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Sister's wedding- NBR very long

jasbaby2jasbaby2 member
in November 2015 Moms
my sister was planning a wedding in October 2016. They want to move and for a couple convenience reasons they have decided to get married at the end of October 2015.

We have been trying to get pregnant for 2+ years and have had a chemical pregnancy and two miscarriages. This has just left me feeling very anxious and defeated and honestly terrified something is going to go wrong this time. I don't have any legitimate reason to avoid travel at 36-37 weeks but being away from medical care makes me feel uncomfortable. My sister is willing to move her date to late September but even that makes me uncomfortable. I'm not suggesting it's necessarily logical but it is how I feel. If the wedding wasn't so in the middle of nowhere I'd be fine.

The wedding is going to take place about 2 hours from Atlanta and not near any hospitals. It's really in the middle of nowhere. I have told her that She shouldn't plan around me, that I want to go but that if I'm not feeling good about it at the time I won't be coming. On the one hand I feel as though I should be there, it's her wedding after all. On the other hand I feel like I shouldn't do something I'm so uncomfortable with. She seems to understand but my mom is pressuring me to go. Am I in the wrong here?
DS- June 2009

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Re: Sister's wedding- NBR very long

  • dogsombrerodogsombrero member
    I would discuss this with your Doctor and see if they would advise you traveling that far at that time. I don't like traveling after 36 weeks personally dues to the discomfort more than anything.
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  • bbiutmcphbbiutmcph member
    You have planted the seed with your sister, who it sounds like is very understanding.  I would not worry about it right now.  If your mom keeps pressuring you simply state that when the times comes it is something you will be discussing with your doctor and it will depend on how your pregnancy progresses.  Then change the subject.  This isn't something that needs a decision today or tomorrow.  Personally I was ok at 36 weeks with my first two pregnancies and my OB would be ok with a 2 hr trip.  You don't know where you will stand so I would just wait.  


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  • wedding crazedwedding crazed member
    How far are you traveling to get to the wedding? If you have to fly it's likely a no go. I don't think they will let you fly after 36 weeks. I would talk to your Dr. about it. My sister missed my wedding in her second trimester and has regretted it every since. Just not being there and being left out of festivities and not in any pics. So, go if possible it is a big life event, I'd try to go. It's cool that your sis is being cool about it and willing to work around you. Sorry your mom isn't as supportive. By that point maybe you will feel better about your pregnancy and more comfortable going. Good luck with such a big decision.
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  • Gapeach83Gapeach83 member
    How are you traveling? I believe most airlines won't let you fly after 35 weeks. Most Drs consider 36 weeks the cut off for travel also. I live an 1hr to 1.5 hrs outside of Atlanta and tons of hospitals around. I can get to 5 are within a hr of my house. But I would definitely talk to your dr.
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  • jasbaby2jasbaby2 member
    We live in a suburb of Atlanta so no flying required. Just for future reference though delta does not have any restrictions on pregnant women. I appreciate all the feedback and I agree I need to wait and see. That's pretty much what I told my sister. I feel pressure because they are semi trying to find a date I'm comfortable with but ultimately I'm really not comfortable committing right now.

     The wedding is taking place well outside of atlanta. I don't believe there are any hospitals with a level 3 nicu near there. I don't think there is one closer than Atlanta but could be wrong. I'm going to discuss this with my doctor for sure but haven't yet.  This new wedding date just popped up this past weekend. 

    again, thanks for the input.  I don't want to miss the wedding but ultimately i think I need to be comfortable. 
    DS- June 2009

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  • elbouelbou member
    edited June 2015

    My dad turned 70 about four days before I was due with DS. We had been planning a big surprise party for him with all my siblings, and I really didn't want to miss it. It was my third pregnancy, so I felt comfortable with the idea of driving a couple of hours to get there. I talked it over with my midwife (who was a little surprised that I still wanted to go, but supportive when she realized how important it was to me) and asked what I should have ready.  I got the car seat ready, had my hospital bag packed, and my midwife gave me the binder they had all my information in to take with me. I also made sure I knew approximately where the hospitals along the way were located.

