I would also say, I don't know exactly what the politics of your family are like, but if you are regretting allowing your MIL to come with, you should tell her you changed your mind. She'll probably get upset, but your DH should back you up and say that you're very nervous and hormonal. It's like the one time in life you get to use this excuse!
Due Date: Feb. 24, 2016
Team--Pink (but our nursery is Orange, Blue, & Purple!)
Feb 2016 September Siggy Challenge: Things I Love About Fall--Pumpkins!
I would also say, I don't know exactly what the politics of your family are like, but if you are regretting allowing your MIL to come with, you should tell her you changed your mind. She'll probably get upset, but your DH should back you up and say that you're very nervous and hormonal. It's like the one time in life you get to use this excuse!
What? No. She doesn't have to blame hormones for the fact that she doesn't want MIL there. It is her health, her appointment. She has a right to say no and not have her opinion diminished to "it's just hormones".
@egraves4 just make sure you check on the "guest" policy for your ultrasounds before making promises! I just found out today for my upcoming NT scan that only one "guest" is allowed in the room with me. I wasn't planning on inviting anyone else though, so no big deal for me. (My MIL? Heck no!!!) Just wanted to make sure you find out if extra people are allowed before you disappoint them!
@egraves4 just make sure you check on the "guest" policy for your ultrasounds before making promises! I just found out today for my upcoming NT scan that only one "guest" is allowed in the room with me. I wasn't planning on inviting anyone else though, so no big deal for me. (My MIL? Heck no!!!) Just wanted to make sure you find out if extra people are allowed before you disappoint them!
Ditto this! My OB's office and the hospital I will have my testing through only allow one adult with me.
@PrimRoseMama Well I'm sorry you were offended by that? What I meant was that her boyfriend has a grandchild that she isn't even technically her grandchild (as much as she loves her) so she's looking forward to the first for her. Plus, they started dating after the grandchild was born. It wasn't about adoption.
@egraves4 : I think you are is missing my point entirely. To say one child is "technically Not hers" is mean. The grandchild is hers because her partner loves her.
See-- please don't ever say this to the kid, ok? Because all she knows is this woman is her grandma. There is no "first" here. The lady already has a grandchild. Love makes a family-- not blood all by itself.
I wasn't so much offended as looking to make you aware that statements like this can be hurtful to people in blended families. You know, just as an FYI.
I think if my dad's partner had said that his Grandkids "aren't technically his" we would have issues. That's right my adoptive father was gay. My dad's partner is as much my kids' grandpa as the blood relation on my husband's side. I wasn't related to my Dad by blood either. So my point is-- love & caring make a lot more difference than DNA.
You failed to understand that this kid shouldn't take any special places because she's lucky enough to be blood kin. This Grandma (or anyone else) should not play favorites based on this fact alone. So the qualifying statement that she is blood relation (and so should have the special honor of attending the first appointment) shouldn't matter in my opinion.
Blood relation or not- no one has special privilege to attend a medical appointment that didn't help make the baby.
This is so much more bullshit then using "natural" to distinguish from IVF or any fertility treatment babies. An adopted child is that families child hands down regardless of what penis and vagina were used to make it. If the family does treat them ANY different under ANY circumstances then I feel bad for that child having to grow up in that type of idiotic environment. What's next? Are we going to start recognising bastard sons as higher then "full" biological children because they have a penis? (Reference for historical idiocy not that this is specific to gender.. yet)
Or perhaps from your explanation you want to differentiate between "real" families and "blended" families with various step kids. Same BS kind of game though
A rugby playing scientist and educator who is looking to solve metabolic and age related diseases through research
She wasn't talking about adopted families. And I honestly think her comment was pretty harmless. My MIL has two grandkids by marriage (her husband's grandkids), and she was very excited about our baby, her first grandbaby from one of her own sons. She loves all of her grandkids the same and treats them all equally and would never refer to them as not being her "real" grandkids in front of them (actually, I doubt she would say that at all), but that didn't change the fact that it was special for one of her sons to be having his first kid, her first biological grandchild.
I completely understand what you guys are saying, and I agree with you, but respectfully, I feel like you're blowing her comment a little out of proportion.
I'd imagine it'd be super weird with my MIL in the room during a vaginal ultrasound and/or pelvic exam. I brought my husband and sister along with me for the appointment. They were both in there throughout the entire appointment (ultrasound, pelvic exam, breast exam, blood work, etc.) - I was actually so happy to have both there...my husband was great to have around for the ultrasound and seeing the heartbeat the first time. And it was great to have my sister there to calm me down about the needle in my arm for blood work (I get nervous in medical settings). I am so glad I brought them both...I wouldn't have wanted my sister to miss out on seeing her godchild for the first time. She was very thankful we shared that with her.
If anyone cares about the "real" child though (since this is the one I'm on the boards for), baby is doing great! And my MIL was fine with my decision.
Surprise BFP! 06/08/15
Nadine GraceMarie 02/10/16
Diagnosed with placenta increta post delivery:
emergency partial hysterectomy - cervix and ovaries still intact Gestational surrogacy or adoption TBD
Re: Bringing family to first appointment
Surprise BFP! 06/08/15
Nadine GraceMarie 02/10/16
Diagnosed with placenta increta post delivery: emergency partial hysterectomy - cervix and ovaries still intact
Gestational surrogacy or adoption TBD
Just wanted to make sure you find out if extra people are allowed before you disappoint them!
I think you are is missing my point entirely. To say one child is "technically
Not hers" is mean. The grandchild is hers because her partner loves her.
See-- please don't ever say this to the kid, ok? Because all she knows is this woman is her grandma. There is no "first" here. The lady already has a grandchild. Love makes a family-- not blood all by itself.
I wasn't so much offended as looking to make you aware that statements like this can be hurtful to people in blended families. You know, just as an FYI.
I think if my dad's partner had said that his Grandkids "aren't technically his" we would have issues. That's right my adoptive father was gay. My dad's partner is as much my kids' grandpa as the blood relation on my husband's side. I wasn't related to my Dad by blood either. So my point is-- love & caring make a lot more difference than DNA.
You failed to understand that this kid shouldn't take any special places because she's lucky enough to be blood kin. This Grandma (or anyone else) should not play favorites based on this fact alone. So the qualifying statement that she is blood relation (and so should have the special honor of attending the first appointment) shouldn't matter in my opinion.
Blood relation or not- no one has special privilege to attend a medical appointment that didn't help make the baby.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
I completely understand what you guys are saying, and I agree with you, but respectfully, I feel like you're blowing her comment a little out of proportion.
Eta: fixed a word
Bunny: 10.9.13
Jellybean #2 Due: 2.1.16
F16 July Siggy Challenge: Favorite Summer Activity
Hiking and Baseball Games with the Fam
'You're making a mountain out of a mole hill'.
No need for dramatics.
Surprise BFP! 06/08/15
Nadine GraceMarie 02/10/16
Diagnosed with placenta increta post delivery: emergency partial hysterectomy - cervix and ovaries still intact
Gestational surrogacy or adoption TBD
Surprise BFP! 06/08/15
Nadine GraceMarie 02/10/16
Diagnosed with placenta increta post delivery: emergency partial hysterectomy - cervix and ovaries still intact
Gestational surrogacy or adoption TBD