Saying "Be happy that you even have a healthy baby..some women have lost theirs" to someone who's disappointed about gender, is the equivalent of saying "be happy you have a mother who's alive and cares about you....some women have lost theirs" to someone who's upset that their mom wants to be involved in the pregnancy.
But if someone started flaming all the "I can't stand my MIL or mother" posts, there wouldn't be nearly the same amount of blow back. Why is it any different?
BECAUSE WHEN YOU GET PREGNANT, YOU KNOW THIS IS THE RISK!!!!! There is always a 50/50 chance!!!!!!!!!! Now let's overtake this thread with something yummy to stop the ridiculousness....I'm thinking tacos are good
Again. Missing the point. The point being empathy towards others situations regardless of what the situation is.
Clearly there's no talking sense into some people.
GD is definitely a real thing and cannot be controlled. I had it with my first son and even worse this time with my second. Don't beat yourself up about it, momma!
GD is definitely a real thing and cannot be controlled. I had it with my first son and even worse this time with my second. Don't beat yourself up about it, momma!
GD is generally used as an acronym for gestational diabetes, which is a real problem that many on this board have and is actually difficult to control. Perspective, people.
Me: 28, DH: 40 Married 9/28/13 DS born 11/12/15 EDD 8/13/18
Saying "Be happy that you even have a healthy baby..some women have lost theirs" to someone who's disappointed about gender, is the equivalent of saying "be happy you have a mother who's alive and cares about you....some women have lost theirs" to someone who's upset that their mom wants to be involved in the pregnancy.
But if someone started flaming all the "I can't stand my MIL or mother" posts, there wouldn't be nearly the same amount of blow back. Why is it any different?
BECAUSE WHEN YOU GET PREGNANT, YOU KNOW THIS IS THE RISK!!!!! There is always a 50/50 chance!!!!!!!!!! Now let's overtake this thread with something yummy to stop the ridiculousness....I'm thinking tacos are good
Again. Missing the point. The point being empathy towards others situations regardless of what the situation is.
Clearly there's no talking sense into some people.
I completely understand a gentle reminder that people are dealing with a whole lot worse issues. However, pushing that issue isn't constructive and is only going to cause more pushback. The fact of the matter is, when someone tells you your feelings are invalid or wrong because someone has it worse, it generally doesn't sit well.
I know they are completely different, but it's like the whole starving kids in Africa thing. If I were to tell one of you ladies that you need to keep your cravings to yourself because its insensitive to the people who are literally staving to death I wouldn't expect that to be taken too kindly to.
Just bare in mind that we are all fighting our own battles, and someone else's broken leg doesn't make your scraped knee hurt any less.
I'm sorry. I guess I'm a bully and a meanie, but I just can't empathize with these "gender disappointment" people. You are already disappointed with your child simply based on his/her genitalia? Awww poor you. Life's tough. We'll start a prayer chain for you.
OP, I commend you for making this post and sharing your feelings. I think your feelings are very normal, but I am sure your feelings will change when your baby is here. It is definitely difficult to acknowledge "unpopular" feelings out loud and especially on a forum like this. I too have had unpopular, yet normal feelings, but had refrained from posting on this board because of the typical dismissive "martyr type" attitudes on this board.
I can't for the life of me understand how someone posts that they are struggling with their feelings and then being told by "supportive people" that they can't relate and need to be grateful. Then we wonder why there are women who suffer in silence with disorders like post-partum depression because they don't feel safe to express "unpopular" feelings.
OP, I commend you for making this post and sharing your feelings. I think your feelings are very normal, but I am sure your feelings will change when your baby is here. It is definitely difficult to acknowledge "unpopular" feelings out loud and especially on a forum like this. I too have had unpopular, yet normal feelings, but had refrained from posting on this board because of the typical dismissive "martyr type" attitudes on this board.
I can't for the life of me understand how someone posts that they are struggling with their feelings and then being told by "supportive people" that they can't relate and need to be grateful. Then we wonder why there are women who suffer in silence with disorders like post-partum depression because they don't feel safe to express "unpopular" feelings.
