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June 2015 Moms
meganlynn95
member
Stole My Pregnancy Thunder/Spotlight
meganlynn95
member
So my boyfriend and I planned to get pregnant at the end of last summer. We found out we were pregnant in September and could be more excited! Close family knew about the pregnancy, but we didn't officially announced it until I was 14 weeks along for a few reasons. My sister-in-law was about to give birth to her second son and my sister just had her 5th child a month before that, so I didnt want to steal their spotlight by announcing my pregnancy. So we waited and after we announced our news everyone was very happy and excited for us. I was finally enjoying my pregnancy (after 16 weeks of morning sickness) and was enjoying all the new baby attention. I was expecting my baby to be spoiled and for myself to be pampered. Then right before we went to find out the gender, my boyfriend's brother and his girlfriend (who is my age) announced that they were pregnant. (After his brother gave us crap about having a kid) and bam, my pregnancy thunder/spotlight was stolen. All these "firsts" and attention of MY first pregnancy was stolen right from underneath me and now nothing is special and its hard for me to enjoy my pregnancy without constantly being compared to her. They started disgussing names and just so happened to pick the girl name I wanted to name my baby if he had been a girl. They put it all over Facebook before they even knew the gender. Now they found out they are having a boy...like us. Even at MY baby shower, she wore a maternity shirt to show off that she was "Due in September" with little footprints on the belly.. that got me really heated. MY shower was supposed to be about MY son. When I post belly pictures on my Facebook, my boyfriend's mother comments how she can wait to meet my baby.. AND their baby. I just want to be like, "This is my picture about MY baby ONLY." Now everything is about BOTH babies. I can't help but feel like my expectations were let down, I won't get all the extra sympathy, politeness and people going out of their way to do nice things like giving up their seat for the pregnant woman. We PLANNED this pregnany, and I don't know if they planned their's or if it was an accident but now I feel copied and can't get over how my pregnancy thunder was stolen. I don't know if this is my emotions getting the best of me like my boyfriend always says or if I have the right to feel this way. Has this happened to anyone else? Is there any way I will be able to enjoy things ALONE and just for my son? I need some advice. :-w
Re: Stole My Pregnancy Thunder/Spotlight
Eta: When your baby comes everyone will be all about him and you
You use the word "expect" and "expectations" a few times. When you find yourself using this phrase is when you come across as entitled and over the top. It's a good way to check yourself.
I would be mad if someone wore that shirt to my shower. That's the one fair complaint I see.
The baby name thing - you're not even having a girl! And neither are they! I can see how that would be frustrating, but now you're just mad over an artificial scenario. Let it go!
This woman is the focus of too much negative energy for you. Your baby is and will be special. It will also be one of 5 billion people in the world. None of us are so special that we get to expect everyone else to put their lives on hold to ensure we have our spotlight. Take a deep breath and celebrate your baby. How wonderful the kid will have a cousin so close in age! You don't want to set the kid up for a lifetime of competition with his cousin, vying for the family's attention.
"All disappointment comes from too much expectation."
Good luck! Hormones are a biotch.
I absolutely hate her. I don't care if ppl are excited over her pregnancy though. You're not really allowed to care if they are "stealing" your thunder. People have babies every single month.......... That's never going to stop.
Mostly my SIL just drives me nuts because she cant stop rubbing in that she's never been sick, posts dumb shit in fb like that she believes she can 'communicate' with her baby and insisted that we buy the exact same car seat just in case mil wanted to take our boys. Also copied my wedding and my nursery ideas and refused to come to my wedding shower & baby shower because SHE can't stand sharing the spotlight
She is having a boy too.
Yes....... I understand it gets frustrating when you are trying to navigate your life and pregnancy...... But you can't be upset that they are too.
So if you have legit reasons why they annoy you......... I'll give you that. Otherwise NO.
Me: 31 DH: 34
Married 11/09/2013
LO#1: LMP 09/14/2014 BFP 10/15/2014 EDD 06/24/2015 DS Born 06/14/2015
LO#2: LMP 09/18/2016 BFP 10/19/2016 EDD 06/27/2017 DD Born 06/27/2017
LO#3: LMP 05/16/2018 BFP 06/18/2018 EDD 02/20/2019
And personally, since we already have a daughter, this is our second. I don't have children for other people's attention. I have children for myself and my husband. So I could care less if someone else's baby steals the spotlight...
Having a child, planned or not, is between two people and two people only. The parents. Their pregnancy has nothing to do with yours and they can't control how other people react ie your MIL lumping them together.
That said, wearing that shirt at your shower was too much and would have pissed me off too.
Personally, I think you need to take a step back and refocus. Imagine all of the couples who have trouble getting pregnant, whose babies have serious health complications, etc. If this is your biggest worry, consider yourself very fortunate.
Edited because I used "feeling" far too many times!
Personally, I feel that you can't control who has a baby and when. You may be taking it a bit too seriously. Don't let all your firsts or what you thought should have been attention for you downgraded. Do things to embrace your pregnancy and try to improve how you are feeling! Best of luck to you!
But other than that all I can think of is how I would very much like to avoid the spotlight right now, or have someone to share it with. My fat, puffy, pukey, exhausted and 'stabby' self would have loved someone to share the attention (negative and positive), opinions, questions and judgements with! To me it sounds like you might have an awesome chance to have a support/pregnancy friend/ mat leave buddy!
I would hope your reasoning is the latter in which case...who cares?
My SIL and I were both pregnant with our first babies together, our EDD were only 4 weeks apart and it was so fun. We would take pictures together of our bellies, call each other with questions/complaints about pregnancy and when our children were born talk about having someone who knows almost exactly what you are going through, the joys the struggles. And how fun for our children, they are only 6 weeks apart and such good buds. We were both actually sad when our second and third pregnancies didn't line up.
