DH/SO rants and raves 7/6-7/12

DolphinLover2002 · July 2015

The other thread is really long now. So here's to new rants and raves for the week. Are your significant others being super helpful with your lo's or are they making you want to choke them?

staceyfern · July 2015

Perfect timing. I'm steaming mad. When LO is 6 weeks ( in about 2 weeks) he is going away for the weekend with my stepson for a baseball tournament. I have known about this and been fine with it. Now he told me today he has an all night work event the Thursday night before all night. It might not be a big deal to some but it really bothers me because he knows how I feel about him being gone so many nights a week. Ehhhh. Just so pissed off I needed to vent.

ksimo6 · July 2015

DH and I have divided kid duties and he has been a rock star with the toddler duties. He relieves me with baby when I need him too. No current complaints.

bbnmama2012 · July 2015

DH is currently away with the youth group as a chaperone. I didn't realize how helpful he was until he was gone. I'm losing my mind today. I just need a break, like 20 minutes!!

aliciac2008 · July 2015

DH is being a saint with helping with the baby. We take shifts at night so we can always guarantee we each get at least 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep. Well, I had the 11-3 shift last night, and DD would NOT go to sleep in her crib but was just fine in her swing. That's usually not a big deal during the day but the swing is in the living room, and I want to be sure I'm right next to her when she's sleeping there. That means I need to sleep on the couch, which I can never fall asleep on. Well, at 2:30 I finally gave up, and asked my husband if he could take over a little earlier since I was struggling so much and was getting very flustered. He agreed without a problem so I finally got some sleep in. It was only a half hour early, but it meant so much that he was willing to do that.

P.S. He got her to fall asleep in her crib after 2 minutes of trying. :-w

dancegurl1118 · July 2015

DH has really been a saint picking up the slack with everything I haven't been doing. And not once does he complain or ask why...

But I have to wonder if he feels like he has less of a connection with LO because I'm always with her. I just feel like when I ask him to do simple tasks with her he can't do it without me walking him through it which defeats the purpose. But I guess I created this mess.

kkdb14 · July 2015

I dropped LO off at boyfriend's house tonight. He's been taking some time to really take on his part of the responsibility, but after a long talk yesterday, I think he's doing much better. I'm beyond anxious being away from her for the whole night at only 6 weeks, but I'm also really excited to have a full nights sleep for the first time in 6 weeks!! Overall no complaints as of yet, but yall will hear the ranting tomorrow if I find out he had his mother or sister take care of her for him. :-\"

JessHeppell · July 2015

with my induction being so early in the morning tomorrow i knew nothing would be open and so i jokingly told DH to pick up some arizonas for the drive up and for the hospital, thinking if he took it seriously he would get just one for me or one for each of us. he just got back from work and he ended up buying 6 cans :x
he knows me so well. haha. i guess ill let him have one or 2 XD

ETA: at like 12:30pm he went to 7-11, i asked for hard candies (was thinking something like jolly ranchers or the like) he got me gobstopers and rockets(smarties for americans)
not quite was i was thinking -_- i dont really like either of them..
you win some you lose some.

klkonwi · July 2015

After being up from 130 am to 6am with a crabby gassy baby and stressing and pumping this blocked boob...... DH took him and ordered me to go to bed....... He is amazing. I was losing my mind.

He left me a hilarious note to read when I woke up....
Note said
"He fell asleep at 645. Just needed to fart. I ran to Goodyear to Lincoln..."
So funny.

aliciac2008 · July 2015

I had a break down last night right before bed. I just miss the old normal and wish I could go back to that for a few days. I was up until 3 crying and being miserable. Without even asking, DH watched her for the whole night.

