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Husband is completely against the idea of breast feeding..

oliarnmom1517oliarnmom1517 member
in November 2015 Moms
my husband and I are extremely frugal so when I brought up the idea of breast feeding to save money and all the health benefits for both the baby and I...he flat out said he doesn't want me to breast feed..his reasoning is because my boobs will get bigger and then will be too saggy when I take off my bra...keep in mind my boobs are already big and they actually contribute to my back problem because I'm short and my body is just proportioned funny..but he makes jokes saying that when I take my bra off it will look like testicles coming out of my chest...(yes it is kinda funny so its ok to laugh) but all joking aside..he is always telling me that we need to save money so that we can have money for when the baby gets here..or when the baby gets here we will have to continue to save..but it just seems kinda weird that something that could save so much money plus has health benefits for the baby and I he could be so against..is anybody else's husband or SO against it? Or any STM+ was your husband against it then ok with it once you showed him the plus side to it? How did you get your husband or SO to realize that it's actually better?
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Re: Husband is completely against the idea of breast feeding..

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  • oliarnmom1517oliarnmom1517 member
    EllaStaxx said:

    Your husband sounds like a real peach.

    He's usually not like that which is really what shocked me of all things but idk he's just on a role today.. I'm guessing he just had a bad day at work or something but I don't care what happened to make him have a bad day that doesn't mean shoot down all of the ideas I come up with.. Usually we try to compromise so there is not arguement but it's just seems very contradicting that he wants to save money and then is worried about how my boobs will sag.. Which they already do being as how I am now in an F cup..
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  • oliarnmom1517oliarnmom1517 member
    modanz1 said:

    I'm not sure how to put this nicely...your husband should be WAY more concerned with the health of your child than if your boobs are a little saggy.  He does realize that as you both get older things will start to sag regardless right?  It always concerns me when men are concerned with things like that.  What will happen when you get wrinkles on your face or can't keep that extra 10lbs off?  I bet he won't expect you to complain when his balls are all old and wrinkly.  Sorry if that sounds bitchy but guys are real buttholes sometimes with that crap that comes out of their mouths.

    You don't sound bitchy at all! I agree with you.. Sometimes guys are just idiots and every guy has there moment where they say stupid stuff and I know later he will think about it and realize he was wrong and I was right.. I guess it mainly shocked me because that's not how he usually is..
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  • modanz1modanz1 member
    oorl11052015 said:
    I'm not sure how to put this nicely...your husband should be WAY more concerned with the health of your child than if your boobs are a little saggy.  He does realize that as you both get older things will start to sag regardless right?  It always concerns me when men are concerned with things like that.  What will happen when you get wrinkles on your face or can't keep that extra 10lbs off?  I bet he won't expect you to complain when his balls are all old and wrinkly.  Sorry if that sounds bitchy but guys are real buttholes sometimes with that crap that comes out of their mouths.
    You don't sound bitchy at all! I agree with you.. Sometimes guys are just idiots and every guy has there moment where they say stupid stuff and I know later he will think about it and realize he was wrong and I was right.. I guess it mainly shocked me because that's not how he usually is..
    I hope he does realize that he is wrong.  Take the money argument out of it, it's the best choice for the health of your baby and if you are willing to put the time and effort in to do it, he damn well better support you.
    YCSWU 



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  • kmkrushikmkrushi member
    lulamagoo said:

    Um, wow.  

