OP, the reason you are getting the responses you are is because of how you chose to word your post. If you remove all of the "fluff" what it boils down to are 2 issues (at least this is what I am taking from it): 1.) No one is RSVP'ing and 2.) You are stressing out over finances and don't know what to do since your baby budget was blown on fixing your cars. First, the RSVP'ing thing is and should be the problem of the hostess(es). I understand that they asked you if you could get some verbal answers from people, and I guess that is fine, but it is NOT something you should be stressinng over, your job is just to show up at the shower, look cute, and have a good time (and of course thank everyone, send out thank you cards, etc.). As for the 2nd problem, finances...most of us have been there in some way shape or form and yes, it sucks, BUT it will not change that you will have this beautiful baby to care for. What it does mean is you need to get creative. Make a list of what you REALLY need right away (a few clothes, a safe place for baby to sleep, breast milk or formula, diapers, car seat). Then make a list of creative ways to get these items for less - for example....diapers....here is what you can do, when you are in the hospital, STOCK UP....every time a new nurse comes on shift, say you are out of diapers. Your insurance ends up paying for them, so they aren't "free" but most people reach their max out of pocket by the time they have a baby anyway, so you might as well take advantage! Stock up on witch hazel pads there too. Find out if your insurance covers a breast pump if you are BF'ing. That buys you some time on diapers. Clothes - ebay, goodwill, etc. all have them for LESS than a dollar. You can also find some cute deals on sale items online if you spend the time searching - Carters also has a great sale rack and you can usually use coupons with it. Car seat can't be used (unless you know the person giving it to you and you are POSITIVE they have not been in an accident and the carseat is still within date), but there are PLENTY of options out there and every baby store gives out coupons - use them! That leaves food - hello boobs! Lastly a safe place for baby to sleep....they have lots of affordable bassinet type of things you can get for your room, and you can always get this 2nd hand if you need and buy new sheets (or a hand me down from someone you know??). Bam...baby is now set. The other thing you need to keep in mind is regarrdless of what happens at your shower, people love to buy gifts AFTER baby is born too when they come to visit, it is in most people's nature...cute baby = excuse to shop! Lastly, I am attaching a picture from pinterest that shows a great way to rebuild your savings in a year a little bit at a time. There are tons of ideas out there, you just need to look. (also look at things you can cut back on, can you get rid oof a home phone if you have one and swap to magic jack...combine cell phone plans....sell stuff you don't need anymore on ebay, etc.). Good luck!
@Miz_Liz ,you are always able to so eloquently articulate exactly what I wish I could! =D>
I agree that it isn't a good plan to rely on the Shower to provide everything one needs for her baby but, it seems like some people are pretending that Showers are not about gifts. That's why it is called a Shower . . . you shower the guest of honor with . . . GIFTS! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baby_shower
To OP- Look into purchasing secondhand. Most baby items are used for such a short time that used items are very high quality and can be had at a fraction of the price. Not to sound snotty, but I buy second-hand even though I can afford not to, I'm just frugal. Ikea has very affordable and well-rated cribs (if you have one in the area). Also see if there is a Freecycle in your area; you might be able to find some baby items on there.
I personally find myself frustrated with how little RSVP's I've gotten, but I've only sent my invitations out about a week and a half ago, and my shower isn't until 7/18. I got the LO pretty much all the necessities (car seat, stroller, bassinet, clothes, diapers, breast pump) already, so my registry is built up with all of the 15-40$ extras like an activity mat, swing/bouncer, sleeping bag, etc. I think it's important to have everything the baby will absolutely need, and then you can rely on your guests to provide you with the extras that will make your life with the LO more comfortable. I personally attend a program in my county called CareNet, which is a free service funded by local churches (I'm Jewish but help is always great). The program provides me with weekly meetings, which my husband attends as well, and we watch videos and talk to a counselor about preparing for our child. Every hour we attend gets me $20 and an extra $10 for my husband in Baby Bucks (it's like their own monopoly money). The baby bucks can be used to purchase new & used REAL baby items, in their baby boutique. The prices are way different than a regular store (pack of diapers is 3 baby bucks), and they only accept the fake money. I'm sure there are programs like this all over, and although i haven't spent any of my baby bucks I've accumulated over the past 7 months, it's very comforting knowing that if we're ever in any type of financial jam, I have all of this fake money that can buy my LO things he will NEED. Don't stress, and if you need help, don't be afraid to find it!
*dirty luker*
I love carenet! I went over there when I first found out I was pregnant and I'm still close to the counclor that did my pregnancy test, we talk almost weekly! They're a great program to be involved with! And I would def find a program like that in your area, they help a lot with nessaties and support!