Express that to your girlfriends friends or mother. Not to a forum of strangers having NO EARTHLY IDEA what they are going through with their pregnancies. There's REAL HEART BREAKING issues happening here. Peoples babies have cysts on their brains, people go into their anatomy scan and find out there's no heartbeat, kidney blockage, and so on and so on. This is not the place to be "disappointed" about something so small when there are real problems here happening everyday. And the people with real problems get real sympathy, as needed.
OP, I commend you for making this post and sharing your feelings. I think your feelings are very normal, but I am sure your feelings will change when your baby is here. It is definitely difficult to acknowledge "unpopular" feelings out loud and especially on a forum like this. I too have had unpopular, yet normal feelings, but had refrained from posting on this board because of the typical dismissive "martyr type" attitudes on this board.
I can't for the life of me understand how someone posts that they are struggling with their feelings and then being told by "supportive people" that they can't relate and need to be grateful. Then we wonder why there are women who suffer in silence with disorders like post-partum depression because they don't feel safe to express "unpopular" feelings.
So we all have to be unicorns and poop rainbows? Let's get in a circle and hold hands and sing kumbaya while we're at it.
OP, I commend you for making this post and sharing your feelings. I think your feelings are very normal, but I am sure your feelings will change when your baby is here. It is definitely difficult to acknowledge "unpopular" feelings out loud and especially on a forum like this. I too have had unpopular, yet normal feelings, but had refrained from posting on this board because of the typical dismissive "martyr type" attitudes on this board.
I can't for the life of me understand how someone posts that they are struggling with their feelings and then being told by "supportive people" that they can't relate and need to be grateful. Then we wonder why there are women who suffer in silence with disorders like post-partum depression because they don't feel safe to express "unpopular" feelings.
Express that to your girlfriends friends or mother. Not to a forum of strangers having NO EARTHLY IDEA what they are going through with their pregnancies. There's REAL HEART BREAKING issues happening here. Peoples babies have cysts on their brains, people go into their anatomy scan and find out there's no heartbeat, kidney blockage, and so on and so on. This is not the place to be "disappointed" about something so small when there are real problems here happening everyday. And the people with real problems get real sympathy, as needed.
If I felt disappointment over the sex of my baby the last people I would want to tell are anyone close to me. Because you know that you will get over your disappointment, but these people will always remember you saying you were upset to find out it was a boy/girl. Watching the child grow up they'll always remember that they aren't what the parents wanted. Even if it's not a thing that comes to mind often, I still wouldn't want someone close to me and my child to know if I had any negative thoughts about my child.
Maybe that's just me, cause I also refrain from telling anyone I'm close to any problems I might have with my husband for fear that my momentary frustration will keep coming back up and tarnish their views of my relationship
GD is definitely a real thing and cannot be controlled. I had it with my first son and even worse this time with my second. Don't beat yourself up about it, momma!
This is absolute BS!
When you concieve there is a 50/50 chance. If people keep this in perspective there is nothing to be disappointed about. Plet if people said "oh I'm sure the baby is going to be a ------" It doesn't mean it is true. We live in a society where you can get whatever you want, and I really think it has played a part in sex disappointment. People get it in their head that they want a certain sex, and are then disappointed when they are reminded biology doesn't work like that!
OP, I commend you for making this post and sharing your feelings. I think your feelings are very normal, but I am sure your feelings will change when your baby is here. It is definitely difficult to acknowledge "unpopular" feelings out loud and especially on a forum like this. I too have had unpopular, yet normal feelings, but had refrained from posting on this board because of the typical dismissive "martyr type" attitudes on this board.
I can't for the life of me understand how someone posts that they are struggling with their feelings and then being told by "supportive people" that they can't relate and need to be grateful. Then we wonder why there are women who suffer in silence with disorders like post-partum depression because they don't feel safe to express "unpopular" feelings.
Express that to your girlfriends friends or mother. Not to a forum of strangers having NO EARTHLY IDEA what they are going through with their pregnancies. There's REAL HEART BREAKING issues happening here. Peoples babies have cysts on their brains, people go into their anatomy scan and find out there's no heartbeat, kidney blockage, and so on and so on. This is not the place to be "disappointed" about something so small when there are real problems here happening everyday. And the people with real problems get real sympathy, as needed.
