, so who knows...), so I'm thinking that my constant encouragement to have him on the boob when he starts to show he is hungry or fussy is paying off.

klkonwi · July 2015

@amccoy129 my babes eyes are still yellow...... His doc wasn't worried but I kinda am. He's 3 weeks tomorrow. Who the heck knows. I know the exact things you know that he's gaining weight and is alert and eats a lot.

SammeMotley · July 2015

mellymar said:
@SammeMotley at first I was using a medela PIS borrowed from the LC. Then I was able to get my own thru insurance and a local medical supply place, an Ameda purely yours. Output was about the same with either pump - an average of 5-10ml for a 15 min session. I actually took a break from pumping for the past 5 or so days because it was just depressing to spend all that time and get such a small reward. Someone else suggested trying the hand pump, and we'll probably try that tonight or tomorrow

I have the freestyle and it sucks. I got a cheapo manual at my shower and I'm done in five minutes. You probably need the stimulation from the pump more than the actual output. I know what you mean but trust me it'll increase. I started out like you too.

klkonwi · July 2015

I always plan to sterilize my pump parts and I never do...I wash them !
..... So you are not alone whichever poster said that.

I skipped pumping last night and my kid was having a gassy meltdown with his dad in charge in the nursery during the time when I should have gone in there and A) helped DH and b) pumped ...... I figured ..... Why go in there when I could actually sleep. Selfish I know.

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