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Delivery room debate!

mviera04mviera04 member
in November 2015 Moms
I only want my spouse to be in the delivery room so we can share an intimate time with our baby. Just explained that to my MIL and she threw a fit. She said she would get with my mother to go against my and my spouses wishes! What are your thoughts??
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Re: Delivery room debate!

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  • tayzavtayzav member
    It's only going to be and my BF in the delivery room as I don't need his mom or my stepmom all up in my business. If that's something they can't handle well then, guess we'll be sending them a text after baby arrives so there isn't a crazy lady in labor trying to chase them out of the room, cuz I would most definitely be that lady. All in all its your guys' decision and they need to respect it no matter what. Stick to how you feel and don't let anyone make you feel bad about it.
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  • Noey80Noey80 member
    Oh h
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  • cfm90cfm90 member
    edited June 2015
    I am in the same position. My mil is thowing a fit and will start to cry if it's brought up. I seriously have no idea what to do about it either bc our hospital only allows 2 people other than myself in the delivery room(duh lol). I planned on my husband and my mother; as this will be her first grandchild... It's not my mils first gc. My mother said that she would wait in the waiting room if it is going to cause a lot of problems with her being in there.

    All in all I think the less people the better so you can focus on what is going on and have that first bonding moment with your spouse and the baby as a family. It may not be popular but you don't get that moment back, eventually your mil will get over it. Just make sure that you and your spouse are on the same page and will back your decision.

    Good luck with your decision. :)

    Edit: Missed something and spelling, I loath autocorrect.
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  • cfletch88cfletch88 member
    Don't cave! Your baby! Your body!! This exact thing happened with DS1. I told everyone that I only wanted my spouse and the drama that ensued was ridiculous. I ended up caving and allowed my mom, grandma, MIL, and sister, along with my spouse. It was awful and distracting. This time around I said ABSOLUTELY no one but my husband. I don't care what they think/do. If you didn't help put it there, you don't get to see it come out.
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  • LinMmmmLinMmmm member
    There is no debate to be had. At my hospital during registration I had to fill out a form with the names of people who were allowed to be in the room for delivery. Let them know only your DH is allowed.
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  • ahowell88ahowell88 member
    edited June 2015
    Negative. She's off her rocker if she thinks her opinions/wishes trump yours. My MIL wanted to be in the delivery room with my first, even started telling people she was going to be! I put my foot down and said DH and my mom only (my mom has had 6 children and is very quiet and supportive, not pushy and opinionated like MIL). She was upset but never brought it up with my second son or this time around. Put your foot down now and it will save you a lot of stress and grief in the long run!

    ETA: stupid auto correct

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  • KeHill08KeHill08 member
    Who does that woman think she is?! Absolutely no one belongs in there unless you want them to be in there, and I mean no one- especially someone who is going to be that pushy and demanding, and who will probably only add stress for you. She needs to back off in a serious way and stop thinking she is so entitled to everything and that she should get her way. This is about YOU, YOUR baby, and YOUR DH, not her at all. What she wants doesn't matter at all that day. She isn't going to be the one pushing a watermelon through a lemon size hole, so uunless she can figure out a way to do the work for you, I really think she should zip it and be glad when you're ready for visitors, she can see your beautiful baby.
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  • japostolovajapostolova member
    I never understood why all of these people ever want to be in there! My recommendation is you make yourself clear now. In my experience, my MIL didn't get the message! Once I was in labor I didn't have the energy to tell anyone to get out, it was the last thing on my mind since I was in excruciating pain. At one point, my husband, MIL, 2 BILs and a whole class of student Drs were in the room along w my 2 nurses. I was like wtf!?
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  • maurahalpmaurahalp member
    Oh no no! It's not a show for people to book their seats for ! I find it hard to get my head around why people, other than the SO obviously, would want to be there for the hours before birth watching anyone go through labor. After baby arrives yes sure but during? No I'm very thankful that no one has even mentioned it to us- especially after reading this :-)
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  • scw89scw89 member
    I'm currently dealing with the same situation but it's MY mother who insists on being there, and I only want my DH. Make it clear what you want and don't forget---YOU have all the power. All you have to tell the nurses is who you don't want in there and they will make sure they aren't there. In most hospitals L&D is a locked ward anyway and you have to be let in. If she has a fit security or the police can escort her out.
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  • Pontot31Pontot31 member
    We made the rules very clear early on with our first. We said no one would be called until after the baby was born. It made it much easier.
    We then asked for half a day to ourselves.
    With your MIL make your H do the talking. And you talk to your mom ASAP so she understands.

    You can also have the nurses put in your file hat no one is allowed in unless you approve. They don't mind being the "bad guys."

    Whatever you do don't get upset just state the rules and tell her if she doesn't want to follow them she doesn't need to see the baby.
    For some reason becoming and grandma makes some women crazy!
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  • JLW0504JLW0504 member
    The nurses are your friends and double as your security team. My hospital asked at check in if I wanted the nurses to announce any visitors. I said no but that DH was the only one allowed in the delivery room.

    I also had a c-section so it wasn't really an issue. Same this time around.

    Your MIL need to put her big girl underoos o n and deal.

    When your DH talks to his mother, perhaps you should set the stage for your mother as well. That way they're both informed.
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  • ash413ash413 member
    This is why my IL will not be told until after the baby has arrived.
    If you were not present during the conception of the child then you have no right to be in the delivery room unless invited.

    It sounds like your DH agrees with you, I would have him talk to his mom.
            
