I'm just happy our board is respectful of one another and when we rarely get rude responses it's ladies outside of our birth club. Cate and I have disagreed on a couple subjects but we always were respectful with each other! After all, isn't this how mothers and moms to be should interact with one another? In a respectable manner? Cate isn't saying her hostesses are going to be demanding or pushy in requesting that the presents people choose to bring remain unwrapped, it's just a SUGGESTION. She even said multiple times that she'd appreciate any gift, wrapped or unwrapped, and would gladly unwrap presents from guests who decided to wrap anyways.
Really? B/c I don't generally feel respected by a select couple member of this board, and I "go here" - 9/20. I'm not quite getting all of what seem like inside jokes about unicorns, but I'm starting to grasp that they think people have multiple accounts or something? Just because more than one person disagrees with them?
I've stayed out of this discussion since I've been clear in the past about being pretty traditional when it comes to showers. However, if I got a request to bring an unwrapped gift, I would see it as a gift grab. If people can take the time to research and buy gifts for you, the least I can give them is 2 minutes of undivided attention on it as I open it.
If you think this is bad, you should see what we say when we're not on this board! 8-}
So wait, you talk about people behind their backs.... But you're not the mean girls, they are?
ETA: weren't you the one who openly admitted like a week ago that you are a returned banned member? Soooo.....
Really? B/c I don't generally feel respected by a select couple member of this board, and I "go here" - 9/20. I'm not quite getting all of what seem like inside jokes about unicorns, but I'm starting to grasp that they think people have multiple accounts or something? Just because more than one person disagrees with them?
I've stayed out of this discussion since I've been clear in the past about being pretty traditional when it comes to showers. However, if I got a request to bring an unwrapped gift, I would see it as a gift grab. If people can take the time to research and buy gifts for you, the least I can give them is 2 minutes of undivided attention on it as I open it.
Really??? I really enjoy your posts. I'm pretty sure I've "loved" quite a few of them, actually. I totally respect your opinion! Even the opinion you just gave about this subject was given in a super respectful manner, in my opinion.
The ONLY problem I'm having is some responders being catty and rude in their responses. Trust me, I'm no stranger to commenting on a post and being in the "minority" and being accused of "cyber bullying" even!! LOL. But even though that thread got kind of nasty, in the end we all were respectful with each other and understood one another's point of view. THAT'S what I love about September 2015.
I'm just happy our board is respectful of one another and when we rarely get rude responses it's ladies outside of our birth club. Cate and I have disagreed on a couple subjects but we always were respectful with each other! After all, isn't this how mothers and moms to be should interact with one another? In a respectable manner? Cate isn't saying her hostesses are going to be demanding or pushy in requesting that the presents people choose to bring remain unwrapped, it's just a SUGGESTION. She even said multiple times that she'd appreciate any gift, wrapped or unwrapped, and would gladly unwrap presents from guests who decided to wrap anyways.
Really? B/c I don't generally feel respected by a select couple member of this board, and I "go here" - 9/20. I'm not quite getting all of what seem like inside jokes about unicorns, but I'm starting to grasp that they think people have multiple accounts or something? Just because more than one person disagrees with them?
I've stayed out of this discussion since I've been clear in the past about being pretty traditional when it comes to showers. However, if I got a request to bring an unwrapped gift, I would see it as a gift grab. If people can take the time to research and buy gifts for you, the least I can give them is 2 minutes of undivided attention on it as I open it.
If you think this is bad, you should see what we say when we're not on this board! 8-}
So wait, you talk about people behind their backs.... But you're not the mean girls, they are?
I was actually thinking the same thing @Peony1982. I thought maybe I'd read what @PrincessPiper said wrong.
@Peony1982 I hope you'd agree that I personally try not to disrespect anyone on the board, and I would like your honest answer to this question if you care to share: why do you feel that requesting unwrapped gifts is considered gift grabby? It's my first baby, it's a co-ed shower hosted by someone else (not by me), and most people are going to be bringing gifts regardless. The suggestion of unwrapped gifts is simply to enjoy more time with my sisters who are visiting from far away, and I don't feel gift grabby because I don't care if people bring me presents or not, if no one brought anything and we all just hung out and ate good food and sat around talking I'd be fine with that. My main frustration is that some people's opinions express such hatred for the way my host will be displaying the gifts that they are saying they would either not attend such a party or make sure that I know how rude and appreciative I'm being. Is it really fair to punish the mom-to-be, the guest of honor, just because the shower hostess is trying to arrange the party in a way that makes the honoree most comfortable?
