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Grandma Baby Shower

bridauthorbridauthor member
in August 2015 Moms
So... I just got invited to my MIL's Grandma baby shower. Where I guess her friends give her presents for the baby to keep at her house. That's fine, but she's using my registry and wants me to go open presents with her. I feel like either she's stealing my thunder by even having one, or I will be stealing hers by going. But DH doesn't see the big deal and thinks I should go to get the presents his mom doesn't want. Graceful way to get out of this, or suck it up and graceful way to go do this thing?
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    neludeluneludelu member
    Uh this sounds a little crazy. I've never heard of something like this. What does it mean that she is using your registry? So that means people are giving her gifts instead of you??? I don't get it.
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    MouseMama817MouseMama817 member
    I've never heard of that either. And I agree with the woman above me she should have her own registry so that people don't give her your gifts!
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    bridauthorbridauthor member
    The kicker is that she lives 10 min away. whatever baby girl needs, we'll bring. But I'm a FTM and she's a FTGrandma and she's just so excited I feel awful telling her I don't want to go.
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    Miz_LizMiz_Liz member
    FT Grandma or not, this is NOT about her...it is about you and your husband bringing YOUR baby into the world together. Was this her idea, or her friends??
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    bridauthorbridauthor member
    @Miz_Liz I feel this way, but DH is too pragmatic. He's like, more free gifts! Just add more to the registry!
    Apparently it's what her friends do for each other. Which is fine, if weird, but leave me out of it.
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    carleym93carleym93 member
    One thing I've learned through this process is that grandmas are crazy. Especially first time ones. They see your baby as an extention of their baby and thats all. Go if you want to but if you don't, don't feel like you have to. And tell that lady to make her own registry! There is no reason she should be taking off of yours. If she wants and is having a "shower" (in quotes because seriously, its weird that this is happening!) then she can at least build her own registry for said shower. Hopefully it would be a lot smaller than yours anyway, I can't imagine there would be much, if anything, that she needs. :|
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    bridauthorbridauthor member
    It's this weekend, so I'll let you know what happens. I'm guessing whatever she keeps I'll just go back and re add to the registry. Pathetic pregnancy moment: non confrontational to point of being uncomfortable.
    Even better, she said she's going to be too afraid to babysit until the baby is 7mo old. So.... She really doesn't need anything.
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    Seh114Seh114 member
    bbiutmcph said:

    What the fresh hell is a Grandma Baby Shower?  

    ^ this!!!
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    KrystalP2286KrystalP2286 member
    This is the most absurd thing I've heard of. My MIL is bad, but I don't think she'd go to this extent. I agree- she needs to do her own registry, and you shouldn't feel obligated to go since her friends are making it about HER (another issue I can't believe is being mentioned). My husband is the same way, though. His attitude is let her do whatever she wants- it doesn't mean the baby is staying with her etc. Don't feel uncomfortable for speaking up for yourself!
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    carleym93carleym93 member
    Also, if you don't want to go but don't want to hurt her feelings (I get that) the "I'm just not feeling well" excuse will get a pregnant lady out of just about anything. ;)
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    cosplaymomcosplaymom member
    Oh good lord... Tell your mom to make her own registry. Maybe she just wants to have the same kinds of things you want for baby and doesn't know anything about baby products?

    All your mom could use (not NEED) and could copy off your registry would be:

    - diaper changing pad
    - wipes (you'll supply diapers)
    - maybe a Pack n Play
    - fisher price booster seat
    - a couple of bibs
    - a couple of insulated sippy cups
    - a set of utensils, plate, bowl
    - a couple of outfits in each size (preferably sleep and play wear like Carters)
    - bath towel and wash cloth
    - some toys
    - a small blanket

