Australian baby shower etiquette

ashhsa · June 2015

I'm the first in group of friends to get pregnant, I doubt any of my friends will offer to throw me a shower as I don't think any of us are familiar with the rule that you can't throw one for yourself. I'm wondering if those etiquette rules are as important in Australia? I literally do not know, as I might just be in the dark due to not having any friends with kids.

dufferoo · June 2015

I'm really not sure about Australian etiquette, but I still wouldn't throw myself a shower for the same reason I don't post lots of selfies on facebook, plan my own birthday parties or toast myself at dinners. All those activities just feel a little too self-indulgent, kwim?

wassuphoes · June 2015

Is your mother around? Ask her, she'll have a far better grasp of the norms of your social circle then strangers on the Internet.

Personally, I still wouldn't plan my own shower. If you want to celebrate the baby, host a get together once your comfortable with guests being around. Parties before the baby is born are about you, parties after the baby is born are about the baby.

FemShep · June 2015

Throwing your own shower isn't appropriate in any culture. You're essentially saying to your friends, "Hey, I want you to buy me stuff, so I'm going to throw a party that's all about giving me presents so you feel obligated to do so, cool?" That's not a nice thing to do to your friends no matter where you live.

If no one throws you a baby shower, life goes on. People who want to buy you/your baby gifts will do so, even without a party.

KateLouise · June 2015

I'm in NZ so perhaps our cultures are similar in that baby showers are not a common part of what we do. My mother's generation certainly would never have had them.

The question to me is, would you throw yourself a birthday party AND register for gifts and include the registry info in the invite?

I'm guessing you wouldn't because I sure never would, because it would be gift grabby and self indulgent.

So to my mind if you wanted to throw yourself a party along the lines of, "Come over for a BBQ before baby is born because who knows when I'll get to do this again once baby arrives, and we can hang out and relax," then that would be completely ok.

If you wanted to throw a party along the lines of, "come celebrate me becoming a mother. I have a whole heap of games for us to play, and here's the list of gifts you can buy me," then that's rude and weird.

You may have friends offer to throw you one though. The only showers I've been to over here have been thrown by friends of the mother to be. I was offered one by a friend, but I declined.

ashhsa · June 2015

For those who are curious and from other countries, I asked a bunch of Aussie ladies on another thread, and they all agreed, it's actually not so much taboo here at all, most people wouldn't bat an eye.

thanks for the well meaning advice but please keep in mind other cultures do have a VERY different idea of Ettiquite, and Australia is a pretty relaxed place!

) Thanks @KateLouise

that wAs probably more what I was thinking with the bbq idea, more a celebration than a "shower" I'm not that fussed on presents, am fortunate enough not to "need" them. Maybe I could put "you presence is present enough" on the invite, as some people do for weddings, and that way both men and women could come.

ashhsa · June 2015

All I really want is a party, lol, with a cake, and flowers, and decorations, in my own home. and I would want to choose my own, haha. I'm quite happy to throw "a non-shower" and not get a single present, but just hang out with my friends both male and female before the baby comes in a celebratory way. So I guess my new question would be, how would I phrase that on a invite with out it sounding like I want to be "showered" with presents?

FemShep · June 2015

ashhsa said:

For those who are curious and from other countries, I asked a bunch of Aussie ladies on another thread, and they all agreed, it's actually not so much taboo here at all, most people wouldn't bat an eye. thanks for the well meaning advice but please keep in mind other cultures do have a VERY different idea of Ettiquite, and Australia is a pretty relaxed place! ) Thanks @KateLouise that wAs probably more what I was thinking with the bbq idea, more a celebration than a "shower" I'm not that fussed on presents, am fortunate enough not to "need" them. Maybe I could put "you presence is present enough" on the invite, as some people do for weddings, and that way both men and women could come.

Just so you know, "I'm not sure about this either" doesn't equal "it's not a big deal". It doesn't matter where you live, hosting a party solely so you can get presents is rude. Hosting a party where people are expecting to give you presents (and a shower is all about "showering" the mom-to-be with gifts) is not polite regardless of your culture.

If you'd like to just have a party, great! Don't mention the baby on the invitation at all. Don't mention gifts at all; even saying they're not required makes it seem like you expect them. Do not, under any circumstances, include any registry information. Just host a party.

GrumpyCatSaysNo · June 2015

ashhsa said:
For those who are curious and from other countries, I asked a bunch of Aussie ladies on another thread, and they all agreed, it's actually not so much taboo here at all, most people wouldn't bat an eye. thanks for the well meaning advice but please keep in mind other cultures do have a VERY different idea of Ettiquite, and Australia is a pretty relaxed place! ) Thanks @KateLouise that wAs probably more what I was thinking with the bbq idea, more a celebration than a "shower" I'm not that fussed on presents, am fortunate enough not to "need" them. Maybe I could put "you presence is present enough" on the invite, as some people do for weddings, and that way both men and women could come.

Then throw a party instead. A shower is specifically an event that's designed to "shower" the recipient with gifts. Others may say it's no problem but just because several people are ignorant on etiquette doesn't make it okay. Do what you want to do. I just think it's quite tacky.

ashhsa said:
All I really want is a party, lol, with a cake, and flowers, and decorations, in my own home. and I would want to choose my own, haha. I'm quite happy to throw "a non-shower" and not get a single present, but just hang out with my friends both male and female before the baby comes in a celebratory way. So I guess my new question would be, how would I phrase that on a invite with out it sounding like I want to be "showered" with presents?

Then throw a party with cake. Regular party=/= shower. That is, if you're actually serious about not getting gifts. So many women say that but don't really mean it because deep down they feel they are entitled to have people buy stuff for their kid.

ashhsa · June 2015

Okay, so I'm just going to go with the throw a bbq /party idea, in truth I don't want presents, I don't feel "entitled " to them, but I do really want a chance to celebrate with friends. So would you just put "come celebrate with us before the baby comes" or something like that? I don't know how to phrase it.

Edited, as I reread it and it sounded defensive and grumpy... Lol... I'm not grumpy, you answered my question honestly

BlueWaffleSpeshul · June 2015

ashhsa said:

Okay, so I'm just going to go with the throw a bbq /party idea, in truth I don't want presents, I don't feel "entitled " to them, but I do really want a chance to celebrate with friends. So would you just put "come celebrate with us before the baby comes" or something like that? I don't know how to phrase it. Edited, as I reread it and it sounded defensive and grumpy... Lol... I'm not grumpy, you answered my question honestly

Don't mention the baby at all. Just make it a normal invite to a regular party/get together.

Australian baby shower etiquette

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