January 2016 Moms
Options

Baby daddy problems?

Does anyone else feel like they are losing connection with their partner? I feel like my boyfriend is drifting away when he should be getting closer. He says im being different but I feel like it's him. Maybe this is all just in my head and my hormones are talking. Is anyone else having trouble?

Re: Baby daddy problems?

  • Options
    Same here I actually feel like his ways are driving me away... I really feel like I will end up being a single parent which I'm preparing for.
  • Options
    I don't know about you, but I haven't been much fun lately. I haven't been feeling well, all I want to do is sleep, and I whine about my boobs to him pretty much all of the time. He's the only one I get to talk to about this pregnancy and I think I'm starting to sound like Charlie Brown's teacher. We're implementing a date night. No baby talk, no detailing of symptoms, just us. He's excited about the baby, of that I have no doubt, but we both need to just take some time and chill. I'd enjoy it more with a margarita, but c'est la vie.
  • Loading the player...
  • Options
    Couldn't agree more!! I'm glad I'm not alone though. I figured this is how it is with all of us
  • Options
    I feel like this all Stems from insecurities and hormones too haha I wish it wasn't like this but it'll all be so worth it when our babies come
  • Options
    Are you constantly talking about the baby and symptoms etc? Maybe its just too much for him. I would just try my best to pretend everything is how its always been and see if it changes things.
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Options
    Yeah that could honestly be it. I need to just chill out and enjoy being pregnant and spending time with him. Thanks :)
  • Options
    l4rkl4rk member
    Our habits have changed and he's hanging out solo more (because I just want to marathon Netflix all night), but my SO is there when it matters. He's hugged me when I cried, and moved couches when his food was grossing me out, and brought me flowers after our first ultrasound. We don't spend as much time together but I know he cares.
  • Options
    Your so right!! Thanks so much :)
  • Options
    jezygaljezygal member
    edited June 2015
    I know when I'm pregnant I get very impatient with everyone and the littlest things can make me mad. I know it's my hormones and not feeling well, so I try to just keep to myself when I feel like that. I got angry with my SO yesterday because we were outside and I started feeling dehydrated, (Long story short) he didn't find me something to drink as fast as I wanted. I knew I was probably being irrational, but I felt like he didn't care about me, he just wanted to do what he wanted, so when he asked what was wrong I started crying my eyes out. I can laugh now but i was ready to divorce him over a drink lol
  • Options
    Haha right!!! The hormones and what they do to us. I cried looking at girls on fb having fun drinking and in swim suits clearly I don't look like that or can drink lmaoo and I was bawling to mine I was like I don't look like that blah blah lmaooo
  • Options
    My husband had been acting weird, and he left me yesterday. Now I've got a 6 year old and a pregnancy to try and stay strong for. Good thing for family support. Things I wish I would've known before getting pregnant. I guess everything happens for a reason.
  • Options
    I'm so sorry to hear that... He's missing out. Family will always be there no matter what and it just means something better is coming, which is your baby. So enjoy the little ones they are a huge blessing
  • Options
    nocholeld said:

    My husband had been acting weird, and he left me yesterday. Now I've got a 6 year old and a pregnancy to try and stay strong for. Good thing for family support. Things I wish I would've known before getting pregnant. I guess everything happens for a reason.

    How awful!! I am so sorry you're in this situation now. Stay strong!
  • Options
    That is despicable! Thanks goodness for family support. Hopefully everything goes well for you!
  • Options
    l4rkl4rk member
    nocholeld said:

    My husband had been acting weird, and he left me yesterday. Now I've got a 6 year old and a pregnancy to try and stay strong for. Good thing for family support. Things I wish I would've known before getting pregnant. I guess everything happens for a reason.

