Things you learned at an inappropriately old age

babybluu · July 2015

so I saw this post on another site and was reading the responses for like an hour and laughing so hard for half, and extremely worried for people for the other half lol. I thought it would be fun to share yours!

One for me is that I believed for the looooongest time that if I swallowed my gum it would stay in my stomach for 8 years.

That and before I knew how sex worked, I knew penises were flaccid and asked my friend how men "inserted it" if it was all soft and she told me they used pliers. Can't tell you how long I believed that one.

steph_pegasus · July 2015

It took me almost my entire senior year of high school to realize that the logo of the university I was going to spelled out the school's letter acronym. Not inappropriate age-wise but I felt like such a dope when I figured it out.

KaraEpp16 · July 2015

My mother told me that they cancelled Power Rangers when I was about four or five. She would watch my cousin and I beat the living crap out of each other every time it was on. So she said it was cancelled. Even though there was still products with Power Rangers on it and they came out with a movie, I still thought they cancelled the TV show when I was younger until I was about 17/18.

babybluu · July 2015

Those are awesome you guys. I wonder what things I'll end up telling my kids lol. My mom use to tell me random things to shut me up, and she doesn't even remember most of them anymore lol

peppercorn16 · July 2015

Until an embarrassingly old age, I thought that during sex the man just put it in and left it there. I did not realize there was so much in & out and movement. LOL! I am embarrassed just typing it, I have never admitted that!

CaraBoonie · July 2015

When I was younger I knew a condom went on a man's penis and kept the sperm from going in the vagina...but having never seen one, I thought it was some sort of like...clamp the man put on the end of his penis, haha! It sounded painful! I figured it out from a comic of a talking condom in MAD magazine (I remember specifically, it was the South Park special that I bought because I was obsessed with South Park at the time, maybe the only time I ever bought a MAD). I was still awhile away from having sex, but it still makes me laugh that I thought that, especially since I knew the rest of the facts of life fairly early on (my mom was always of the "when they ask, tell" camp, and we all asked around 5 so we knew around 5...I found it so disinteresting I completely forgot until my sister asked four years later, at which point I was interested and remembered the answer)

TinyDancer51510 · July 2015

These are awesome!

I didn't piece together until I was living with my now husband that one of my parents lied to me when they told me all of the nutrients in bread were in the crust. My husband asked me to cut the crust off something and I started to say "But that's where all of the nutrients are", then stopped, thought about how bread was made, and realized that that was insane. We're talking 24 years old.

babybluu · July 2015

Hahahaha someone said the exact same thing on the other post I read! Lol and my parents told me the same thing but I never cared. I still hate the crust to this day lol

willashbaby · July 2015

I don't think I connected the dots on how the seasons worked on Earth for awhile, aka the Northern hemisphere's "winter" is the Southern's "summer". I'm a big fan of science and understanding how and why things work so this was a big "duh" for me.

missperky · July 2015

I was like 20 when if figured out that baked potatoes were actually supposed to be baked...in the oven not nuked in the microwave.

JandJ62914 · July 2015

I used to think the world used to be in black and white and that's why old photos weren't in color. When I was maybe 10 I asked my Dad if he was alive back when the world was still in black and white. He gave me a look like, "This cannot be my child..." lol, and then explained how it was the film.

10 might not necessarily be an inappropriate age, but it's still ridiculous that I ever believe the world used to to be greyscale and then magically became colorful one day!

ccoleeman · July 2015

Song lyrics. So many wrong song lyrics. My mom would always play classic rock in the car, and we would often hear Nazareth song "Hair of the Dog", which has the chorus "now you're messin with a..Son of a bitch". To keep us from repeating swear words, my mom told us they were saying "Shut up and dance". Definitely embarrassed myself at a bar or two singing that at the top of my lungs.

cawalp · July 2015

This isn't really weird but I felt so crazy. When I was little my mom told me that if you wore capris and tennis shoes you looked like you were running from a flood. I NEVER once wore that my entire life and upon mentioning this to my mother this past march when we went hiking and I wore tennis shoes with my capris, she didn't even remember ever saying that!

MarleneG88 · July 2015

TinyDancer51510 said:
These are awesome!

I didn't piece together until I was living with my now husband that one of my parents lied to me when they told me all of the nutrients in bread were in the crust. My husband asked me to cut the crust off something and I started to say "But that's where all of the nutrients are", then stopped, thought about how bread was made, and realized that that was insane. We're talking 24 years old.