@Peony1982 I hope you'd agree that I personally try not to disrespect anyone on the board, and I would like your honest answer to this question if you care to share: why do you feel that requesting unwrapped gifts is considered gift grabby? It's my first baby, it's a co-ed shower hosted by someone else (not by me), and most people are going to be bringing gifts regardless. The suggestion of unwrapped gifts is simply to enjoy more time with my sisters who are visiting from far away, and I don't feel gift grabby because I don't care if people bring me presents or not, if no one brought anything and we all just hung out and ate good food and sat around talking I'd be fine with that. My main frustration is that some people's opinions express such hatred for the way my host will be displaying the gifts that they are saying they would either not attend such a party or make sure that I know how rude and appreciative I'm being. Is it really fair to punish the mom-to-be, the guest of honor, just because the shower hostess is trying to arrange the party in a way that makes the honoree most comfortable?
I see it as gift grabby because part of being a gracious gift recipient s taking the time to properly acknowledge and give thanks for the gift, but not only for the physical object. It's taking the couple of moments to acknowledge the time, money, and thought that went into getting the gift. By saying 'that's a waste of time, I'd rather be talking to my sisters", You're saying the gift buyer's time wasn't valuable as well. I would personally feel slighted. Part of being a gracious person and good etiquette is making those around you (your invited guests) more comfortable at the expense of thinking about yourself. If you truly didn't care about gifts, the hostesses wouldn't need to mention wrapping or unwrapping them at all - there wouldn't be word one mentioned about gifts AT ALL.
ETA;: all mentions of YOU are the royal, General you.
Second ETA: of course you will know everyone at your shower, but the guests generally don't all know each other. I just went to a shower, and if not for the gift opening, I would have had to make 2 hours of small talk with MTB's non mutual friends and weird family. These things simply are not much fun for those who aren't central to the party. At last the gift opening ensures they'll get more than a "Hi!" From MTB. They might actually get a look in the eye and a smile.
@Peony1982 Don't recall Cate saying its a waste of time wrapping gifts?@mrscaterosales also mentioned if they bring a gift or not it doesn't matter, it's about spending time with her family that she doesn't get to see a lot of, that's what's most important, so how exactly is that being gift grabby? You seem to always have a negative post regarding baby showers.
@Peony1982 Don't recall Cate saying its a waste of time wrapping gifts? Also miss Cate also stated that she doesn't care if a gift is given or not. How is that being gift grabby?
She said she'd rather spend the time with her sisters. Unless the party is infinite in time, that means she sees gift opening as taking time away from them. I'm just saying think about the other guests. And I reiterate - if you don't care about gifts, why are they mentioned at all.....I know! Because it's a shower, and showers are about presents. If they aren't about presents, they aren't showers, they're just a party.
@Peony1982 Don't recall Cate saying its a waste of time wrapping gifts?@mrscaterosales also mentioned if they bring a gift or not it doesn't matter, it's about spending time with her family that she doesn't get to see a lot of, that's what's most important, so how exactly is that being gift grabby?
You seem to always have a negative post regarding baby showers.
From the mean girls )
It's not negative to have a traditional opinion. And you're proving my mean girl point, so I'm not sure whose argument you're trying to bolster.
@NoSugarCoating I do want to hear different opinions and viewpoints, I'm fine with people saying they don't like the idea, or wouldn't want me dictating how they wrap a gift. No problem with that at all.
OK, then, my opinion is that if you (theoretical "you") can't take the time to unwrap the gift I selected for you, that I took the time and money to purchase, at the shower that I took time out of my weekend to attend, then I will not take the time to buy a gift in the first place.
