Fears? No judgement please — The Bump
August 2015 Moms

Fears? No judgement please

Sorry it's a little long. Maybe a bit of a rant also.

Is there anyone else that is experiencing extreme anxiety related to delivering vaginally? I'm not meaning scared of the birth process and labour and that. When I think about delivering natural I get instantly stressed, anxious, worried. I don't want anything to do with it. I feel horrible saying this but although I want my baby safe, I find myself wishing I had a medical reason for it. but really the idea it makes me dread the idea of having a baby.

However, when I think about delivering via a c-section I get excited to see the baby, I get excited about all baby things. Otherwise I even avoid thinking about it. I'm aware of all of the pros about delivering vaginally, I can't seem to shake it. I don't have a choice in the matter either, elective c sections are not ok here. And at 32+3 my baby's already in the head down position ready to go (as the ultrasound shows). I know she could turn. But probably won't, I hate thinking that I will spend the rest of my preg hoping she will.

Anyone else feel this way? In a similar situation before? Advice? X_X

Re: Fears? No judgement please

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  • C-sections scare the hell out of me, I've he two large babies vaginally and did just fine:) Either way things go I'm sure you will be just fine, it's normal to have anxiety about labor !
  • FTM also and I am very afraid of all the pain since I don't have a high tolerance for it at all but I wouldn't want to get a c-section unless it is necessary due to complications/health issues. I just think about how much more work it is PP with a c-section, the pain, not being able to care for your baby without extra assistance the first week or so (bending over, getting up, etc) and the longer healing process, you have to care for the wound a lot more than just taking care of your bleeding vagina and maybe a few stitches? But like I said FTM those are just my thoughts that's how I look at it.
    ginger8484
  • Last March I had a cyst removed from an ovary that they couldn't do laparoscopic. So I ended up having a full incision. I was wiped out for a good two weeks after that and not fully recovered for a good month after that. I can't imagine having a c section and having to care for an infant as well. I'm not going to lie and say the thought of giving birth doesn't freak me out either, but I definitely don't want a c section if I could avoid it.
    jlsperry91LoboandSuperNinja
  • Jlsperry, I felt that way before my first but I delivered naturally. As I look back, I think it was because I was so scared but it all worked out well. Now I am scared to have a c-section. As Toccoa stated it will work out either way! Try to remain open minded and know you will do what is best for your baby!
    jlsperry91
  • Sorry it's a little long. Maybe a bit of a rant also.

    Is there anyone else that is experiencing extreme anxiety related to delivering vaginally? I'm not meaning scared of the birth process and labour and that. When I think about delivering natural I get instantly stressed, anxious, worried. I don't want anything to do with it. I feel horrible saying this but although I want my baby safe, I find myself wishing I had a medical reason for it. but really the idea it makes me dread the idea of having a baby.

    However, when I think about delivering via a c-section I get excited to see the baby, I get excited about all baby things. Otherwise I even avoid thinking about it. I'm aware of all of the pros about delivering vaginally, I can't seem to shake it. I don't have a choice in the matter either, elective c sections are not ok here. And at 32+3 my baby's already in the head down position ready to go (as the ultrasound shows). I know she could turn. But probably won't, I hate thinking that I will spend the rest of my preg hoping she will.

    Anyone else feel this way? In a similar situation before? Advice? X_X

    You say the idea of giving birth vaginallt gives you anxiety but you say you're not afraid of the birth process and labor.

    Can you be more specific about what it is about a vaginal birth that upsets you? If you can get to the heart of your anxiety that might be step one to overcoming it.


    deleted22152218mrswiebe09
  • First of all I think it's ok to be scared because it's not easy. Remember even people with rougher experiences have multiple children. I have a few friends that have gone through both and all of them said while vaginal may be harder in the moment, the recovery was so much better than a c section so they prefer vaginal.
  • edited June 2015
    I get it. I was terrified when they admitted me to have my son. Like, blood pressure rose and my pulse was through the roof. I've never been that scared before. However, it wasn't as bad as I had though. Also, I'd rather deliver vaginally then to have a C-section any day. To desire a c section seem so strange to me. It's a major surgery.

    Anyway, relax. Being nervous/scared is normal.
        DS born 8-16-2013
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    emmacake08
  • I understand how you feel because when I had two breech babies and I knew I had to have a csection in a way I was relieved. I knew I didn't have a labor to gear up for. I get exactly how you feel right now. One thing in birth books that resonated with me is that birth pain is the only pain that resolves itself and is a clean break. Once you're done, the pain is gone and a memory. A csection is the opposite. No pain in the moment and then lagging pain to deal with.
    I haven't done a vaginal birth yet and I'm cautiously excited to see what my body does and to hopefully experience a recovery that isnt surgical. Also because I wanted more support I did hire a doula to help me through. I'd rather outsource labor support to a professional than to expect my DH to know those things. A doula might be able to sit down and calm some of your anxieties specifically.