Disagree, that's like saying you're only allowed to post something if your baby has medical issues.
The OP had a REAL concern. She wanted to not feel alone, and she's not. As we can read in the post there are many people that have gone through this.
It's simple if you can't relate then say you can't relate.
Those of us who can are letting her now that she's not alone.
OP, I commend you for making this post and sharing your feelings. I think your feelings are very normal, but I am sure your feelings will change when your baby is here. It is definitely difficult to acknowledge "unpopular" feelings out loud and especially on a forum like this. I too have had unpopular, yet normal feelings, but had refrained from posting on this board because of the typical dismissive "martyr type" attitudes on this board.
I can't for the life of me understand how someone posts that they are struggling with their feelings and then being told by "supportive people" that they can't relate and need to be grateful. Then we wonder why there are women who suffer in silence with disorders like post-partum depression because they don't feel safe to express "unpopular" feelings.
Express that to your girlfriends friends or mother. Not to a forum of strangers having NO EARTHLY IDEA what they are going through with their pregnancies. There's REAL HEART BREAKING issues happening here. Peoples babies have cysts on their brains, people go into their anatomy scan and find out there's no heartbeat, kidney blockage, and so on and so on. This is not the place to be "disappointed" about something so small when there are real problems here happening everyday. And the people with real problems get real sympathy, as needed.
Disagree, that's like saying you're only allowed to post something if your baby has medical issues.
The OP had a REAL concern. She wanted to not feel alone, and she's not. As we can read in the post there are many people that have gone through this.
It's simple if you can't relate then say you can't relate.
Those of us who can are letting her now that she's not alone.
I'm not saying she can't post her concerns unless they fall under a certain category. I'm saying that she can't possibly post something like this and think that everyone will agree with her or even give her the sympathy that she is looking for. I'm glad that people can support her making her feel like she's not alone, fine, that's great. But the rest of us are entitled so say how we feel as well. And to get defensive is simply not okay. You post it, you gotta deal with the responses.
The ONLY reason I had a preference with my first pregnancy was because my younger sister had a stillborn son less than 6 months prior to our ultrasound. I hoped for a girl so it would be easier on my family and that the child would be loved without too much sadness.
After our DD was born and a year old, we started trying again, after 5 years of heartbreak, negative tests, endless research and a miscarriage, we were blessed with one more addition to our family. We DID NOT CARE if the baby's sex was a girl or boy. All we cared about was that the baby was healthy. The technician was surprised at our 20 week scan because we weren't pressuring her on what sex the child was, only if baby was growing healthily.
I want to be sympathetic, I really do but I can't. You have a healthy baby, something women DREAM about.
Maybe try researching names and shop for little things to get you excited again?
Nope, can't relate. Not one bit. You know going in its a 50/50 chance. Having a MMC in November was something to be sad and disappointed about, and to grieve about, to be crying over. Not having what YOU want between the legs is not. I can understand already having a girl and wanting a boy...but the second I found out it would be no big deal whatsoever as long as my little one was healthy. My BF wanted a boy so bad, I didn't care either way, and the second the tech told us it was a girl his entire mindset changed. He couldn't have been more excited about it. There was no disappointment. That's how it should be. I guess I just don't understand how someone can get that upset over something they know from the beginning they have zero control over.
First off let me say I have never experienced a loss, but I know people who have and who would be great parents but aren't able to. I don't think there's anything wrong with having a little disappointment after finding out the sex of your baby, it doesn't make you a bad person. I would say count your blessings - you have a healthy baby and boys are super fun! My nephew was so upset after we told him we were having a boy he wouldn't talk to anyone and is just now finally coming around to the idea of being able to teach him tball and soccer. (He is only 5.) I thought for sure I was going to have a girl and was surprised to find out its a boy, but I couldn't be more excited! Oh the things to look forward to! Mommy's boy, our first Christmas, making footprint plates for grandparents for Christmas, sports, fishing with grandpa, camping, etc! Think of all the fun you and your little guy will have!
It is getting really old to see people with different opinions than an OP being accused of bullying or belittling. Too many ladies come here expecting to post an opinion or thought and get everyone responding "ditto" or giving virtual hugs after holding hands and singing kumbuya. Some ladies should take their own advice and recognize that we all have different opinions so either take the advice/response received or ignore it and gracefully move on to the next response. No one here was mean - just responding to the OP which is in fact the point. My goodness...