I want to do something nice for him for helping so much. Any ideas? Have you done anything special for your SO? Anything big or small works. I was thinking of writing a note and putting it in his wallet so he would find it at a random time during work.

samantham0305 · July 2015

My DH is great with helping with our 2wk old DD. He will usually be the one to make up bottles at night so I don't have to worry about her crying and crying while I try to make a bottle. I'm up with DD all thru the night,and she's been waking up every 2 hours like clockwork. DH just started a new job and has to get sleep. However, lately at the 3am wake up time I've been getting so drowsy I will fall asleep for a minute or two giving her a bottle or burping her. I wish I could ask DH to help and give me some time to sleep so I don't feel like I'm gonna pass out.

paige0704 · July 2015

I'm so jealous of u ladies with SOs that help in the night

KonaCoffeeBean · July 2015

Not really a rant, because my husband helps a ton, and makes a great effort, but he wildly inaccurate expectations about how to deal with crying. Last night, we had our typical late night fusiness; I nursed DS, then my husband changed the diaper and reswaddled him. There was still some low-level fussing going on, so I told DH to rock him for a while. "For how long?" "Just until he falls asleep?" He looked at me like I asked him to rock the kid until kindergarten...

rklinge0 · July 2015

My dh helps out on Friday nights but thats the only night he will get up with dd. I pump so he feeds her a bottle and changes her. Although he is having lots of trouble getting her back to sleep. So Saturday morning and day she is all out of sorts. I know its good for him to get up with her but I feel like it may be easier if I took over so she gets her sleep.
I know I should be happy he is making the effort. And it will take him a while to figure out what to do to get her to sleep.

virginiaunicorn11 · July 2015

@aliciac2008 I surprise emailed DH a list of 100 reasons I love him. It included funny memories and things from when we started dating, all the way through to LO being born, and what I love about him as a father.

@rklinge0 I've stopped even asking DH for help at night. He tries to console the baby rather than just hurrying and changing the damn diaper. Then he talks and plays with baby rather than just getting him back to sleep. It's sweet and he's a wonderful dad... But I've decided to just pass over baby duties once the sun is up. I get more sleep this way, and don't resent DH (which isn't really fair to do, but at 2:30 am I can't help it!).

beckyk9109 · July 2015

I really don't ask DH for much... During the week I stay in our master bedroom and he's in the spare room since he's working (weekends we're in the same room), so I wake and do all feelings (with twins mind you!) and I even pump at night. Today all I wanted was a break to go to kohls with my sister for a new swimsuit and to get some froyo... Not even 1 hr after leaving he calls me in panic because the girls are crying and he can't stop them. He tells me I need to come home... Not gonna lie, we still went for froyo and I didn't even feel bad about it. I take care of them alllll dayyyy long by myself while he's at work... you can handle 2 hrs bro!

kkdb14 · July 2015

Update on LO-free night: Bf told me to sleep until I woke up, so I did. 1:55 pm

) he only asked for MILs help once at 2:30 am, and DD fell asleep shortly after. Was kinda disappointed he didn't do it ALL by himself, but it being his first night on his own, I can understand needing some help. Granted, I offered to stay the night incase he needed the help, but he refused and said he wanted to do it on his own. I guess this is a rave because I'm pretty dang proud of the guy. I think I'm beginning to lose some of the resentment, and he's beginning to gain more appreciation for my part in our daughter. I'm starting to feel much more strongly about our relationship than I have in 6 weeks, and it's such a relief :x

Sammy K · July 2015

DH is sleeping. I am not. That is all.

elizab14 · July 2015

My DH says she doesn't sleep when it's his turn to watch her. That's because he just lays her in the pack n play and goes off and does something else instead of rocking her or walking her around. So I got up to pump and she hadn't slept since my last feeding. I put her on my boob, she passed out and I couldn't wake her up and she's been sleeping since and I'm awake.

My DH smokes. I've never say much about it because he washes up well and does it outside, etc. Even if I say something he is so rebellious and defensive about it, it's better that it becomes his idea to quit.
Now that she is here, I'm obsessed with third hand smoke and the carcinogens that she can breathe in just from laying on his chest with a shirt he smoked in earlier in the day. I say something and he over reacts. It sucks because I need his help, he is awesome with her for the most part, but I can't not say anything anymore.

ksimo6 · July 2015

Sammy K said:
DH is sleeping. I am not. That is all.

