God parents question

koala1107 · July 2015

I just have a question about what is more common and acceptable for Godparent designations. I was born and raised catholic where the Godparents are active in the child's religious life and my sister and I had different sets of Godparents. My husband grew up with him and his sister having the same Godparents who would be the ones to have custody should anything happen. I never thought to ask my parents what their plan was if they passed but I'm sure they didn't plan for my sister and I to be split up. So my question is, do you plan on having the same people be the Godparents for both children or giving the honor to different people for each child?

My husband and I were chosen to be godparents in the legal sense for good friends of ours, and while I would have no qualms about designating them to be the legal godparents of our child as well, they aren't religious and would likely feel awkward participating in baptism and things like that so we have another couple in mind that we are debating between. Our compromise was to consider the one couple if the baby was a girl and the other if it's a boy.

Thoughts and opinions? I would love to have a different set for each child to share the love and special roles more but am not sure if my family was going against the grain by doing that.

taysun · July 2015

I honestly think it depends on what purpose you are having them for. If it's for religious purposes, I think it's totally appropriate to have different sets of God parents who follow a similar religion to you, and then you could choose a different couple to be a legal guardian should, God forbid, something happen to you and your DH.
My boyfriend and I are not religious so will use God parents in a non traditional sense to be our LOs legal guardian.

amy0804 · July 2015

We are catholic and have chosen godparents for our children in the traditional religious sense. We have two children already and each of them has different godparents. We haven't chosen, or discussed yet, for this little one, but we will likely try to have someone different again this time. The most important factors to us were having godparents that were active Christians, lead their life in that manner, would be positive examples to our children morally and spiritually, and would be in our lives for our child's upbringing (at least most likely). Although godparents can be legal guardians too, in the true meaning of a godparent this is not their role. Some family traditions do use godparent in that way though.

angetralala · July 2015

Unless it's in a religious sense, there are no Godparents, just legal guardians. Those designations are definitely completely different, although of course they can fall to the same people - it's the decision of who do you want involved in your child's spiritual upbringing VS who would care for your child in the event of you and your partner being unable or (hate to be morbid) no longer of this earth. A lot of people do refer to the guardians as Godparents, even if they did not go through the traditional process of assignment. My brother is an estates attorney, so he handles that kind of thing for people all the time.

Keep in mind that when assigning Godparents to a child at a baptism, for example, at least one of the Godparents-to-be is typically required to provide a signed letter verifying their membership to a church. If your potential Godparents can't provide that, it may throw a wrench in the proceedings. I know that is true specifically for Catholics, as I have a friend going through it right now with her infant daughter, and my brother had to do it for both his Goddaughters.

Now to answer your original question - I think it's actually more common for each child to have a different set of Godparents, at least from the people I've known. My brother and I have the same Godmother, my mother's sister, but his Godfather is my father's brother and my Godfather is my aunt's husband. Our legal guardians were the sister and her husband.

rain0831boww · July 2015

I am also considering God parents in the religious sense. I am going to have my sister and BIL to be her God parents (since both of them are not married) but If anything were to ever happen. I would assume the resposibility to someone else.

koala1107 · July 2015

Thanks for your input ladies! While I was raised strictly catholic, my husband is non denominational Christian and we attend a more modern First Baptist church currently (confusion of denominations going on here lol). So I'm not really sure how an actual baptism would go since I'm no longer a member of a local Catholic Church. Christian upbringing is important to me, but am flexible on the strictly Catholic part. Sigh guess that got a little side tracked but am just confused how this is going to go!

Again thanks for all the input! Gave me lots to think about

AlejandraN2 · July 2015

I agree that typically each child has a different set of Godparents if it's in the religious sense. I'm Greek Orthodox and in our tradition, we have one designated god parent. This does not mean legal guardian though - that would be designated through a will or estate planning on who you'd like to take in your child if something were to happen to you.

In our case, my sister is the Godparent of my daughter. She will also be the legal guardian and we're in the process of drafting a will. My husband is Jewish but we discussed raising our daughter Christian and she had to be baptized by an individual that was baptized in the Greek Orthodox church. One of my cousins will be the Godparent for my second child, but my sister will be the legal guardian of both.

From a Catholic perspective, i am the Godparent of a child who was baptized in the Catholic church. Some churches will allow you to be a Godparent of a different denomination (Greek Orthodox and Catholic are close), but i did have to provide proof that i was baptized in the church in order to be eligible for the Catholic baptism. So i would look into it first in your church.

Hope this helps.

koala1107 · July 2015

@AlejandraN2 thank you for that info, I definitely need to look into it more it seems like!

juju0925 · July 2015

God parents have no legal right to your child should something happen to the parents.

taysun · July 2015

@juju0925 but they do if you have a will in which it states they are to have legal guardianship, I think most people realise that they need a legal document and that it can't just be spoken about. God parent may not be the correct term for that but many people use it to mean that. I think to many people who are not actively religious a god parent can also refer to a person who you hope to help guide your child as they grow up and as such this person may be the person you wish to care for your child. Obviously some people may feel that this is wrong but I know many people who used the term that way.