DS1: BFP 04/03/11 | EDD 12/02/11 | born 11/21/11 DS2: BFP 02/09/13 | EDD 10/26/13 | said goodbye 06/02/13
@Peony1982 thanks for the honesty. I see what you're saying, and I'm sure my friend and MIL will work hard to make everyone comfortable, and I will also try to make everyone feel appreciated. But I also feel that my hostess is arranging things in a way that my husband and I can truly enjoy, and everyone's gifts can still be greatly appreciated, even if they're unwrapped. I realize it's not traditional, but that doesn't necessarily make it unacceptable. Someone suggested word-of-mouth comments about gifts so that no one is making gift grabby demands, and I'm fine with that too. But I feel like people would be more disappointed if we said nothing about gifts, and they came expecting to see us do a big unwrapping, and then find that we don't do it. This really only applies to the distant relatives that I'm not super close to, everyone else already knows that we don't want to make a big production and they're fine with it.
That's an interesting point of view @Peony1982. As someone who has attended and given gifts at several baby showers, it isn't one I share. I always appreciate one on one face time with the honoree at a shower, and I enjoy giving gifts for the sake of giving them. I don't need recognition and wouldn't feel slighted if the recipient didn't publicly thank me for my gift. Cate probably knows her guests the best and is probably the best judge of what they would appreciate most from her, and her shower hostess probably suggested this with an inkling about the guests preferences as well. Different strokes for different folks, right?
I think it's a great idea! It makes the shower more about you and baby and less about the gifts and "things". It can be extremely awkward sitting there opening gifts and having family be competitive on who bought what. We all know how some can be. Let us know what you decide. I'd love to see the cute invite.
@Peony1982 Don't recall Cate saying its a waste of time wrapping gifts?@mrscaterosales also mentioned if they bring a gift or not it doesn't matter, it's about spending time with her family that she doesn't get to see a lot of, that's what's most important, so how exactly is that being gift grabby? You seem to always have a negative post regarding baby showers.
From the mean girls )
It's not negative to have a traditional opinion. And you're proving my mean girl point, so I'm not sure whose argument you're trying to bolster.
Really not negative? Love to see you on a bad day lol
I just want to know why the etiquette police care so, so much about all aspects of other people's baby showers. At the end of the day, they're not remotely affected by the wording on the shower invitation of a woman they've never met, so why is so much vitriol directed at strangers? Surely, Emily Post would never have approved of this sort of carrying-on and ill-mannered behavior.
Because statistically, at least some of your guests will have the same opinions on etiquette as the so-called "Etiquette Police" on these boards. Wouldn't you rather hear it here that what you're planning is tacky, before you go through with it, rather than having your loved ones talking about you behind your back?
DS1: BFP 04/03/11 | EDD 12/02/11 | born 11/21/11 DS2: BFP 02/09/13 | EDD 10/26/13 | said goodbye 06/02/13
@NoSugarCoating I do want to hear different opinions and viewpoints, I'm fine with people saying they don't like the idea, or wouldn't want me dictating how they wrap a gift. No problem with that at all.
OK, then, my opinion is that if you (theoretical "you") can't take the time to unwrap the gift I selected for you, that I took the time and money to purchase, at the shower that I took time out of my weekend to attend, then I will not take the time to buy a gift in the first place.
@Peony1982 Don't recall Cate saying its a waste of time wrapping gifts?@mrscaterosales also mentioned if they bring a gift or not it doesn't matter, it's about spending time with her family that she doesn't get to see a lot of, that's what's most important, so how exactly is that being gift grabby? You seem to always have a negative post regarding baby showers.
From the mean girls )
It's not negative to have a traditional opinion. And you're proving my mean girl point, so I'm not sure whose argument you're trying to bolster.
Really not negative? Love to see you on a bad day lol
Ehhhh... I'm going to have to disagree with you here @mybabynumber2 . I don't think @Peony1982 has been negative at all. I think she gave her opinion (which was asked of her in the original post) and then further explained said opinion (after the OP @mrscaterosales specifically asked her to do so) in a very respectful, straight to the point way. Which I, for one, can appreciate completely. This post was created in order to weigh different people's points of views and opinions of an "display" baby shower (as stated by the title), after all.
