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NBR - Invited to bridal shower and I'm clueless...

FilbertTreeFilbertTree member
edited July 2015 in November 2015 Moms
Hey ladies, completely not baby related here but I'm having one of my cultural blindspot moments and need advice. What exactly is a bridal shower? 
DH and I have been invited to a shower next month for a good friend. I'm a sheltered English girl, and bridal showers just aren't a thing in my world (we're uncouth on the other side of the pond, hen nights with neon pink feather boas, L plates, plastic penises, and too much cheap alcohol are more our speed). My head is telling me that shower = gifts, but since the invitation made no mention of a registry or gifts, I'm not sure if I'm barking up the wrong tree here. The shower is being thrown by her sister, who I have never met and don't feel comfortable asking. And there's no point asking DH because he's even more socially clueless that I am. Help? :-S
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Re: NBR - Invited to bridal shower and I'm clueless...

  • makeoutside7makeoutside7 member
    Hi,

    I googled it for you below. I have only been to a few and most of them did not include men. Mine was held at a botanical garden with tea time and bridal bingo. Many of the gifts included "bride related" gifts like lingerie from Victoria's Secret and an heirloom from my husband's grandmother. It's not anything wild like a bachelorette party. If you don't feel comfortable going, just send a gift. :) 

    A bridal shower is a gift-giving party held for a bride-to-be in anticipation of her wedding. The custom originated in the 1890s and is today most common in the United States, Canada, Australia and New Zealand.

      FTM due 11/06/2015
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  • FilbertTreeFilbertTree member
    Thanks chicken! I'd realised it was unusual that boys were allowed, but DH and the bride are really close friends (honestly I'm pretty sure the only reason that he wasn't asked to be party of the bridal party is because she knows just how much he would have freaked out about that kind of social expectation... he fails at grownupping) so I'm not surprised he was invited. I get to tag along with him, not the other way around. Now I need to figure out this gifting thing, because fancy knickers are going to make everyone very uncomfortable...
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  • FavoritemandmsFavoritemandms member
    edited July 2015
    Do you know anyone else who is going and might know where she's registered? You can also sometimes get lucky by searching for bridal registries by name at the biggies (Macys, Bed Bath & Beyond, Target, Amazon over here). If not, I would definitely recommend bringing some kind of gift, even if it's just something small. You could send something personal to you, or maybe your favorite kitchen/home tool that you never knew you needed before you had it?  
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  • bbiutmcphbbiutmcph member
    A bridal shower usually isn't the lingerie that is more the bachelorette party.  I mean most bridal showers or couples bridal showers are your relatives and close friends and opening lingerie in front of grandma isn't a good time for anyone.  Most people register for household items to help start their marriage and house off with the basic needs, dishware, cooking products, bed linen, towels, etc.  


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  • CarrieOct15CarrieOct15 member
    Around where I live, they are usually pretty formal, and ladies only. I would ask the sister if she is registered anywhere, but that's just me. I hate thinking of gifts for people. Too much pressure. 
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  • fhopefaithlove1fhopefaithlove1 member
    edited July 2015
    makeoutside7 said:
    Hi,

    I googled it for you below. I have only been to a few and most of them did not include men. Mine was held at a botanical garden with tea time and bridal bingo. Many of the gifts included "bride related" gifts like lingerie from Victoria's Secret and an heirloom from my husband's grandmother. It's not anything wild like a bachelorette party. If you don't feel comfortable going, just send a gift. :) 

    A bridal shower is a gift-giving party held for a bride-to-be in anticipation of her wedding. The custom originated in the 1890s and is today most common in the United States, Canada, Australia and New Zealand.
    This ^ . I'm throwing my soon-to-be sister in law a shower at the end of this month. Her shower is co-ed ( ladies & guys ). Its exactly like the definition above , friends/ family gather to celebrate the upcoming wedding. 
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  • LSRooLSRoo member
    I find it very odd she didn't mention a registry on the invite. I would ask around and maybe dig online to see if you can find out if she is registered anywhere. Where I live, my mother gave me my wedding lingerie. It's custom for he mother or the bride to supply it. They are pretty formal here. Mine was at a country club and pretty stuffy. (Not my style, but what can you do?)