I went through an RSVP issue with my shower, too- my mom sent out invites a month in advance (snail mail) and was still waiting on quite a few responses from my friends. I had one of them be responsible for asking the rest of them to please email their RSVPs. It might be helpful to do it that way, delegating to someone else like some other people had mentioned.
And, OP, I'm so sorry this happened right before baby. I know it's hard to feel unprepared as August gets closer, and you can't anticipate big costs like car repairs. I think it's completely fine to hope for help at a shower with some of the essentials. We aren't buying anything until the shower is done, because you never know! It's perfectly normal to assume most people will buy clothes but hope someone goes to your registry and buys that car seat/stroller/sound machine etc. that you need. I really hope you are pleasantly surprised by your showers, and that you don't feel attacked by the posts here. I think a lot of it is well-intentioned misunderstanding, which comes with the territory of online forums.
My advice is to just relax and quit prematurely worrying over this. You have no idea what you'll receive for your showers. Especially with 90 people being invited, I'm sure you'll get a ton of items that will help you with baby. Even still, don't stress yourself with it. See what you get at the shower, take inventory and figure out what else you'll need and then devise a plan to get the rest. I'm sure it's easier said than done but worrying about all of this when it's beyond your control is doing nothing good for you, your sanity or your baby. RELAX.
All I want is some advice. I'm not trying to change my tune, just explain that that I never wanted to rely on this shower to finance our baby. I would whole heartedly agree that it would be tacky if that was my intention from the beginning. Circumstances have changed how I have to look that things. I don't want to be agreed with, I just want some advice.
This is obviously stressful and I wanted to say I'm sorry that you are dealing with this. What worries me is you keep going back to if your cars hadn't broken down you would have had the money to buy the necessities. Circumstances as you said have changed, but that's life. Things are going to keep coming up, you will ALWAYS have unexpected costs, particularly with a child. You need to have a safety net and you obviously do not if 2 car repairs is enough to wipe out your savings. I suggest you take a serious look at your expenses and find a way to scale back in a major way, perhaps you need to move to a more modest house/apartment, take public transportation/car pool and get rid of 1 car, get rid of cable, eating out/coffee, internet (go to the library) etc. Building a savings for unexpected costs should be top priority at this moment.
You really don't need much for a newborn. All you need for baby before he comes is a safe place to sleep, I would either buy a crib second hand or see if you can borrow a pack n play/bassinette/crib from a friend. We happily accepted a hand-me-down crib and bassinette from a trusted friend, which has slept DD, DS and this coming baby. $0 other than new sheets. You need something to feed baby. You mentioned formula, is there any reason why you aren't going to give BFing a try? I BF both my babies, huge savings. $0 other than the little extra food I had to eat. If you do decide to formula feed start with generic it's all good stuff and all is overseen by the FDA. Car seat one of the only things you should buy new, but a quick search on Amazon turned up one for $60, similar to formula all car seats must meet safety standards. I would also call your police station and hospitals let them know you can't afford a car seat and see where they direct you. Some will provide them for free or reduced cost. You need diapers and wipes again buy generic first, we cloth diaper but when we need disposables we buy the Target brand.
I wouldn't worry about clothes or blankets you will probably get that as gifts and if you don't you can get them for super cheap second-hand or just borrow from friends.
So there you have it probably $300 to be set-up for when baby comes home.
Is the concept of not RSVP'ing cultural or regional? This was not an issue for my shower at all, nor do I remember it being an issue at my wedding. All but 2 of our 40 shower invitees had RSVP'd (either way) within a week of receiving the invite. The friend hosing my shower sent an electronic invite via paperless post, so maybe people are just better about replying to those?
That said, I agree 1000% with everything everyone has said about your attitude towards having others gift you the essentials you need for your baby. It's your responsibility to buy those things. Anything you get at a shower is a lovely added bonus.
I think it may be more of a generational thing. All of our older (read: over 40) guests have already RSVPed and I literally mailed the invitations out last week lol. Our shower is 7/18 so there are boat loads of time but I know that not RSVPing isn't considered a big deal at all now days. I personally would never dream of ignoring an RSVP request, but that's just me. We also tried to make it very easy by requesting an RSVP via text message rather than mail. And if I know my SIL, she'll hunt down anyone she hasn't heard from. I'm in great hands lol.
and no offence, but besides gathering all of your loved ones to celebrate the upcoming arrival of the LO, it's about SHOWERING the mother & baby with gifts, so yeah....it kind of is all about the gifts, so nobody needs to hate because she's admitting that she needs the help.
It is truly a shame that when people give feedback that isn't "omg you poor thing!", it is considered "hating" on someone. I always make sure I choose my wording very carefully to avoid that being misconstrued through the perception of the reader.
