Hi, my fiancé and I are getting married July 25 2015. I will be ovulating. We don't use any hormonal BC, just the tracking and withdrawal methods. We were noticing that on our honeymoon I will be 3 days before my ovulation. we have considered TTC before but wanted to wait until after the wedding for values sake. The things concerning us right now (besides labor lol) is our jobs and if I would stay home or work. Everyone says we aren't ready for a child, were 23 years old. We own our own home and have 3 vehicles. I have finished my college career. We have lived together for 2 years. I'd love to hear some thoughts on what others have to say. I know it isn't garunteed* that we will conceive but there is a chance and I don't want to ruin our honey moon with a "pull out honey" if we decide that a honey moon baby wouldn't be an issue. We've considered leaving it up to God to decide. Anyone else have this issue? Thanks in advanced.
Re: Honeymoon baby!!! ?????
Low progesterone
Baby boy born 01/2016
Currently: NTNP
Low progesterone
Baby boy born 01/2016
Currently: NTNP
I have been told that I have not been married long enough and that I'm of the perfect pregnancy age within the same night (by the different people of course) Only you and your partner know what you want your relationship and future to look like:)
Sorry can't link, I'm mobile.
Eta: fixed name of title in my post.
I agree with what every previous poster said. However, I also love laying out things to consider, and there's a few things you didn't mention:
- Do you and your future-spouse have 401k plans and/or IRAs established?
- Could you contribute to your retirement savings easily after a child? Many young Americans are believed to be behind in savings and Social Security isn't a "sure thing" anymore.
- If you did chose to stay at home do you have a plan for your retirement income?
- Do you have 3 - 6 months emergency savings?
- Have you been taking prenatal vitamins or met with a doctor to establish that any possible pre-baby prep has been addressed? This includes bloodwork, vaccinations, talks about medications and identifying any factors for a high-risk pregnancy.
- Who owns your home and in case of death would the property transfer to the other? What about other assets? Have you discussed much about estate planning? Morbid, but important. The second I got engaged my parents gave me Estate Law 101.
- Are you comfortable with your debt-to-income ratio?
Those are not things you HAVE to do before trying for a baby, but I think they're pretty serious and important since they'll impact you later in life. They're also things that I think a lot of younger engaged couples overlook.http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/5c047a
HSG - All clear, ectopic kidney didn't affect uterus (yay!)
CT Adrenal Scan - no tumors!
SA - sperm count excellent, 2% Morphology
March/April IUI scheduled - surprise BFP w/ help of Progesterone - 3/18/2016
Beta #1 @ 11dpo - 45.7 #2 @ 14dpo - 163 #3 @ 18dpo - 997 #4 @ 21dpo - 3799
EDD 12/1 based on O, 11/28 per Ob/Gyn (but he's wrong lol).
*TEAM BLUE!*
I have an appointment for the obgyn about this. It's on the 7th so that will impact our decision a lot. The home would go to either of us if one of us passed away. If we both passed away, I'm not sure. Something to look into. How do we start a 401k? Great thing to start! We do have some savings yes. Prenatal vitamins are something I need to get. Which kind are the best? We have changed our eating habits to accommodate healthy living in the chance we did conceive. Thank you again!
I think you might be over thinking the "when" of starting a bit.... so long as you are not having sex in front of your guest it doesn't matter. You may even be too tired to do anything that night, I dunno. Never had a wedding, but that seems to be something that happens.
HSG - All clear, ectopic kidney didn't affect uterus (yay!)
CT Adrenal Scan - no tumors!
SA - sperm count excellent, 2% Morphology
March/April IUI scheduled - surprise BFP w/ help of Progesterone - 3/18/2016
Beta #1 @ 11dpo - 45.7 #2 @ 14dpo - 163 #3 @ 18dpo - 997 #4 @ 21dpo - 3799
EDD 12/1 based on O, 11/28 per Ob/Gyn (but he's wrong lol).
*TEAM BLUE!*
Low progesterone
Baby boy born 01/2016
Currently: NTNP
Nothing I'll say should be seen as financial advice for anyone, but just tips for learning more. Please check with an attorney, financial planner, and HR. eta: this is also not the end all of options, just the most common ones.
