37 weeks and scared of labor!

Natjune · June 2015

I know I'm probably overreacting but I have crying fits when I think about it. I cannot get over my fear of giving birth. I feel like I won't be able to handle the pain or like I can't do it. I hear so much about all this pain I'm gonna be in and I get freaked out I just want to go into this confident and unafraid bu tI have yet to hear ONE good thing about labor its always a horror story. I know for sure I want an epidural but I've heard they don't always work! HELP ME!! I just need some good positive advice.

ANGELAV310 · June 2015

The worst thing you can do is listen to other people's stories and experiences as everyone is different. This is my second, with 14 years in between, I was 23 the first time I gave birth and I was never afraid and my delivery was so easy and fast that I have zero fear this second time around. The epidural works wonders and I didn't feel a thing, not even pressure that some women experience. The nurses had to tell me when to push as again, I had no pain or pressure whatsoever. So please don't overwhelm yourself by listening to horror stories or your anxiety may make your delivery worst than it should be!

bnmccann · June 2015

I'm such a baby when it comes to pain so this is how I think of it too because I have anxiety as well and I know you can get lost in being scared of the unknown. How I think of it is that it's one day... One day of a lot of pain but that it is productive you know? Each contraction is getting you closer to seeing your baby. I know some women are in labor for more than a day but don't think like that. Just think most first time labor is 12-16 hours start to finish and it's only really bad at the end. The epidural hurts less than the IV I've heard many times. So don't worry mama you got this!!

babydoll1008 · June 2015

I had anxiety attacks thinking of going into labor... And I am a STM. However, my feelings have changed to a more positive outlook now that I am in the final stage of my pregnancy.

One thing for me is that the pain is there (no denying or sugar coating that) but it's a light at the end of the tunnel. Your focus isn't so much on the pain but the fact that you are going to see your baby for the first time in a minutes or hours time.

With that focus being on your baby and finally no longer being pregnant, it gives you this mother instinctual drive to push (pushing during contractions feels great, by the way... Not even trying to be sarcastic.. It seriously takes most of the pain away).

The reason why you hear such negative things about it is because these are mother's "war" stories. Once you give birth, you are part of a club of women that know exactly how it feels and they all share their individual moments of triumph by sharing the most graphic details.. But those are the ones they are most proud of.

I hope this helps you! Once it happens, you'll be so in the moment that the fear will subside. Good luck!

DrHolly · June 2015

Have you read The Good Birth Companion highly recommend it. There is a whole chapter on pain and how you can approach it without fear. I'm feeling much less afraid after reading it, and reducing the fear and anxiety before birth is meant to lessen the pain, or change how you are able to deal with it.

klazo1133 · June 2015

My mother is a big chicken when it comes to pain and she was able to give birth to 2 decent size babies without the aid of pain medications much less an epidural. Personally I feel like if she got through it then so can I.

I am petrefied as well but I think it's not the labor it self I fear. What I'm afraid of is the after math. How giving birth will affect my body and my lady parts more specifically. I've read about episiotomy, severe tearing and subsequent scarring! I'm afraid that things will significantly for my husband to notice and not like it afterwards. I've tried kegels but sometimes I'm not even sure I'm doing them right.

cecilespies · June 2015

Someone told me something that just stuck with me, she said usually when your body feels pain your body wants you to know theres something wrong. With labour your pain is telling you whatever is happening is right! I just focus on that.

mers90 · June 2015

You need to start preparing yourself mentally, if you get there thinking "this is gonna be so painful" then it will be. Get those thoughts out of your head, remember that women have been doing it forever, remember that it will all be worth it, keep in mind that while the baby goes down it affects the blood flow to the vagina so it gets kinda numb. I had my son at 19 without an epidural and I'm a baby when it comes to pain (I cry when I have a sore throat) and I survived it, I can't even remember it being that bad! But I had taken the Lamaze class and you learn to prepare mentally, and it is not that you'll feel less pain, it is that you'll embrace it and know that it too shall pass ... And if you're relaxed it will be quicker, I got to the hospital around 12pm and he was born at 3:30pm, my dr barely made it!

JHaworth84 · June 2015

I think it's completely natural to be a little afraid- it's such a big event that marks the start of your new life as a mother, it's probably going to hurt (most women say it does, why would they all lie?) and it's all completely unknown and new. Take a deep breath and try to calm your fears- you CAN do this!!! I'm so much more relaxed this time round as my second birth was far quicker and easier than my first when I had to be induced, however both times I have given birth I have felt so incredibly happy with my new baby and so proud of myself for growing them and bringing them into the world. Even I get the odd moment of apprehension (like testing out my TENS machine brought back a few memories) but I know that this baby has to come out soon, I can do it and all will be fine. During labour I tried not to focus on how long it would last but just concentrate on that particular moment- keeping calm and breathing until that contraction passed. They are finite and you will have a baby at the end. Good luck mama xx

maryvoorhies · June 2015

Take a deep breath! You're going to be fine. I've had four, without pain meds, and, while it does hurt, you can handle it.
Try to not stress out, have the epidural or whatever pain medication you want, don't let anyone make you feel bad about that (I really hate it when people act like you're not strong if you use medication, that's BS), if you feel like you want them or need them, do it. I've heard great things about the epidural.
If another mother starts to scare you with stories about long and painful labors, let her know that you don't need to hear that, it's not helpful.
I won't lie, it does hurt, but not as badly as some people make out. You can do this.

