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Visitors before and after delivery

dianafox119dianafox119 member
edited June 2015 in 3rd Trimester
I have a HUGE family. 

Both DH and my parents are divorced and remarried,  we both have siblings we are super close with as well as friends, aunts, and uncles. Our house sees a lot of traffic and at times it really drives me crazy. My DH doesn't get annoyed with it, but I certainly do.  With DD #1 we had to schedule a c-section and EVERYONE was in the waiting room. Once I delivered and left recovery my hospital room was flooded with a crowd of people wanting to hold my new baby, staying well past visiting hours were over. The next day baby was admitted to the NICU for 5 days and the visits never stopped even though they couldn't see the baby. I felt so many different emotions and overwhelmed with questions and concerns, when all I wanted was to be with my baby in the NICU. After we left the hospital the visits didn't stop for weeks. I couldn't take it. I have a very open and welcoming home, and adore every one of my family members and friends, but I don't know how to draw the line and approach the birth of my next baby without coming off as rude. I am going to try for a VBAC, and if that's the case I feel like it will be easier to to keep people away, but I am still fearful that if I have to schedule another c-section there will be a circus in my hospital room. I just want to be with my husband and daughter when the new baby comes and cherish those precious early days with our newborn and bond as a family of four. 

How can I set boundaries without being rude and insensitive? 
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Re: Visitors before and after delivery

  • mrs1374amrs1374a member
    I set boundaries this time and I don't care if I was rude. My c section is in 12 days and I know how I felt after my first and I don't want people in mine and the baby's space. The day I was in labor with our first everyone was in the waiting room. This time I said besides out parents and siblings no one can come until the next day, AFTER I have a shower and feel better.
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  • KateLouiseKateLouise member
    How does your DH feel about it? Does he want it to be just you guys, or does he love having everyone around?

    Either way I think you should absolutely set boundaries, but it will be easier if DH is on side. Good luck.
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  • jeanicemarie1986jeanicemarie1986 member
    I had to set some guide lines for my family to this time. when I had my 2nd son I had 15-20 people in my room when I came back after my c-section. So This time we are doing parents only the 1st day. 2nd day siblings and grandparents. Then anyone else can come to the house when I get home.
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  • delujm0delujm0 member
    The only people planning to visit is in the hospital are my in laws...my mom wants to wait until we're home to come see us so she can be more helpful. A few friends may visit, but they'd never show up without asking us first.

    Even with the in laws, DH and I are planning to wait until I'm pushing to call them. They have an 8 hour drive to get here, so we figure that way by the time they arrive we'll have had a decent amount of alone time.
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  • SnarkasaurusRexSnarkasaurusRex member
    Set whatever boundaries you need, and don't worry about whether or not they think you're being 'rude'. You need that time to bond with your baby, and 99% of people understand that. Sure, there may be some disappointment that they don't get the see the baby RIGHT AWAY, but they'll get over it.

    I am in a similar boat to @delujm0...only my parents and MIL are planning on coming to the hospital. We're not calling my parents or MIL until I'm pushing (or unless I have a 'I want my mommy!' moment, but my mom works at the hospital that I'm delivering at and lives less than 10 minutes away, so she can get there fast if necessary) because I don't want people waiting around for hours and then immediately bombarding us once LO is here. DH has a ton of step-siblings that will be waiting until we're home to come and visit, and FIL will be coming a few weeks later.
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  • thediarywithinthediarywithin member
    Set boundaries now and stick to them. Have your husband be on your side. With my daughter, I had people seeing me while in labor and it was pretty hard on me emotionally since I was having her early. Which she then had to become a emergency c-section and I cried. It was nothing like I thought would happen. Then she was in NICU and I actually dislike my mother-in-law still because of those experiences. 
    My son, the only problem I had was my daughter was one of the last to meet her brother. That was when her sitter brought her in with six other people from her own neighborhood. People I did not know. I was so so so tired after going through a c-section and my son was also put in the NICU for a bit. 
    This time we are closer to family and my in-laws. I have my c-section on Tuesday of next week and I plan to have my husband and my mom there with me. Then...we will send a text to a friend of mine who is planning to bring just my kids up to see me and leave herself or wait in the waiting room. She already knows she won't be able to come into the room because this is the time for the older two to bond with their baby brother. Once, I am off my meds and relaxed and not tired. We are planning on letting the family know then our friends. We already telling them it will be in the evening of that day for family and friends the next day. They just need to know that they need to leave when we ask them to. 
    Mom of 3 (Ginny 4 yrs old), (Miles 2 yrs old), and (Mason due June 15th) 
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  • Kayciejoe56Kayciejoe56 member
    I guess I am in the minority here, and plan to welcome ALL visitors who love us and are excited enough to want to come share our joy. Sure, I'll probably look and feel like hell after delivery, but I'm pretty sure no one expects you to look your best and be a good hostess. I have actually joked at family functions lately that everyone better be there, no matter what time I go into labor. There will be plenty of time to bond with baby... he's going home with us. Plus new grandma's/grandpa's aunts and uncles all want to bond too, and I want our little one to bond with them!!
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  • janellepruettjanellepruett member
    I am having the same problem. I have a huge family and don't want to be bothered with all of these people there when I deliver. So what we plan to do is not tell anyone I am in labor after she is born and we have a little family time together. She is our fist and we have had to fight so hard for her to be healthy. Our family's will just have to wait... And if there are hard feelings they will get over it just like yours will.
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  • dianafox119dianafox119 member
    Thank you so much everyone! I feel much better after reading your advice and experiences!
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  • YTuMamaTambienYTuMamaTambien member
    With my first I had a bunch of people in the room with me while I was in labor and it was super stressful. This time around we are having a scheduled C-Section and I told my husband that I want everyone to stay away until a few hours past my recovery so I can enjoy time with the baby without visitors. He understood and if people show up I will make sure that the staff knows my wishes too so that they can keep people away. I will be in the hospital for a few days so everyone will have time to visit anyway a few hours won't hurt them.
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