My husband won't come to all my appointments but he came for my 12 week ultrasound this week. We heard a strong heartbeat and the baby was moving around and kicking! It was incredible. He cried and the whole thing became very real for him. I highly sharing the experience:)
My husband came to our first ultrasound at 7 weeks. I'm so glad he did. I think it made everything so real for him to see the baby and he heartbeat. He instantly went into overprotective mode.
It all depends what you want to do and what you're comfortable with. When I was pregnant with my first child my husband came to every single appt with me, but after that we realized it wasn't necessary for him to do that so now he just comes to the anatomy scan around 20 weeks.
The heartbeat appointment and seeing the baby definitely helps make it real! I'm having him come with me for milestone appointments (cool ultrasounds) and bloodwork so I don't have to drive. I get kinda woozy when I have blood drawn.
My DH only comes to the big ultrasounds (NT scan, Anatomy scan). I'm a big girl, I can handle getting weighed and measured by myself. I can't be dragging him out of work every 4 weeks.
DH comes to the heartbeat U/s at 7 weeks, the NT scan, the anatomy scan, and any other non-standard high risk appointment where there might be bad news. I get lots of tv ultrasounds to measure cervical length and he doesnt have time to leave work for all of those. I go,to all my regular appointments alone, they are short appointments so not really a big deal.
My hubs came to first appt to confirm pregnancy but wasn't able to the following week due to work schedule. It was to get measurements and confirm due date. I have my 12 weeks appointment next Tuesday and they told me to make sure he comes as it's more exciting and he will want to see and hear baby. Hubs is very involved and I was pretty upset to go by myself (damn hormones). My doctor is really good about leaving him in the waiting room for certain parts and bringing him back when it's needed. I say bring him along and if not needed atleast he is there for you and you're not having to do it alone.
My bf has gone with me to every appointment, even for the family history, they took part of his family history as well with him being the father. When he has to work unless it's an ultrasound or an important appointment I'm not.to worried about him going other than that he requests off to be there and his boss usually let's him have it off. But they ask him questions or ask if he has any concerns every time he is there with so it helps him in a way as well
Hubby came to the appt where we hear the heartbeat, and to the Anatomy Scan around 20 weeks with my DD, I think he's planning to do the same for this one :-) It's totally up to you guys. Most of the appts are kind of boring and measuring, and pretty short so it's up to you guys
DH came to all my doctor appointments for our first. With our second he came to the first one and a few others that were important. With this pregnancy I told him it was no big deal, he can just come to the 20 week scan to know what we were expecting. Well, the first appointment is when we found out that we were having twins. I had to wait for an hour and a half to tell him about it! LOL.
My husband went to the ultrasound appointments with our first child, and the last appointment before delivery. This time he went to the first appointment/ultrasound and he'll go to the one next week because I'm getting another ultrasound to confirm our due date. He probably won't go to any of the check up appointments from then on out.
Am I being selfish? My bf came to the 7 week appt. I have switched OBs and have my 1st appt tomorrow and honestly don't want him there. They won't be doing an ultrasound, I told him definitely come to the anatomy scan when that happens, but we aren't getting along right now and he is stressing me out.
I am grateful that he wants to be involved but he hasn't read any pregnancy books and can be overbearing "my mom says not to do that" etc.
He feels it's his right to be there, I feel that it's my body and I get to decide. And the more he demands to be there, the less I want him there.
I can't help feeling like he is more interested in being seen as a good father than supporting me. He said, "can you at least tell them that I wanted to come?"
Why am I so annoyed by that statement? Am I crazy lady right now?
Am I being selfish? My bf came to the 7 week appt. I have switched OBs and have my 1st appt tomorrow and honestly don't want him there. They won't be doing an ultrasound, I told him definitely come to the anatomy scan when that happens, but we aren't getting along right now and he is stressing me out.
I am grateful that he wants to be involved but he hasn't read any pregnancy books and can be overbearing "my mom says not to do that" etc.
He feels it's his right to be there, I feel that it's my body and I get to decide. And the more he demands to be there, the less I want him there.
I can't help feeling like he is more interested in being seen as a good father than supporting me. He said, "can you at least tell them that I wanted to come?"
Why am I so annoyed by that statement? Am I crazy lady right now?