Natjune · June 2015

Thank you everyone. I will try to focus on these positive stories. I think it's just the big unknown.

manda82585 · June 2015

I think everyone is afraid. This is my 2nd and I know I am still afraid of the unknowns. You just need to keep your eye on the prize once in labor and focus on getting that baby in your arms. You will get through it. Labor isn't easy, but if it wasn't worth the outcome, no one would do it! It is only a temporary pain that you have to get through. Work through one contraction at a time.

erinnlou · June 2015

FWIW, I had a really great birthing experience. It isn't always a horror story, and even if it is difficult, you still get a precious little miracle at the end! Keep your eyes on the prize. Fear=pain.

audi681 · June 2015

Don't think about it. It has to happen... it is inevitable. Your body will do it, and then you will have a baby. I know this might be harsh advice, but it is really silly to stress over and especially get emotional over. There is literally nothing that can change the fact that you have to birth this baby soon, so accept it!

Ckorines · June 2015

The birth of my daughter was amazing and so easy that I don't think I will need an epidural this time. I fell in love with my husband even more at the hospital and can honestly say it was one of the greatest moments we have shared together. Someone told me, just when you think you cant do it anymore....it will be over.

Melis222 · June 2015

I had a very easy delivery with my son and yet I still get nervous thinking about it...it's only natural to feel that way. But...we will all get through it. I hope we all have smooth, wonderful deliveries!!

jonesy15 · June 2015

Have trust in yourself, your body will know what to do, and you'll be in good hands!
Keep your mind on your reward at the end! Lots of love xx

aresee · June 2015

Remember that fear leads to tension leads to stress. Yes, it will hurt, but try to focus on the fact that it will be hurting for a good reason. And practice some deep calming breaths every time you start to get scared (both before and during).

Thera888 · June 2015

I'm 36w4d FTM and blissfully unaware about labor, pain, exhaustion and everything else what comes with birthing process. There is no way around it...and I will have to face it no matter what. Right now my philosophy is to go with the flow and deal with things as they come along. No need to worry about things I can't control and predict. As a FTM I can read thousands of articles and books what to expect and so on, but as nearly all of them are saying it's different for everybody so no matter what I do I can't really be prepared for unknown.

jesicabrennan · June 2015

I had a long labor but easy delivery, absolutely nothing traumatic about my birth, no tearing (even with an epi) baby came right out, easy recovery etc. it's not always awful I promise. And give yourself a few more weeks of pregnancy and I bet you'll be desperate to get the kid out and all your fears will dissipate!

aresee · June 2015

aresee said:

Remember that fear leads to tension leads to stress. Yes, it will hurt, but try to focus on the fact that it will be hurting for a good reason. And practice some deep calming breaths every time you start to get scared (both before and during).

I just realized that I meant to type "pain" instead of "stress." The more tense you are, the more pain you're going to feel, since your body really needs to relax and open up to have the baby. That doesn't mean you won't feel any pain if you can stay calm, but you'll feel less.

butterfly061583 · June 2015

You will be ok. It's different for everyone. My contractions without a epidural felt like strong waves. It's more bearable when you are relaxed and focused and the best part is you know it won't last forever. Have a good support team, get in a comfortable position and if you need pain meds or a epi get one. Once the baby gets here you won't remember most of it. For me the recovery was the hard part. Labor was not bad.

mlpellerin · June 2015

After reading through forums I am getting more nervous that I won't realize I'm in labor as a FTM rather than being nervous about the whole process.

mommy1922 · June 2015

jesicabrennan said:
I had a long labor but easy delivery, absolutely nothing traumatic about my birth, no tearing (even with an epi) baby came right out, easy recovery etc. it's not always awful I promise. And give yourself a few more weeks of pregnancy and I bet you'll be desperate to get the kid out and all your fears will dissipate!

I PRAY my birth is this uneventful! I can deal with a long labor, I just want a fairly easy delivery! Thanks for sharing!

LittleRue · June 2015

My first was a nightmare he was 10.1 and not easy to get out (I'll spare you) when my doc told me to push with my second i had a flashback to the first and started freaking out.... it was for nothing because my second was easy breezy and took 3 good pushes. He was smaller than his brother 2 weeks early at 9.5

you can do it!

KAR8706 · June 2015

When I think about it or someone says something about labor and the pain, I just think to myself that there have been millions of women before me that have done it, so I can do it to!

shmarpler · June 2015

FTM here as well. Here are three things to remember wih me:

1. Millions of women have done this. If they can do it, so can we.

2. This is borrowed from another bumpie, and I'm paraphrasing, but she said something to the effect of "since it is your own body causing the pain, it is not stronger than you are, because you can never be stronger than yourself."

3. Your baby is the sweet prize at the end!

Good luck!

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