To work or not to work...

IrisApricity · June 2015

I know this has been posted before but our situation is a little different...

I am very fortunate to have a very flexible, good paying job. I have a salary, full benefits, etc. but only work about 5 hours a day. I can work from home or take days off with no issues. They allow my 5 month old to come to work with me, although that isn't going to work long term. She is pretty good but now that she is getting more vocal it sounds like I have a dinosaur loose in my office and some day I have to come in after hours when my husband has her so that I can finish things up. My office is only 4 other people, all men in our own private offices, and my job is pretty autonomous. They don't want to have to replace me so that is the reason behind all the flexibility.

Lately DH and I have been discussing me not working and staying home for the next 20 years or so to raise our family. We want 2 or 3 children. I am 25 with a BA degree, wanting to get my masters, and like the idea that I would still have around 30 years to work after the kids are grown. But I am having a really hard time making the decision not to work because I enjoy contributing to the family, I enjoy having the extra security and fun money that comes along with a second income, and it's hard to justify leaving a job that pays so good when I work so little!

We can live off DH's income but it would be tight. We would not have much extra money to put towards savings, retirement, or niceties like vacation. We could make it work though and would have a little extra for emergencies and be able to make it okay. We have good reason to expect his income to grow quite a bit over the next few years.

Our first child is 5 months old. We tried out her staying with a good friend who stays home (who is state registered and has a degree in early childhood development) and after 12 4-hour visits she still just would not adjust at all. She fussed the whole time, refused to eat, and was just very unhappy. That is not like her at all, she is a smiley sweet baby with us! My friend, who has worked in several daycares, said it is really unusual at such a young age to react so much and suggested our daughter would do better to stay with me as long as possible. She cries when anyone besides me or DH hold her and started that at about 2 months old even though we constantly have her around people. She comes to work with me daily and sees the same people, but if anyone gets to close or sometimes just looks at her the wrong way she gets so upset! She NEVER does that with me and DH, so it's something with her attachment/personality.

I feel like the choice to stay home would be an easier one to make if I was leaving an 8-5 or only working part time without benefits, but that's not the case. It would also be easier for me to decide to just work if she did better with daycare since it is just a few hours a day. I really enjoy working and feel like I wouldn't be a good fit for staying home, but I also have high standards for the way I want my children raised and know that me or my husband are the best people for the job. We also would like all of our children to be breastfed for the first year or two, so that also plays into the equation since pumping is not the most fun!

So... what would you do? Any insight or advice would be appreciated.

Meagain31 · June 2015

Honestly it boils down to financials if you can't save at all for retirement that would be a huge deal breaker for me.

DS was the same way as your DD. I found a sitter because I needed a break and it was good for him to get used to others. He cried a lot at first but it's great now. He has also changed with age.

blended10 · June 2015

Totally agree with Meagain- this too shall pass. She will adjust, maybe with a different sitter, maybe a nanny would be a better fit. If you enjoy working & have the feeling that you might not enjoy being home all the time, listen to that feeling. It's better for your daughter to see a parent happy & fulfilled - whether that's at home or at a job outside the house.
You can always change your mind.

IrisApricity · June 2015

Thank you both!

We talked a lot last night and I realized that the issue here is that neither one is a bad option. It's not an awful problem to have! If we do daycare/sitter we can afford good quality care and it will only be part time. I would get a much-needed break and hopefully she would adjust to other people. But then a part of me feels guilty for not staying with her since she will only be little for a little while and we do have the option of me staying home. It also complicates things that we want another child in a year or two, and possibly another after that so we are looking at the long term picture for our family. I don't love my job - it doesn't challenge me at all. I can't imagine staying there for another 5+ years, but I also would not be willing to work an 8-5 (which is really 7:30-5:30) with kids at home.

Right now the plan is to live on just his income and use mine to pay down debt while also lowering bills as much as we can. I'm also thinking about using some PTO to stay home for 2 weeks or so around the holidays and see how I like it. Thankfully where we live I have lots of things to do for free and friends who stay home, so staying busy wouldn't be too hard. DH comes home for lunch every day, so that would help too and now that our girl is getting older she is much more fun than the first 12 weeks I was home with her. Who knows what we will do in the long run!

Living on just his income would be a big adjustment. We would still have retirement savings, just not continuing the contribute to an IRA. We would continue with his 401K because it is matched. We started early though and are both in our twenties living in a LCOL area, so taking a few years away from contributing doesn't bother me too much.

Want a personalized experience?

To work or not to work...

Re: To work or not to work...

Choose Another Board

Search Boards