    Not that it should matter, at all, but breastfeeding does not make your boobs saggy.  I have friends that were unable to BF and have saggy boobs and friends that have tandem nursed three children for a total of 8 years with great natural boobs.  Gaining and losing weight and genetics are what come into play.  When you become pregnant, generally your boobs grow, so you are either going to get saggy boobs when this is all over or you won't.
    This. I'm small up top and wasn't able to breastfeed but that did not stop me from having horrible stretch marks all around my boobs. Tell him if he's so concerned after its all said and done he can pay for a reduction for you (sounds like that would be best for your health anyway).
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  • oliarnmom1517oliarnmom1517 member
    It actually has been considered because of my back @kmkrushi but he has just been extra annoying today idk what is wrong with him today
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  • christina4436christina4436 member
    Good thing it's not his choice. You shouldn't have to convince him bc his opinion shouldn't matter...
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  • Cook3133Cook3133 member
    Your boobs will get big during pregnancy and there's not much that you can do about that, so wether you nurse or not they will get bigger than smaller. My boobs found gravity in my mid 20's before even having kids. They got "saggy" after I had my second son because I got way over weight after having my baby and it wasn't related to the baby anymore and then I lost almost all that weight. Again not because of baby.
    I asked my husband how he felt about it with my first and he was ok with it. Whether he likes it or not at some point they are going to sag :) My husband was not a boob man but for some reason loves mine more than ever now and I think it's because I hate them :). But hey they are fling up fast this pregnancy and I am loving it!!
    You'll figure out wether nursing is for you when you have your baby and I would tell him to just get over it!!
    Also if it helps I couldn't nurse my 3rd and we had to formula feed. We got lucky and my son likes Kirkland Rand formula which is much cheaper than most and we paid $80-$90 a month on just formula! And that is on the cheaper side.
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  • oliarnmom1517oliarnmom1517 member
    thegingeravenger said:

    So I'm really not trying to be mean here. I am very sorry in advance if it comes off that way. You should definitely have a sitdown talk with your husband about using your boobs to do the function that they were developed to do. Breasts are there for us,biologically speaking,to feed our children - not to be sexualized. never mind the health benefits for you and your child if you managed to successfully breast-feed. It doesn't work for everyone, but your husband's opinion on your boobs getting saggy shouldn't be a part of that decision.

    This has been the most misogynistic thing I've read in a while. Holy shit.

    I understand how you meant it and it didn't sound bad at all I am letting him chill out for the night on the couch while I enjoy a big bed with our tiny doggies.. I think bringing it up on a bad day was a bad idea since I hadn't asked how his day went like usual I'm guessing he is really just having a bad day and he will realize later that he's wrong for what he said.. He's usually very considerate of my ideas.. Will keep you all updated on what happens tomorrow if it changes..
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  • ash413ash413 member
    edited June 2015
    Boobs were made to feed babies, that is their only purpose. Just because he likes to play with them does not mean he now has final say on who uses them.
    If you want to BF tell him he sure as hell better support you, and when your done having kids he can pay for a reduction and lift ;)
            
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    Married 5/23/2011
    BFP 6/16/2013 EDD 2/25/2014 MC 7/2/2013
    BFP 8/30/2014 EDD: 5/10/2015- MC 10/2/2014
    BFP 3/16/2015 EDD: 11/22/2015
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  • oliarnmom1517oliarnmom1517 member
    edited June 2015
    scw89 said:

    Did you tell him that unfortunately even if you didn't have kids, ALL BOOBS EVENTUALLY GET SAGGY. It's from age, gravity, and time. If he is so concerned about it he should pay for you to have a breast augmentation. Realistically you should be with someone who loves you no matter what your appearance is or could be. What if you gained a lot of weight? Would he treat you like this as well?

    I've always been a little big so that doesn't bother him.. He just grew up in a different kind of family than I did.. His mom never breast feed him and none of his family members ever breast feed so I think the thought of it makes him uncomfortable...I talked to my BIL about it because his fiancé wanted to breast feed and he was hesitant because of it making him uncomfortable...I was curious as of why my husband thought it was a bad idea..His brother said he would talk to him about everything.. I think it coming from his brother and hearing everything coming from another guy will get him to rethink it..

    Edit because I forgot a sentence
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  • oliarnmom1517oliarnmom1517 member
    Kmohney1 said:

    Does he come with you to your regular ob appointments? If not, bring him with and bring the subject up then, they'll be more than willing to share the benefits with him, and explain that he has unrealistic expectations.

    He does this next one he's taking the whole day off so that we can buy stuff since it's our anatomy scan... I booked a birth class for us that starts next week and it has a portion of the class that is dedicated to moms who are interested in breast feeding..
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  • McQuadesVAMcQuadesVA member
    Wow this made me sad, I can't believe a husband would make you feel that way about nursing. Mine was so supportive of whatever I thought was best for DH and I couldn't have done 12 months nursing without him in my corner. It's a bonding experience you wouldn't get otherwise too it's hard in the beginning but once the baby gets the hang of it they sometimes look up at you and smile then go back to eating/falling asleep. Something no one should cheat you out of or make you feel bad about its completely natural.
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  • McQuadesVAMcQuadesVA member
    *DD not DH lol
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  • modanz1modanz1 member
    oorl11052015 said:

    I think bringing it up on a bad day was a bad idea since I hadn't asked how his day went like usual I'm guessing he is really just having a bad day 

    What in the holy hell? No. He doesn't get to tell you what to do with your body because you hadn't asked him how his day was.  