    I'm so sorry. Hopefully he sees sense and comes back. And if he doesn't, then you will know you're better off without him. Either way, you will triumph. Sending love and good vibes your way.
  • Options
    svnna94svnna94 member
    edited June 2015
    I feel this way, but mostly because I haven't had the energy to do much around the house, such as cooking, cleaning and the laundry. DH doesn't help out at all and that's all we ever argue about. He gets mad because I don't get up and make his lunch for work at 5am. (when morning sickness is at Its worst) and then blames me bc his boss got mad at him for leaving the job site for lunch. Its definitely putting a wedge between us. He thinks I'm just being lazy, when in reality I don't even have the energy to get up and pee, let alone cater to his every need. Shouldn't I be getting some special treatment? Maybe im just whining too much but it hurts my feelings that he doesn't want to help me out. It's my first pregnancy and the MS hit me very hard since 6 weeks. I'm 9w5d now.
  • Options
    lornamglornamg member
    edited June 2015
    You ladies are all amazing. Don't sweat the small stuff
  • Options
    svnna94svnna94 member
    edited June 2015
    Unfortunately my DH has no clue when it comes to cooking. I didn't have a problem helping him with lunches in the past because I understand how much of a help it was to him. But other than that he he's got no excuse. He gives me such guilt trips about the lunch thing. He says to me "Well I guess just don't do anything around here! I'll do everything!" but he doesn't. he insisted I stay home from work because I have such bad morning sickness. We can afford it. I understand all this can be overwhelming but it is for me too! It's my first pregnancy. He's a roofer and works a very laborous job 6am-6pm. He's very tired when he gets home. Should I put my foot down? I don't know how to feel. I'm sure he isn't the only husband with a demanding job, why can't he help me out? Ladies? Am I overreacting?
  • Options
    @svnna94 what kind of lunch is he expecting? If it's just a sandwich I think you could pity him a slap together a PBJ before you go to bed. If he's expecting gourmet, oh well.
  • Options
    While I don't agree with complaining all the time to your partner, I really don't agree with pretending you feel fine if you don't. In my opinion if you're feeling really crap your partner should be understanding and supportive.
  • Options
    I was also going to suggest making his lunch before you go to bed instead of early in the morning. I do that for my husband sometimes when I feel nice ;) 

    Now I do agree he should be able to make his own lunch, but if you are not working right now I can also understand why he would like you to do that for him.
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Options
    @nocholeld I'm so sorry!
    @svnna94 I'd say you are right, your DH can make his own lunch for a few weeks while you are sick. That's completely ridiculous. I'm not made to cater to my husband, we have a partnership. If he was sick, I would pick up his slack. Morning sickness doesn't last forever.

    Two years, two losses and three IUIs...

    We are having TRIPLETS!

    EDD 1/26/16

     GGB born November 2015!


  • Options
    @svnna94 I'm sorry but this lunch thing is absolutely ridiculous !!!!! If he can't cook he can learn. And if not, making a sandwich is not rocket science. I cannot believe u were waking up at 5am to do this for him. My poor husband doesn't even get dinner because I have been feeling so sick and he doesn't complain.
    BabyFruit Ticker Pregnancy Ticker
  • Options
    nocholeld said:

    My husband had been acting weird, and he left me yesterday. Now I've got a 6 year old and a pregnancy to try and stay strong for. Good thing for family support. Things I wish I would've known before getting pregnant. I guess everything happens for a reason.

    I'm so sorry. That is just awful.

  • Options
    @willashbaby he would seriously look at me like I'm from mars if I tried putting a pb&j in his lunch. He's Hispanic and prefers things like tortas, breakfast burritos with homemade beans and rice. Which is fine, if I have the energy to make all those things but lately I just don't. Maybe it's My fault for spoiling him to begin with, now it's biting me in the ass!
    @SparklesC I do offer to make him something easy the night before such as a sandwich but he acts like he's too good for sandwiches. I give up.
    @Kelley421 Thank you! I've been trying to get that point across to him, that whenever he's sick, I dote on his every need, but when the tables are turned he treats it like such a chore. Id almost rather just not even ask for the help!
    @NenaB54 believe me, I've explained, he just didn't want to hear it. he's like I'm not going to wake up 30 mins earlier to make lunch when you could just help me out, ugh stubborn man I have! Like I said in previous responses, it's probably my fault because I spoiled him with it before. I used to just whip up leftovers from the night before but lately I haven't been cooking at all, so that option is out. I can understand from all off your perspectives, this probably sounds so pathetic. :-<
  • Options
    Ps thank you for all your responses. I appreciate you all taking the time. :)
  • Options
    @svnna94 it doesn't sound pathetic at all! Everyone's home situations are different. But if it were me, I would take the time now to lay down some ground rules about the roles in your home. When there is a tiny human that is literally dependent on you for EVERYTHING, I don't think I would have the patience for a grown man who is perfectly capable, yet unwilling to help out.
  • Options

    @svnna94 it doesn't sound pathetic at all! Everyone's home situations are different. But if it were me, I would take the time now to lay down some ground rules about the roles in your home. When there is a tiny human that is literally dependent on you for EVERYTHING, I don't think I would have the patience for a grown man who is perfectly capable, yet unwilling to help out.