That mother f....

mccall35 · July 2015

DH does try to be helpful at night, but it's often only after I'm on my last straw and suuuuper frustrated with my inability to get dd back to sleep after night feeds. I do get to sleep while he takes her out to the living room and either rocks her back to sleep or watches tv with her swaddled, but given he works and I'm a SAHM, I always feel guilty in the morning.

I hate feeling guilty.

Alone with dd my 2yr old DS all day, I just need a bit of a break every now and then. I just wish he made more of an effort to reassure me that it's ok to need his help (and that he's happy to help).

AlyLynn07 · July 2015

mccall35 said:
DH does try to be helpful at night, but it's often only after I'm on my last straw and suuuuper frustrated with my inability to get dd back to sleep after night feeds. I do get to sleep while he takes her out to the living room and either rocks her back to sleep or watches tv with her swaddled, but given he works and I'm a SAHM, I always feel guilty in the morning.

I hate feeling guilty.

Alone with dd my 2yr old DS all day, I just need a bit of a break every now and then. I just wish he made more of an effort to reassure me that it's ok to need his help (and that he's happy to help).

Can definitely relate to above as we have an almost 2 year old as well. I hate having to ask DH for help as I am usually pretty frustrated/not-so-nice by the time I do. I especially hate asking for help at night since he works long hours 6 days a week. But honestly, it would be way easier for me to be working right now than adjusting to caring for two under 2! Hang in there! It can only get better??!? Or when I'm feeling really sorry for my tired self, I cry (Of course), then try to remind myself how blessed we are to have this beautiful family!

mccall35 · July 2015

AlyLynn07 said:

mccall35 said:
DH does try to be helpful at night, but it's often only after I'm on my last straw and suuuuper frustrated with my inability to get dd back to sleep after night feeds. I do get to sleep while he takes her out to the living room and either rocks her back to sleep or watches tv with her swaddled, but given he works and I'm a SAHM, I always feel guilty in the morning.

I hate feeling guilty.

Alone with dd my 2yr old DS all day, I just need a bit of a break every now and then. I just wish he made more of an effort to reassure me that it's ok to need his help (and that he's happy to help).
Can definitely relate to above as we have an almost 2 year old as well. I hate having to ask DH for help as I am usually pretty frustrated/not-so-nice by the time I do. I especially hate asking for help at night since he works long hours 6 days a week. But honestly, it would be way easier for me to be working right now than adjusting to caring for two under 2! Hang in there! It can only get better??!? Or when I'm feeling really sorry for my tired self, I cry (Of course), then try to remind myself how blessed we are to have this beautiful family!

Thanks! I'm glad I'm not alone in this. I really am blessed! Everyone says it will get easier. That time can come any time now... Lol

JessHeppell · July 2015

DH was awesome during labour/delivery, theres of course not much he could really do to help me but he was trying very hard which was so sweet.
at one point when i was crying and screaming i heard him ask a little frantically "is there anything you guys can give her?"
after the move to our room we're both laying there trying to sleep (im trying at least pretty sure DH is out and LO starts to spit up, he immediately jolts up and rushes to him. it was so sweet to see. he keeps telling me how awesome and strong i am. its just overall really nice. he said it was hard to see me go through so much pain, almost made him cry.
sometimes he is an asshole but i love him :x

virginiaunicorn11 · July 2015

I've decided I'm going to stop referring to it as "asking DH for help" because that implies he's assisting me with my job. And we are in this together. I am also going to stop thanking him when he does something for LO like change a diaper - again, because that implies he is doing something extra that is my job. He doesn't thank me every time I feed LO or change a diaper, so why do I need to thank him.