    YCSWU 



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  • oliarnmom1517oliarnmom1517 member
    modanz1 said:


    oorl11052015 said:

    thegingeravenger said:


    I think bringing it up on a bad day was a bad idea since I hadn't asked how his day went like usual I'm guessing he is really just having a bad day 

    What in the holy hell? No. He doesn't get to tell you what to do with your body because you hadn't asked him how his day was.  






    I realized I worded that funny... I usually ask him and then he tells me everything and then he's in a good mood the rest of the day but today was an off day.. I think if he would have vented he would have been more open to ideas.. I'll bring it back up tomorrow!!!
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  • FirstTummyMummyFirstTummyMummy member
    Here's a thought, if he doesn't want you breast feeding then he can be the one to feed the baby formula. He will change his mind when he has had to get up all night long. If you are in the US you can get a free breast pump from your health insurance. Woman who don't breastfeed are more prone to breast cancer. So even if you just do it for 2 months (probably not going to increase sagginess since it's for such a short period) then you and baby will be healthier and you can establish a healthy breast feeding relationship. Then when it's time to start pumping and using bottles (4-6 weeks post birth), if he still wants you to feed formula. He can be the one to get up in the middle of the night, make the bottle up and feed the child while you pump. And if he's not down to feed the baby, then he can understand why you would rather just use the warm milk at hand (breast) rather than go through the whole process. It sounds like he hasn't really thought about breastfeeding much so maybe after a while, get him a book about being a supportive father so he can read about it and make up his mind when he has all the facts. But when it comes down to it, it ain't his body and he should be ready to accept the inevitable at any moment. Gravity and age are not kind to is humans, man or woman and I bet you aren't telling him he can't do something with his body because it will make his body look any other way than it does right in this moment. We can't freeze time! Might as well embrace the joys that life gives us while we can and not get all caught up in the physical manifestations of what we deem sexy. If he married you for your boobs, he's not worth your time and effort.
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  • Pontot31Pontot31 member
    He sounds awful. I couldn't be married to someone who said that.
    Your body. Your decision.
    He is uninformed and uneducated about the subject.
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  • caressadcaressad member
    Wow this has everyone fired up. As a father he does have a right to an opinion on how his child is fed.

    As a man who is used to your body one way, he is going through all the body issues you are, just secondhand. I think it is normal for him to be concerned about things changing. I don't believe it means he loves you less. Just like we are learning to accept changes, so is he.

    My fiancé was initially opposed to breastfeeding because he thought it would ruin my nipples. To me it was a ridiculous argument but it was a real worry for him and he deserves to be taken seriously even if I think its stupid.

    What helped my fiancé was talking about it with other fathers whose SO breastfed. I also told him we could take a breastfeeding class to help ease his concern. When he realized how important it was for me to breastfeed he got more on board. He would still rather bottle feed but as the baby becomes more real to him as my belly grows he loves my changing body more.

    Just keep presenting him with info on the benefits and explain you want to breastfed because you believe its healthier. As a dad he's going to pick his baby over some boobies. He's still in husband mode, dad mode will switch on soon lol
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  • helsbels222helsbels222 member
    edited June 2015
    Just show him the cost of formula. He'll be begging for those "saggy boobs!"
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  • sarahsnowballsarahsnowball member
    I'm quite big too. I was an E cup before my last pregnancy and grew to a G cup after DS was born. I breastfed for 13 months and my boobs are back to an E now and they seem the same as they were before breastfeeding. No sagging here. I know everybody is different, but being big to start with doesn't necessarily mean you will get saggy.
    I admire your patience with your DH and it sounds like you already have some great ideas to get him on board with breastfeeding. Stay strong and do you. This is your body and your decision.
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  • Ivyblue92Ivyblue92 member
    I really have no words for this except your husband is a douchbag. I'm sorry but he is & you shouldn't have been shot down by him & his childish behaviour. Maybe he will come round to the idea. But ultimately they are your breasts & if you decide to breastfeed then he will just have to accept it.
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