planning own baby shower?

dientje · July 2015

Hey guys this is my first post so here goes. I live in miami but all literally all my close friends and family live in Aruba, where im from. I don't know anyone that im close enough to in Miami that I think will throw me a shower. So should I skip all together or throw it myself? Or does anyone have any creative ideas? I'm due in December. Thanks fellow mommies

taysun · July 2015

Many people are VERY against someone throwing their own shower. It is notoriously bad etiquette around here.
Are you sure no one will offer? If you aren't that close to anyone, who would you be inviting? Is a trip home not an option?
It's usually suggested that you have a meet the baby or informal gathering without providing registry information in these situations.

dec15mum · July 2015

I say go for it! Nothing wrong with wanting a gathering of people to celebrate your pregnancy!

kdoak2015 · July 2015

I agree with @taysun and think having a "meet the baby" gathering after the baby is born. It sucks that you don't have someone close to you that you can plan it.

DylansCandyBar · July 2015

If no one offers, I would forego a shower. Since showers are gift giving events given in honor of the MTB, it would be in poor taste to throw it yourself.

taysun · July 2015

I just wanted to add that if someone asks about you having one, if you're honest and say you aren't having one, they might offer to host one for you. In that case I'd offer to foot the bill and help plan it.

AlejandraN2 · July 2015

There's a whole thread about this today under "love December mammas."

I think it really depends on your relationships with your friends in Miami and how it would appear to them. You know them best and whether they'd think it's awkward to be invited to a baby shower that you're hosting. If they were close friends that would love that then sure go for it. But if you think it may be awkward, then don't it. I'd personally never throw my own shower but different people have different preferences and levels of comfort so if you think that everyone there would totally be fine with it then do it.

Ideally, if you had the option of going back to Aruba, then perhaps one of your family members can throw it for you there since it's nice to be celebrated and pampered and the center of attention and not have to be the host. I have many friends that flew home for their showers.

Otherwise, i like the meet the baby suggestion.

jessejasonbaby · July 2015

I think it always a bad idea to throw your own shower. It is just poor étiquette.

kmkaull2 · July 2015

I am not a fan of throwing ones own shower, personally. We adopted our first child and had no showers until after he was legally ours and home. We survived just fine. Babies need very little. You might be surprised though and someone may offer to give you a shower.

Are you planning to go home any time before or after the baby is born? Perhaps your family and friends there will offer a celebration?

Cshay89 · July 2015

I plan on planning my own. Im really excited about it. I have friends that would throw me one but i told them they could help here and there. They seem really excited that im including them in on the help.

lupita99 · July 2015

If you want to do it yourself then go of it. Ppl around here say it's bad etiquette to do it your self, so does that mean all the celebrities that have big shower for them self have really bad " etiquette"?

ninihig · July 2015

If you feel like it I say go for it

stickybun14 · July 2015

If your not close to anyone in Miami would you want them at your baby shower? I like the meet the baby gathering idea.

Also might depend on what kind of shower you want? Inviting them all out for a high tea somewhere is a bit different to hosting it at your own house with games and making the guests comfortable - when it should be all about the mummy to be!!

xrum · July 2015

i also don't see anything wrong with doing your own shower! go for it! though i'm not really sure how to do a long distance shower, maybe you can go to Aruba for a week or so, and have one of your close friends help you coordinate everything there.

misamima · July 2015

It's poor taste and etiquette to throw your own shower. Forego it if no one will throw one for you, especially if you just want gifts. It's tacky.

Now if you want people to celebrate the baby, then host a 'meet the baby' party.

angiejking3 · July 2015

I have to agree with most of the comments here about it being in poor taste to throw your own. It's not just about the gifts but about the simple fact that it's a day to celebrate YOU and your baby- you're not supposed to have to cook and clean and plan all of it. I would still register and if people ask for that, share it with them. I'm sorry your close family and friends are far away and cannot plan one for you!

MrsPeachy · July 2015

This is my third.
We have never had a shower before.

BUT- this time I am planning my own BabyQ. We aren't registering or playing shower games or anything. Just a get together with family and friends to celebrate. We will be doing a diaper raffle but that will be the only baby related thing.

Would you like something like this?

Mizuiro007 · July 2015

@MrsPeachy how does a diaper raffle work? I haven't heard of it before.

Court11152325 · July 2015

I'm new to the area where I am and while I think I have a couple friends here who might host a shower, it will be very very small. That being said, I've been to so many showers for good friends in places that I no longer live and I know that if they could be here, they would.

To that end, my best friend (who lives on the other side of the country from me) and myself are co-hosting a virtual baby shower. I approached her about helping and she was totally on board. Basically we'll use a website to "host" a shower where people will have a deadline to send gifts and/or well wishes. Then DH and I will skype or facetime with individuals and open their gift and chat with them.

Have you looked up something like this? Again, people are so silly with their "etiquette" when it's easy for them to gather with family and friends. For those of us that have to be more creative, sometimes we have to forgo tradition and start new trends. Anyway, you could ask if anyone in Aruba might be willing to help out with something like this.

