My job as a nanny is making me doubt my skills as a FTM. This job is hell for me!!!!!!

oliveoil95 · June 2015

I watch a 4 year old and a 6 year old for 50 hours a week minimally. I just can't stand this job. I thought I would like it. But it's complete hell for me. I didn't know I was pregnant when I started the job and its made it so much harder on me.

I sit inside all day long with the little girl until her brother gets home. And I'm getting cabin fever from it. I watch these kids 50 hours a week to make only $5 an hour. So it's like I'm making $2.50 a kid an hour. I don't know if that's the right wage, but I feel like I'm underpaid. Especially for having to be with them 10 hours a day!

I have to bring them to every appointment I have for the baby because she doesn't have anywhere for them while I'm at the doctors . I just feel it's intrusive. So I'm unable to get any time off during the week.

I'm not allowed to touch any of their food and I have to bring my own. I never get paid for mileage to their house, or how my car is all messed up from their kids and they honestly don't care.

The biggest thing for me is the behavior. The kids have no respect at all and it reflects on me when I try to bring them places. They throw other kids toys all around and don't pick them up. They go up to people's faces and scream at the top of their lungs in their ear. They talk to me like I'm a servant for them. They both pee their pants still.

I try to enforce good behavior and respect for other people's things but what am I suppose to do when their mom turns around and acts like it's not a problem that they act like this.

- The 6 year old on 2 different occasions has randomnly said things to me about KILLING my baby
- One day I was getting him ready for school and he pulled his pants down and rubbed his penis on me and said he was going to pee on me.
- He throws rocks at the window when I don't let him play outside or put him in timeout
- I made him pick up his mess once and he was mad so he got a knife out and pointed it at me and smiled. I've been alarmed since.

modanz1 · June 2015

I'll be quick. Quit working there right now.

ashleywuli · June 2015

I didn't even finish, 5 dollars an hour??? Quit right now!!! Most nannies I know get paid 15-20 per hour depending on experience and number of kids. I'll go back and read the rest and comment further.

modanz1 · June 2015

Oh and don't let any of this nonsense make you doubt yourself as a mother. It's not even relevant. No one could handle that amount of crazy.

ashleywuli · June 2015

Wait, is this for real? I mean, I completey believe you, but I feel like this is from a bad movie or something. You need to leave. I don't care how much you need the money. You can make more than that at mcdonnalds or somewhere else. You do not need to be around anyone who can or could pull a knife on you. Please for your safety and the safety of your unborn baby get the hell out of there!! This is NO reflection on how you will be a mom. These children are not a reflection of you at all. I could go on but won't. All I can say is GET OUT OF THERE!!!

kmkrushi · June 2015

Quit! These do not sound like normal children and this sounds like disfunction personified. You don't need this in your life.

Cook3133 · June 2015

And why do you stay?? Just remember your kids are YOUR kids and they are not yours, not all children are evil

Leave now while you still have some of your sanity!

I pay my teenage babysitter that much and she has free access to anything in our home while she's here. You need out!!!!

oliveoil95 · June 2015

Ohmygod I wish I could say I was kidding but I'm not at all.!!! I've been secretly putting in application anywhere. I realized I could work 30 hrs a week and make just as much as I am now.

I honestly tried to stick it out because their dad is in the army and I'm just trying to do my part and help out because there struggling. But it's not worth it anymore.

When I first started they never mentioned how I was their 4th nanny since October. That's not even counting the babysitters who were there 3 or 4 days then quit the neighbors tell me about.

I got this job because I thought it would be better for me. Now I hate it completely.

All the parents ever say to them is "you have to listen to the sitter."

I'm so fed up with the job I don't want to do anything with them. I'm not wasting my gas or anything like that anymore.