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    Married 5/23/2011
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  • kristenm88kristenm88 member
    This is really a case of where I wouldn't tell anyone I was in labor until after the baby was born. You don't need the stress of not knowing if your mil is going to make a scene or not. This moment is about you, your DH, and the baby and nobody else. I personally have never had to deal with anyone who felt entitled to be in my delivery room when I was pushing out my child (except my DH of course) but I for sure can tell say that if they did I would probably go bat sh*t crazy on them for even suggesting it.

    The way I see it is, mil or even your own mom have already had the experience to birth their own children and they know what it looks like and what happens. There is no need to be in the delivery room, unless you ask for them to be there. If they don't like it, too bad. I agree with all the PP's, make the hospital the be the bad guys if there becomes a problem with anyone, they have no problems telling people no. I also agree with the PP's to deal with the issue now and not wait until November. way your not stressed over this
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  • kwaldykwaldy member
    I'm in the same boat and already had to put my foot down with my MIL. The plan, right now, is that just DH and I will be in the delivery room. But there is also a pretty good chance that I'm going to want my mommy (I'm a big baby when it comes to pain) so things could change.
    One things for sure though... my in laws are not to be in the room and if I were you, I would ensure that hospital staff knows when you get to l&d, and also I would make sure that she knows now that it's nothing against her and that you feel like birth is something intimate for you and your husband to share without the eyes of the world.
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  • ashleywuliashleywuli member
    As everyone else has said it is NO debate. Your body your say. I could have your husband tell her now no she won't come in, if she continues to throw this two year old tantrum. I would just not tell her when the time comes that you're in labor and when your pushing send her a text that you're in labor. Other than that she can pout at the hospital in the waiting area. Good luck!
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  • mmk29mmk29 member
    mviera04 said:

    I only want my spouse to be in the delivery room so we can share an intimate time with our baby. Just explained that to my MIL and she threw a fit. She said she would get with my mother to go against my and my spouses wishes! What are your thoughts??

    She can't force her way in if she doesn't know you're in labor. Call her after the baby is born and just say it was a fast delivery.
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  • EMLarieEMLarie member
    japostolova said:
    I never understood why all of these people ever want to be in there! My recommendation is you make yourself clear now. In my experience, my MIL didn't get the message! Once I was in labor I didn't have the energy to tell anyone to get out, it was the last thing on my mind since I was in excruciating pain. At one point, my husband, MIL, 2 BILs and a whole class of student Drs were in the room along w my 2 nurses. I was like wtf!?
    BILs!? Woah! Intense!
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  • KeHill08KeHill08 member
    mviera04 said:

    Thank you all!! I really appreciate the advice and support! Especially since she just told me that she wants to be the first person to hold baby girl!!! *who says that!!!!*

    What?! Who says that?! She has a serious entitled attitude. You and your husband should be the first ones to hold her, but that shouldn't even need to be said... but apparently it needs to be said to your MIL. You should definitely let her know how you and your husband feel about everything and how it's going to be, but maybe you shouldn't even let her know when you're going to the hospital or anything at all until after your daughter is here and you have had whatever alone time you want together, especially if that's the mentality/attitude your MIL is going to have about it all!
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  • oliarnmom1517oliarnmom1517 member
    I said until labor immediate family can be in the room but I only want my DH in the room when my son is closer to coming out.. I'm also asking for no cameras during birth.. I don't care about before or after but during I don't want any pictures.. Which hopefully won't be a problem for my husband.. My mother in law will be out of the country at that time so she will be face timing us when he gets here..
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  • ashleywuliashleywuli member
    edited June 2015
    mviera04 said:

    Thank you all!! I really appreciate the advice and support! Especially since she just told me that she wants to be the first person to hold baby girl!!! *who says that!!!!*

    A crazy mother in law!!! Mine said all of this when I was pregnant with my twins. HER first grandchildren, she went absolutely NUTS. Stand your ground, it will get easier on you to as my husband says "lay your scent". If you let her get away with anything, she will keep pushing!
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  • jscasherjscasher member
    I love how a PP said, "if she wasn't present at conception, then there's no need for her to be present during birth."

    My blood is boiling and I hope you don't have to worry too much about it on your delivery day. Like everyone else said, make your DH stand up for you and have the nurses on guard too!
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  • wulfpackgirlwulfpackgirl member
    mviera04 said:

    Thank you all!! I really appreciate the advice and support! Especially since she just told me that she wants to be the first person to hold baby girl!!! *who says that!!!!*

    Oh H$&L no!! I've already told my husband that if I have a c section no one is holding the baby before me except him. My mom knows better but I could see his parents doing this. They're sweet people and it would unintentional but still. All these stories make me think of just calling the grandparents after we've been at the hospital a while. I certainly don't want a waiting room full of people waiting on me to deliver for hours. To me that would make me feel so much more rushed. I really want to enjoy the first hour alone with the baby just the three of us.
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  • turkeybabtturkeybabt member
    This is for hospital delivery, but I'm wondering about birth centers?
    My MIL never had children herself, adopted 2 boys when they were older (never had babies)- seems to expect that she'd be in the room with me when I'm having the baby, although she doesn't explicitly say that she has to be in the room. Birth centers have rooms that are home-like so how do we do this?

    I definitely like what PPs say- it's the birthing mom's decision!
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  • ashleywuliashleywuli member
    turkeybabt said:

    This is for hospital delivery, but I'm wondering about birth centers?
    My MIL never had children herself, adopted 2 boys when they were older (never had babies)- seems to expect that she'd be in the room with me when I'm having the baby, although she doesn't explicitly say that she has to be in the room. Birth centers have rooms that are home-like so how do we do this?

    I definitely like what PPs say- it's the birthing mom's decision!



    Just tell her how you feel and if you're unsure if you want her there or not tell her so. Don't let her railroad you into being in the room. This is a special day for YOU and your husband. She does not need to be there.
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