Here we go!!! *puts popcorn down on table before board gets closed*
And lets avoid personal attacks on people, yes? I think we can all agree that it is foolish and childish. Calling someone "tacky" because they want to do something different from what you would do, is childish. You (the general "you") #1 dont personally know this person #2 SHOULDN'T CARE THIS MUCH. It makes you look like a fool.
Here we go!!! *puts popcorn down on table before board gets closed*
And lets avoid personal attacks on people, yes? I think we can all agree that it is foolish and childish. Calling someone "tacky" because they want to do something different from what you would do, is childish. You (the general "you") #1 dont personally know this person #2 SHOULDN'T CARE THIS MUCH. It makes you look like a fool.
First, tacky is not a slur or personal attack. Would you prefer 'uncouth'? secind, it isn't being used in most recent discussion on this thread.
Can I add one little bit of clarification @Peony1982 Everyone at the shower actually does know each other very well and they are all my husband's family who live nearby. The only other guests will be my best friend, my 2 cousins, and my 3 sisters from out of state. Baby showers in his gigantic Latino family typically are just big "parties" that include a big table of gifts.
I didn't mean to sound bratty when I said I want to spend more time with my sisters, but we see his family all the time (most of them) and my sisters will be the only ones who don't know anyone and traveled from far away to be here. I'm not saying this to justify anything, I really do intend to give everyone lots of attention and show appreciation for any gifts that are given us, I just don't feel the need to make a spectacle of it by the act of unwrapping gifts.
I know for me personally, I offer baby shower gifts to help the new mommy and let her know I love her and she has my full support. I don't offer her a gift to get personal attention or public praise, a simple thank you (even in private) is good enough for me.
However I do agree that having a traditional opinion is not negative. This is not a traditional way of doing things so I certainly don't expect everyone to love the idea.
I'm loving this because I am doing the same "unwrapped" thing for my shower. @Peony1982 this point of view is good to know as I know some of my guests will be more on the traditional side and I certainly would never want anyone to feel unappreciated or disrespected. I know what you are saying because I have been to showers and birthday parties where gifts were certainly being tossed aside with no sign of appreciation and it IS frustrating. I'm sitting here reading these comments and trying to think of a solution because I don't think not wanting to unwrap gifts necessarily means you are unappreciative, but I do see your point on it too. Hmmm gonna have to think on the solution a bit...
@mrscaterosales love that you can take the differing opinions gracefully
@excited2bmommy09 My friend has been texting me ideas all day, and one thing she said was to spend some time near the gift table, taking pictures with gifts and the giver (just as you would during a big unwrapping) and thanking people as they bring their gifts in.
Of course you won't stand there the whole time, but you can mingle around and use the gifts people brought as sort of a topic of conversation with them, if you want. She also said she'll make a pretty framed sign as sort of a broader thank you note to place on the gift table. I'm sure your host will also have plenty of ideas for making it an uncomplicated system, I think our job will just be to make sure we acknowledge the givers as they bring in gifts and make sure someone is writing down who brought what.
Our host is thinking of putting tags and pens on the table for people who didn't label their gifts but want us to know who it came from. :-bd
@mrscaterosales yes I think it is definitely about the attitude of the host and the woman being showered. If you show appreciation the guests feel good about it. I've given wrapped gifts to people who literally just toss it to the side once its opened and move on to the next like a two year old and I've given unwrapped gifts to people who are so thankful and clearly love it (or at least the thought!). And vice versa. So I think it's more about attitude than wrapping paper. At least in my opinion
I just want to know why the etiquette police care so, so much about all aspects of other people's baby showers. At the end of the day, they're not remotely affected by the wording on the shower invitation of a woman they've never met, so why is so much vitriol directed at strangers? Surely, Emily Post would never have approved of this sort of carrying-on and ill-mannered behavior.
Because statistically, at least some of your guests will have the same opinions on etiquette as the so-called "Etiquette Police" on these boards. Wouldn't you rather hear it here that what you're planning is tacky, before you go through with it, rather than having your loved ones talking about you behind your back?
I'm sorry if your loved ones talk about each other behind their backs, but that's not how we do things where I'm from. My friends and family communicate like adults.