VegetaElPrincipe · July 2015

To my understanding, they have to be willed to be the legal guardians if anything were to happen to the parents and/or a proxy of some sort may be needed. I could be wrong though. I believe it may vary by state as well. I know in NY the baptism certificate acts as a birth certificate in many situations.

koala1107 · July 2015

@juju0925 and @jonesy226 thanks ladies, I definitely understand that there are legal channels for appointing custody should anything happen to my husband or I. I guess my question was more asking whether legal guardians and godparents were usually the same and peoples' experience with that.

VegetaElPrincipe · July 2015

Ohhhh gotcha. I'm a Godmother to a 5 year old boy. I am VERY involved, down to picking schools, parent-teacher conferences and etc. I'm on the blue card and all. It had been discussed that my fiance and I may become proxies in the event of something (Heaven forbid) happens to mom. The family situation is messy, but we shall see what happens. Everyone's situation is different so if this is something you are considering then explore your options.

Also, word to the wise, depending on family dynamics, selecting legal guardians and/or God parents can be difficult and messy. Sometimes it destroys relationships due to hurt feelings and so on. I'd suggest thinking long and hard, looking at your family and figuring out who you'd want your children to be raised by if it was not you and your SO.

Apologies of that comes of as intense or scary. Just trying to really paint the picture for you, so that you can make the best decisions.

MEMichelson · July 2015

We won't be choosing 'godparents' but we already have it worked out if something were to happen to my husband and I that my younger brother and his wife would be come their guardians and my husbands older brother would be the executor. This was a LONG chat that we had together weighing out pros and cons of how we'd want our kids to be raised. It's a strange thing to think about

eemiers · July 2015

The godparents of my children will be different. I am catholic as well and will not be leaving my kids to their god parents.

yl1m32015 · July 2015

I'm having a real dilemma with god parents too, we are also Catholic. Our very good friends are not religious so I can't very well ask them. My parents will be taking custody should anything terrible happen. I have 1 brother and dh has 1 sister, so asking them would be nice but my brother is still partying in college and my sil has the maturity of a middle schooler and just has a lot of issues. So I have no idea what to do about godparents. I do know that in case of custody, no they will not be one in the same.

0leahmarie · July 2015

I am catholic and my god father is my dads brother, who lives nearby and my god mother is my moms sister who lives on another continent. My little sister's godfather is one of my moms brothers, who also lives on another continent and her godmother is my dad's sister who lives on the other side of the country.

So basically we both have one godparent from each side of the family but no couples. I think my parents tried to play the diplomatic card. Our legal guardian was going to be our aunt/uncle who lives nearby since we knew them the best and we wouldn't have to change schools or move far.

I think it is all preference as to the role you see the godparents playing. In my family it really only meant a little something extra on birthdays and Christmas plus it's been a tradition they'll participate in their wedding, normally by giving a reading or something.

chewie5990 · July 2015

My DH and I are godparents in the non religious way. We agreed to take custody of our niece if God forbid something happen to my BIL and SIL. We have a lot of the same beliefs and parenting styles so they felt we would raise her in the most similar way as they would. However I was also raised catholic and my godmother is my moms sister and my godfather is my dads brother and that had nothing to do with either of them having custody if something were to happen to my parents. We are also not yet sure what we are going to do. I would like to have godparents for our LO but we are also undecided about what role they will play in our LOs life.

Cmagno · July 2015

We are Presbyterian and our daughter was baptized with her Godparents present. We asked my best friend and her husband before our daughter was born. For us it is to serve as spiritual mentors and a second set of loving parents/role models as she grows up.

We have a legal will assigning my parents as guardians if we were to both pass away. For baby #2 we will assign a different set of Godparents and maintain guardianship with my parents. We will all need to sign updated papers.

I think the ideas get confused a lot but I don't think they are one and the same anymore.

colsen4 · July 2015

My family did different God parents for each child. The legal custody was separate. I think it gives the children their own people to turn to. None of ours are couples either. I personally have a cousin and an aunt for mine.

amy0804 · July 2015

At our catholic church, I believe you have to be a member of the church to have your child baptized there and typically you take some version of a baptism class prior to the baptism, which usually takes place while you are pregnant. Our priest did waive (I guess that's the right word) the class part for us though and we had a private baptism at the church. We were required to have one of the godparents be an active Catholic (or perhaps another close denomination like Greek Orthodox may have been allowed too). Other Christian denominations typically vary on their practices and are more lenient as far as what other Christian denominations or how active the person is. You should check sooner than later with your current church though if they require membership and what other requirements they may have in place regarding godparents if you desire to have your little one baptized at that church.

CMDD · July 2015

God parents is a religious term for someone who will be in the child's life to help with raising them in a certain faith. I don't believe this has anything to do with the law or who would take custody if something should happen to you.

CMDD · July 2015

Maybe we need a new term for people you want to honor and have be in the child's life but not in a religious way?

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