This scares me, we are having out baby shower in 2 weekend and 8 people have RSVP'd, We have to give a # to the catering by 06/19/2015 so it will be a total guess, 50 invites were sent, 3 no replies so that leaves a whole lot of people who could or could not come.
People never RSVP! At our wedding we mailed out invites for over 150 people and had 60 RSVPs. When the day came we had close to 180 people attend our wedding. Try not to stress out so much. It's always better to have to much than not enough. Have fun at your showers!
I just read this post and all I can do is SMH. "Cash in on gifts" has to be one of the tackiest things I've heard to date regarding a shower. Did anyone make you have sex and get pregnant? No. Provide for your child. Chances are the people who you invited are having to do the same for their own. Perhaps you and others may not like the harshness of my response, But this really makes me sick. I guarantee you would hate for anyone who is attending your shower to get wind of this post. You would be super embarrassed.
@bpwife&mama YES!!! Totally agree with your post. Exactly my thoughts when reading all of this.
And thoughts for the actual poster I'm not sure what kind of response you were expecting here. How ungrateful of you to want to return items that someone took their time and money to gift YOUR child. Please believe I know what hard times are and nothing has ever been handed to me. You figure out how to make things work and get it done. It's called life and it's not always going to work in your favor. I hope that you will make the right choices and for the 90 folks that you so happened to invite you are more than thankful for what they are gifting you at this time. Be thankful and grateful! =D>
I wouldn't worry about the RSVPs. My shower is in 2 weeks and we haven't received a single RSVP, just a few people told me in passing they would or wouldn't come. Regarding the registry, no one tends to buy until the day before or the day of the event also, so there's no reason for you to stress over that.
My friend is throwing the shower and it's for me and my husband's entire circle of family/friends/coworkers (75 invited, banking on 40 coming), but my husband insists on doing the bbq. I know this is against the rules, but we like to bbq and it'll be a a co-ed shower so food will be expected. Not to mention we are in a good situation financially (later in life first time parents), so I would rather do it up big and take some burden off my friend who is hosting by herself. I'm not going to bother calling people for the head count. They will either come or they won't. I'm not expecting everyone to show, but we'll have enough food to cover everyone (even if the full amount shows up) and what we don't use can be frozen for later.
However, as many have stated before, do NOT bank on your shower being the place where you will "cash in." Most people attending will have a set budget that they're going to spend and they may or may not pick something from your registry. I remember for my wedding I had about 75 people attend, received about 25 presents, and 9 of them were duplicates (pyrex bowls galore).
With all that being said, never depend on others to take care of your needs. If you're struggling financially and are actually planning on buying the food yourself (I'm not exactly clear if it's you or the host doing it), then STOP and figure something else out. Cut back on luxuries (cable, etc.), and get all of the important items to take care of the baby.
The whole idea of a baby shower is supposed to be a day to celebrate you and your entry into motherhood, it shouldn't be a burden of any kind or a cause for stress. If you are stressing out over the types of gifts you are going to get, then stop stressing out and start forming your backup plan to buy them. Good luck to you and your family and I hope everything goes well for you guys.
My mom and sister through us a coed babyshower this weekend with about 50 people invited. Very few people RSVP and then some that said they were coming didn't show up. We aren't counting on any gifts to provide for our baby, but it frustrates me that my family spent way more time and money on food than necessary.
Re: Baby Shower RSVPs
To OP- Look into purchasing secondhand. Most baby items are used for such a short time that used items are very high quality and can be had at a fraction of the price. Not to sound snotty, but I buy second-hand even though I can afford not to, I'm just frugal. Ikea has very affordable and well-rated cribs (if you have one in the area). Also see if there is a Freecycle in your area; you might be able to find some baby items on there.
*dirty luker*
I love carenet! I went over there when I first found out I was pregnant and I'm still close to the counclor that did my pregnancy test, we talk almost weekly! They're a great program to be involved with! And I would def find a program like that in your area, they help a lot with nessaties and support!
I'm sorry for the lack of compassion that happens on this board at times.
I'm a first time mom and I'm totally stressed about being as prepared as I can get, it's totally overwhelming.
I understand you completely and I wish you the best of luck. I do have a good feeling things will work out!!
And thoughts for the actual poster I'm not sure what kind of response you were expecting here. How ungrateful of you to want to return items that someone took their time and money to gift YOUR child. Please believe I know what hard times are and nothing has ever been handed to me. You figure out how to make things work and get it done. It's called life and it's not always going to work in your favor. I hope that you will make the right choices and for the 90 folks that you so happened to invite you are more than thankful for what they are gifting you at this time. Be thankful and grateful! =D>