Really? I could point out a few that were belittling, which is mean in my opinion. In fact, where I've highlighted in bold on this post is exactly that. My opinion was just negated right there and made it seem silly and childish in one swoop. Congratulations!
That's what is funny here. Preach about accepting others opinions but then when one is given that isn't agreed with, we go ahead and respond.
That's why I said it's better to just be nice and move on. Evidently, that is not widely agreed with. So, keep on doing what we do and I'll just keep on ignoring, as I have for nearly five months now.
Also, forgive me for sharing my opinion, as it wasn't meant to start a battle. Have a great day!!
Edit for typos.
Ugh for God sake. You clearly didn't read anything I posted on this thread. Again, I have a differing opinion than OP. I responded with that POV and explained why (quite politely given what I have endured to get to where I am in). I then went so far as to offer OP advice. That is not belittling or mean. Your complaint here is hypocritical. So I can only comment if I agree? That is quite an unrealistic attitude to have in a public forum. No one here was rude or belittling. They are women offering different perspectives which is the point. You can't seem to give examples of this supposed bullying so I'm done trying to help you understand where some of us are coming from. I think you're being a bit too close minded to participate in this type of community. Its not always going to be sunshine and rainbows. That is an unrealistic ask. I like hearing opinions that go against my own, but it seems others can't handle it. That doesn't mean we are required to remain silent when asked for an opinion or thoughts by an OP.
OP, I commend you for making this post and sharing your feelings. I think your feelings are very normal, but I am sure your feelings will change when your baby is here. It is definitely difficult to acknowledge "unpopular" feelings out loud and especially on a forum like this. I too have had unpopular, yet normal feelings, but had refrained from posting on this board because of the typical dismissive "martyr type" attitudes on this board.
I can't for the life of me understand how someone posts that they are struggling with their feelings and then being told by "supportive people" that they can't relate and need to be grateful. Then we wonder why there are women who suffer in silence with disorders like post-partum depression because they don't feel safe to express "unpopular" feelings.
Express that to your girlfriends friends or mother. Not to a forum of strangers having NO EARTHLY IDEA what they are going through with their pregnancies. There's REAL HEART BREAKING issues happening here. Peoples babies have cysts on their brains, people go into their anatomy scan and find out there's no heartbeat, kidney blockage, and so on and so on. This is not the place to be "disappointed" about something so small when there are real problems here happening everyday. And the people with real problems get real sympathy, as needed.
First you are making the assumption that everyone is fortunate enough to have a supportive network of people that they can share their feelings with. There are many people, as evidenced by some of the posts on this forum, who do not have the most ideal relationships outside of this forum.
You are correct, there are people who are experiencing very difficult issues on this forum. However, that doesn't negate OP's feelings because they are real to her. Is there a scale that we need to consult with to decide whether or not our feelings are worthy enough to post? If that's the case, what is the point of this board? There will always be someone whose situation is worse than someone else's. That doesn't mean that everyone's feelings aren't worthy of being expressed.
OP, I commend you for making this post and sharing your feelings. I think your feelings are very normal, but I am sure your feelings will change when your baby is here. It is definitely difficult to acknowledge "unpopular" feelings out loud and especially on a forum like this. I too have had unpopular, yet normal feelings, but had refrained from posting on this board because of the typical dismissive "martyr type" attitudes on this board.
I can't for the life of me understand how someone posts that they are struggling with their feelings and then being told by "supportive people" that they can't relate and need to be grateful. Then we wonder why there are women who suffer in silence with disorders like post-partum depression because they don't feel safe to express "unpopular" feelings.
So we all have to be unicorns and poop rainbows? Let's get in a circle and hold hands and sing kumbaya while we're at it.
That isn't at all what I'm implying. But if you "can't relate" and "don't understand" then why comment? She didn't ask for your opinion about how she felt, she stated that she felt bad about feeling the way she did and wanted support to cope with these feelings. A great deal of the responses followed the lines of "yes, you should feel bad" How is that helpful?