    This. Without wanting to sound snarky, I'm questioning how are things are going to be when there is an actual baby in the house.
    When you have been up every hour for months with a crying colicky newborn (my second baby)??
    Or everyone is sick with the flu for 4 days and you are taking care of yourself and your kids (a few months ago at my house)??
    It sounds like a serious talk about responsibilities and helping out is in order. Pregnancy is tough, I get it. I'm dealing with frequent nausea while caring for a 5 & 2 year old. But the actual kid part is harder. Thank god my husband has always stepped up and known taking care of the house and kids is also his part responsibility.
    Good luck!
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • Options
    Too good for sandwiches?! lol well then I'm with you, if hes going to be difficult then he gets nothing :)
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Options
    mollyj931 said:

    @svnna94 it doesn't sound pathetic at all! Everyone's home situations are different. But if it were me, I would take the time now to lay down some ground rules about the roles in your home. When there is a tiny human that is literally dependent on you for EVERYTHING, I don't think I would have the patience for a grown man who is perfectly capable, yet unwilling to help out.

    This. Without wanting to sound snarky, I'm questioning how are things are going to be when there is an actual baby in the house.
    When you have been up every hour for months with a crying colicky newborn (my second baby)??
    Or everyone is sick with the flu for 4 days and you are taking care of yourself and your kids (a few months ago at my house)??
    It sounds like a serious talk about responsibilities and helping out is in order. Pregnancy is tough, I get it. I'm dealing with frequent nausea while caring for a 5 & 2 year old. But the actual kid part is harder. Thank god my husband has always stepped up and known taking care of the house and kids is also his part responsibility.
    Good luck!
    AMEN TO THIS!!^^
    If he thinks that you're being unreasonable/difficult/lazy etc through the pregnancy, he's not going to like it at all when baby arrives! You guys better prepare for high amounts of sleep deprivation, teething cries, illness crying etc. babies cry for any and every reason they have because they cannot talk, they cannot communicate and they need you for EVERYTHING!! And if he thinks for half a second that whenever that baby falls asleep you're going to have the energy to get up and cook every meal and wash every dish and sweep every corner of every floor...he's delusional. You are going to want to sleep and relax and rest as soon as that baby calms down and closes its eyes. And just because the man has a job doesn't mean he can't help around the house! He would have to do both if he didn't have you to help out. How would he survive if he didn't have you? Too good for a sandwich?? Ridiculous! He is not defenseless, and he's definitely not too good for a sandwich. If he doesn't want to eat a sandwich then he must not be very hungry! I have never met a man in my life who will turn down a sandwich if hungry.
  • Options
    Thanks everyone for your comments. Just to update the situation, he's now/has been seeing a 22 year old (I'm 30) with an 11 month old baby. How can some men be so cruel? He wanted me to give him a month to figure out if he likes this girl or not. At first I was OK with it but really how low can he be? I don't want to be second choice when I've made him a priority. I'm confused and hurt and really at a loss for what to do. My daughter cries every single night because she "doesn't want daddy to leave us". I am just devastated by the changes that are happening right now. This is supposed to be one of the happiest moments in my life and I'll forever remember it as one of the lowest.
  • Options
    nocholeld said:

    Thanks everyone for your comments. Just to update the situation, he's now/has been seeing a 22 year old (I'm 30) with an 11 month old baby. How can some men be so cruel? He wanted me to give him a month to figure out if he likes this girl or not. At first I was OK with it but really how low can he be? I don't want to be second choice when I've made him a priority. I'm confused and hurt and really at a loss for what to do. My daughter cries every single night because she "doesn't want daddy to leave us". I am just devastated by the changes that are happening right now. This is supposed to be one of the happiest moments in my life and I'll forever remember it as one of the lowest.