I think you should be thankful he wants to come. There are a lot of SOs out there who have no interest. While it is true it's your body, he also helped you create the baby...would it really hurt to let him come? I think sometimes we all need to pick our battles, and ask yourself is this one worth fighting over? I could see where it seems like he wants to be seen as a good father, but is that such a bad thing? I think it shows he cares enough that by him making the comment, he doesn't want the doctors to think he will be a deadbeat dad. Obviously I don't know if he is all talk and no walk at home but you might want to think twice about letting him come. If you get to listen to the heartbeat in lieu of ultrasound that might be something really neat for the two of you to hear together. My husband was there for that and I was happy to have him there in case there was no heartbeat and to both hear it together. That being said he probably won't come to many more appts with me due to time off work but it was nice to have him there for the first few.
@rgz thank you for your thoughtful comment. I really appreciate hearing from an impartial party on this, and you were not too hard on me. I'm going to try to soften up a little.
My poor husband is beyond upset. With DS, he wasn't able to attend the big ultrasounds as his prior employer wouldn't let him take the time. Without going into detail, it was a terrible work environment and his job was threatened if he wanted to use PTO. He started at a new company this year and his boss is great. We've had 2 "big" ultrasounds to date. He couldn't attend the first (we had to do IVF and he missed the FET and 1st ultrasound) as he just started his new job and was in training sessions. The second (the NT scan) had to be moved up in the day last minute and he couldn't move things around. Now we just received a notice in the mail that his appeal hearing for a weather related car accident is scheduled for my anatomy scan! Literally... right during the appointment and I can't move the appointment as it is too last minute. Unreal... I guess I'm more upset for him. He has wanted to be there so badly since he felt so left out with DS.
DH comes to all of my appointments- including the first one, during which I got a pap smear....haha. Probably more than he wanted to witness, but it hasn't deterred him from being at every appointment since!
Fur daughter: 02/2011 Human sons: 11/2015 & 05/2017 *formerly kayemjay*
DH comes to all of my appointments- including the first one, during which I got a pap smear....haha. Probably more than he wanted to witness, but it hasn't deterred him from being at every appointment since!
If you're in this position hopefully he's seen all the same things before just from a different angle. lol.
My H comes to many appointments too. I figure there is nothing new for him to see in terms of My exam haha, and he is very excited likes to be involved. I have always left it up to him, it is his child to so I feel like he has every right to be there. He always asks the doctor several questions which I think reassures him
My husband has been to two of three. He seems to want to go, because I always leave it up to him. At the 16w, I told him they'd probably just listen to the heartbeat and re-check my thyroid levels, and it probably wouldn't be very interesting, but he still volunteered. I think he's a lot more excited than he lets on.
@rgz thank you for your thoughtful comment. I really appreciate hearing from an impartial party on this, and you were not too hard on me. I'm going to try to soften up a little.
Another way to look at it, he might benefit from being at the appointments. I can see how it could get annoying if he is saying things to you such as, "my mom says not to do that". Maybe you can have him bring his dos/don'ts to the appointment and ask the doctor. That way this could help educate him so he stops harping on you about what you're doing.
DH wants to be at every appt, and it's nice that he's so excited about everything. It's also really useful for him to hear what the midwife says about what I can/can't do. He's a worrier, so it also helps for him to be in the loop for everything and get reassurance that everything is normal.
Funny, though, at my 12 week, the midwife wasn't able to get the heartbeat yet, and we were a bit disappointed. I went back at 14 weeks because I thought I might have a UTI and he was jealous that I got to hear the heartbeat! (He did get to hear it at my first appointment). Lol
My husband has come to all of the appointments (even the boring ones!). He wanted to be involved with all of those kind of things, it's his baby too after all!
This is our first, and so far my husband has wanted to come to all the appointments, he was so excited to see the heartbeat at the dating u/s and hear it with the doppler!! The first appointment with the pap was a little awkward, but honestly I think it was helpful for him to better understand how I'm being poked and prodded and have a little more empathy for women in general--he definitely had no idea was a pap actually entailed even though I've explained it to him before! He also keeps getting me in trouble with the doctor by making me laugh at inopportune times like when she's trying to listen to my breathing through the stethoscope, or listening for the heartbeat with the doppler. We're really fortunate because he is self-employed and makes his own schedule, so he doesn't have to worry about missing work or rescheduling things in order to come to the appointments.
DH comes to all of my appointments- including the first one, during which I got a pap smear....haha. Probably more than he wanted to witness, but it hasn't deterred him from being at every appointment since!
If you're in this position hopefully he's seen all the same things before just from a different angle. lol.
Haha....@vexymommy, of course he's seen those parts of my anatomy before. He was a bit freaked by the metal speculum and by the idea that it was uncomfortable for me. He's got some toughening up to do...and is going to have to get used to a WHOLE lot more since he'll be in the delivery room!