I have to get out especially because the mom talks to her husband about wanting another kid. I don't want to be apart of that mess!

jshelbys · June 2015

A) quit

the penis rubbing on you thing is a red flag. Major sign of sexual abuse.. Which is really sad and disturbing.
C) just get the hell out of there!

ashleywuli · June 2015

Could you get on sitter city or so either babysitting service in your area? I mean anything would be better than this! My sitters get paid 12-15 an hour (that's the norm in my area for three kids) they also have full access to anything in the house, and if my children are bad, I would punish them appropriately. However my children would NEVER do what you said these kids do. Good luck, but you need to leave.

brightmidnight · June 2015

Another vote for quitting.

Kids can be rambunctious, but these two sound just awful and well beyond normal kid crap.

AnnamariauDoris · June 2015

Omg. Never had a sitter, no need for one, but I couldn't afford one anyway. Lady run! Run fast and don't look back. My son is 1 to 1.5 y behind his age group. We are waiting for some official diagnosis but he has some some sort of ADHD or autism. But he is functional for most part. He is not able to concentrate but when he is in time out he doesn't throw fits! And he tried to raise his hand on me a few times. Those were the last of them. He was punished with no tv no toys , just sit and think about what you did! As other pp's said: you are underpaid and from what you say in a pretty dangerous situation. You could feel dizzy one day, lay on the couch and that kid could do more than just wave a knife at you. Not to scare you...but maybe motivate...? And you will be a great parent. Want to know why? Because you see the problems those kids have when their mother thinks to bring another BABY in that chaos. That won't end well be sure.

jasbaby2 · June 2015

I don't believe that's even minimum wage. You could do almost anything and work fewer hours for more money. I'm not necessarily bothered by the 6 year old and his penis stuff because kids can be weird sometimes. That alone wouldn't make me think there was sexual abuse.

You are however, being abused as an employee and I can't think of a single reason to stay there.

lakesideknitter · June 2015

jshelbys said:
A) quit
the penis rubbing on you thing is a red flag. Major sign of sexual abuse.. Which is really sad and disturbing.
C) just get the hell out of there!

This 100%.
First, you should have a conversation with the parents about the penis thing. If they get defensive or seem not to be worried about it, I'd consider reporting. That is not normal child behavior (not that the rest of it is, but something like that would most likely have to be learned behavior).
Second, leave as soon as you possibly can. These people are whack jobs.

oliveoil95 · June 2015

I know I do have to leave.

I feel bad, I felt this a couple times before and whenever I think about leaving they start to be good for a little while. But it's completely exhausting for me to work that long and only get a 1000 a month for it. 200 hours of work is a lot.

i know they can't help how much they pay. But they can't expect someone to work like this and still want to do stuff for their kids and drive them around and go outside with them for so little.

I have my baby and myself to worry about. I just don't know how to quit. I feel bad I don't know how they're going to find someone else to watch their kids for only 2 months.

MoRay05 · June 2015

It's not your problem to worry about whether or not they can find a replacement. You need to be honest and tell them the job is not cut out to what you thought it would be and you feel that it is a unsafe environment for you and your child.

ashleywuli · June 2015

As someone else said, it is not your responsibility to worry if they can find someone else. I am sure the mother knows it's coming if you're the fourth person to watch their kids since October. I would just sit the mother down and tell her. This isn't working out, explain why and tell her how little you're making and how difficult everything is on you. It's an unfit environment and she honestly needs to stay home and PARENT her children so they learn some manners. She also needs to get with the real world. Who tells their babysitter/nanny you can't eat anything in our house? I mean come on.

mistycray · June 2015

I agree with PP; it is not your problem to worry about this other family's situation. However it IS your job take care of yourself and your child. And anything you tell this mother will not be news to her so don't feel bad for leaving. If you still want a nanny job, consider making a profile at care.com. I've found my sitter on there and it's a very reputable sight for both nannies and families. Those nannies make a much higher salary too. If the mother of these children can't afford private childcare then maybe she should look into some income-based assistance like the Boys and Girls Club. But again, that is her problem and not yours.