I was waiting for the "e" bomb to drop! And there it is....
Thought we could survive this thread without it but who was I kidding?
@mrscaterosales There seems to be this odd sentiment that the mother-to-be has to be SO GRATEFUL that she is getting a shower that she basically has to stfu and make sure the guests are happy. I call bs. Having planned two showers for girlfriends, I kept the focus on the mother (because I felt it was HER day) and if she wanted a display shower, hell or high water, she was getting a display shower. I was confident that any guests that threatened "side eye" (oh no) would surely get over it. Do you and it'll be fabulous.
I think that anything that requires a cutesy poem is probably better left off an invitation. Stipulations should not be made on gifts. It's just rude, not to mention that gifts really should never be mentioned in an invitation either. It's just poor etiquette.
If you really hate being the center of attention that much that you can't graciously open gifts that people have taken the time to shop for, then you really should just forego the shower, since gift giving is basically the sole purpose of that event.
I'd probably triple wrap a gift using duct tape if I received an invitation like that. Rudeness disguised with a cute poem is still rudeness. As my nana used to say, you can put lipstick on a pig, but it's still a pig.
Hi stranger. Are you new here to S15? What's your due date?
@CEB37 while I do appreciate opinions different from my own, I'm also very thankful that I don't have friends like you attending my shower. My dear friends and family know me and they are attempting to throw a party that suits me and my husband, not some rude guest who doesn't like the way we display the gifts. I honestly would be just as happy if no gifts were involved at all, the idea of the party is not only gift-giving, it is getting together with family that I rarely see because they are scattered all over the country (in my case, not in every case). If someone came to the party with a spitefully triple-wrapped gift as you describe, I would gladly have their bitter a$$ thrown out of the party and never speak to them again. If someone brings a thoughtfully wrapped gift, I will open it and thank them and then set it on the display table for all to enjoy.
So that sounds super classy. LOL Like something you'd see on reality TV. LOL Pregzillas! LOL Carry on with your poem. It's totes adorbs.
Can I ask what the unicorn farts thing is? I thought it was just someone making light of a situation.
Um, I'm not positive (someone correct me if I'm wrong), but I think that when the board fights broke out a few months ago, some people from other boards posted their opinions that S15 is all rainbows and unicorns, that we don't live in reality and can't handle the truth etc etc. So when people that aren't well known in our group post a strongly worded opinion or start picking fights, the OGs kinda joke that they smell unicorn farts (trouble makers, negative nancies). Is that about right everyone?
@mrscaterosales oh wow I feel so dumb! Lol. Someone mentioned it on my post about not having a baby shower and I commented that unicorn farts were my fav. 8-} Hahahaha I'm a dumb dumb.
I think that anything that requires a cutesy poem is probably better left off an invitation. Stipulations should not be made on gifts. It's just rude, not to mention that gifts really should never be mentioned in an invitation either. It's just poor etiquette.
If you really hate being the center of attention that much that you can't graciously open gifts that people have taken the time to shop for, then you really should just forego the shower, since gift giving is basically the sole purpose of that event.
I'd probably triple wrap a gift using duct tape if I received an invitation like that. Rudeness disguised with a cute poem is still rudeness. As my nana used to say, you can put lipstick on a pig, but it's still a pig.
Hi stranger. Are you new here to S15? What's your due date?
Actually, my due date is in November, it's so sweet of you to ask! I tend to go a few weeks early so I'll most likely deliver in October. I usually lurk a few weeks ahead. This is my third pregnancy, so sometimes I get a little antsy on my own board and if I have time, I check out other boards. Fortunately, it's a public forum and I wasn't informed of any secret handshake. LOL.
Re: Opinions on "Display" Baby Shower
So wait, you talk about people behind their backs.... But you're not the mean girls, they are? ETA: weren't you the one who openly admitted like a week ago that you are a returned banned member? Soooo.....
The ONLY problem I'm having is some responders being catty and rude in their responses. Trust me, I'm no stranger to commenting on a post and being in the "minority" and being accused of "cyber bullying" even!! LOL. But even though that thread got kind of nasty, in the end we all were respectful with each other and understood one another's point of view. THAT'S what I love about September 2015.