OP, I commend you for making this post and sharing your feelings. I think your feelings are very normal, but I am sure your feelings will change when your baby is here. It is definitely difficult to acknowledge "unpopular" feelings out loud and especially on a forum like this. I too have had unpopular, yet normal feelings, but had refrained from posting on this board because of the typical dismissive "martyr type" attitudes on this board.
I can't for the life of me understand how someone posts that they are struggling with their feelings and then being told by "supportive people" that they can't relate and need to be grateful. Then we wonder why there are women who suffer in silence with disorders like post-partum depression because they don't feel safe to express "unpopular" feelings.
So we all have to be unicorns and poop rainbows? Let's get in a circle and hold hands and sing kumbaya while we're at it.
That isn't at all what I'm implying. But if you "can't relate" and "don't understand" then why comment? She didn't ask for your opinion about how she felt, she stated that she felt bad about feeling the way she did and wanted support to cope with these feelings. A great deal of the responses followed the lines of "yes, you should feel bad" How is that helpful?
Let's see....if OP is going to treat this as a public forum and post whatever she wants, then we are all entitled to reply however we want. Read all of the posts by the others who agree with me and stop making "gender disappointment" a thing.
Of course I wanted a healthy baby. And as a woman I've always wanted a little girl. But I always had a feeling I'd have boys. I grew up with a brother and just thought I'd have boys for some reason. So then I got my heart set on a boy....having a little mama's boy and being able to name him after my dad who passed away a couple of years ago. When I got the call with the results of the genetic testing the first thing was health and everything looked good. What a relief! Then she said it's a boy. And while excited that thought of a girl not existing was a little disappointing for a minute or two. Of course this is our first and we want two. I'd love one of each. But had they said girl I think I would have been a little disappointed for a minute or so of that little boy I had thought about that wasn't going to be. I'm definitely happy either way and just praying for a healthy baby but I think it's natural to think about the other sex too that you won't you have when you find out.
That article is ridiculous and does not justify the shallow behavior. People shouldnt pretend or have their heart set on a certain sex before they find out.
Once it settles in that will get better. I was so set on a boy my first time around I was disappointed for a weeks or two over having a girl first. Then I got used to it and got to shopping and it went away. She's such a huge help now too. With my second and third I really didn't have my heart set on anything. I just wanted my babies so the two boys were easy to handle. This time around I was desperate for another little girl. Her tiny little head wrapped in a hair bow was literally all I thought about. I found out at 17 weeks there would be no hair bows and I'd have a third boy to yell at for pissing on the cat when he hit his potty training year. I'm just over 20 weeks now and again after having time to get used to calling him Roman instead of Zola and buying most of his stuff I'm blissfully in love with my little man.
Pedophilia is a "thing!" It's listed in every psychology text book as a psychological disorder. How many people have you met who are sympathetic towards those suffering from this disorder?... just saying.
Those of us who disagree are saying that yes, you can get your hopes up for the specific sex. But to: 1. Cry 2. Throw a fit 3. Go into "depression" 4. Need time. To grieve
Those all just seem so dramatic for such a trivial thing. If I had my heart set on a specific sex and got the opposite, sure I'd have to rewire my mental picture of my future with my unborn child, and sure maybe I wanted one or the other more and might get bummed.
Would I cry and mourn and throw myself into a frenzy for not getting what I wanted? No.
So I think what everyone is missing here is that yes, "gender" disappointment is a thing. "Gender" grieving, however, is ridiculous and I'm sorry if that offends you. Like everyone else, I'm entitled to my own damn opinion on a public forum.
All you guys got me SO hyped up for the possibility of having a velociraptor. So you can imagine my disappointment when I found out it's just a boring human baby...
Having a feeling or emotion that you can't control is not shallow.
One thing that people have right is that everyone is free to have their opinion, wether you agree that someone should feel disappointed or not. That doesn't make one side right or wrong, people really need to stop thinking that way.
This doesn't mean you can't oppose or have blow smoke up someone's arse and be all unicorns or glitter. It means we shouldn't call people shallow or ridiculous for their opinion/feeling and start going I'm right your wrong.
There are just as many people on this thread that gave her, and anyone else going through this, great advice and who have been in here shoes.