I seriously said this a couple weeks ago and dh had to correct me. I'm almost 27 haha

mrussello · July 2015

I was in my 20s when I finally plucked a gray hair. I had this very silver hair with my bangs and I have very dark brown hair. My mom would tell us for every gray hair you pull, two more grow in its place.
She also told me that if I plucked my armpit hair, it would stay gone longer. I was 13 before I realized shaving was a way better option. Thanks mom.

mamaksweez · July 2015

I went to private school and I one day, probably my sophomore year of high school, I noticed a bust in the library that was labeled Martin Luther... It wasn't until that moment that I realized Martin Luther (the German monk from the 1500's) and Martin Luther King Jr (the African American activist from the 1950's) were 2 different people...

mch9191 · July 2015

I thought the word gave was said "geve" like an eh sound instead of a long a, because that's how my entire family pronounced it. I didn't even notice until someone pointed it out when I was 16. That's a long time to say a word wrong and no one stopped me sooner.

paigeyferd · July 2015

I knew my dad had a vasectomy when I was about 7 or 8. I didn't realize until my freshman year of college that he and my mom could still do the dirty. I seriously thought that having a vasectomy meant no more sex. I asked my mom randomly how it felt to not have had sex for over ten years. She laughed, grabbed my hand, and said "Sweetie, NO MAN would ever have it done if that were true." I felt like such an idiot, but also kind of relieved for my parents.

bananers · July 2015

StephPegasus said:
It took me almost my entire senior year of high school to realize that the logo of the university I was going to spelled out the school's letter acronym. Not inappropriate age-wise but I felt like such a dope when I figured it out.

Go Cougs!

bananers · July 2015

Not necessarily an inappropriate age, but when I was in maybe 3rd grade I became aware that my mom took birth control pills and that she took them so she wouldn't become pregnant. I also remember learning that once you started getting a period, you were capable of getting pregnant. I also remember hearing about people "accidentally" getting pregnant. In my mind I connected the dots that you had to start taking the pill when you got your period or you'd get pregnant. I thought sex was what people did when they were trying to get pregnant and wondered why you'd do something so gross when you could simply just stop taking a pill instead. Pretty complex train of thought for having no idea how it all worked, lol.

babybluu · July 2015

Hahahah these are all so awesome I love them!

lyannast · July 2015

My Mum was a sex ed teacher so I was pretty well informed about how babies were made/periods/how a penis worked
However, me being so young, we obviously didn't go into sexual positions.. So I spent my whole life, up to the point me and my partner started having sex (17yo) thinking that doggy style was anal.... Hahahahaha I seriously did not understand how a penis could go into a vagina from that angle... It was pretty interesting getting him to explain that one to me.

Mind you, now that I'm pregnant, I feel like the smart one cause he doesn't understand any of it!!

Mamabeagle · July 2015

When I was 18, the second or third time I was going to have sex, the guy told me to turn around for doggy style. I thought he meant anal and got the hell out of there.

lyannast · July 2015

Hahaha @Mamabeagle luckily I had been with my partner for about a year already so I felt comfortable expressing my disgust

too funny..

SisterSunshine · July 2015

Some time in my twenties I figured out that the Cadbury bunny did not cluck. I don't know why I just accepted that whole time that it did. Good advertising I guess lol

indulgentgypsy · July 2015

mamaksweez said:
I went to private school and I one day, probably my sophomore year of high school, I noticed a bust in the library that was labeled Martin Luther... It wasn't until that moment that I realized Martin Luther (the German monk from the 1500's) and Martin Luther King Jr (the African American activist from the 1950's) were 2 different people...

I teach middle school history and many of my 7th graders did not know this. I know one of the teachers in my department is not as um... dedicated as others, but I was stilled stunned that he taught the Reformation and skipped Martin Luther.

Flyingtrouble · July 2015

So embarrassing but when I was younger I had a lot of pubic hair and I wanted to get rid of some so I cut it, my mum found the hair (turns out it doesn't flush that easily) and she told me that you only have one set of hair there and if I cut it that's it. I thought for ages that was true!

bananers · July 2015

Flyingtrouble said:
So embarrassing but when I was younger I had a lot of pubic hair and I wanted to get rid of some so I cut it, my mum found the hair (turns out it doesn't flush that easily) and she told me that you only have one set of hair there and if I cut it that's it. I thought for ages that was true!

If only it were!!

amyjeffcoats · July 2015

After Dark Horse by Katy Perry came out it took me like a year to figure out she was saying "so you wanna play with magic." I thought she said "so you wanna play with my jig." It doesn't make sense at all...but it's Katy Perry. I was in a zumba class when I finally figured it out.

mcrane8 · July 2015

I thought Princess Diana....you know the Princess of Whales, was the official spokeswoman for SeaWorld.