    It turned out to be a very good thing that I had that conversation with her, and had everything ready as we received word that MH's grandma was dying the day before my dad's birthday. I ended up making two 4-hour round-trips (in opposite directions, no less!) that weekend. It was a lot of travel, but with a break about half-way each time to stretch my legs, it was manageable and totally un-eventful. We had another 4-hour roundtrip the next weekend for MH's grandma's funeral (the visitation was on my due date) which was also un-eventful.

    All this to say that if you feel comfortable with it, and are prepared (with the go-ahead from your doctor), it is do-able. Good luck with your decision!


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  • Gapeach83Gapeach83 member
    jasbaby2 said:

    We live in a suburb of Atlanta so no flying required. Just for future reference though delta does not have any restrictions on pregnant women.

    I appreciate all the feedback and I agree I need to wait and see. That's pretty much what I told my sister. I feel pressure because they are semi trying to find a date I'm comfortable with but ultimately I'm really not comfortable committing right now.


     The wedding is taking place well outside of atlanta. I don't believe there are any hospitals with a level 3 nicu near there. I don't think there is one closer than Atlanta but could be wrong. I'm going to discuss this with my doctor for sure but haven't yet.  This new wedding date just popped up this past weekend. 

    again, thanks for the input.  I don't want to miss the wedding but ultimately i think I need to be comfortable. 
    Mine is outside of atlanta and is level 3 nicu. Is only 30 min outside so not 2 hrs though. Technical still considered metro but outside the loop. One reason why I chose it even though technical there is a hospital closer. Some people consider near where I live middle of nowhere. You can pm me and if it's near my area I can give you ideas. :)
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  • Sj220433Sj220433 member
    I understand your concern.  If everything is going well I'm sure your doctor will encourage you to go.  I was supposed to be a bridesmaid for one of my best friends's wedding, but her wedding day was the day before my due date and was an 8 hour drive away.  We had planned her Bachelorette party for when I was around 36 weeks.  It was a 4.5 hour dive from home, but my mid wife said I was completely ok to travel (by car).  I ended up having a great time, I was still feeling pretty good at that point in my pregnancy.  I was glad I could make it to that event since I wouldn't be at the wedding.  Of course you should only do what you are comfortable with, but if you are feeling up to it, why not?
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  • katiedhunterkatiedhunter member
    I get you need to be comfortable, but I would never miss my sisters wedding. That's a huge life event and I couldn't bear missing it, no matter how uncomfortable I was.
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  • Pontot31Pontot31 member
    katiedhunter said:

    I get you need to be comfortable, but I would never miss my sisters wedding. That's a huge life event and I couldn't bear missing it, no matter how uncomfortable I was.

    This.
    To me a few hour drive at 35-36 weeks is nothing.
    Plus even if you went into labor you would most likely get to a hospitals in time, even if it was 4 hours away.
    I'm delivering at a hospital that doesn't even have a NICU. It's not required.
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  • jasbaby2jasbaby2 member
    katiedhunter said:

    I get you need to be comfortable, but I would never miss my sisters wedding. That's a huge life event and I couldn't bear missing it, no matter how uncomfortable I was.

    I really don't want to miss her wedding. They are getting legally married in a couple weeks in another state and I plan to be there. I still don't want to miss her wedding celebration but I will have to put some thought into it.

    When I say I'm uncomfortable I don't mean physically just to be clear. My concern is something urgent medically occurring, not even really labor. We've had several losses, as I said, so admittedly I spend a lot of time worrying about things that can go wrong.
    DS- June 2009

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  • jasbaby2jasbaby2 member
    Pontot31 said:

    katiedhunter said:

    I get you need to be comfortable, but I would never miss my sisters wedding. That's a huge life event and I couldn't bear missing it, no matter how uncomfortable I was.