I'm so glad to see that this post has been receiving more supportive responses than essentially this same post made about a month ago where basically everyone was posting telling the girl how terrible of her it was to feel that way.
It's a very common thing, though it may not seem like it because people don't often don't like to express these feelings, because they know it sounds bad. Just because you feel that disappointment doesn't mean you don't and won't love your baby just as much as any other mother that is excited for whichever sex. I can guarantee that you'll adjust your thoughts and expectations and get used to the idea. You'll look back and not be able to imagine having that little girl you imagined over your sweet little boy.
I am glad that at 13 weeks I was told it was probably a boy, and then I had time to marinade on that before the official confirmation. Because in the beginning I envisioned a girl. Had I spent all this time thinking my baby was a girl I wouldn't be surprised if I was a little disappointed to find out otherwise.
I don't think that there's anything wrong with having a preference or getting an idea in your head. I don't think it means you care any less about whether or not you're happy to have a healthy baby. The two are separate things. It's kind of like saying if my husband bought a new couch (which is a thing we have really been wanting) I couldn't be upset if the couch wasn't my style because "look, you have a couch, that's what you wanted!" I know it's not a great simile, because in the end you'll love your baby and I'd probably still hate the couch.
To be fair, if it's the post I'm thinking of, it was a bit extreme. The ones I have read talk about being devastated. That I can't get on board with at all. I think a lot of people go in thinking they know what they want but find out they are just as happy either way. OP, have your brief moment of disappointment and move on. (This thread is four pages, so I'm guessing how the rest of it goes). I thought I wanted a girl when I had my child. My son is the most amazing person to me and I wouldn't have it any other way now. He's a beautiful little boy with a rock star personality and I am incredibly thankful it turned out the way it did, because I don't love anyone more.
Awe dear don't feel guilty, I felt the same way you did and was set on having a boy and to my big surprise found out I'm having a baby girl. had named picked out and everything. And when I found out the gender I was actually disappointed. It's normal feeling and it goes away: now 22weeks along I'm finally adjusting to the idea of little min me. I know your gonna love your lil one once he does arrive. And your child is going to get so much from love from you no doubt about it: Good luck to you! And best of wishes!
But you have a 50/50 chance. Why are you envisioning one sex over the other and planning for it with out knowing for sure? That's what I don't get.
This is my second pregnancy. I have a girl already. I don't find out the sex of this baby for another week and a half. Would having a boy and a girl be great- yes! Would having 2 girls be great- yes! I'm happy either way, as long as I have a healthy baby. Why set yourself up for "disappointment" knowing you have no control? I can't even write disappointment with out the quotes because I think it's so absurd to be voicing your disappointment in a place like this.
The fact of the matter is that people process things in different ways. That doesn't make one way right and the other absurd. For a lot of people, getting excited about the baby on the way involves thinking about the future of that baby. A lot of people also get gut feelings about the sex of the baby, so it's only natural to have that gut feeling be incorporated into their daydreaming about baby. Of course until you know for sure you realize in the back of your mind that it's entirely possible that your feeling is wrong. But as the planner that I am, if I had a strong feeling that it was one sex over the other, I would probably find myself focusing my name/nursery/gear planning geared more towards my feeling. Its all emotion led versus scientific or logical.
Also, "in a place like this"? You mean somewhere where there's a bunch of pregnant women, who could potentially relate, but because it's an Internet forum you don't have to worry about down the line someone knowing and remembering you felt this way once you've already gotten over it. And clearly by the responses a number of people can relate to this feeling.
We were very set on having a girl for our 1st baby because my husband's father wants a grand daughter, well when we found out we were having a boy I felt a little disappointed as well. Shortly after God put a little vision in my head of this handsome little boy running to me with arms open wide and I realized that boy or girl, my child will be loves the same. Now my son is the light of my life and I cannot imagine life without him. When you first hold your son in your arms all doubt and worry will disappear. At least it did for me.
Re: Gender disappointment!
Married 9/28/13
DS born 11/12/15
EDD 8/13/18
I know they are completely different, but it's like the whole starving kids in Africa thing. If I were to tell one of you ladies that you need to keep your cravings to yourself because its insensitive to the people who are literally staving to death I wouldn't expect that to be taken too kindly to.