So wait, you talk about people behind their backs.... But you're not the mean girls, they are?
I was actually thinking the same thing @Peony1982. I thought maybe I'd read what @PrincessPiper said wrong.
I see it as gift grabby because part of being a gracious gift recipient s taking the time to properly acknowledge and give thanks for the gift, but not only for the physical object. It's taking the couple of moments to acknowledge the time, money, and thought that went into getting the gift. By saying 'that's a waste of time, I'd rather be talking to my sisters", You're saying the gift buyer's time wasn't valuable as well. I would personally feel slighted. Part of being a gracious person and good etiquette is making those around you (your invited guests) more comfortable at the expense of thinking about yourself. If you truly didn't care about gifts, the hostesses wouldn't need to mention wrapping or unwrapping them at all - there wouldn't be word one mentioned about gifts AT ALL.
You seem to always have a negative post regarding baby showers.
From the mean girls
She said she'd rather spend the time with her sisters. Unless the party is infinite in time, that means she sees gift opening as taking time away from them. I'm just saying think about the other guests. And I reiterate - if you don't care about gifts, why are they mentioned at all.....I know! Because it's a shower, and showers are about presents. If they aren't about presents, they aren't showers, they're just a party.
It's not negative to have a traditional opinion. And you're proving my mean girl point, so I'm not sure whose argument you're trying to bolster.
DS2: BFP 02/09/13 | EDD 10/26/13 | said goodbye 06/02/13
Edit- because my phone left out a sentence.
It's not negative to have a traditional opinion. And you're proving my mean girl point, so I'm not sure whose argument you're trying to bolster.
Really not negative? Love to see you on a bad day lol
DS2: BFP 02/09/13 | EDD 10/26/13 | said goodbye 06/02/13
I can deal with and respect this on every level.
Ehhhh... I'm going to have to disagree with you here @mybabynumber2 . I don't think @Peony1982 has been negative at all. I think she gave her opinion (which was asked of her in the original post) and then further explained said opinion (after the OP @mrscaterosales specifically asked her to do so) in a very respectful, straight to the point way. Which I, for one, can appreciate completely. This post was created in order to weigh different people's points of views and opinions of an "display" baby shower (as stated by the title), after all.
And lets avoid personal attacks on people, yes? I think we can all agree that it is foolish and childish. Calling someone "tacky" because they want to do something different from what you would do, is childish. You (the general "you") #1 dont personally know this person #2 SHOULDN'T CARE THIS MUCH. It makes you look like a fool.
First, tacky is not a slur or personal attack. Would you prefer 'uncouth'? secind, it isn't being used in most recent discussion on this thread.
I didn't mean to sound bratty when I said I want to spend more time with my sisters, but we see his family all the time (most of them) and my sisters will be the only ones who don't know anyone and traveled from far away to be here. I'm not saying this to justify anything, I really do intend to give everyone lots of attention and show appreciation for any gifts that are given us, I just don't feel the need to make a spectacle of it by the act of unwrapping gifts.
I know for me personally, I offer baby shower gifts to help the new mommy and let her know I love her and she has my full support. I don't offer her a gift to get personal attention or public praise, a simple thank you (even in private) is good enough for me.
However I do agree that having a traditional opinion is not negative. This is not a traditional way of doing things so I certainly don't expect everyone to love the idea.
Thanks again for your input!
Of course you won't stand there the whole time, but you can mingle around and use the gifts people brought as sort of a topic of conversation with them, if you want. She also said she'll make a pretty framed sign as sort of a broader thank you note to place on the gift table. I'm sure your host will also have plenty of ideas for making it an uncomplicated system, I think our job will just be to make sure we acknowledge the givers as they bring in gifts and make sure someone is writing down who brought what.
Our host is thinking of putting tags and pens on the table for people who didn't label their gifts but want us to know who it came from. :-bd
I'm sorry if your loved ones talk about each other behind their backs, but that's not how we do things where I'm from. My friends and family communicate like adults.
I love when @Mehilovna pops popcorn.
Edited: Quote boxes!
Popcorn is delicious, and essential for some of these threads!