DrMommaDVM · June 2015

Uh Yeah I would say you're a little underpaid.

jesshock22 · June 2015

Do you know what rank the dad is in the army and what the mom does out of the home. I'm pretty sure they can afford more than $5 an hour but just don't want to pay more.

oliveoil95 · June 2015

@jesshock22 I'm not sure of his rank but he's been in the army for at least 10 years. And I remember him saying how he does have people below him that he's in charge of. The moms works at a bank and it's her job to transfer money. They can't be that out of money they just took the kids to Floridia and went to Disney on memorial weekend.

But at the same time I feel they have no money or something happened because they have no furniture in their house. Like they have a couch, 2 TV sets, dining table and one bed. The kids rooms are completely bare and empty. The kids sleep on the floor or in bed with them. It's odd. I don't know why they take them to Disney and buy them toys instead of a bed to sleep in.

Lynnbirds4 · June 2015

I agree with everyone that you need to quit! $5 an hour is an outrage, IMO. Especially since they are so strict with food and so inflexible in you getting any time off! You are better off just being a cashier at a box retailer...at least you will be paid more, get breaks, have a set schedule & time off. They do not sound like typical children AT ALL, so I would let it have no bearing on how you think you will feel about your own or how you will be as a mother! No one could handle that type of crazy. I know you feel bad for the family, but I think you need to take care of yourself and get out of there!!

thefithuntress · June 2015

You know what you have to do.

And in the future don't accept payment like that. When it comes to freelance/self-employment work of any kind we're only worth how much we say we are. Set that bar high for yourself and don't let people take advantage of you.

dogsombrero · June 2015

I'm with everyone else quit. I pay my sitter $10 an hour for my 1 yo. I feel like a good sitter is hard to find and I don't want to lose either of mine.

VexyMommy · June 2015

I'm on board with everyone else. Quit. I would also call child protective services as the penis rubbing and wetting themselves at their ages are both signs of sexual abuse. The fact that the children do not have their own beds to sleep in is also a worrying indicator to me of possible sexual abuse. Military parents also get massive breaks for on base daycare on every base my father was stationed at least. I am non military and full time daycare + after school care is about $1000 a month from centers in my area. Don't let worry for their money situation hold you back.

ETA: Are they deducting social security or taxes from your checks? If not, they could also be putting you into a jam with the IRS when they report the amount they paid you and you have not paid taxes on it. They don't sound like the type to pay you under the table and not claim the deduction on their own taxes.

hacharles · June 2015

I agree with all previous responses. In regards to the title of this thread alone, do not let how this family operates affect your mindset of being a mother, you will be fine. If you can take anything from this experience is that you have a better handling of how you want to raise your children and how you want to treat future sitters.

callanoelle · June 2015

Hi! I am also a Nanny and 5 mo. pregnant. I charge $10-15 per hour, which is on the low side for private in-home childcare. So, yes you are very underpaid. I work for three families, and all have been extremely supportive throughout my pregnancy. However, I would never allow my clients to attend my prenatal doctor visits. I would leave this post immediately, because it sounds like it's endangering you and your pregnancy. And honestly, I would report the penis and the knife incident, ASAP. This family needs professional help you can't provide.

wedding crazed · June 2015

I nannied professionally in my college days and there are many laws that they are breaking. Since you are working full-time they need to pay you a reasonable salary (usually full-time is salaried in my state not hourly). Also, as someone mentioned they should be paying your taxes, and you should be getting benefits. I was always welcomed to food with the children while feeding them. And generally they had me drive their family car, but if it was my car used I'd be compensated for mileage. It's also weird you are stuck inside all day. In my area if you can afford a nanny and not day care you can afford to pay lots of fun activities for the kiddos that I would take them to. If you went in without a contract and are doing this under the table though then no laws will protect you. And you are entitled to paid time off, which you could use for your appointments. I'd say find new work. Not that they deserve it, but I have a high work ethic and would give them the two-weeks notice or whatever. Again there should have been a contract that says how much notice is needed. Then at least you leave on good terms and hopefully have a reference if you want to nanny in the future. I second care.com. I have found many jobs on that site. Sorry you are going through this. I have turned down jobs if I thought the kids or parents don't fit well with me, I'm actually interviewing them too.

kbonel · June 2015

I didn't read all the responses but I had a nanny job I quit on day 2. Kid pulled out so much of my hair my scalp was bleeding, mom saw the whole thing and did nothing.