401k accounts are tax-deferred savings offered by employers in the private sector. Public sector and non-profits have something similar but it could be called a 403b, etc. I strongly recommend asking your HR or supervisor for a rundown of your benefits. Some offer profit-sharing, or ESOPs. Few employers are offering old school pensions anymore. It USED to be that you had to chose to enroll in a 401k. Now some employers, or states, mandate everyone is automatically enrolled and you have to opt-out. Easiest way to check if that's happening to you? Look at your paystub. Any deductions should be marked down. Check all past employers too. Old 401k accounts are always yours but the money does not always move!
Not every company offers these retirement options, though. If your employer doesn't have these benefits you'll need to look into opening your own accounts (IRA and Roth IRA). Either way you go your youth works for you (assuming civilization will continue until you retire). More time to save, more time for investments to grow. Also, now that I think about it, check your company's maternity/FMLA policy and see if you get any short-term disability benefits.
My Dad gave me "On My Own Two Feet" and it was really helpful on getting me started. Very basic and straight up acknowledges that women tend to get the short end of the stick in retirement. Between lower pay and breaks in a career many women won't be able to save as aggressively as they should.
I hope this helps inspire you to get started on your retirement! I personally think it's crazy fun.
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/5c047a
Having a child will shape your life. It could help you to grow closer to your partner or it could put stress on your relationship. It will give you the opportunity to be a mom, but it will shut other doors for you. When you have a child things are harder, your life isn't about you any more, it is about taking care of and raising that child.
For me, I had a lot of stuff I still wanted to do after the age of 23. I travelled. I got a chance to change jobs. I did two masters degrees. And when I met my husband and we married, I took time to get to know him before we started thinking about our family. We are 32 and starting now. It's not ideal but it was our choice.
You have to make your own, but I would ask yourself if you have done everything YOU want to do before having your children?
Like I said, just my 2 cents.
LFAF September Siggy Challenge
This depends on where OP lives. In my city, we're looking at $1,600/month minimum. The daycare associated with H's work is $2,000/month WITH an employee discount. I was shocked when we looked into this, and it's part of the reason we waited another year to start trying.
OP, you should consider all your expenses and how those would change with a baby. Who will put the baby on health insurance? What's the added premium? What are the copays like, because you will be at the doctors office a lot before and after birth. Things like that.
From reading your post, it seems that you may not have thought things through entirely, which is something I would strongly recommend. A month would be too soon for me to get my ducks in a row to start trying immediately after the wedding, especially in the hectic time right before a wedding! But ultimately the decision is between you and your FI.
For me personally, H and I have been married almost 5 years, and we've lived having this time together as just the two of us. I wouldn't trade that in for anything, especially at the age you are. You have time to figure out what you really want, no need to rush into anything. Good luck.
RE appt 12/2015
CD3 labs normal | HSG 1/8/16 clear | H's SA excellent
Dx: Unexplained Infertility
February 2016, cycle 16 - cycle #1 with Letrozole 5mg + TI | Progesterone=20.6
BFP 2/24/16 - EDD 11/7/16
It's a girl!
Isla Quinn born 10/29/16 at 38w5d via C/S
--------
TFAS March 2018
RE consultation 8/2/18
Suprise! BFP 8/8/18 natural cycle | EDD 4/19/19
It's a girl!
Afton Noelle born 4/10/19 at 38w5d via natural VBAC
(or go out and buy a huge pack of gummy fruit)
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/5c047a
Not trying to be mean when I say this: Not every woman or man is "baby making ready" after puberty. And as much as God may love them, there may never be a baby in their future. I've known plenty of cousins who had similar beliefs and were devastated when their expectations weren't met. I believe that most healthy couples have a 20% chance of conceiving per cycle.
If you're temping, keep on trucking. It'll give you a better understanding of your body. Grab the book "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" as well. If you search YouTube for "The Great Sperm Race" it'll put conception itself into stark perspective while giving a great homage to 300. I don't think God would be offended* if you took an interest in your body or the science of conception.
*At least, I hope not.