    This.
    To me a few hour drive at 35-36 weeks is nothing.
    Plus even if you went into labor you would most likely get to a hospitals in time, even if it was 4 hours away.
    I'm delivering at a hospital that doesn't even have a NICU. It's not required.
    I'm more concerned with something going wrong than labor. You are correct that a NICU isn't required at a hospital but a level 3 NICU is something I would like to see. I think there may actually be a level 3 nicu somewhere close to where we are going so that may not be an issue.

    Thanks for the input, I appreciate your thoughts.
    DS- June 2009

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  • katiejadeokatiejadeo member
    I wouldn't put my anxious pregnant sister through it anyway. Can't she wait till after the baby comes to get married?
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  • jasbaby2jasbaby2 member
    katiejadeo said:

    I wouldn't put my anxious pregnant sister through it anyway. Can't she wait till after the baby comes to get married?

    There isn't any reason she couldn't wait, but I don't think she will.
    DS- June 2009

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  • RVAMommaRVAMomma member
    I have a friend getting married out of state a nd I'll be 38 weeks that weekend. I told her I couldn't go. You have to do what right for you .
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  • kristenm88kristenm88 member
    katiejadeo said:

    I wouldn't put my anxious pregnant sister through it anyway. Can't she wait till after the baby comes to get married?

    I'm not trying to sound rude here but, I don't think it is fair to the sister to change her wedding plans bc her sister got pregnant. I was pregnant for my sisters wedding and did not ask or expect her to change her wedding plans just bc I chose to get pregnant. I also drove 8+ hours one way and I wouldn't have missed my sisters wedding for anything.
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  • coffeymgcoffeymg member
    @jasbaby2 If you are heading south of Atlanta there is always The Medical Center in Macon (hour and a half south of Atlanta) or if it's North there is Northside Forsyth in Cumming.  I guess it just depends where you are going... We are in Macon and grateful there is an excellent hospital ten minutes away from us, but if anything should happen regardless of where you end up they can always transport you to Northside or the Medical Center which both have level III NICU's!

    Missing family events is always nerve wracking whether it is the unfortunate circumstance of being the only one not there, or feeling the pressure from other people to make it even when you don't feel like it is feasible.  Either way, you just need to make the decision that is best for you as the time approaches.  And stay open and honest with your sister about where you are at during the process.  Not worth taking risks you are uncomfortable with, but understandable that weddings take a lot of advance planning, too!
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  • jasbaby2jasbaby2 member
    kristenm88 said:

    katiejadeo said:

    I wouldn't put my anxious pregnant sister through it anyway. Can't she wait till after the baby comes to get married?

    I'm not trying to sound rude here but, I don't think it is fair to the sister to change her wedding plans bc her sister got pregnant. I was pregnant for my sisters wedding and did not ask or expect her to change her wedding plans just bc I chose to get pregnant. I also drove 8+ hours one way and I wouldn't have missed my sisters wedding for anything.
    I agree that my sisters wedding is very important and I'm still unsure as to what to do.

    To be clear and get the facts straight though my sister is the one who changed her plans. She's been engaged since jan. and was planning a wedding in October 2016. It was only this past week that she decided to move her wedding to October 2015. I don't fault her for it but have to make my own decision weighing my desire to be there against my anxieties related to this pregnancy.

    I can appreciate that you wouldn't miss your sisters wedding for anything in the world. I can't say the same but I do want to be there.
    DS- June 2009

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  • katiedhunterkatiedhunter member
    Believe me I understand, after trying 3years and having two miscarriages. I get your anxiety, but you can't let it rule your life.
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  • Pontot31Pontot31 member
    katiedhunter said:

    Believe me I understand, after trying 3years and having two miscarriages. I get your anxiety, but you can't let it rule your life.

    This.
    There comes a point where you have to let go and live life. You can't always worry about the what ifs.
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  • VexyMommyVexyMommy member
    I second the hospital in Macon which should be doable even if you're going as far south as Dublin.  I'm not positive, but I'm fairly sure there is a good hospital in Rome as well if you're headed NW.  The hospitals in Savannah are great as well, but it sounds like you're not headed that far south. 
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