Not bitter at all, and DH is being awesome! But I think this mental shift will help me with guilt and expectations, and also help signal that shift to DH, too. We are both home with LO right now, so he is our equal responsibility, not just mine. Time for us to recognize that!

bbnmama2012 · July 2015

^^ this exactly. LO is just as much his son as he is mine. We're both parents and any "help" DH gives is called parenting and it doesn't always deserve a reward or recognition.

KarasTwin · July 2015

@virginiaunicorn11 you're so right. I do find myself thanking DH a good bit, but I think I'm subconsciously doing it because I want him to do the same for me. He does tell me I'm a great mommy, but I need more than that. His family is constantly bragging about what great parents we are, but seem shocked about him like it's not as much his responsibility as mine.

almakie · July 2015

My SO has 3 weeks off as much as I know he needs his time to relax to, it just makes me angry that he plays his PlayStation and watches movies all day and goes off to see all his friends
(stuff you do before baby comes along) And just leaves me alone.

I would like a break to, it's been 5 days since I've been home and I can't shower, eat or even go to the toilet without him bringing me LO for a feed.

He is helping but I don't feel like it's enough, I still cook, wash and clean.

He complains his tired!!!

rolson8947 · July 2015

Last night as I was eating dinner with my SO...he says "we may just have to start taking turns each night so you can get some sleep" and I wanted to say "well no shit" hahaha. LO will be a month old on the 16th, does it really take someone that long to figure that out after a month? Come on dude. Better late than never I guess :-?

ksimo6 · July 2015

almakie said:
My SO has 3 weeks off as much as I know he needs his time to relax to, it just makes me angry that he plays his PlayStation and watches movies all day and goes off to see all his friends
(stuff you do before baby comes along) And just leaves me alone.

Oh hell no. Hell to the no.

Serenamarr · July 2015

Mine drives me nuts with the video games. He hasn't been working at all lately (works mostly from home) and instead plays video games all.the.time. While holding LO half the time.

He is good about feedings and diapers though, because I think he realizes how much work exclusive pumping is for me and that's something he can't help with so he does his share of the other things.

kcl283 · July 2015

DH is driving me up a wall! This is the weekend of the yearly camping trip and it also happens to be LOs 40 day blessing at church. And he's upset because he can't go camping. Sure, leave me with a 3 yo and a 5 week old for the whole friggin weekend!!! I don't have 2 children right now, I have 3 and the 35 yo is the worst one. Don't you think I'd like a break!?!?!

kezdk · July 2015

My baby is in the NICU, but I am on a pumping schedule, so I am up every few hours. I got my DH involved and make him wash the pump parts when I am done. He is not happy about it, but does it without too much of a fuss. I am happy for even this tiniest bit of help because he is still working until Baby comes home, so on top of spending my life in the NICU, I have to keep up with house chores (still recovering from a c-section).

kelseyharrell22 · July 2015

It must be nice to have a baby & never feed her, get up with her, or change her. I'm soooo fed up. I feel like a single mom. Which I basically am.

katyertl · July 2015

kelseyharrell22 said:
It must be nice to have a baby & never feed her, get up with her, or change her. I'm soooo fed up. I feel like a single mom. Which I basically am.

I hear ya!!!! I'm always the one to get up with LO and always the one to do the work I feel like. I'm so sick of hearing LO start to wake up in the middle of the night to eat and hubby just stays sleeping and never thinks to help and wake up to feed her. I'm so sick of him. He's usually such a great husband and now having our baby he does maybe 10% of the work. Otherwise when he has her he thinks it's just about holding her. And when she is awake and he has her he is on his phone or watching tv and not playing or making eye contact with her at all. Like dude do something! I'm so sick of him right now. But maybe that's because I've been doing all the feedings every night and he hasn't. AND we do formula and bottle feeding. He could easily do it himself at night.