    This is based off what my MIL has at her house which is a ridiculous amount of things and LO doesn't even spend the night there yet. She just bought her an Ariel desk the other day. And a carseat (so we don't have to swap cars or move the car seat).
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    ginger8484ginger8484 member
    Oh wow!!!!! A grandma shower??? Are you serious? This is absurd and unfortunate and experience for you. I would say she is stealing your thunder for sure and I wouldn't go because this is ridiculous . This is my opinion and if my mil did this to me , well I would freak out on her for many reasons. She can have a girls day at the bar and her friends can show up and say well wishes granny. But going all out as to have a shower for her and want to use your registry???? I'm livid. Sorry your going through this because I would flip out.
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    kedbachkedbach member
    That is quite possibly the weirdest thing I have ever heard. It's nice she wants to have things at her house for baby, and understandable that she's thinking ok, I'm going to need a few boxes of diapers, some clothes, a few toys, a few books, etc. but for her to use YOUR registry means you are going to be without things you need for baby at your house. Say, if someone gifts a baby monitor that you registered for, is she going to keep it? That makes no sense!
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    lap018lap018 member
    I would end up in a knock out drag out fist fight over something like this. This entire thing is absolutely the most insane thing I have ever heard. And get used to confronting now, if she's doing something this insane before the baby is even here, I can't even begin to imagine the types of things she will do once the baby is here. Many prayers to you and yours :-O
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    deviduke412deviduke412 member
    Wow! Just, wow! I am almost at a loss for words and I am so sorry that you have to deal with such craziness. And I agree about the registry. She should make her own bc those are things you want and need, and if someone buys them it'll go off of your registry and look like you got it already. I don't understand some people...
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    JNOVA2015JNOVA2015 member
    This is so, so weird!!!

    If it's not too late, I'd suggest making a different registry for that shower with things you might want duplicates of at her house (someone had a good list above).

    When is your shower? Do you at least have to modify your registry between your shower and hers to re-add things that you want for your own house? What an awkward mess!

    All that said, I'd probably go because I'd want to know how this weird ass event plays out!!
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    april42007april42007 member
    I've seen more and more people talking about these. I do not get it. I find Grandma showers so presumptuous, especially when they include items that give the impression that baby will be spending extended time at their house. No. Just no. And using your registry? Hell to the no. Nip that in the bud now especially as it sounds like she's not planning to pass these items on to you. Set your boundaries now so that you don't have a mess later.
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    bridauthorbridauthor member
    My mom is throwing one for me too (which my mil wants to drive the 6 hrs with me and DH to) and my friends, in June, so I should have time to fix everything. The whole business is awkward for me, but since only my mom agreed with me, I felt I just had to suck it up. At this point, it's only an hour or two of my time and will make my husband happy. But I foresee many mommy back rubs in his future.
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    jessandandy09jessandandy09 member
    bbiutmcph said:
    What the fresh hell is a Grandma Baby Shower?  
    THIS!
    Aug 15 April Siggy challenge: Baby Shower fails:


    image

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    visualcircusvisualcircus member
    I just found out I'm having a Grandmom Shower this Saturday lol. I can't make it since its 1,000 miles away..., so will call in. My MIL lives 2 day drive from me, so I don't think its for gifts for their place. I thought it was neat that her co-workers wanted to throw her one since she wasn't able to attend mine. I think its just gifts for the grandbaby but I haven't ever heard of this before this week when I found out about it.
    DS1 - 8-10-2015 LO2 - EDD 4-30-2017
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    brandimc0725brandimc0725 member
    I have never heard of this either and not to be rude but this seems like a ridiculous idea! If she uses your registry how will your guest know what to purchase? This one is definitely worth rocking the boat for IMO. Also, I would feel awkward being at a shower and opening gifts that are intended for her. Just no!!!
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    mrsb30mrsb30 member
    I didn't even get through all these posts before responding. I just had to sit here and read this this to my husband because it's the craziest thing I have ever heard!!! I agree with pp absolutely do not allow her to use your registry.
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    sjra1028sjra1028 member
    What in the world????? Lol I've never heard of such a thing. But I agree with @carleyec93. Grandmas can get crazy like they're about to give birth themselves. Lol. And if she's afraid to watch the baby until 7 mths then why get all of this stuff this early on? I wish you luck and sanity this weekend!!!
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    mrsrfwiimrsrfwii member
    This seems really weird, I've never heard of this. I would be bothered if my mom or MIL did something like this, especially if they were using my registry. If someone purchases something off of your registry to have at Grandma's what good is it to you. If it were me, I'd probably kindly decline and invite ask your MIL to be respectful and use her own registry. Plus, if she uses yours and someone buys it for her grandma shower, it will show purchased on your registry and it will look like it was purchased for you but it wasn't.
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    meli1112meli1112 member
    My mom and her friends did that for each other years ago. It was a casual thing after one of their Bunco get-togethers. I'm pretty sure they didn't get anything off of the mom-to-be's registry and stuck with books, clothes, toys, etc. Come to think of it, it might have even have been a surprise for the grandma-to-be
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    SaratiffSaratiff member
    So I agree with eveything above this is beyond crap. But unless she is giving you eveything from the shower she doesn't get to "use it" that's crap also. I am more just kind of stunned.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
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    CaliforniaDream87CaliforniaDream87 member
    ...at this point I have heard everything. A "grandma shower"? Can you scream "gift grabby" any louder?
        DS born 8-16-2013
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    JenkaybJenkayb member
    This is sooooooo tacky. Your MIL needs to buy her own baby sh*t.
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    bpwife&mamabpwife&mama member
    That's sweet that she gets a shower for you pushing out a baby. Wtf??? I'm confused. She needs to be like most grandmas and buy second hand for her house. Odd...
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

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    fionalouise007fionalouise007 member
    neludelu said:

    Uh this sounds a little crazy. I've never heard of something like this. What does it mean that she is using your registry? So that means people are giving her gifts instead of you??? I don't get it.

    I have confused face because ^ this is how I read this too.

    Sorry.. So.. She's doing what?
    But then you don't get those items from your friends anymore? All the things you picked and got excited about live at her house? What is a Grandma Baby Shower!?

    Heavens I'm not even having my own shower let alone other people having baby showers for our baby.

    I'm so confused. I have a feeling this is quite weird but I'm not sure because I'm stuck being confused right now.
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    SassetteSmurflingSassetteSmurfling member
    I've known a few grandmas who have had friends buy things for the baby... But not a "baby shower". I don't know. The extent and planning of it seems a bit much. And for you to go is weird IMO.

    As far as the registry, I specifically registered for things to be kept at my moms house (she watches my kids several times a week). Not much. But for example, I registered for a swing as well as a travel swing, always kept the travel swing at my moms unless we were actually traveling in which case I just took it from her house. Stuff like that. I also had some of my moms friends who sent things directly to me, and my mom has given me things that her friends have given directly to her.

    I think people just get excited about babies and like to buy things.
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    Miz_LizMiz_Liz member
    breezymeema7 said:
    My sister is having a baby this fall...I think I'm going to throw myself an Aunty Shower :)

    @breezymeema7 this is genius! My SIL is having a girl next month, guess I should get on planning my Auntie shower too!!!
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    awebsteWed218778awebsteWed218778 member
    this is insane......I realize its an exciting time for grandmas - but my mother and my MIL would never have the gull to suggest or participate in such a thing.

    I can fully understand there may be some of my mom's friends that won't be invited to my shower (because they are my MOM's friends that I have never met - from work, etc.), that still want to purchase something cute or fun for the baby (even this would be a rarity) - but an actual organized event centered around the grandma, with gifts that will solely belong at her residence sounds ludicrous. 

    @breezymeema7 - i should have thought of that when my SIL had her baby - WHAT WAS I THINKING? could have stocked up on all my baby stuff then with a Auntie shower! gahhh....eye roll. 
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    BlueWaffleSpeshulBlueWaffleSpeshul member
    bbiutmcph said:
    What the fresh hell is a Grandma Baby Shower?  
    Sadly, this is another one that is becoming popular. Pre-exodus, I remember a girl posting how her mom had gone complete Grandmazilla about the one she was having and she was so uncomfortable with it. I believe my response was that I wanted to have a sibling shower for my dogs. I mean, they got a brother, right? RIGHT??? :)
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