    If anything, bring a card and a small gift card maybe? Are you close with this person? I would use your relationship to gage how much would be appropriate for a gift.
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  • LinMmmmLinMmmm member
    LSRoo said:
    I find it very odd she didn't mention a registry on the invite. I would ask around and maybe dig online to see if you can find out if she is registered anywhere. Where I live, my mother gave me my wedding lingerie. It's custom for he mother or the bride to supply it. They are pretty formal here. Mine was at a country club and pretty stuffy. (Not my style, but what can you do?) If anything, bring a card and a small gift card maybe? Are you close with this person? I would use your relationship to gage how much would be appropriate for a gift.
    I'm with @LSRoo on this one. When I read your post I automatically thought giftcard with a card or attached to a very small gift (personal or not.)
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  • lulamagoolulamagoo member
    I agree with pp, definitely bring a gift. I would shy away from lingerie as it isn't a lingerie shower or a bachelorette party.
    As for your husband going, if his name was on the invitation, then he is invited. It might be a couples shower. We had a couples shower and it was tons of fun. Much more relaxed than my only women stuffy shower at "the club".
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  • ash413ash413 member
    Yeah I would say definitely don't do lingerie, it is more of a Bachelorette party gift, and would be a little weird since it is Co ed and your husband is the primary friend.
    You can't go wrong with a gift card to Macy's, crate and barrel or something similar.
            
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    Married 5/23/2011
    BFP 6/16/2013 EDD 2/25/2014 MC 7/2/2013
    BFP 8/30/2014 EDD: 5/10/2015- MC 10/2/2014
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  • mamavbsmamavbs member
    @FilbertTree I don't have any advice as an uncouth English girl myself, but I just wanted to let you know I totally LOL'd when I read your description of our hen nights :)) plastic penis and pink fluff. Perfect summary!!
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  • wulfpackgirlwulfpackgirl member
    They definitely should have put where she was registered at on the invite.
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  • turkeybabtturkeybabt member
    First, whether if you know the bride's sister or not- if she is the main contact mentioned on the invitation- definitely contact her and ask her! If she's not the main contact, check the invitation for who is and contact her. The main contact is the one with information and answers to questions.

    Second- I agree with a pp, your relationship with the bride should determine what type of gift to get her. If there definitely is a registry (bride's sister would know and tell you when you ask her), DO look at it and pick something from it- from a personal experience, I was grateful that some people took time and bought what I knew I wanted/needed.
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  • KeHill08KeHill08 member
    I agree with PPs. It's your best bet to contact the hostess and ask if the couple is registered somewhere. If they are, get something off of there, because that's what they want and are going to use. While they will appreciate the gift either way, but they will appreciate it even more if it's off of their registry. If they aren't registered, as other PPs said, a gift card is always good, so they can get what they will want and need with it... or wine glasses, because who doesn't need those?! Or a smart chop... I absolutely love those!
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  • lakesideknitterlakesideknitter member
    I have heard people say in the past that having registry information included in the invitation is tacky. That being said, I don't think it is, and most shower invites I receive include an insert with reg info. You should definitely either ask the sister where the bride is registered or get a more personal gift. As PP's have mentioned, you could always search online or in store for the couple's registry at the big retailers in your area.
    Me: 28, DH: 40
    Married 9/28/13
    DS born 11/12/15
    EDD 8/13/18
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  • MoRay05MoRay05 member
    Sometimes if you just google the bride and/or groom's name their registry will pull up. As PP said, I would try to find her registry first if you feel uncomfortable calling the host.
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  • brielise414brielise414 member
    The Knot always said adding registry info was a big no-no on shower invites, so we did not include it!!! We are for our baby shower because apparently a lot of people were confused… stupid traditional etiquette. We did include our wedding website, though, which listed registry information. I would search the couples name online - there's a good chance their registry will pop up somewhere. If it doesn't I would just give a gift card to a large retailer in your area. 
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