JessHeppell · July 2015

earlier DH went to bed and left me in the living room with his sister(who im not exactly close with) and i was feeding LO and i was just awkward... she was just like.. watching. i wish he had told her to leave before going to bed. it was like 11:30pm before she left.

mvargas12 · July 2015

DH was wonderful during labor and during our hospital stay but it pretty much ended there. DD is 3 weeks on Tuesday and I could probably count on one hand the times he has fed her or changed her diaper. He doesn't help around the house, anything I ask him to do is a big deal. I stay home all day while he works all day, I don't mind doing the housework. I mind when he comes home throws his tie on the bed, leaves his shoes in the middle of he living room, throws his bag wherever, eats and leaves his plate in an otherwise clean and empty sink, or puts away HALF his clean, already folded laundry. It's not fair, I'm not his maid. We have an agreement that he can sleep all night, I am happy to get up with DD since he has to work.

The topping on the WTF cake though was yesterday when he was e-mailing his mom and he said "I've been doing everything I can so Mary doesn't have to do too much." And "the baby wakes up every 4 hours so we get OKAY sleep".

Are you kidding???

1. You don't do shit around the house OR with the baby.
2. The only reason you even know she sleeps four hours at a time is because you've heard me telling people.
3. I actually get up with her and I think I get GREAT sleep, considering she's 2 weeks old.

I called him out on his BS and I'm not even sorry =;

ETA: words.

rolson8947 · July 2015

LO and I finally started sleeping upstairs the night before last. She slept from 11-4 in her rock n play beside our bed last night. When she woke up at 4 I fed her. She must have been gassy because she was crying/screaming after I fed her so I came downstairs and got on the couch with her. Well I started crying because she was crying and while crying I said, "please stop." Lol like she would listen to my request, but she stopped. While I was crying I was cursing at my SO in my mind, like I was really letting him have it

) so anyways, she wakes up at 8 and I'm going to change her before feeding her and somehow pee travels up her back out of her diaper into her hair soooo she just got a bath. Now I'm finally sitting on the back porch drinking some coffee and my SO comes out and says "man that's the longest I have slept in a while babe, I feel good"...I ignore him. In my mind I'm saying "no you stupid mother trucker, you sleep in every weekend and during the week you get in bed by 9:30"...I usually don't curse, but hell it must be freakin nice to never have to get up and feed or change a diaper [-(

paige0704 · July 2015

mvargas12 said:
DH was wonderful during labor and during our hospital stay but it pretty much ended there. DD is 3 weeks on Tuesday and I could probably count on one hand the times he has fed her or changed her diaper. He doesn't help around the house, anything I ask him to do is a big deal. I stay home all day while he works all day, I don't mind doing the housework. I mind when he comes home throws his tie on the bed, leaves his shoes in the middle of he living room, throws his bag wherever, eats and leaves his plate in an otherwise clean and empty sink, or puts away HALF his clean, already folded laundry. It's not fair, I'm not his maid. We have an agreement that he can sleep all night, I am happy to get up with DD since he has to work.

The topping on the WTF cake though was yesterday when he was e-mailing his mom and he said "I've been doing everything I can so Mary doesn't have to do too much." And "the baby wakes up every 4 hours so we get OKAY sleep".

Are you kidding???

1. You don't do shit around the house OR with the baby.
2. The only reason you even know she sleeps four hours at a time is because you've heard me telling people.
3. I actually get up with her and I think I get GREAT sleep, considering she's 2 weeks old.

I called him out on his BS and I'm not even sorry =;

ETA: words.

This sounds like my life except for the great sleep lol baby won't sleep at night so I'm exhausted

samantham0305 · July 2015

DH works 3rds, this is his first week on this shift. Ive been up with LO a lot recently and she's been very fussy and I could really use a break. Jealous of DH that's sleeping right now... alone...in a bed.

dancegurl1118 · July 2015

DH stayed up with me for "moral support" as I couldn't get out of the bathroom last night being sick. What a guy.

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DH/SO rants and raves 7/6-7/12

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