Just bare in mind that we are all fighting our own battles, and someone else's broken leg doesn't make your scraped knee hurt any less.
You are already disappointed with your child simply based on his/her genitalia? Awww poor you. Life's tough. We'll start a prayer chain for you.
Express that to your girlfriends friends or mother. Not to a forum of strangers having NO EARTHLY IDEA what they are going through with their pregnancies. There's REAL HEART BREAKING issues happening here. Peoples babies have cysts on their brains, people go into their anatomy scan and find out there's no heartbeat, kidney blockage, and so on and so on. This is not the place to be "disappointed" about something so small when there are real problems here happening everyday. And the people with real problems get real sympathy, as needed.
Maybe that's just me, cause I also refrain from telling anyone I'm close to any problems I might have with my husband for fear that my momentary frustration will keep coming back up and tarnish their views of my relationship
When you concieve there is a 50/50 chance. If people keep this in perspective there is nothing to be disappointed about. Plet if people said "oh I'm sure the baby is going to be a ------" It doesn't mean it is true.
We live in a society where you can get whatever you want, and I really think it has played a part in sex disappointment. People get it in their head that they want a certain sex, and are then disappointed when they are reminded biology doesn't work like that!
The OP had a REAL concern. She wanted to not feel alone, and she's not. As we can read in the post there are many people that have gone through this.
It's simple if you can't relate then say you can't relate.
Those of us who can are letting her now that she's not alone.
I'm not saying she can't post her concerns unless they fall under a certain category. I'm saying that she can't possibly post something like this and think that everyone will agree with her or even give her the sympathy that she is looking for. I'm glad that people can support her making her feel like she's not alone, fine, that's great. But the rest of us are entitled so say how we feel as well. And to get defensive is simply not okay. You post it, you gotta deal with the responses.
After our DD was born and a year old, we started trying again, after 5 years of heartbreak, negative tests, endless research and a miscarriage, we were blessed with one more addition to our family. We DID NOT CARE if the baby's sex was a girl or boy. All we cared about was that the baby was healthy. The technician was surprised at our 20 week scan because we weren't pressuring her on what sex the child was, only if baby was growing healthily.
I want to be sympathetic, I really do but I can't. You have a healthy baby, something women DREAM about.
Maybe try researching names and shop for little things to get you excited again?
Let's see....if OP is going to treat this as a public forum and post whatever she wants, then we are all entitled to reply however we want. Read all of the posts by the others who agree with me and stop making "gender disappointment" a thing.
https://www.parents.com/pregnancy/my-baby/gender-prediction/baby-gender-disappointment/
That article is ridiculous and does not justify the shallow behavior. People shouldnt pretend or have their heart set on a certain sex before they find out.
Those of us who disagree are saying that yes, you can get your hopes up for the specific sex. But to:
1. Cry
2. Throw a fit
3. Go into "depression"
4. Need time. To grieve
Those all just seem so dramatic for such a trivial thing. If I had my heart set on a specific sex and got the opposite, sure I'd have to rewire my mental picture of my future with my unborn child, and sure maybe I wanted one or the other more and might get bummed.
Would I cry and mourn and throw myself into a frenzy for not getting what I wanted? No.
So I think what everyone is missing here is that yes, "gender" disappointment is a thing. "Gender" grieving, however, is ridiculous and I'm sorry if that offends you. Like everyone else, I'm entitled to my own damn opinion on a public forum.
One thing that people have right is that everyone is free to have their opinion, wether you agree that someone should feel disappointed or not. That doesn't make one side right or wrong, people really need to stop thinking that way.
This doesn't mean you can't oppose or have blow smoke up someone's arse and be all unicorns or glitter. It means we shouldn't call people shallow or ridiculous for their opinion/feeling and start going I'm right your wrong.
There are just as many people on this thread that gave her, and anyone else going through this, great advice and who have been in here shoes.
It was still new, it wasn't like she has been feeling this way for a week or month.
OP, by today it should have sunk in and the joy should be there your getting a BOY!!! Yeah!
If not then there may be other underlining emotional issues about being a Mom that you might want to talk to your doc about.