I say be creative and have fun. If you know there are people who want to celebrate with you, they won't care if you aren't following proper protocols.

monaclemere · July 2015

Why not just use the money you'd be spending on a shower to buy yourself what you want/need? Showers can get pretty pricey.

I just wonder if you aren't close enough with anyone where you live for them to host the shower, do you really want to invite them? Maybe your family in Aruba will have one for you?

misamima · July 2015

Court11152325 said:

I'm new to the area where I am and while I think I have a couple friends here who might host a shower, it will be very very small. That being said, I've been to so many showers for good friends in places that I no longer live and I know that if they could be here, they would.

To that end, my best friend (who lives on the other side of the country from me) and myself are co-hosting a virtual baby shower. I approached her about helping and she was totally on board. Basically we'll use a website to "host" a shower where people will have a deadline to send gifts and/or well wishes. Then DH and I will skype or facetime with individuals and open their gift and chat with them.

Have you looked up something like this? Again, people are so silly with their "etiquette" when it's easy for them to gather with family and friends. For those of us that have to be more creative, sometimes we have to forgo tradition and start new trends. Anyway, you could ask if anyone in Aruba might be willing to help out with something like this.

I say be creative and have fun. If you know there are people who want to celebrate with you, they won't care if you aren't following proper protocols.

This sounds really gift grabby. You've basically planned an event yourself for people to give you gifts. And people do care about etiquette. They just won't tell you in your face that you're being tacky.

Court11152325 · July 2015

I absolutely know that my friends, who have done very non-traditional things themselves, will not care. Clearly you do not know my friends.

And sure it can be interpreted as gift grabby. Aren't baby showers all gift grabby whether people are there or not? You're asking people to come to a location play some games and give you a gift.

I opted to not register for wedding gifts and had no bridal showers. I know that I have friends and family that would like to give gifts. Everything is context dependent and only we know our own situations.

misamima · July 2015

Court11152325 said:

I absolutely know that my friends, who have done very non-traditional things themselves, will not care. Clearly you do not know my friends.

And sure it can be interpreted as gift grabby. Aren't baby showers all gift grabby whether people are there or not? You're asking people to come to a location play some games and give you a gift.

I opted to not register for wedding gifts and had no bridal showers. I know that I have friends and family that would like to give gifts. Everything is context dependent and only we know our own situations.

Absolutely not gift grabby when someone else is planning it for you. There's a big difference when someone wants to shower you with gifts, and you wanting to be showered with gifts from everyone.

Court11152325 · July 2015

I would argue that this is just a matter of opinion and we'll agree to disagree. Most of the time we expect someone to host a shower. If someone doesn't volunteer, we just have to tell those people, "sorry you aren't liked enough to get gifts"?? So we apparently aren't allowed to ask for gifts on our own behalf or be creative in how we do so when we aren't fortunate enough to be close enough to people we care about? That's just silly to me. But again, my friends and family are far less traditional and understand my circumstances. And I hope that's the case for OP as well.

nik6499 · July 2015

I feel like there are four current threads all dedicated to baby showers and they all sound the same..... It's the exact same argument, the exact same viewpoint and never changes. It's like that song that never ends

misamima · July 2015

Court11152325 said:

I would argue that this is just a matter of opinion and we'll agree to disagree. Most of the time we expect someone to host a shower. If someone doesn't volunteer, we just have to tell those people, "sorry you aren't liked enough to get gifts"?? So we apparently aren't allowed to ask for gifts on our own behalf or be creative in how we do so when we aren't fortunate enough to be close enough to people we care about? That's just silly to me. But again, my friends and family are far less traditional and understand my circumstances. And I hope that's the case for OP as well.

Umm, exactly. People don't go around asking for gifts. They shouldn't. And if you do, then Lord have mercy, that's a whole another discussion I'm not gonna get into. Just because you're pregnant doesn't make you entitled to get gifts. It's not right. People who want to give you gifts will give you gifts, whether or not there's a shower. Otherwise, you're just asking people to give you gifts. Which you obviously don't have a problem with, so my point is moot.

beccabeeee · July 2015

I've just been lurking a bit on these threads today, but @misamima you should really think before you say the things you do. You have no idea what other peoples situations are. I can personally say that it's offensive that you talk down on people that have asked for something. Now, I don't know anyone else's situations so I have no room to judge, nor would I because what everyone else does doesn't affect my life in any way. Personally, my husband and I are struggling financially so gifts from family are greatly appreciated. My mom doesn't live in our state anymore, so she couldn't throw me a baby shower...but I did ask her if she would be willing to help out with buying some things for us and the baby. And this was also passed on to other family members too (so if they do decided to get gifts, it's the necessary items). Did I want to ask for help? No not really, but I did because sometimes, people just need a little help. So before you go saying people are just gift grabby, you should consider that their situation might not be the same as yours. Until you've walked in their shoes, you don't really don't know anything about that person.

