This is for hospital delivery, but I'm wondering about birth centers? My MIL never had children herself, adopted 2 boys when they were older (never had babies)- seems to expect that she'd be in the room with me when I'm having the baby, although she doesn't explicitly say that she has to be in the room. Birth centers have rooms that are home-like so how do we do this?
I definitely like what PPs say- it's the birthing mom's decision!
If you are using a birth center, I am guessing you will have a birth plan that you draw up with your midwife and/or doula. Include who should be present during labor and pushing. Mine explicitly said no medical students and only my husband, mother, and doula in addition to the doctor and labor nurses. I originally didn't want my mom during pushing but at that point I didn't mind having her there.
I never understood why all of these people ever want to be in there! My recommendation is you make yourself clear now. In my experience, my MIL didn't get the message! Once I was in labor I didn't have the energy to tell anyone to get out, it was the last thing on my mind since I was in excruciating pain. At one point, my husband, MIL, 2 BILs and a whole class of student Drs were in the room along w my 2 nurses. I was like wtf!?
Your husband's brothers were in the delivery room?! Sick. No way, no how, man.
Me: 28, DH: 40 Married 9/28/13 DS born 11/12/15 EDD 8/13/18
I'm pretty sure you can only have a certain number of people in the delivery room. Blame it on the hospital if she continues to throw a fit. Sorry you have to deal with yet another issue. Are you on other boards? I'm in the Preggie app and MIL threads are huge.
I can't think of any words that are appropriate to say about this situation. If she doesn't grow the heck up I would threaten to not call her until after the baby is born if that's how she's going to act. We still have quite a ways to go and she should really be helping and supportive, not a crazy B! So sorry you're dealing with her.
When my family showed up, the nurses told them that I was being checked and getting meds and they would let them know. They just hung out in the waiting room until they got tired and went home. Tell your nurses that you want no one in the room and they can help you out.
I'm the person who lets everyone in though. It us such an amazing experience I love sharing it. My first I had my DH, Sister in law, mom, and best Freind. They all were a great support team. But also new not to piss me off. Second kid is was just DH and I because everyone was out of state! My third it was my DH, mom, sister, and my dad who couldn't handle seeing me in pain and had to go outside. I let my sister take pictures in my last one. It is nice to have at least 2 people to help get things like cold rags and stuff since you don't always have staff handy.
I have also been present at my BFFs first delivery and my SILs. It was awesome and I felt very blessed. It's definitely different to watch then give birth that's for sure.
But you have to do what you feel comfortable with!!!
I just don't understand how mils end up thinking its a right for them to be there?! My mum will be there for my first- I THINK depending on how I feel and my mums cool with that. If I said "I'm ok now mum we will call you when she arrives" she would leave. But I think for my first one I want her there to keep me level headed. But I also think she will leave off her own back if DH is doing really well with me and doesn't need her. I would like it to be just me and DH but how I'm going to handle not knowing scares me so yeah. But there's no way on this earth that I am allowing his mother there or father. Or my father. I want to feel comfortable being naked if I want to be. And his mother would constantly have an opinion on how well I gave birth. (Obviously not as well as her- seeing as she told my dh she gave birth with no pain relief ever- and then told me she had forceps.... Which is it?!) so yeah. No for me. X
I also hated the MIL was texting H like crazy while I was in L&D but I was a scheduled induction so everyone knew where I was. This time I might not even tell exH until the baby is here.
When I was checking in to L&D to have DS there was a MIL (not mine) trying to see her grandchild. She was screaming things like "you cannot keep me from my baby." She was fully on crazy screaming when I got there and still screaming when I was done checking in. The nurses just kept telling her she was not on the list, they never once checked with the parents she was trying to visit. I give those nurses a ton of credit, if there is someone you don't want there they will keep them out.
I know my mom is super chill; my grandma didn't visit until I was a week old, b/c she told my mom to go home, recover, and get settled before telling her to come, so mom is taking the same attitude. Haven't discussed it with the ILs, but some of these stories are scary! Maybe I'll just tell them I plan to be naked. Do you want to see me give birth naked? No? Then stay out!
Thank you all!! I really appreciate the advice and support! Especially since she just told me that she wants to be the first person to hold baby girl!!! *who says that!!!!*
Omg, no! No! No! Keep her away. Also others who plan on having other family members in the room don't forget about this. I had 2 Mom's from my last BMB where one's mother and one's MIL held the baby before they did. They were an emotional wreck that it had happened. Please don't let this happen to your birth story if it's not what you want.
Re: Delivery room debate!
Baby Boy born on 1/14/13
Married 9/28/13
DS born 11/12/15
EDD 8/13/18
I'm the person who lets everyone in though. It us such an amazing experience I love sharing it. My first I had my DH, Sister in law, mom, and best Freind. They all were a great support team. But also new not to piss me off. Second kid is was just DH and I because everyone was out of state! My third it was my DH, mom, sister, and my dad who couldn't handle seeing me in pain and had to go outside. I let my sister take pictures in my last one. It is nice to have at least 2 people to help get things like cold rags and stuff since you don't always have staff handy.
I have also been present at my BFFs first delivery and my SILs. It was awesome and I felt very blessed. It's definitely different to watch then give birth that's for sure.
But you have to do what you feel comfortable with!!!
Some of these stories, yikes!
I know my mom is super chill; my grandma didn't visit until I was a week old, b/c she told my mom to go home, recover, and get settled before telling her to come, so mom is taking the same attitude. Haven't discussed it with the ILs, but some of these stories are scary! Maybe I'll just tell them I plan to be naked. Do you want to see me give birth naked? No? Then stay out!