You better get used to having people pregnant at the same time as you, it comes with our age. This is our third and there has always been at least one or two people in my family pregnant at the same time as me for each pregnancy.
I have become the topic of dinner. I couldn't go shopping for cute baby clothes because my family took care of everything. His closet is full and he has too many clothes that will inevitably be sent to Goodwill brand new because there is no way he can wear them all. They know when my appointments are, so I get dozens of texts after each and every one of them.
I'm grateful for their love and support. I have an amazing family and extended family. BUT I would have liked to fly under the radar sometimes. If someone doesn't know even a tiny detail about my pregnancy and someone else does, they get their feelings hurt.
Wow! Reading some of these comments...phew! I'm technically due in July but I'm likely to be induced around the end of June - le sigh.
As to what you are saying. I get it. There isn't much that you really can do about it...and it is probably really going to suck when your little one arrives and your family are hovering around the girlfriend and cooing over her child not long after.
My hubbies parents were so excited when we announced the pregnancy...and now his sister who has been trying for years is heading back for IVF. I am really excited for her and really REALLY hope that is works out for them. At the same time...they made their announcement to try IVF again a few months into my pregnancy. Surprise, surprise they chose the month that our little one was meant to be arriving to go for it. Ugh! Really? Not April, May or June or the entirety of the first half of the year? Not gunna lie...it pushed my hubby's buttons the wrong way.
I get it and feel for you. Your little one is massively special to you though!
Keep your head up.
[color=pink]First Monkey July 2015[/color]
[color=green]Baby No2 March 2018
~Team Green~[/color]
First I wanted to commend you for your post and your reactions to the feedback you've received.
Even though others have said hey maybe you are over-reacting you've openly accepted the feedback with grace and humility.
I think the keys to this situation are the following. We can't necessarily control our feelings. Even though we get negative feelings such as anger and jealousy we can't stop them from happening. So I validate you having those feelings.
However It's what we choose to do with them that makes the difference between someone who is positive and pleasant to be around versus bitter and negative. You could choose to live in those feelings and be miserable and make others also miserable or you could do what it seems like you are already considering and focus on the positives.
It would be frustrating to have her attend your shower (especially if the relationship isn't great in the first place) seemingly looking for attention. It would also be frustrating to get your heart set on a name and then face having to change it. Both those things are no longer obstacles though so hopefully you are able to move on from those.
I share an exact due date with a co-worker and have been absolutely thrilled with it. It's been an amazing support and experience. In fact we just finished having lunch and pedicures together and talking about how things have been lately with our LO's.
Maybe you could attempt to mend the relationship and have a frank conversation about the past and why you and your partner have been offended by their actions and suggest that once resolved maybe you can become closer and be supports for each other. It's amazing to have someone to walk the same path as you are walking.
Either way, good luck! Wishing you a healthy safe delivery and all the best!
It's okay to have selfish feelings and vent about them with anonymity. Own them, and let them go. It sucks that she wore that shirt to your shower. Taaaaacky.
Your feelings are your feelings. But seriously, try to enjoy your pregnancy and child, and not let this rent anymore space in your head.
coopmkestaceyfern Eep! I knew what I said would be taken the wrong way. Her IVF set up starts with her next cycle. A.K.A at the end of her last period she starts injections and that month is when they implant. There is no lead up in the sense of a few months of treatment etc.
I'll be celebrating just as much as everyone else in the family if it works out. Nothing would make me happier for them. They've been on a hard road and it took them a long time to be ok with us getting pregnant as quickly as we did.
I can just relate with OP. It did upset me at first.
[color=pink]First Monkey July 2015[/color]
[color=green]Baby No2 March 2018
~Team Green~[/color]
I know for a fact that they did not have trouble getting pregnant and she purposely stopped taking her birth control and got pregnant right after.. so obviously they weren't trying while she was on birth control just to clear that up. I would feel different if they had been trying before me and if that had been the case, it would have been me stealing the thunder.
Again, thanks for all the feedback
You can feel how you want to feel. But at some point I promise you... You will laugh at it and be glad your little one has a playmate.
DH and I kept things small and I checked with her before I made any plans (including setting the date), to try to avoid looking like a copycat. An unfortunate coincidence is my homemade invitations looked a lot like her $2500 invitations, and went out about a month before. Neither of us had mentioned invitations, colors, etc. so it was seriously just a coincidence. We laughed and said, "This is why we're friends!"
It's a scenario many people would judge or begrudge. My friend was beyond understanding, and had the grace to recognize this was about my life and its needs, not her. But I worked hard to be considerate of her and her plans. We were in each other's weddings, which were vastly different. And we coordinated guest lists - I didn't invite out of town friends because I wanted small, she wanted big, so we directed them to her wedding.
TL;DR - It can be perceived that I stole my BFF's wedding thunder. I had valid reasons, made every effort not to, and she was the picture of grace. We all have lives to live.
But you can't predict when people will get pregnant, I personally knew 6 people who were due within a week of me and find it cool that we could talk about our symptoms and l&d.
Otherwise, you need to get over it OP. you can't expect people to schedule their family planning at your convenience. Being pregnant doesn't give you a 9 month window to be the center of attention for everyone you know. You're just pregnant. Perspective. Get it.
Side note: My sister son and my son are two months apart. At first I felt like she was stealing my thunder so I do sympathize with you. However, it is the best thing that ever happened to us. Both kids are like brothers.
BFP #1 12/23/13 MMC 01/24/14 @ 9w5days