KerryS1009 · July 2015

mrussello said:

I was in my 20s when I finally plucked a gray hair. I had this very silver hair with my bangs and I have very dark brown hair. My mom would tell us for every gray hair you pull, two more grow in its place. She also told me that if I plucked my armpit hair, it would stay gone longer. I was 13 before I realized shaving was a way better option. Thanks mom.

Oh my god, my aunt (Grandma's sister) used to tell us that and we all believed it.

mrussello · July 2015

KerryS1009 said:

mrussello said:

I was in my 20s when I finally plucked a gray hair. I had this very silver hair with my bangs and I have very dark brown hair. My mom would tell us for every gray hair you pull, two more grow in its place.
She also told me that if I plucked my armpit hair, it would stay gone longer. I was 13 before I realized shaving was a way better option. Thanks mom.

Oh my god, my aunt (Grandma's sister) used to tell us that and we all believed it.

Oh good, I'm not the only gullible kid who tortured herself! I just believed everything my mom ever told me. She gets a kick out of it when we talk about it now.

babybluu · July 2015

amyjeffcoats said:

After Dark Horse by Katy Perry came out it took me like a year to figure out she was saying "so you wanna play with magic." I thought she said "so you wanna play with my jig." It doesn't make sense at all...but it's Katy Perry. I was in a zumba class when I finally figured it out.

hahahaha i thought that it said "so you wanna play with matches" and it took me actually really listening to all the words to realize that didnt make sense. lol

maddisonwallace · July 2015

My mom told me once when I was 12 that if you get in the same hot tub/pool or sit on the same toilet seat as a boy that you can get pregnant. She told me this as I was sitting on a toilet at my guy friends house when I was 12 trying to figure out why my period hadn't started yet. I believed this until high school, where it was reaffirmed by Glee where in one of the first episodes the cheerleader gets pregnant by being in the hot tub with Finn. I literally thought this until I finally took health class my junior year. Now that I'm pregnant, my mom and step dad always say "Told you you shouldn't have sat on the same toilet as Nick!!"

maddisonwallace · July 2015

amyjeffcoats said:
After Dark Horse by Katy Perry came out it took me like a year to figure out she was saying "so you wanna play with magic." I thought she said "so you wanna play with my jig." It doesn't make sense at all...but it's Katy Perry. I was in a zumba class when I finally figured it out.

I always thought it said "play with my di**"..... I have been enlightened... Couldn't figure out why a girl would sing that or why they would allow that on the radio..

sck601 · July 2015

babybluu said:

amyjeffcoats said:

After Dark Horse by Katy Perry came out it took me like a year to figure out she was saying "so you wanna play with magic." I thought she said "so you wanna play with my jig." It doesn't make sense at all...but it's Katy Perry. I was in a zumba class when I finally figured it out.

hahahaha i thought that it said "so you wanna play with matches" and it took me actually really listening to all the words to realize that didnt make sense. lol

----QBF----
Glad to know I'm not the only one! I thought it was "so you wanna play with my jeep."

Staying on the song trend, Jingle Bells "one horse soap and sleigh", PCD When i Grow Up, i thought it said "I wanna have boobies" instead of groupies, and the ever so popular "revved up like a douche" instead of douce in Blinded by the Light.

shaybe90 · July 2015

The difference between the words "horror" and "wh***". I honestly thought the word for horror was the latter. Soooo one day, trying to call my aunt scary, I confused it for the other word. Needless to say, I almost got backhanded.

andimegie325 · July 2015

For the longest time I didn't buy frames for my pictures, because I didn't understand why anyone would buy an already framed picture of someone they didn't know... It took me being in a craft store with my mom and asking WHY someone would do that - and a lady in the same isle laughing hysterically at what I said - for me to get it -_-

cawalp · July 2015

@sck601
I always thought it said 'i wanna have boobies'. I didn't realize it said groupies until I heard a cover of it by a different band. So glad I'm not the only one!

babybluu · July 2015

Hahahahaha so many about dark horse. That's hilarious

kemerson531 · July 2015

Even though I grew up in a pretty diverse neighborhood, it wasn't until I was about 5 that I realized people of different races could get married. I didn't think there was a rule against it, I just never really thought about it because all my white friends had white patents, my Asian friends had Asian parents, my Hispanic friends had Hispanic parents, etc. I distinctly remember having an "oh" moment when my little league soccer coach, a black man, had his white wife and mixed daughter show up to a game. I think I even asked my mom about it on the car ride home. Oh, the ignorance of children...

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