    @emmacake08 you're doing a VBAC? So excited for you and cannot wait to hear your birth story :)
        DS born 8-16-2013
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    emmacake08irohspupil
  • Have you thought about taking a childbirth class? They may be able to give you some techniques to help manage your anxiety around vaginal birth.
    itsdanikel
  • J0C0TXJ0C0TX member
    When I was expecting my first I had an inbuilt fear of vaginal delivery. It was based around other medical issues I had gone through before getting pregnant. I went through induction and labor and baby went into distress so... I ended up with a csection. As others have said its not an easy option. Recovery takes a lot of time and standing up for the first time after was nasty! I'd have been happy to stay at a 90 degree angle for life but the nurses wouldn't let me.
    Do a birthing class at your hospital / that may help some and talk to your ob as well. Good luck!!!
  • So I totally get where you are coming from. Maybe because I have anxiety? Part of me was hoping for a reason to have a scheduled c-section so I could have a firm date. And surgery as strange as it sounds scares me less than the unknowns of labor and vaginal delivery. I put it in gods hands. Per ultrasound she is head down. So that's out. We shall see. It will be what it will be.
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    gulimzjlsperry91Ambermom043
  • gulimzgulimz member
    Totally in the same boat. I look for reasons to have a C-section. .. baby girl is head down and already in position so it's basically out of the question..... I know it's a major surgery, but like pp said, I'm not afraid of surgeries. During nursing school, I saw quite a few vaginal births and many c-section's... C-sections just seemed a bit better
    jlsperry91Saratiff
  • I totally get where you are coming from.  And actually...I've actually never met a person who has had both vaginal and csection and had a preference.  Of course that is just my personal experience.

    For me, the biggest thing is that I want my body to be able to do what it is meant to do.  If it can't do that, then I know I have options, and I'm thankful for that.  But when I think about how I *should* be made to do this, I realize its part of life.  (and of course I can try to grab as many drugs as I can...)  So if I have a vaginal birth, I'll just try to *own* the moment and go with it.  It's like anything in life--hard work is needed to get the rewards.  


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    jlsperry91ginger8484
  • I have had 2 csections and would do anything to have a vaginal birth but I know it most likely won't happen.


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    breezymeema7
  • I third the nursing school and c-sections vs vaginals! The vaginal deliveries made me want to get my tubes tied.
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    gulimzjlsperry91
  • ktabsktabs member
    Have you had surgeries before? I ask because I can relate to your feelings. I think it's because I have had several abdominal surgeries and I know what to expect whereas a vaginal birth is uncharted territory... Which makes me uneasy. But.... Looking at the facts I know it is the best and easiest option! Do what I do and just don't think about it :) your body will handle what is thrown its way no matter what so stressing doesn't do you any good!
    PAIF
    pregnant after round 2 of IVF. Transferred 2 embryos and (surprise!) was pregnant with triplets. Identicals passed at 8 and 10 weeks. Still have one healthy baby boy with EDD of July 30!


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    jlsperry91
  • I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way! It's like if I could choose I still would pick a vaginal delivery but I'm not going to lie it still scares me more than a c section.
    J0C0TXjlsperry91
  • I had a c section last time for multiple reasons, including a placenta abruption and not progressing past 6 cm.  

    I am trying for a VBAC this time, but I will admit that it makes me nervous.  I didn't really experience labor last time.  I know that recovery from a vaginal birth is easier and I would hate to not be able to pick up my toddler due to the c section.  But I am nervous about the pain of giving birth.  

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    emmacake08
  • Well I have numerous reasons. I'm not afraid of the pain so much. I don't really know how to explain it all but I like to know what's going to happen. I don't like not knowing how long I'm going to be in labour whereas with section they are pretty routine and you know what's going to happen. Also my boyfriend is a trucker so without a solid date there's a chance he's going to miss the birth if it's vaginal. I understand even if I had a section I could go in early and he would miss it and everything too but I don't think there would be as much of a chance.

    Gulimz I went through nursing school and thought the exact same thing maybe that's where my reasoning lies as well. The vaginal process seems so much more unplanned and scary to me. Things change unexpectedly and I like to plan. Also after being taught 4 years in nursing school that the patient always gets a CHOICE in their care and that it is the first priority, and to not have this option now that I'm the patient is rather unsettling.

    It is a relief to see that many of you have the same fear of vag birth- or the same fear with having a section even. Reading your comments are making me a little less nervous. I guess I'm just upset that I don't have control over this.

    Ok I see and I completely understand the fear of not having any power to predict or control what is going to happen to you. I am actually afraid of having a c section due to FTP or something else beyond my control but I think it comes from a similar place.