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/5c047a
If you're temping, keep on trucking. It'll give you a better understanding of your body. Grab the book "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" as well. If you search YouTube for "The Great Sperm Race" it'll put conception itself into stark perspective while giving a great homage to 300. I don't think God would be offended* if you took an interest in your body or the science of conception.
*At least, I hope not.
Hey, God gave us the brains to figure out all this sciency stuff, if we weren't supposed to use any of it that's kind of a dick move...
But others have already provided you with this insight, so I'll sit back.
However, I've noticed a pattern with gals on here asking this question... If you've made it here, you've already made up your mind. No one here is going to help you with that decision, considering you've already made it.
And yes, many people have become pregnant on their honeymoon; many people were probably TTC on their honeymoon and we're not successful and it was ok; and I'm sure many people have also used the pull out method on their honeymoon and that did not ruin it. Does this really change anything or mean anything for you and your husband to be? Probably not.
HSG: Sept 2014, clear tubes
Dx: MFI - Low motility, morph, count (Aug. 2014); Hypothyroidism (May 2015)
Moved to IUIs October 2014
IUI #1 w/ injections: Nov 2014- BFN
IUI #2 w/ injections: Jan 2015- BFN
IUI #3.1 w/ injections: Feb. 2015, cancelled due to cysts- 10 days BCP
IUI #3.2 w/ injections: Feb/March 2015- BFN
IUI #4 w/ 100mg Clomid + Injections: August 2015- BFN
IUI #5 w/ 5mg Femara + Injections: September 2015- BFN
IUI #6 w/ 5mg Femara + Injections: October 2015 - Cancelled due low response
Moved to IVF May 2016
Retrieved 18 eggs on 05/27/2016, 13 were ICSI'd, 9 made it to day-five transfer
Transferred 2 beautiful day-five embryos on 06/01/2016, froze 7
BFP 4dp5dt on 06/05/2016! Line continued to darken beautifully!
EDD: February 17, 2017
Beta #1: 92
Beta #2: 305
Ultrasound #1 - one baby!
Ultrasound #2 - saw heartbeat!
LFAF Badges:
Again, it's okay to question others values and the answer I have is that it is our own personal choice. We do have sex out of wedlock and we do live together and that is something that we will have to deal with between God and us. We are by no means and never will be perfect. Yes, we actively sin. That may make us seem like a joke to some because we want to wait to be married before we have kids and we already live together and have sex. In our minds we wanted to make sure that we were the right for each other. We do however have the responsibility to admit that we sin and try to do better. We still hope and try. However, no one is perfect.
Every person in our families have had wonderful children outside of marriage. Every single one. I suppose that we just have an idea that we would like to make the full commitment to each other before having a child. Just our choice. Nothing wrong with people who don't feel that way. I realize that marriage is more than just walking down the aisle. I know though, that if we can make it as far as we have then our commitment will be strong. That is why I am marrying this man.
I don't think - as far as me seeking strangers advice- that that is the wrong thing - that is what this website is for. Comfort and advice. For people that have been in the same situation or have advice to offer. So I apologize for annoying certain people. Or offending anyone. Thank you for understanding. I am thankful for the advice. I am also thankful for the advice that came off harsh, because we need that too. Both are critical to thinking through the whole decision, thoroughly. I guess that's what led me here, to the bump, to see all points of view. What I have gathered is some wonderful, somewhat hurtful advice. Both of which I needed to hear. Thank you all for the responses.
I don't want this reply to sound defensive. Although I've read it time and time again and it is coming off that way. I am truly grateful for all replies and advice. I'm sorry if I offended anyone.
7 IUIs, 7 BFNs.
2 IVF attempts, both cancelled and converted to IUI, both BFNs.
Decided that my tired old ovaries are ready to retire.
Next step- reciprocal IVF, using my wife's eggs, my uterus!
fresh 5 day transfer (2 embryos) 4/17/17- BFP!
Identical twins "due" 1/2/17 (but anticipated arrival sometime December)
LFAF February Siggy Challenge - "Favorite TV/Movie Couple"
DD: 10/17/13
TTC#2 Actively: 10/14, NTNP: 01/14
Left-Sided Hydrosalpinx (cause: genetic abnormality, TREATED 11/16)
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/396b04
Low progesterone
Baby boy born 01/2016
Currently: NTNP