Not your kid, not your choice to change behaviors. Quit the job. You will be a good mom, and you have lots of knowledge of what you don't want your kiddo to be like.

oliveoil95 · June 2015

Ugh that's how they found me on care.com I had an interview with them and they made it seem like everything was normal. I had a job right away.

It is under the table. So I'm trying to get out quick but I don't want to quit before I have another job. But I feel like I have to just quit because all the interviews I could possibly get are going to be while I'm watching the kids and id have to bring them with me to the interviews. I watch them Mon-Fri. 8:30 to 6:30. So my availability time is next to none. There's never interviews on the weekend or past 5.

I could bring them outside but they don't listen to me and they make a fool out of me. So that leaves me inside. Other parents in the neighborhood have told me, she will send the kids outside and then tell the parents she'll be back in 5 minutes. But then she doesn't come back for 2 hours so the other parents have to watch them. So their use to doing what they want and they help themselves to whatever they want.

It's not that they've said I couldnt have any of their food. It's just that every babysitting job I've ever had the families have told me to help myself to their food. This family never said that to me. All they've said about food is I'm allowed to bring food from home and keep it in their fridge. Whenever I eat any of my own food the kids made a point to ask me if its my food or if I took it from their food. So I just take it as I'm not allowed to any of their food. Which I guess is fine.

All of her nannies have been super young. I might be the oldest they've had at 20. So it's like they have young girls that have no idea what their getting themselves into.

oliveoil95 · June 2015

Would you guys just quit or put in your two weeks for them?

I was thinking about saying I have to move down south in September to be with my baby's dad. And I have to spend the rest of my summer finishing my classes and I can't do that watching them.

lakesideknitter · June 2015

If it were me, I'd sit down with them and submit my 2 weeks notice in writing (keeping a copy for myself). And I would explain to them why I was leaving without lying about it just to avoid an uncomfortable conversation. But that's just me.

chadsfiance · June 2015

Your heart sounds like it is in a good place, but you owe them nothing - including an explanation and even two weeks notice if you decide you can't take it any longer. They're probably half-expecting you to quit anyway, considering how many nannies have left before you. I would consider reporting some of the odd behavior you have experienced and some of the other things you mentioned. Something is clearly not right in that household.

maura+c · June 2015

mistycray said:
I agree with PP; it is not your problem to worry about this other family's situation. However it IS your job take care of yourself and your child. And anything you tell this mother will not be news to her so don't feel bad for leaving. If you still want a nanny job, consider making a profile at care.com. I've found my sitter on there and it's a very reputable sight for both nannies and families. Those nannies make a much higher salary too. If the mother of these children can't afford private childcare then maybe she should look into some income-based assistance like the Boys and Girls Club. But again, that is her problem and not yours.

This exactly! I pay my teenager babysitter $15
an hour for a one year old! I found her on care.com and she is wonderful. I don't pay her for gas, but she doesn't take my kiddo anywhere. Also, she is aloud anything to eat in the house, as well as, bringing a friend when we are gone for a long time and they can go swimming, too!
I believe anything is better than where your at now. I would say take the other ladies and my advice; quit and don't look back. It's not your responsibility to worry about how they get another sitter. If I were you I would put your resignation in ASAP and discuss the 6 yr olds behavior with them. It doesn't seem appropriate (not just the penis thing, but also the knife situation). Please, for the sake of you and your unborn child RUN!!