    Wow...just wow!
    First of all, I am so sorry that you are having to go through this right now. I am genuinely heartbroken for you and your daughter. And you're right, you should never be anybodys second choice when you have chosen to make them a priority! And maybe he should be putting all the effort that he is investing in this woman into trying to fix the relationship and remember why he fell in love with you to begin with. How is he supposed to appreciate you and have a love to share with you if he's focusing on another woman? How is he supposed to be the best dad he can be when his priorities are in an outside relationship? Seems to me he definitely does not have his priorities straight. As stressed out as he might be, there is no reason for him to abandon you and your daughter at a time like this. I will say this though, at least you have figured it out And know the situation sooner rather than later. I'm sure it would I'm sure it would be even more heart breaking to find out there is another woman in the picture later on. In my personal opinion, and this is just me, if he's going to treat you like an option or like you are some sort of backup plan if things don't work out with this woman, kick his ass to the curb. Get a lawyer, talk about your rights, figure out what financial support you'll be qualified for. This baby is not his priority, you are not his priority, your daughter is not his priority, and that's not fair to any of you guys and I don't think he deserves the "month to figure it out". If you would've just need a break because he stressed, by all means that's a little bit more understandable, but because he wants a break because you might be interested in another woman? Gtfoh! What a jerk move! Again, I am so sorry you have to go through this but I'm telling you right now you deserve a hell of a lot better than what he is providing you.
  • Options
    Because he might be interested in another woman**
  • Options
    This may not be a popular post, however I feel like I need to say it after reading some of these. This discussion has made me so very thankful for my husband. My fatigue and nausea have definitely changed my productivity around the house. I used to cook every night, really good meals. For five of us (I have 3 step children). The house was clean. Laundry was done. I ran every morning. Went to work. Helped him with our concrete company that he runs. Etc. But obviously this pegnancy stuff is no joke and I haven't done those things lately. The kids have had to fend for themselfs for dinner some nights, he stops by the house mid day some days and I'm napping after having left work because I'm exhausted. I feel awful about it, but never one time has he made me feel like I'm not doing enough. Never one time has he been upset that I made myself soup for dinner, ate in bed and Netflixed without making the rest of the family dinner. You know what he does? He works at 6am-6/7/8pm comes home and makes his own dinner if I haven't. Washes dishes if they are there. Curls up next to me and asks how baby is. I'm scared for you women who have these husbands who EXPECT you to do things for them. Once a baby comes you will have probably less time and energy. A marriage is a partnership. When one can't do something the other one steps up and vise versa. Hopefully over the next 6-7 months these men that some of you are venting about will be thankful for the woman who is about to give birth to their child and instead of focusing on what they expect you to do for them, realize that they should be asking what they can do to help make you happy! Happy wife-happy life!
  • Options
    @xxarlannaxx thank you for your reply, it seems the more I talk about it the easier it seems to make the right decision that is in my heart which is to let him go. I have a dr apt on Wednesday and I pray everything is ok and the dress hasn't hurt the baby. But really thank you!
  • Options
    nocholeld said:

    @xxarlannaxx thank you for your reply, it seems the more I talk about it the easier it seems to make the right decision that is in my heart which is to let him go. I have a dr apt on Wednesday and I pray everything is ok and the dress hasn't hurt the baby. But really thank you!

    You're welcome! And you feel free to inbox me anytime you wish to talk. I might not always have the answers or advice you're looking for, but I am someone who will listen. You deserve so much better as do both those beautiful kids. Good luck and please try to relax and just focus on enjoying this pregnancy and the children who do love you :)
  • Options
    nocholeld said:

    @xxarlannaxx thank you for your reply, it seems the more I talk about it the easier it seems to make the right decision that is in my heart which is to let him go. I have a dr apt on Wednesday and I pray everything is ok and the dress hasn't hurt the baby. But really thank you!

    @nocholeld : you and your kids deserve someone, a real man, that contributes more than just sperm & money to their lives. You need a partner & they need an involved parent.

    Your relationship models for your children how romantic relationships work. Model for them that their partner should be a real partner (50/50) in & out of the house.

    Also, 200 bucks says that this girl gets pregnant if she's not already. This guy is into making babies-- not raising them.


    LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:



    Lilypie First Birthday tickers

Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"