Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
Re: BabyBean54
Dad was not there for delivery but my support team was. He showed up after. She was in NICU for four days and he didn't come to see her. Now that we are home he has scheduled to come and see her two evenings a week. Makes me mad. Must be nice to check it off your list and be done. I'm with her 24/7 with no help from him.
And when he visits he is useless. He washes the dishes and takes the trash out because he doesn't know any other way to help.
I know your BD didn't help at all and i should be grateful mine even comes around but I honestly feel like why does he even bother.
Hope you're well! Thanks for checking!!!
He has awkwardly held her twice in two different occasions.
It just feels like it's a checklist for him. So in the future he can say he visited with her.
He's a complete incompetent idiot!
He's not a U.S. Citizen, he's not on the birth certificate - how much damage can he do? I'm in CA.
I have a lawyer already should it get there. I just want him out of the picture. For good.
He's British but Nigerian.
He wrote an email last night where he's positioning himself as the good guy who wants to be involved and that he has wanted to be there from the start. He's clearly being coached on putting things in writing. I wrote back, kept it unemotional and just laid out facts. I did say his words were not true.
He cancelled his visit today because he thought I needed time to think about things. Again, he's the good guy and I'm the crazy one. I knew he would cancel.
Now it's just a day to day. I have to wait and see what his next move is, if he even tries to go get a court ordered DNA test. Luckily, I have my lawyer in deck.
Ugh. What a nightmare.
Proving paternity would make him have to pay CS, yes.
My biggest worry is him getting any kind of custody. Visitation is fine, but overnights and weekends and holidays...makes me sick to even think about it.
He did say he was going to move in with his mom, I can only pray that happens because he wouldn't get any kind of custody. You need to provide your own dwelling. In addition, I have the stable career and income that is four times what he makes. I don't see how he would get any type of custody.
He said given the environment of our visits (my house) and the current status of our "relationship" he thinks it's in DD best interest if he reduced the frequency of his visits from twice a week to ONCE a MONTH. Maybe this is his fade away. But the overly analytical part of me is worrisome that it's him buying time to get $ together to go to court.
For now it gives me some reprieve but not without worry.
My child hood best friend was here and she's very drama free so she was a great barrier should we have needed it. But we really didn't. He stayed about an hour and a half. Baby girl was super gassy and fussy so I really had to soothe her while he just watched. He said he would contact me for next months visit and thanked me for sending him pictures of her.
Afterwards I realized - he said he was going to "continue to check in on her" but other than his replies to MY emails with pictures he did not and has not initiated communication or a "check in" at all. Proving yet again, he never does what he says he will.
I honesty don't know what he's trying to do here but I figure if this is how it's going to be for now and for awhile it will at least build an unflattering pattern for him. I would hope any judge would see that once a month visits are not showmanship of a man who wants to be there for his child and is capable of anything more than visitations. He honestly can't handle it. He barely knows how to hold her! And the older she gets the more her recognition gets stronger...so it will be that much harder for him.
How are you and DD? Having a good summer so far?
I want him out of our lives. He's not in they birth certificate and it's his word against mine at this point.
I honestly don't know what I'm going to do.
I can't thank you enough for your support. Isn't it such a shame that two great women come together because of men who simply cannot handle them? Or life in general?
So sorry to hear about the terrible twos!!! How do you manage it on your own?? Your BF is very helpful I suspect.
I knew you had some kind of legal smarts about you!
I just sent off the weekly email of pictures and updates of DD to him. We still haven't heard back and that is totally fine but I want to make sure I'm covering my ass and doing my part.
Your BF sounds amazing. Not that I'm ready for it but I hope when the time comes I meet someone just as understanding and supportive.
All is stable for now...well, stably unstable. Haha!
But, I have to just be the bigger person and put a fake smile on my face.
Looooovvve Clooney!!!!
He is a piece of work because he's all over the place. When she was first born he wanted to be there and try to be helpful and he asked me to help him learn, we got in one fight and then he just went exteme. Didn't even attempt to figure it out amongst us. I know it's going to be a long process and a while before we are even going to be in a court room so until then I'm taking it one day at a time.
Meanwhile his monthly visits aren't going to help his case. I asked if I could reach out to his mom and take DD to see her and he basically said no. Said he had a different idea of how things will be going forward. I don't know what he means so I just didn't reply. At least I have it in writing that I'm trying to expose DD to his family. And I haven't heard from his mom since the day she was born so who knows what on earth he has told her. She was always in communication with me prior to this. So I'm just leaving it alone. Going to enjoy the rest of my maternity leave
How on earth do you manage working full time and spending Time with your daughter? I am scared she's going to forget me. I know that's silly but I'm really feeling it!
I know you're right about the mother/child bond, especially with breastfeeding, but I think I'm just going to miss her so much. I decided to do a trial run for a couple of days the week before I actually go back. I figure this will help my anxiety and be a good way to see if I miss bringing anything for her or how I should set up her bottles, what works, etc. Not to mention I can use the alone time to organize myself, shop, and groom before heading back into the real world. I should probably do my eyebrows soon! Hahaha.
I seriously am so grateful for this boards but mostly you. I notice you help a lot of us on here so I hope you feel appreciated because you are!!!
Thank you for not leaving us!!!
So I asked BD if we can establish his monthly visit for the second Sunday of each month rather than the 15th as we had been doing. Realizing that once I go back to work the 15th could fall on a weekday and it will be too hard to have a visitor especially since I'll be attempting to have a schedule with LO. I said I can do Saturday or Sunday whatever works for you, he works on Saturdays so that's why I suggested Sunday. He said the 13th of this month doesn't work for him so then suggested the 16th which is a Wednesday - way to pay attention to detail buddy. I restated why it would be best for DD on a weekend and he said he will have to get back to me on scheduling his next visit in a couple of days. ???????
I now realize Sundays are now Football Sundays.
And yup, ball is in his court!
Any plans for the long weekend?
We are doing great!!! Enjoying the rest of my maternity leave, been walking at different parks, took her to the aquarium and Friday we are going to a lovely garden walk! Now that she can ooh and ahh it's fun!
We are going on a month plus if BD bit seeing her. I am still writing my weekly emails and updates, sometimes I get a reply sometimes I don't. When I do it's, oh hey things are crazy I'll let you know when I can see her.
My gut says he's up to something. Probably getting his shit together to file for custody? I pray it's not. I pray it's him bailing. I am trying not to let it stress me out but I'm up at night tossing and turning. Ugh. Living in anxiety is the worst. I know you feel me on that!!! In a way you're lucky. He's just gone and you don't have to deal with the bullshit.
It's kind of good that your LO has his mother in her life but extra good for the distance! Haha!
I definitely have my guard up...I'm not sure what his desk is but I'm really trying to let go and let God. He hasn't mentioned moving anymore but for all I know he could have already!
One week left before it is back to the grind! And omg before it's October!!! What is your DD going to be for Halloween?