MadBloom · June 2015

This is not how working as a nanny should be. For my area you're being grossly underpaid and those parents should be embarrassed.

I'd professionally give them 2 weeks notice and get out of there. Join a nanny service type of company and they can place you.

dogsombrero · June 2015

OP I would not worry about giving notice because they are not a legitimate employer (coming from someone who always gives notice). Get out ASAP.

Squirtgun · June 2015

1. All of the PPs have given you hreat advice. Listen to them! Everyone has said what I would about leaving the situation, so I won't add anything there.
I would agree also about reporting some of why is going on to CPS. If the children are sleeping in the floor, showing aggressive behavior, as well as sexual behavior and bed wetting, those are all huge red flags.
(I will also add that we pay a babysitter for daughter between 10 and 15 $/hr, depending on if daughter was pretty much asleep the whole time or not.)

2. Please please please do not let this situation make you doubt how you will be as a parent. I'm giving you this advice as someone who babysat for years, and then taught for years, and is now a SAHM. There is a HUGE difference between watching someone else's kids and having your own. In a great situation, while watching someone else's kid, you grow to love the child, have an amazing relationship with the family, and do a lot of good in that child's life. Even then, the rules, discipline, and many other basic things are not in your control. Maybe you agree with the parents about these decisions, maybe you don't. But you have little to no say in it.
As a parent, you are the primary relationship in your child's life. You (and your SO, of course) are the one who chooses how to raise your child. You are the final say in what behavior is ok and what is not, what to have for dinner, and what toys will be in the house! There will be other important adults in your child's life who will have influence on them, but as a parent, you are the main person who is ALWAYS there.
This crappy situation you are in has no bearing on any of that.
You are working for a family who may or may not have MAJOR issues going on, and that has nothing to do with your ability to be a GREAT mom!!!
Sorry this was so long.
Hope you get out and don't look back!!

oliveoil95 · June 2015

Yikes it is that time I guess. It's not just you moms saying this. It's other moms in the neighborhood and my own telling me the same thing.

My heart breaks for the little girl it's not her it's her little brother. She crys every time a nanny leaves them. But like maybe they should open their eyes and see that there overworking the sitters with next to no pay and free time. Yeah we have the weekends. But you need to get stuff done during the week. And I get annoyed with them volunteering I bring their kids with me to my prenatal appointments. These kid need discipline that I can't try to give them anymore. Maybe people would stay and not quit if they behaved better or were at least paid minimum wage, which in my state is 8.75 an hour. She can't afford that.

I feel like I over react everytime I tell other people what my jobs like, but everything I say is 100% true.

I'm just a big baby and I don't like making people's lives difficult which is what I'm about to do.

ashleywuli · June 2015

I wouldn't worry about a two week notice. You don't have a contract, your life and your unborn child's could be at risk. I would however have a st down with the mother and explain why you're leaving. As the pps have said I would cal CPS and tel them what is going on. This family needs to be investigated. No beds for the kids to sleep in, pulling a knife, wetting of pants at 6 and pulling his penis out on you. These all are signs of larger issues. Good luck!

nlmosley · June 2015

Other peoples children can bed hard to deal with, but this sounds way out there in the realm of annoying kids! We pay our nanny 12 and hour and she works 12-15 hours a week. She can have anything she wants to eat or drink, and she does not have to take shit from my 6 year old. He has specail needs, but he knows better that to be mean, and she knows how to treat him in time out so that he doesnt want to do whatever he did to get time out again. Im sure with you having experience, you could find a job that pays you a fair wage, and has fair treatment. Dont stick around and get blamed for something horrible that these kids might do!

modanz1 · June 2015

The only reason I would see to give notice is if you want to prevent a bad rating on care.com. I suppose that could effect future employment opportunities.

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My job as a nanny is making me doubt my skills as a FTM. This job is hell for me!!!!!!

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