    To alleviate some of the anxiety of not being able to predict or control I just try to focus on the parts of having my daughter here that I'm excited about. I try to tell myself there is no point in worrying about the things I can't control, and think about something else.


    emmacake08CaliforniaDream87purduepat2004
  • My DH watching the videos with me tonight did not help. First he freaked and was like, omg that looks like it will hurt. Then he covered his nervousness with not so funny humor and began singing ring of fire during a natural birth video. And then couldn't understand why I was getting major anxiety.
    I just keep thinking that no matter what, it only lasts so long. And as far as vaginal vs c-section, I just want my baby. Whatever is best for her.
  • I totally get your fear of it. I was the same way with my 1st. But after having a c-section, I wish I had been able to deliver naturally. My body wasn't going to allow it though!
    The recovery is so long.
    I'm unable to have a VBAC this time around bc I'm not a good candidate and now I'm high risk.
  • e1223e1223 member
    After giving birth vaginally twice, and now needing a c-section, I wouldn't say that I'm terrified for it, but I certainly am not looking forward to it and would rather have a vaginal birth many times over vs a c-section.

    I'm guessing OBSERVING both you'd always prefer the environment of a c-section - less screaming, more order, more planning, etc. However, what you don't see is what happens after they go home. Many women who have vaginal births are completely fine to do nearly anything very quickly, and after surgery it can take several weeks to months to feel normal again. 
    jenandbrettkettlekitten
  • I can understand the fear.  I was very afraid the first time.  The vagina seems much more delicate than it really is, and the thought of a baby coming out of there is just odd at first.  However, it is exactly what the vagina was built to do, sperm in, baby out.  because of this it is much better for your body than having major surgery.  Don't get me wrong, I am thankful that we live in a day and age where modern medicine can save all sorts of mothers and babies lives!  That is amazing.  But I reallly realllly reallllly am thankful I have not had to have a C-section and it is the one thing that I still really fear with child birth.


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  • It's okay to be scared. It's something that despite best efforts to prepare, you just can't fully "get it" until you are in the moment. Having both kinds of deliveries (c-section and VBACs) I can say without a shadow of a doubt, my vaginal births were a thousand times easier, before, during, and after. Try to take comfort in knowing that your body was created for this. Even when you don't know what to do, your body does. Trust it.
    emmacake08shmarplercg0112358
  • I had allot of anxiety about giving birth, but reading lots of positive birth stories has helped me. Not medical advice, I know, but it has helped me see that I CAN do this. Specifically, I've been reading Ina May's Guide to Natural Child birth. You don't have to be planning a med free birth to appreciate her positive outlook on labor and birth.

    I found this book to be very encouraging as well. I feel like I have more confidence.

    Married 8/29/09
    MC: 9/14
    Goober #1 born: 8/17/15
    MC: 9/16
    Goober # 2 EDD: 6/27/17
  • I too am terrified to give birth. When anyone asks me if I'm getting excited I say yes but that I'm so nervous and they mistake it as me being nervous to take care of a baby. I'm not nervous at all I know my instincts will kick in and I'll know exactly what to do. I'm just so scared of the labor portion because I don't know what to expect! I don't know if I'll be one of those women who gets in the zone and gets it done or if I'm going to completely fall apart. Maybe I should check out that book that PP's are mentioning
  • No judgement at all; I'm due in 6 weeks with my first child and I am terrified! I can't think about labour without almost having a panic attack.
  • cg0112358cg0112358 member
    edited July 2015

    I have had 2 csections and would do anything to have a vaginal birth but I know it most likely won't happen.

    This ^

    DS was born via c/s since he was breech and my doctor was not comfortable with a breech vaginal delivery. DD2 was VBAC turned c/s due to fetal distress after 12 hours of labor and over an hour of pushing. Recovery from my first c/s was hellish and left me 1 and done for almost a year. My second recovery was much easier but I'm still hoping for a shot at VBA2C. I can see how, during the moment, that c/s seem a better route (generally routine, know what to expect, not visibly in pain, etc.) but you are not seeing the aftermath. Generally the recovery from a vaginal delivery is quicker and easier. C/s recoveries, while they can be easy for some, are still going to take longer and leave you with more restrictions while recovering. After 2 c/s I am truly hoping and praying that I can deliver vaginally this time.
    DS1: 8/3/10, DD1: 8/17/13, DD2: 8/13/15
    Twins lost to due to partial molar pregnancy: September 2011 
    ~~PAL, PgAL Always Welcome~~
  • There are so many things around birth that we really don't have control over unfortunately. ...Having a baby is more then just a physical act but an emotional and spiritual one to. Think about what would help you feel more prepared and at peace with the unknown and then take steps towards that.

    For myself, hypnobirthing and prenatal yoga have done wonders in calming some of my anxieties and reminding me of the strength I have to get me through this.
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