Fur daughter: 02/2011 Human sons: 11/2015 & 05/2017 *formerly kayemjay*
DH usually just comes for ultrasounds. Most visits are 5 minutes in and out. Quick HB check with the Doppler, weight check, urine test, and blood pressure. No need to take off work for that plus a 30 minute (or longer) wait to be seen!
Same! On the quick appts I just fill him in later-- too many of them for him to be taking off work to attend.
My husband comes to almost all of my appointments with all if my pregnancies. He has only missed a couple of appointments over all these years. It's so boring, I can't see why he even wants to go. If I didn't have to go I wouldn't. I guess he likes to be involved. At least after the first trimester he can hear the baby's heart beat via the doppler, maybe it is reassuring to him since he isn't getting kicked and poked. I know almost all moms love to hesr their baby's heartbeat via the doppler, but I don't. It scares me and causes a lot of stress. Will they find the heart beat? Will they pick up something wrong? My son had severe arrhythmia, it was a very terrifying pregnancy for a lot of reasons.
My husband has come to some. He is def coming to ultrasounds, but there are some quick visits which I don't think are worth him taking off work.
I asked the dr/nurse which ones they thought held want to be at and they have given us a pretty good idea. I.e. - 1st doc visit w sonogram, 1st tri screening us, 20 week anatomy us
One of my first visits had questions about father's med history. If you don't bring him, do the paperwork ahead of time in case you have a question for him.
I bring my husband to all the appointments. He loves hearing the heartbeat/seeing ultrasound images...and I want him to be as involved as possible with our baby. I will continue to work after baby so it's important to establish that this is a parenting partnership from the very beginning. I always phrase it as "we have an appointment for our baby at XYZ". It's not just me and my responsibility.
With our first my husband was unable to come to any of the appointments which was ok bc I only had 1 ultrasound and everything else was the quick check ups. With our 2nd he came to the first appt. and all of the ultrasounds and towards the end we had some issues with our DD so he made sure he was at all of them. With this pregnancy he has been at every appointment except one which was just the 1 hour glucose.
Today we went for the anatomy scan and found out we are having a boy ( we have 2 DD already and this is our last child so we are extremely excited to add a boy to our family) and I watched my husband cry he was so excited to finally have a son and someone to kee the last name going. Having my husband with me and too see his reaction just made my heart melt even more then it already does for him.
This is my 2nd pregnancy. I think it's great for my hubby to go when we first hear the heartbeat and on ultrasound appointments. Other than that, I leave it up to him, no pressure.
Re: Bringing Father to Appointment?
When he has to work unless it's an ultrasound or an important appointment I'm not.to worried about him going other than that he requests off to be there and his boss usually let's him have it off. But they ask him questions or ask if he has any concerns every time he is there with so it helps him in a way as well
I am grateful that he wants to be involved but he hasn't read any pregnancy books and can be overbearing "my mom says not to do that" etc.
He feels it's his right to be there, I feel that it's my body and I get to decide. And the more he demands to be there, the less I want him there.
I can't help feeling like he is more interested in being seen as a good father than supporting me. He said, "can you at least tell them that I wanted to come?"
Why am I so annoyed by that statement? Am I crazy lady right now?
Human sons: 11/2015 & 05/2017
*formerly kayemjay*
Funny, though, at my 12 week, the midwife wasn't able to get the heartbeat yet, and we were a bit disappointed. I went back at 14 weeks because I thought I might have a UTI and he was jealous that I got to hear the heartbeat! (He did get to hear it at my first appointment). Lol
Human sons: 11/2015 & 05/2017
*formerly kayemjay*
Same! On the quick appts I just fill him in later-- too many of them for him to be taking off work to attend.
I know almost all moms love to hesr their baby's heartbeat via the doppler, but I don't. It scares me and causes a lot of stress. Will they find the heart beat? Will they pick up something wrong? My son had severe arrhythmia, it was a very terrifying pregnancy for a lot of reasons.
I asked the dr/nurse which ones they thought held want to be at and they have given us a pretty good idea.
I.e. - 1st doc visit w sonogram, 1st tri screening us, 20 week anatomy us
One of my first visits had questions about father's med history. If you don't bring him, do the paperwork ahead of time in case you have a question for him.
Today we went for the anatomy scan and found out we are having a boy ( we have 2 DD already and this is our last child so we are extremely excited to add a boy to our family) and I watched my husband cry he was so excited to finally have a son and someone to kee the last name going. Having my husband with me and too see his reaction just made my heart melt even more then it already does for him.