Older Men Fathering Children With Younger Women? — The Bump
November 2015 Moms

Older Men Fathering Children With Younger Women?

I'm almost 17 weeks pregnant and I am 23 years old, my fiancé is 46. We have been together for 3 years and couldn't be happier. However his side of the family didn't think it was such a good idea for us to have a baby because of his age (ex. He'll be 64 when this child turns 18) Even though he is almost 50, he takes really good care of himself and doesn't look his age. What do you guys think about his family's opinion? Does age really matter? Or is being happy and loving the person you are with more important?

Thank you.

Re: Older Men Fathering Children With Younger Women?

  • I think that it's not really anyone's business what the two of you do as long as you are happy.  Having said that, the reality is that that is a large age difference that could cause some heartaches in the future.  For instance, you being widowed at a young age and your child losing his father young as well.  But those are all choices that you have to live with, not your fiance's family.  I am sure they are just looking out for the best interest of everyone involved and have their heart in the right place but at the end of the day, it's not their choice.

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  • If you are happy and he is happy, then it's no one else's business. I wouldn't worry about it. Once that sweet baby is here, they will come around to the idea.
  • As long as he is there for you and y'all's baby, who cares if he's 46 or 65? They must have some kind of idea of what adults in a relationship do and that it was always a possibility to get pregnant.

    I'm kind of in the same boat as you. I'm 23 and my husband is 35. He has a 12 and 14 year old. A few days after I announced I was pregnant his mother made a comment about how this baby must have been an accident, referring to his age and other children's ages. I made it very clear to her that this baby was very planned and tried for every day, sometimes multiple times a day. She was pisssssseeedddd. She said "well when the baby is 18, Alexis (the 12 yo)will be 30." Okay???? And???

    At the end of the day it doesn't matter what they say because it's too late to go back now and it's your life and your baby. As long as yall love each other and love and take care of your baby, just tell them like I told my mother in law "okay???? And???" Hahaha.
  • My dad was 49 when my sister was born and 53 when I was born (my mom was 29). He also had 5 older kids who were 20+ when we came into the picture. My dad was an awesome father and grandfather and a frat example. The only drawback, I think, is that I was only 24 when he died.
  • Honestly it's probably not too big a deal, and the biggest issue I could see would be the health of the father. If he's healthy fit, active then yeah sure :). I was born when my father was 43. He just passed away this May. He had diabetes his whole adult life and he did not take care of himself. He ended up with sorosis of the liver and died shortly after being diagnosed. It's heartbreaking knowing my son and daughter will grow up without their grandfather and he will never meet this newest grandchild. He had almost no eyesight or mobility for the last few years either so he wasn't able to do anything that grandfathers like to do with their grandkids. If your husband is in good health and this type of situation can be avoided the I see no reason why it would be bad.
  • ash413ash413
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fifth Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited June 2015
    I do not think age will have any bearing on his abilities as a father. There are certainly drawbacks in that he will likely pass when kids are younger and grandkids will not get to know him. However, he has so much life experience, and (I am assuming) a well established career allowing him to focus on your LO growing up.
    There is 15 years between my youngest brother and I (he was a surprise haha) my parents were 43 and 45 when he was born. Being in their 50's with an 8 year old keeps my parents young. I think my parents, especially my dad, really enjoy it now too. My dad makes a point to stop and enjoy moments with my brother, ehi h he didnt do with us older kids as much.
    It is all perspective.

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  • Thank you guys for all of your advice and comments. My fiancé's side of the family is healthy and live very long lives (his grandfather died at 94, his dad passed at 85, his mother is 68 and in perfect health, his grandmother is 93 and still alive and well). For my family has shorter lives (my grandmother died at 56, my grandfather died at 40 and my dad is 51 and in failing health) Even though I know my fiancé will most likely pass before I will that doesn't for a moment stop me from planning an amazing future with this man that I love. I just wish my MIL to be would stop focusing on age and more on how much we love each other.
  • Does it really matter at this point? You're pregnant. He's the father. No one else has to approve. Just you (and him).

    That being said, I can imagine it's annoying and upsetting to have his mother voicing her negative opinions. Just keep on, keeping on....not sure what she thinks you're going to do about it now anyway!

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  • I'll echo the other ladies and say who cares and block out the family negativity. If you guys are happy and have a healthy relationship, it will all be ok.

    My mom was 41 when my youngest brother was born. My parents are now mid 50s, and he's just going into high school. But despite being older parents, I think he's kept them young. So ignore the "old parent" crap.
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  • My husband and I are 13 years apart. I am 33 and he will be 46 when this baby is born. He has two older boys from a previous marriage (this is our 4th under 5) and he loves being a father at this age. He feels like he can be a much better father being older. He has more patients and knows what he wants out of life. His father also remarriedd with a younger wife and they had 2 more girls together when he was older and said it is great! His dad was In His 60's when his 2 girls graduated. Age is only a number!!
    I also LOVE the my older man :). My first husband was my same age and there is such a huge difference.
    Don't worry what other people say! Even his family!
  • oorl11052015oorl11052015
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments 5 Answers Photogenic
    edited June 2015

    novmum said:

    Hell no it doesn't matter I'm 21 and my husband is 35 He doesn't look his age either and we've been happily married for 5 years at the beginning off curs people well tell me "he's to old" and they would tell him "shes too young" my parents did not agree with our relationship either my parents especially my dad omg it was a nightmare but guess what im in love with him and our love was so much stronger than what anybody else said till we got married people stopped and so did my parents now we are all happy and happily expecting age does not matter and I don't care what other people say if ur happy then that's what matters

    You were 16 and your parents didn't approve? I think this illegal, and borders child molestation laws.....
    My mom had a friend that did exactly that... I fee until you're 18 you shouldn't be in a relationship which an age gap like that.. Reasoning being... It makes guys who actually care about their SO look like child molesters..Because there are so many people out there that do it for inappropriate reasons..but it seems to be different in your case.. Atleast you could have kept it a secret until you were 18.. In most states unless you're pregnant they won't let you marry that early just because..But obviously it worked out in the end so it doesn't matter now..

    OP don't let people get to you.. If you love him you love him.. F*** what people say.. If you're happy that's what matters don't worry about people's comments..

    Edit because I realized I forgot a sentence and my comment looked and sounded bad without it..
  • I have a coworker who is 26 and her H is 68. Hey whatever makes you happy. They are unable to have kids and she is happy with that. But he has kids older than her. I could never marry someone that much older than me but if you are happy why not (BTW she is not a gold digger, they have very little money and live in an apartment so definitely not for money)
  • SO will be 43 when LO arrives and I will be 37. Oh and we hope to have more LOs.

    Don't worry about what other people say. People will always judge.
  • I'm 35 and my husband turning 43 this year this is our first baby . As long as you both want this baby age doesn't matter. My cousin got married early her ex was 25 at that time . So what he doesn't want to do anything with a boy . Age is just a number it's all how you feel inside
  • I always say do what makes you both happy and no one else! I am in a similar situation as I am 32 and he is 59 so I can relate, both families were kinda like wth but neither of us planned this and it happened! They will get on board eventually, now both sides are driving me crazy with the baby talk! So no age doesn't matter only what the two of you feel!!!
  • Whoa there buddy.
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