And I really do apologize if this comes off as rude, and I hope it doesn't. I just feel bad for some of the ladies on here who get shit on for not following "etiquette" rules? Not that I knew they even had those lol. I like to see every angle of the situation before saying something or making assumptions.

adecembermom2015 · July 2015

nik6499 said:
I feel like there are four current threads all dedicated to baby showers and they all sound the same..... It's the exact same argument, the exact same viewpoint and never changes. It's like that song that never ends

This. Yes. All of this.

misamima · July 2015

beccabeeee said:

I've just been lurking a bit on these threads today, but @misamima you should really think before you say the things you do. You have no idea what other peoples situations are. I can personally say that it's offensive that you talk down on people that have asked for something. Now, I don't know anyone else's situations so I have no room to judge, nor would I because what everyone else does doesn't affect my life in any way. Personally, my husband and I are struggling financially so gifts from family are greatly appreciated. My mom doesn't live in our state anymore, so she couldn't throw me a baby shower...but I did ask her if she would be willing to help out with buying some things for us and the baby. And this was also passed on to other family members too (so if they do decided to get gifts, it's the necessary items). Did I want to ask for help? No not really, but I did because sometimes, people just need a little help. So before you go saying people are just gift grabby, you should consider that their situation might not be the same as yours. Until you've walked in their shoes, you don't really don't know anything about that person. And I really do apologize if this comes off as rude, and I hope it doesn't. I just feel bad for some of the ladies on here who get shit on for not following "etiquette" rules? Not that I knew they even had those lol. I like to see every angle of the situation before saying something or making assumptions.

What offensive thing have I said? Am I missing something here? I have NOT talked down to people at all. Just because you don't agree with what I'm saying doesn't mean I'm talking down on you.

Asking for gifts IS rude. There's no ifs, ands, or buts about it.

And no, I don't think you're being rude. You're speaking your mind, which you are most certainly entitled to. Just as I am entitled to my opinion on the tackiness of throwing yourself a shower and asking people to buy you gifts.

alicemarydunn · July 2015

My two cents: I feel like whatever OP feels is appropriate, is appropriate. It is her baby and her friends after all. As an expatriate, I can say with confidence that simply "Go home for the baby shower." is impractical for many. It also brings up logistical issues like, how the heck would she get everything back to the U.S.

OP, if I were your friend I'd gladly attend your baby shower if you threw it. I'd even bring a gift because screw etiquette. I refuse to value tradition over blessing and loving those in my life who need support. Especially during such an important transitional time.

Taylovesbrad · July 2015

I'd say no... your basically just asking for gifts

wassuphoes · July 2015

As a lurker (except I've been posting on various BMB's for a while, but you know, full disclosure) I have never needed to be invited to a shower to buy a gift. If I know you, and I like you (or you're family) I buy you a gift. Each. Damn. Baby.

You do not need to throw a party for people to give you gifts for the baby. People will generally do that because Baby. It is socially conditioned for women to go OMG BABY and buy something for new babies.

And. Some people still do that surprise stuff. It's a bit early to count people out of throwing you a shower when you're due in Dec. and it's barely July.

xrum · July 2015

i see no problem with "asking" for gifts, you are entertaining them with games and feeding them yummy finger food in return!

misamima · July 2015

xrum said:

i see no problem with "asking" for gifts, you are entertaining them with games and feeding them yummy finger food in return!

So why not just buy the gifts yourself? You're spending money with entertaining and feeding people anyway. Why not use that money instead to buy things yourself and not ask people for it? I don't get. Honestly.

Peony1982 · July 2015

xrum said:

i see no problem with "asking" for gifts, you are entertaining them with games and feeding them yummy finger food in return!

Lurker.....girl, nobody finds shower games entertaining.

beccabeeee · July 2015

Well what kind of games are you throwing that nobody likes? Lol I love baby shower games! I think my favorite is the one where you have to guess the type of chocolate in the diaper (poopy diaper)

xrum · July 2015

misamima because it's more fun to get them as gifts instead.

@peony1982 - some games are fun, some are not. nobody is forcing you to play them all, go mingle with other haters while others play.

Peony1982 · July 2015

beccabeeee said:

Well what kind of games are you throwing that nobody likes? Lol I love baby shower games! I think my favorite is the one where you have to guess the type of chocolate in the diaper (poopy diaper)

Well, then that tells me everything need to know. Ew.

misamima · July 2015

xrum said:

misamima because it's more fun to get them as gifts instead.
@peony1982 - some games are fun, some are not. nobody is forcing you to play them all, go mingle with other haters while others play.

So buy it yourself, wrap it, open it, high five yourself, and call it a frkkn day.

beccabeeee · July 2015

Lmao how is that eww? Your on a baby board, your saying ew to a game that consists of a diaper and melted chocolate, but your gunna have to change real dirty diaper with poop once the baby comes...just saying lol

Peony1982 · July 2015

beccabeeee said:

Lmao how is that eww? Your on a baby board, your saying ew to a game that consists of a diaper and melted chocolate, but your gunna have to change real dirty diaper with poop once the baby comes...just saying lol

It's a game that simulates eating s-h*t. And I have a toddler, so I've changed plenty of poops. Even had to sift through it before. Still think it's classless to have a game simulating eating it.

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